Would you take this opportunity to wean? Vote please!

[jrose_lee]

Ds will be 3 in January. I am 16 weeks pregnant. We had some issues when he was 2.5 and set some limits, cutting his nursing down to 2-3 times a day eventually and he has been happy with that.

Lately though, he has been forgetting about nursing. I cut out two times that he used to nurse consistently (in the bed and during prayers) b/c of our routine but I told him he could nurse afterwards etc. He just usually forgets after.

Sometimes we have been going up to 4 days without him nursing. When he does ask to nurse he doesn't nurse for more than 2-3 min total.

I'm just curious.....what do you mamas think? Should I take this opportunity to wean him before the baby comes? I think a very tiny push from me would do it....like distract him with other things, offer to read etc.

Or should I just continue to let it go and just nurse when he asks on occasion and see if he makes it to when the baby comes?

I've been feeling kind of "done" personally and annoyed when he asks to nurse, but that is probably just a bad attitude and I could get over it if it was best for him.

I'm not sure about tandeming. I'm not sure if it will make it better for ds or not. It would be nice if it helped him with sibling rivalry and to make him feel he and the baby shared something. However, I'm not willing to let him have numma all the time- just mornings and night. He doesn't do well if limits aren't set (behavior issues). If he sees the baby nursing all the time and he still nurses, perhaps he could want to nurse all the time too and it would become an issue?

I'm just not sure what to do. Right now would be the easiest weaning for him- I can tell that. Once he AND the baby are nursing it would be difficult to get him to stop (if I really didn't think tandeming was working out) and then he would resent the baby for it rather than it just happening before.

Or.....would ds want to nurse when the baby is here, forget and then be really upset? Or....would he remember how and I wouldn't want him to anymore?

Sigh. Anyone want to vote and tell me what you think?

ETA: I had planned to Child Led Wean ds. If I did decide to give it the "extra push" toward weaning I think I would stop if he was upset about it and it was obvious he really wanted to nurse. It just seems that he has been forgetting and sort of moving in that direction.....just don't know if I should help it along and see if he'd go for other diversions.....

[Swandira]

My son was 3 years 2 months when his sister was born, and I found tandem solved many more problems than it created. He didn't want to nurse constantly, just once or twice a day, and he was great for helping me out with engorgement issues so that I didn't have to constantly pump. Also, he was very empathetic toward the baby wanting to nurse, and loved to nurse with her. They're really good friends now, and even like to sleep in the same bed. Maybe they would have been close anyway, but I'm sure their tandem experience didn't hurt.

I can't say how tandem would go for you, but you asked what WE would do, so I would definitely not try to nudge him toward weaning if I were in the same situation. Actually, I am in that situation, and I've done everything I can to preserve our nursing relationship so that I can "use" my older kid to help me with my oversupply when the new baby is born next month.

Nealy
mama to T, 5; L, 2; and EDD 12/20/08

[D_McG]

I did not enjoy nursing during pregnancy. It just felt icky to me. So I weaned by the end of my first trimester.

I had my baby 10 days ago and I often think how nice it is to JUST nurse her. I nurse her and cuddle DS (sometimes at the same time) and it's perfect. DS hasn't expressed any interest in nursing.

I never considered tandeming though. I think it's a really personal thing. But if you ask what I would do then I would wean. No question.

[russianthistle]

I, too, am 16 weeks pregnant. I'm nursing a 32 mo. old. I am going to wait it out and see...I am WAY into child-led weaning. If C. weans on his own, then so it goes (and the happier I am...), but if he does not, I will tandem. I do not want issues around the nursing of the new baby...

[clicksab]

Didn't want to vote and not say why!
I voted to wean him now, since you both seem very much ready for it. I'm only a few weeks pregnant, but this is already a huge issue in my mind! Some days I think that there is no way my 21 month old would wean in the next 8 months, and other days I think she is going to have to!

What I decided, for me, is that if I ever start to get a really bad feeling about nursing I need to start leading her more down the weaning path. I don't want to ruin the wonderful nursing relationship we've had by resenting her. I don't think that we should just discount our own feelings as mothers... I truly believe that my body and my hormones give me signals as to what I need to do in almost every other part of my life, why not nursing?

[fyrebloom]

I weaned my son at 14 months because I was pregnant with twins and the risk of preterm labor was so high. I did finish out the first trimester. In all honesty I only took the tinyest nudge from me because frankly I had so little milk anyway! Now 1 1/2 year later he's unweaned and has been nursing 4 - 6x a day. I'd say if you're both ok with tandeming then that's the way to go. I know I love doing it even though I only have 2 breasts! If you're really not enjoying it though, then weaning now is probably best. I'd think it's probably less attitude and more of your body telling you, you need to stop. I got the creepy crawlies when DS would nurse. It was an act of will to keep doing it. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you!

[jrose_lee]

update:

This morning ds told me that there was no numma (milk) coming out. We gently talked about that the numma are done making numma and it means he's older and it's okay (didn't really want to connect it to the baby to make him resentful to the baby). I told him he could cuddle the numma and talk to them and cuddle with me instead. Because the thing is.....he just latches on and sits there and it's kind of annoying to me because he's not actively even trying to nurse since there isn't any milk coming. He seemed okay with it being done and I kind of made it seem that since the milk was gone it was time to be done with numma. I just don't think I'm up for dry nursing him for that long. He knows that the numma will come again when the baby comes. I dont' know if this means he will just stop asking or what......we'll see. Anyway, we talked about it.

[jrose_lee]

Originally Posted by fyrebloom

I weaned my son at 14 months because I was pregnant with twins and the risk of preterm labor was so high. I did finish out the first trimester. In all honesty I only took the tinyest nudge from me because frankly I had so little milk anyway! Now 1 1/2 year later he's unweaned and has been nursing 4 - 6x a day. I'd say if you're both ok with tandeming then that's the way to go. I know I love doing it even though I only have 2 breasts! If you're really not enjoying it though, then weaning now is probably best. I'd think it's probably less attitude and more of your body telling you, you need to stop. I got the creepy crawlies when DS would nurse. It was an act of will to keep doing it. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you!

Wow! So he actually remembered how to nurse after all that time?!

[prothyraia]

Having nursed through pregnancy and tandem nursed, I wouldn't do it again if I could gently encourage weaning. My first two are only 20 months apart, so it wasn't an option I was willing to consider this time.

[the_lissa]

Same here. My first kinda weaned when I was pregnant with my second. Then I let her nurse again after the baby is born. I wish now I just had have left it be. Though she did not have any troubles adjusting to the baby, which might have been because of the tandem nursing, so it is a tough call.