I've read about grief and thought about grief, but I've never had to deal with it so close to home before. A friend died tonight, husband of a friend I was very close to at times over the last 8 years or so. We were part of a group of couples that all started our families together, have kids the same ages, and just generally did life together. I haven't been as close to them over the last couple of years, but they're people we see at church regularly, and he had started coming to the small group we're part of during the week.
He was doing an estimate on one of the many roofs ravaged by Hurricane Ike, and fell. They think he was on the ladder and it malfunctioned, near the roofline. It's hard to get the story straight, as no one was right there. That was Thursday, and we've been praying vigilantly since then. We didn't get much of an update yesterday, and I felt more peace about it. Today, it was like being hit by a truck to hear that it was time to let him go.
We're all devastated, of course. My boys have dealt with their great-great-grandmother dying, but that's so much more removed. This is their friends' father. It's all new, trying to answer my 6yo's questions (like, "How do you know who people are in Heaven?" in response to the idea that you get a new body there), figuring out how to counsel him ahead of going to church tomorrow (our friends' kids don't know he's gone yet, and of course won't be there, but...), whether or not to tell the 4yo, etc...
I did fairly well while up at the hospital with the family and friends, but being home tonight, it's the whole mix of emotions that I'm sure is normal in grieving. I just can't wrap my head around it.
DS suggested we see if we have pictures, and that we give them to the family as a gift. I know I have some of their family (at the time) that were good, happy pictures, from all of our kids' birthday parties. At least that seems like something valuable we can do.
Are cards from the kids to the other kids appropriate? Is it best to enforce any sort of guidelines? We're all still pretty much in shock here...
He was doing an estimate on one of the many roofs ravaged by Hurricane Ike, and fell. They think he was on the ladder and it malfunctioned, near the roofline. It's hard to get the story straight, as no one was right there. That was Thursday, and we've been praying vigilantly since then. We didn't get much of an update yesterday, and I felt more peace about it. Today, it was like being hit by a truck to hear that it was time to let him go.
We're all devastated, of course. My boys have dealt with their great-great-grandmother dying, but that's so much more removed. This is their friends' father. It's all new, trying to answer my 6yo's questions (like, "How do you know who people are in Heaven?" in response to the idea that you get a new body there), figuring out how to counsel him ahead of going to church tomorrow (our friends' kids don't know he's gone yet, and of course won't be there, but...), whether or not to tell the 4yo, etc...
I did fairly well while up at the hospital with the family and friends, but being home tonight, it's the whole mix of emotions that I'm sure is normal in grieving. I just can't wrap my head around it.
DS suggested we see if we have pictures, and that we give them to the family as a gift. I know I have some of their family (at the time) that were good, happy pictures, from all of our kids' birthday parties. At least that seems like something valuable we can do.
Are cards from the kids to the other kids appropriate? Is it best to enforce any sort of guidelines? We're all still pretty much in shock here...
I'm so sorry for their loss, and yours. I think photos and cards are a beautiful idea, as are stories.
