How to tell others 'no toxic toys as gifts'? - Page 2

[NettleTea]

Originally Posted by Lisa85

Are you ok with MIC wood toys, such as M&D? Is she crafty and likes to do that sort of thing? Maybe buy some playsilks for her and have her dye them? Felt food (there's tons of examples to be found online).

We'd rather just stay away from the MIC stuff as even the paint on the wooden MIC toys could contain lead. As far as the Melissa and Doug toys - if their standards are high enough to keep from using leaded paint or toxic varnishes then I guess we wouldn't mind if he was given some toys from them.


MIL isn't crafty. So...I don't see her making any sort of a homemade gift, unfortunately.

She lives in a rural area so there isn't much there except for a few small chain stores and the ever-present walmart. This is why I wondered if we should direct her to better alternatives.

On a positive note, my mom mentioned today that she never knows what to get for our son because of the plastics issue and because we never wanted a crib or a playpen or other baby gadgets.
And so I showed her a few natural baby/toy sites and she was interested. She now has a better ideal where to find stuff for him.

I hope the rest of the family will be as understanding when we mention how toxic most plastic toys are. If not we'll just keep donating, I guess. Though I hate doing that with gifts that people were kind and thoughtful enough to give our son.


Ugh, all of this seems so anal. I wish we lived back in the 1800's or something when one didn't have to fight just to keep like 50 billion toxic things from their kids. I know we cannot protect him from everything, of course. That's why I feel it is important to work on what we can prevent. But still...

[LynnS6]

Gifts are given freely from the heart (or should be). So, you need to honor the sentiment. Once the toy is in your home, it's yours to choose what to do with it. If you're following the rules of etiquette, you're not ever supposed to tell people what to buy, as it's rude to presume someone wants to give you a gift.

In reality, a lot of it depends on your family culture. In my family, it's OK to suggest gifts, and indeed, we trade gift lists for Christmas/Birthdays. My parents LIKE specific suggestions, including specific websites/toy suggestions.

In my dh's family that's just not done. In addition, MIL gets great pleasure out of get "a bargain" and most of those things are cheap junk. There's really no way you can tell someone that their gifts are cheap junk without offending them. So, I smile sweetly and say thank you because I truly love my MIL and I wouldn't want to hurt her for the world.

If I find the kids don't play with the toys they get, they get donated or put in my ever growing garage sale pile.

I tend to send out chatty e-mails about once a month with a cute kid anecdote and description of what the kids are up to these days. That keeps the family up to date on what my kids like to do, and helps because we live so far from many of the relatives. If they know that ds has really taken a shine to board games, or that dd loves playing dress-up, then they have a better idea of what to get them.

You can also, at other times, talk about toy recalls and how you're so worried about MIC because your son is just the right age to put things in his mouth. You can also talk about 'play value', i.e. the toys that your son goes back to over and over again.

If your relatives pick up on your hints, they'll ask you more. If not, oh well. Start that Goodwill bag!

[Thandiwe]

I recently went through this myself and here's what I've decided. I've decided to tread lightly; you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. This is not easy for me; I like to just say what I'm thinking...sometimes to the detriment of other people's feelings. For the first couple of years, I told everyone we didn't want anything for our kids as far as toys are concerned, just books and clothes. But we still kept getting junk...and they all hated me, thought I was a *****. So I've changed my approach and laxed a little. I no longer state anything at all; I just let it go. They know who I am, what I believe in, and what I buy my kids. In all reality, it's not like they're showering them with gifts every week. It's only the occassional holiday and birthday anyways; I can deal with the small influx of crappy toys that may come in. The majority of the time, I have a say so in what I purchase them. When they get junk, it usually immediately breaks (and gets pitched) or gets tossed to the side (and gets donated).

In the case with your MIL, can the toy go over to her house to be played with (perhaps you can let her know that he's getting bored with it everyday and maybe if it was at her house for special visits it would be better appreciated). That way you don't have the awkwardness of her finding out you've rid your house of it, and yet you don't have to have it there everyday.

Good luck...just remember, these days will pass, but family is forever. And if 99% of the time you're raising your son with high standards, he will most likely embrace it even in spite of that 1% of plastic junk.

[cera]

Originally Posted by Grylliade

We'd rather just stay away from the MIC stuff as even the paint on the wooden MIC toys could contain lead. As far as the Melissa and Doug toys - if their standards are high enough to keep from using leaded paint or toxic varnishes then I guess we wouldn't mind if he was given some toys from them.

Actually Melissa and Doug have had a few barium scares just this past summer which I find odd that not a lot of people on MDC have been pointing out. I can only find Canadian links but either way it makes me uneasy about their products now.
http://209.217.71.106/PR/recall-retrait-e.jsp?re_id=494
http://209.217.71.106/PR/recall-retrait-e.jsp?re_id=436

[NettleTea]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

If you're following the rules of etiquette, you're not ever supposed to tell people what to buy, as it's rude to presume someone wants to give you a gift.

I do not want to tell people what to buy because I do feel it is rude. That's why I wondered if I should just voluntarily make the suggestions (knowing that they will feel a little lost) or wait until they ask. I've figured out it is best to wait until asked.

Originally Posted by bens_mommy_2005

Good luck...just remember, these days will pass, but family is forever. And if 99% of the time you're raising your son with high standards, he will most likely embrace it even in spite of that 1% of plastic junk.

Good points : )

Originally Posted by cera

Actually Melissa and Doug have had a few barium scares just this past summer which I find odd that not a lot of people on MDC have been pointing out. I can only find Canadian links but either way it makes me uneasy about their products now.
http://209.217.71.106/PR/recall-retrait-e.jsp?re_id=494
http://209.217.71.106/PR/recall-retrait-e.jsp?re_id=436

Thank you for this update.

[paquerette]

If they're catalog shoppers, a lot of places you can request catalogs sent to them. Rosie Hippo, Nova Naturals, Magic Cabin, probably lots of others.

[smeisnotapirate]

Why don't you try a gift theme? A friend of mine had an art supply party for her 3yo DD. We were all invited to bring supplies for her to use, and then during the party, we did crafts and stuff. That was lots of fun.