hugs

[jeteaa]

do you "ask" your young dc to give people (kids and adults) hugs? My SIL asks her 1.5 yr old to give her cousins hugs when we/they leave. My kids do hug back, but in turn I would not ask my dc to give someone a hug. They know what hugs are and can give them at thier own free will. BUT, if you are a "hug lover' and hope your child to be one too, do you then encourage the hugs?

[primjillie]

I did prompt mine to hug relatives and close friends, but if they weren't comfortable, that was okay too. Sometimes, little ones are overwhelmed and forget, so a little reminder helped them with their goodbyes. My two year old grandson insists on hugs and kisses when he leaves.

[karemore]

I'm a hugger. I ask my DD if she wants to give hugs and kisses when we leave loved ones.

They don't always think of it when they are that young. During transition when we or others are leaving it can be hard for kids to focus because there is so much going on at once.

I remind her to use the bathroom, put on her shoes/coat, and give kisses/hugs.

The hugs and kisses are optional, if she doesn't want to she never is forced or guilted into it.

[ErinBird]

I ask my daughter if she would like to hug close people.

[Dov'sMom]

I ask my 2 yo DS to give hugs when we're meeting/leaving a loved one and when he is involved in someone getting hurt (accidentally or on purpose, though the latter is rare). Sometimes he says no and I don't insist.

[lillymonster]

I ask DD to give hugs and kisses, but if she says no I don't push, I even say, "that's okay, maybe next time". I don't like it when she says no and people do it anyway (my IL will keep trying to give her a hug and kiss even if she pushes them away)

[Mimi]

I say "Do you want to give grandpa a hug?" & when she says no, she says no. if she wants to hug him she will.
It means a lot to them, & if she's fine with it, why not. I would not force her to or be angry with her if she didn't,though.

[Ellen Griswold]

Originally Posted by lillymonster

I ask DD to give hugs and kisses, but if she says no I don't push, I even say, "that's okay, maybe next time". I don't like it when she says no and people do it anyway (my IL will keep trying to give her a hug and kiss even if she pushes them away)

This is me too, ILs and all.

[angie7]

I do ask but if they don't want too, I don't push.

[Rsmom]

We've always encouraged her to give hugs. But if she's hesitant then we quick suggest a high five instead.

[Adele_Mommy]

I have never asked my dd to hug someone else, because I have no way of knowing if that other person even wants a hug. If they do, then they can ask my dd for a hug.

My family was not particularly physically affectionate, so I was not raised with a lot of extraneous hugging. My dd and I hug each other way more than I ever hugged my parents.

I opened this thread because just yesterday my dd did a reading at church and after the service we were talking with an older gentleman (90 years old) who is a friend of mine. He praised my dd's reading and asked for a hug. I could tell she was taken aback by the request, but she gave him a hug with good grace. After we left I thanked her for hugging him and said I knew she was surprised, but I was glad she hugged him because it made him happy.

[meemee]

my dd is a natural hugger. she used to lunge out of my arms as a baby and either smile or hug people. strangers that is. and many of them have told me how much that meant to them. they were going thru a hard time and a smile or hug from a baby just made their day.

and if she wasnt - i would defintely encourage it. not be insistent a huge many times or bring it up every single time. but enough times that if she wanted to hug she would know its ok by me.

i have never met anyone (maybe kids yes) but i have never met an adult who didnt want a hug. some of htem have been taken aback - but they loved it.

her gparents used to live in a retirement community. oh you should have seen how starved they were for hugs. now that her gparents are dead we still go visit just to give them hugs. my dd even knows the kind of hugs they want. both my dd and the old folks get a lot out of it.

so i know how much it would have meant to ur 90 year old friend.

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by jeteaa

do you "ask" your young dc to give people (kids and adults) hugs? My SIL asks her 1.5 yr old to give her cousins hugs when we/they leave. My kids do hug back, but in turn I would not ask my dc to give someone a hug. They know what hugs are and can give them at thier own free will. BUT, if you are a "hug lover' and hope your child to be one too, do you then encourage the hugs?

Never. If someone asks for a hug, it is THEIR CHOICE ALWAYS to hug back or to say no thanks or offer something different, like a high five or a handshake. I'd never say something like, "awww give your aunt a hug" or whatever. Their body, their perogative. I don't even require them to hug me. I do tell them when I'd like hug, but I never force it. And they freely ask, and are given hugs at their request.

I think being pressured into giving hugs/kisses sends the wrong message to kids: that they aren't in charge of thier own bodies & boundaries. I used to hate that pressure by my own parents & I won't do it to my kids.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

I ask him if he wants to hug family members, but never demand it from him. It is his body and he has the right to choose the level of intimacy he wants with others. He chooses who he would like to hug, and when. I don't believe in forcing it.

[abomgardner417]

I always ask if they want to give hugs to close family - grandparents, aunts, uncles but if they don't want to I never force it. I am really uncomfortable hugging and don't want to force it on my kids either.

Originally Posted by Rsmom

We've always encouraged her to give hugs. But if she's hesitant then we quick suggest a high five instead.

This is a really good idea that I'll definitely have to remember. Like a pp said, the Il's can get a little demanding when it comes to affection.

[Learning_Mum]

Yep, I ask if he would like to give grandma / grandad etc a hug and a kiss goodbye. I don't push it if he says no though.

[kirstenb]

I ask DS if he wants to give hugs and kisses before we leave somewhere. Often people will ask if they can have a hug or kiss. Sometimes he will do it, sometimes he won't. I don't have a problem with it as long as he is isn't forced to do it.

A lot of times he will blow kisses or wave bye if he doesn't want to hug or kiss anyone.

[soccermama]

With DS, when it's time to go bye-bye, more than 90% of the time he'll give hugs and kisses to family members in the room. If he's not in the mood, we certainly don't force it upon him. But he's a very snuggly, loving little guy, so there's no need.

[Jessy1019]

I ask my kids if they want to give hugs before we go. No pressure, but they sometimes forget in the chaos of things.

[MusicianDad]

I ask if she wants to give a hug... well not anymore since she's ten but I used to. Never pushed the matter though. To hug or not to hug was always up to her. My mom used to insist and it sent very confusing messages to me since I was also told that I had the right to say no if I wasn't comfortable with any kind of physical contact... except that I didn't have the right to refuse a hug...

There are 5 people who can hug me without getting decked now. Mom, dad, brother, dh and dd.