hugs - Page 2

[jeteaa]

Many of you said you ask your kids "do you want to give (grandma) a hug". Is this asked in front of the "grandma/aunt etc"? If so, your child may say, sure, and give a hug just to not hurt feelings.
My main point and question is that at an early age my kids knew what a hug was (1.5 yrs???) so now at 2 and 4 yrs old, I feel that to ask my kids (especially in front of the hug recipient) if not respectful of my dc. Its another thing to remind them to say "bye" though.

[OkiMom]

Im not a hugger.. I actually don't hug people outside of family and the few friends Ive had for over 10 years. I wouldn't expect my DD to hug other people unless she wants to. The only one I ask her to hug is DH because hes gone so much she won't otherwise and it upsets him. Everyone else she can say good bye to however she wishes

[Limabean1975]

I say "Would you like to hug Grandma goodbye?" If he says no, I say nothing further. He never hesitates to say no when that's how he feels - he is not concerned about hurting anyone's feelings yet!

[PrennaMama]

We confronted this as an issue with my mom and il's because dd's not a hugger with anyone but dh and me, really. My mom was really hurt that dd would balk at being hugged and stiffen up, or hide. I tried first dealing with my mom (since she's the grown one, I hoped she would be understanding...)~ "Mom, dd's just not demonstrative... she loves you! She just doesn't do compulsory hugs... sorry." That went over like a lead balloon: "You and your brother were expected to treat your grandparents with reverence and love! I hope you're teaching her about showing love, PrennaMama!" Very snarky and entitled indeed, and I gave up on those battles a long time ago.

Next I talked to dd. I asked her if she likes hugs, and she was enthusiastic and "Yes, Mama!" I said "Do you know what hugs do?" She wanted to know... I said "When you hug someone you care about, you put a little love into their heart, so they have your love when you're not there, later." I think I also said something like, "Love to-go!"

She has become much more into hugging since that talk, usually with just a gentle reminder of "Ok, hon, go say your goodbyes!"

[BellaClaudia]

I am not enforcing hugging strangers be it big or small.
it is all of course case by case because if my LO is
in the situtation that calls for hug to be administered
or accepted then I am totally for it.

I want her to lern that it is okay to have certain
level of comfort to eventually be able to hug
someone as in need or joy or alike..

it is IMO just one more growth opportunity...

but we are trying not to make it as a auto pilot..
you just run and hug anything that moves
as my child is sometimes just jumped at
by totally strangers to accept hugs.

hugging is good but as everything.. I think that
making it a habit without soul takes of it a lot of real meaning.
so we are trying to keep or and put the meaning into it.

[Nolamom]

I think the amount of hugging varies by region and family.

My family lived on the west coast and in Alaska. We weren't "huggers". What a big adjustment I had moving to the south! EVERYONE hugs. Dd's teacher hugs me. IL's hug hello and goodbye. Friends, neighbors, etc. all hug. After all this time, I've grown accustomed to it. My dc have both grown up giving and recieving lots of hugs. It's the norm here.

Now, would I push them to hug? Nope. If they're not in the mood for a hug, I can't imagine forcing one.