I want to wean my 4 year old

[mysticmomma]

SHe just turned 4 about 2 weeks ago, and it has been a long time since I enjoyed nursing her. It's always a fight, I always end up hurt with both kids clamoring for me. I've started trying to institute special time for her and I to lay in the bed without ds so she can nurse, and that is better, so give me tips... or encourage me to keep going... But something's got to change!:

[fyrebloom]

Nursing is a two way street and if you're hating it then I'd say it's time to move on. You've given her 4 years of wonderful nursing time and that's awesome. Perhaps you could start with forbidding tandem nursing and work down to a couple of times a day with just her and you. If that works then maybe that's where you can stay but if you still are hating it then continue through til weaning.

BTW... that link is hilarious. You caught me LOL!

[heatherdeg]

I agree... At around 4yo I got to the point of "gently discouraging"/distracting and now we're down to 3-4 times/week and always at bedtime or upon waking.

Admittedly, I've taken advantage of my son's cognitive development and when he asked during the day and could not be distracted with silliness, physical play or something else fun--I resorted to telling him that "the milks are sleeping" (they sleep in daylight now--he doesn't think about the fact that they never did before) or if I've had caffeine that day, I tell him that "the milks aren't feeling well". I know--horrible; but this was not the majority of the time, either. I didn't want to cut him off. I just wanted to ENCOURAGE him to wean--ya know?

[chasmyn]

Man, I feel you. I'm starting to feel this way, too. I don't know if I want to wean altogether, but I need some physical space and less nursing lately. I've been feeling myself becoming resentful of the amount of time he wants to spend nursing. That and it is starting to be a bit painful - I think he nurses far beyond the point of my being empty but when I ask him he insists there is still milk coming out.

I hope this is a phase for me and I return to being okay with it, but I DO daydream of night-weaning....

[SweetPotato]

My dd just turned 3 and I'm also trying to figure out a gentle way of cutting WAY back. ONe thing that we do that sometimes helps is that, if I really don't feel like nursing and she's really being insistent or seems to "need" to nurse, I'll offer "ABC nummies"-- meaning that she can nurse for as long as it takes me to sing the alphabet song. Sometimes she'll happily accept this and even pull my shirt back down before I'm done with the song. Other times she'll just ask again and again (like last night- when I think she just couldn't ge tback to sleep, but it still drove me batty), and other times she'll try to negotiate for longer songs "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious nummies, Mommy-- and um diddle diddle and because I was afraid to speak"-- she wants to get the whole verses in there! The singing actually helps distract me a bit from being so annoyed ta times, too.

The thing is, I don't think that I really want her to wean entirely- but I'd just really like to be able to sit down on the couch without her climbing up my shirt- and I'd really like to be able to say "later" without a huge power struggle ensuing- and, most importantly, I'd like to be able to do so without hurting her feelings. I think that, if we could cut it down to waking and sleeping, I'd be able to continue for some time- butthe constant demands make me very resentful EVERY time she wants to nurse.

Okay- so I guess I just realized that I have absolutely no advice at all, but just took the opportunity to rant on your thread :P Sorry about that! But you're not alone- and I'll be watching for others' suggestions, too!

[jillmamma]

How old is your younger nursling? Is the younger one nursing a lot still? I found it easier to encourage weaning my older one once the little one was not nursing every 1-2 hours (less visibility, less times the older one would ask). That, and he'd already adjusted to the new sibling pretty well. I started restricting to first AM, before nap, and before bed, then cut out one of the others till we were down to just before bed. We continued that for like a year (you do what works for you). Then, one night I asked if we could just lay down together instead of him nursing and he was okay with it. So now I still lay down with him for a few minutes each night before bed after I nurse his sister for a few minutes. She is now 3 and down to sometimes before nap and always before bed. I imagine it will go in a similar pattern for her. He was 4.75 when he weaned.

[roseselene]

I have felt this also. DS is 4 and there are times that I want to wean. There are other times that i really enjoy it though. I don't know what i would do if i had a younger nursling though, because at 4, he can be very acrobatic when he is nursing and I can imagine that not going well if i had a baby as well. I don't have any tips for weaning .... just to say there is someone else who feels that way too sometimes.
Amy

[pixiepunk]

no advice really, just wanted to say i'm there with you, mama! my DS is just shy of 3.5 and i am really feeling done. I nursed DD1 until she was 3 after tandeming for 10 months, and i'm 7 months into tandeming this time and thinking that another 3 months is about all i can manage.

i'm just about to re-read How Weaning Happens. i recall it being helpful last time.

[mysticmomma]

Well, we had a chat about how I didn't like the way my body was feeling when I was nursing Evan (20 months) and her at the same time. I told her that each night before bed we would set aside a few minutes for her to nurse, but if she chose not to nurse when it was her turn that she wouldn't have another chance that day. Once or twice this has turned into the battle of the century, but some days she hasn't nursed at all for a few days in a row, and now she has nursed a few nights in a row. I'm feeling better with the new "rules" and am also working on nursing etiquette with my son. I'm going to look into that book!