For those of you following my caregiver saga with by darling Dad. He lived 90 miles away from me, but independently and in his own house.
He died. It happened wither Thursday evening or sometime early Friday (his 88th birthday).
I last talked to him on Tuesday. We were going to go see him on Friday, his 88th birthday and take him out to celebrate. He was looking forward to seeing us and to the dinner. He even sparkled about the gifts I said we had for him, saying, "Skip the dinner, bring on the loot!" He told me he appreciated everything I have done for him and told me, again, I was worth a million bucks.
My Mom broke her foot on Thursday. I called him to tell him, but he didn't answer, which wasn't really worrisome.
But, I started calling him at 7:00 am on Friday, to tell him we might not make dinner after all, as Mom was going to need a walker and she would probably need a day to get used to it before being ready to go out and about. I wanted to delay the celebration by one day. I knew he'd be okay with it.
No answer at 7:00 am. I tried, hourly, all day. By 5:00 pm, I was really worried and had a certain feeling inside.
I called his neighbor across the street from his house and asked her if the front lights were on. She said yes. I asked if she would go across the street and look through the front door window and see if the kitchen lights were on. She said she would and would call me right back.
5 minutes went by. Then, 10. When it was 15, I just knew. Then the phone rang and she told me she and her husband went inside and found him, dead, laying in the garage. It appeared he had probably died instantly and fell forward.
I asked them to call 911 as I wanted everything done right. She said she would and would call me right back. The EMTs came and pronounced him dead. Then, the sheriff called and told me what would happen. As Dad didn't have a doctor, the medical examiner would have to investigate, but it was routine and there was no sign of foul play.
The ME called a short while later and said he felt Dad had died instantly and was dead before he hit the floor. There was just a small amount of blood, from landing on his face. He felt that, had Dad's heart still been beating, there would have been a lot of blood.
The garage was 40 degrees and the floor was 35 degrees. He said it kept Dad in such a way that it might be difficult to pin down just when he died. But, it doesn't really matter, he's still gone.
Everyone involved was so nice. I called our local funeral hime and they are being wonderful.
Dad will be buried with just Mom & I at the graveside. No funeral (Dad was an atheist and hated organized religion and funerals). Ds doesn't want to go to the cemetery and I am certainly not insisting, respecting his feelings. Dad wouldn't want him to do something he didn't want to do. DH will stay home with him.
He was an awesome man, stubborn but good-hearted. He had an amazing life and did survived amazing times (WWII< Korea & Vietnam). I did everything I could do for him, especially these last 9 months. We had always said our "I love you's" to each other and he said how he appreciated all that I was doing, and had done, for him.
I sleep deep, because I am still experiencing some shock, even though this wasn't entirely unexpected. But, I sleep well, without any guilt or thoughts that I could have done more or should have said more. We were in a really great relationship.
When I called my sister, she was pretty mundane about it. No mention of coming to see Mom
. One brother is, apparently, out of the country and we can't track him down (he emailed me he couldn't afford to come see Dad from California because of money troubles. Guess he could afford a European trip 
: ). The last brother has been estranged from the family for 20 years (my sister called him. I didn't ask his reaction, I don't care).
I lied to everyone except dh about where he died. I told them Dad had died in his new recliner, in front of the TV. Mom was relieved to hear it. Ds said that's the way his grandpa would have wanted it. I know how they would have reacted had they learned he died on the floor of the garage. I couldn't let them have that thought.
That's not wrong, is it? Nobody else will see the investigation report. The death certificate won't mention anything except the address.
Mom is doing okay. For the first time, I'm kind of glad she has stroke-involved memory problems. It makes it easier for her.
But, she was lucid today and we talked about the burial and what his headstone will say and look like. I took her to the cemetery and she chose which one of the plots she wanted for Dad (we own a big family plot). She will be staying with us for a week or so. Makes me worry less about both her using the walker and her memory (she forgets to use it
) and for her dealing with the burial.
I never understood why people came and posted, to strangers, about their relatives' death, on these forums. I now understand. You are the faceless friends that we can be totally ourselves with. Thank you for listening.
Please, whether you drink or not, lift a glass and offer a toast to my Dad tonight or tomorrow (hey, tomorrow is ds's 10th birthday, too. He'd appreciate a toast of Dr. Pepper!!).
To Lou, my Dad. He was wonderful and I love him and will miss him more than I thought I could.
He died. It happened wither Thursday evening or sometime early Friday (his 88th birthday).
I last talked to him on Tuesday. We were going to go see him on Friday, his 88th birthday and take him out to celebrate. He was looking forward to seeing us and to the dinner. He even sparkled about the gifts I said we had for him, saying, "Skip the dinner, bring on the loot!" He told me he appreciated everything I have done for him and told me, again, I was worth a million bucks.
My Mom broke her foot on Thursday. I called him to tell him, but he didn't answer, which wasn't really worrisome.
But, I started calling him at 7:00 am on Friday, to tell him we might not make dinner after all, as Mom was going to need a walker and she would probably need a day to get used to it before being ready to go out and about. I wanted to delay the celebration by one day. I knew he'd be okay with it.
No answer at 7:00 am. I tried, hourly, all day. By 5:00 pm, I was really worried and had a certain feeling inside.
I called his neighbor across the street from his house and asked her if the front lights were on. She said yes. I asked if she would go across the street and look through the front door window and see if the kitchen lights were on. She said she would and would call me right back.
5 minutes went by. Then, 10. When it was 15, I just knew. Then the phone rang and she told me she and her husband went inside and found him, dead, laying in the garage. It appeared he had probably died instantly and fell forward.
I asked them to call 911 as I wanted everything done right. She said she would and would call me right back. The EMTs came and pronounced him dead. Then, the sheriff called and told me what would happen. As Dad didn't have a doctor, the medical examiner would have to investigate, but it was routine and there was no sign of foul play.
The ME called a short while later and said he felt Dad had died instantly and was dead before he hit the floor. There was just a small amount of blood, from landing on his face. He felt that, had Dad's heart still been beating, there would have been a lot of blood.
The garage was 40 degrees and the floor was 35 degrees. He said it kept Dad in such a way that it might be difficult to pin down just when he died. But, it doesn't really matter, he's still gone.
Everyone involved was so nice. I called our local funeral hime and they are being wonderful.
Dad will be buried with just Mom & I at the graveside. No funeral (Dad was an atheist and hated organized religion and funerals). Ds doesn't want to go to the cemetery and I am certainly not insisting, respecting his feelings. Dad wouldn't want him to do something he didn't want to do. DH will stay home with him.
He was an awesome man, stubborn but good-hearted. He had an amazing life and did survived amazing times (WWII< Korea & Vietnam). I did everything I could do for him, especially these last 9 months. We had always said our "I love you's" to each other and he said how he appreciated all that I was doing, and had done, for him.
I sleep deep, because I am still experiencing some shock, even though this wasn't entirely unexpected. But, I sleep well, without any guilt or thoughts that I could have done more or should have said more. We were in a really great relationship.
When I called my sister, she was pretty mundane about it. No mention of coming to see Mom
. One brother is, apparently, out of the country and we can't track him down (he emailed me he couldn't afford to come see Dad from California because of money troubles. Guess he could afford a European trip : ). The last brother has been estranged from the family for 20 years (my sister called him. I didn't ask his reaction, I don't care).I lied to everyone except dh about where he died. I told them Dad had died in his new recliner, in front of the TV. Mom was relieved to hear it. Ds said that's the way his grandpa would have wanted it. I know how they would have reacted had they learned he died on the floor of the garage. I couldn't let them have that thought.
That's not wrong, is it? Nobody else will see the investigation report. The death certificate won't mention anything except the address.
Mom is doing okay. For the first time, I'm kind of glad she has stroke-involved memory problems. It makes it easier for her.
But, she was lucid today and we talked about the burial and what his headstone will say and look like. I took her to the cemetery and she chose which one of the plots she wanted for Dad (we own a big family plot). She will be staying with us for a week or so. Makes me worry less about both her using the walker and her memory (she forgets to use it
) and for her dealing with the burial.I never understood why people came and posted, to strangers, about their relatives' death, on these forums. I now understand. You are the faceless friends that we can be totally ourselves with. Thank you for listening.
Please, whether you drink or not, lift a glass and offer a toast to my Dad tonight or tomorrow (hey, tomorrow is ds's 10th birthday, too. He'd appreciate a toast of Dr. Pepper!!).
To Lou, my Dad. He was wonderful and I love him and will miss him more than I thought I could.
: I'm so sorry for your loss.
: to your dad
for you.
