Gifts for their house only?

[ElaynesMom]

My mother told me tonight that she wanted to buy my 15 month old dd a wire bead maze for Christmas, which I was excited about as this is a toy I'd really like my dd to have, and it seems as though my mom is kinda getting the hint about the type of toys we'd like our dd to have. Then she said it was to keep at her house only. I understand that she wants my dd to have toys for her to play with while we visit, but this is kind of a big gift, and I'd like my dd to be able to use it more frequently than we visit my parents. My dd has toys at my parent's house, and we bring toys with us as well. On the one hand I thought it was a little odd, since it is a gift for my dd, she should be able to take it home with her. On the other hand, it is my mom's money, and my dd is too young to know the difference. I guess I'll just let my mom keep it at her house and buy another one for our place, but it was a little disappointing.

So I was wondering, do your parents/inlaws buy Christmas/birthday gifts for your children that are to be kept only at their house?

[MusicianDad]

I dunno... Might be kind of exciting for your dd if it's only at grandma's house. That was like the only thing that got my brother to the Dr... they had one of those in the waiting room and he loved it. No doubt your dd already loves visiting grandma's but it could end up being one of those special fun things that she remembers about Grandma's house.

We never really had stuff that was at other persons house that belonged to DD but there are things that belong to my mom that DD adores.

[Maluhia]

I think it's a great idea - your DD will play with it more because it will be special there instead of easily ignored at your house - smile and be happy your Mom came up with a great idea.

[ElaynesMom]

I was just wondering if this is the norm in other people's families.

I'm not saying it's terrible, I just found it a little odd. If my mom bought me a DVD, but only to watch at her house, I'd find that odd too. I certainly won't make an issue of it, it really isn't that big of a deal.

I guess it's different with kids? When I was a kid I don't really remember receiving gifts that had to stay at the gift giver's house. I only wish my mom decided that the Elmo Live she bought bought my dd had to stay at her house too, lol.

[tabrizia]

Originally Posted by ElaynesMom

So I was wondering, do your parents/inlaws buy Christmas/birthday gifts for your children that are to be kept only at their house?

My parents and in-laws don't buy gifts to stay at their houses at holiday times. That being said, I've left gifts we were given at both my in-laws and parents because I didn't want them in my house. I have also bought DS gifts for Christmas/Hanukkah that are just for my in-laws house, since we visit at least once a week and having toys there for DS makes life a lot easier then having to bring our own every time.

My Mom has also bought various toys for both her houses for DS, but they aren't holiday gifts they are just toys she thinks he'll like that stay there, so that I don't have to travel with them (we have to fly to visit them).

I really don't have a problem with a cool toy that is bought for staying at a parents/in-laws house, though I would rather be the one who gives it, then have my parents/in-laws give it.

[GuildJenn]

I think it is a little narcissistic, yes - I get why you feel weird about it. But I wouldn't make it a big deal.

[earthmama369]

Everyone's got different traditions, but this one is a little odd to me. It's one thing if the gift is so big it doesn't fit at your house. But in general, I think it's hard to ask children to leave their exciting new gifts somewhere where they won't see them for a while. I know I wouldn't really enjoy that.

My parents have toys that stay at their house, but they don't disguise them as Christmas gifts. Gifts belong to the receiver, to do with what they wish. Conditional gifts, like conditional love, just don't seem like the real thing to me. The physical thing is there, but the "giving" intent isn't.

[Jemmind]

My mom does that on occasion. I totally don't care because it's less junk over at my house. But if it was something that Corbin really loved and wanted to play with alot I'd be able to tell her I'd like him to have it at home and she'd be fine with that.

[Lisa85]

The physical thing is there, but the "giving" intent isn't.

Very true! Seems like she wants all the credit of giving the Wow! gift without actually giving it. I'm sure it's unintentional and just excited to see her play with it, but that's what she's doing.

My parents buy things now and then for their house only, but they are never disguised as birthday or christmas gifts. My dc would be very hurt if they could only be played with there. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that your dd won't notice, even at that age. If she does throw a fit or what have you, I would make a point to tell your mom that if she wants to buy things for her house that's fine but they cannot be bday/xmas gifts. We had to ask my parents to stop wrapping gifts for their house. Even though we explain in advance before opening that it is to stay there, they still get disappointing when we leave with out it. To my kids, wrapping paper = mine mine mine!: So they've started "hiding" them in the toy closet and the look on their faces when they discover the new toy is priceless.

I would tell your mom that you're afraid you dd won't know the difference and get upset when it's time to leave so maybe it'd be best to not wrap it. That way, no confusion I would steer clear from suggesting in any way that you should take it home

[karemore]

I think if she wants to buy a toy to stay at her house, great. But it's not a gift and shouldn't be "given" as one. Just buy it and stick it where you want it.

If it's wrapped, or given as a gift, the recipient gets to take it home.

Sorry, now I'm getting silly, I keep thinking of all the gifts I could buy people for Christmas this year and keep at my house....

[Nautical]

I got gifts as a child that were meant to stay at my grandparents' house. For most of the time growing up my parents had a very small house and so big toys were for grandma and grandpa's. I also spent a lot of time there. However, I remember being really frustrated by the gift of a Barbie ice cream parlor and a Barbie Dream Car that had to stay at their house, because all of my Barbies were at my house.

[lotusdebi]

I think it's incredibly manipulative and I would be opposed to it.

[Rsmom]

I think it's odd that she specifically said she wants to keep it at her house. It would me nice if she gave you (and your DD) the option to decide where to play with it.

[Caneel]

My mom gives gifts for DS that are meant to stay at her house. (The gifts are openned at her house, she doesn't bring them to ours and then take them home.)

I don't have a problem with it and actually, I am very happy that some of them stay at her house.

The way I look at it, special toys at Nana's house make the visits extra special.

Nana and Pappy spend all their visit time playing with DS so if Pappy wants to take the time to set up a giant race track all thru the living room and kitchen, go ahead and keep that race track set at your house.

Growing up, we (me and the cousins) had special toys for the grandparent houses, which is probably why I think it is normal.

[Shaki]

My Dad does this. It's a leftover behavior from when my parents first got divorced, and (in his case) is indeed manipulative. I agree that a gift is for the receiver to do with as they please and am actually going to speak with my father about this before xmas.

[baileyann3]

my mom does this. she told me she was buying this awesome block set for dd and i was sooo excited! we dont have any blocks! then she said she was keeping them at her house. its a great gesture, but im still going to have to buy some for our house.

i think she wants "grandmas house" to be a really fun place to be. so she hoards all the big fun gifts that i cant afford over there! haha (im kidding, thats what i told her)
in reality though, she pretty equally buys toys we can take home and toys that stay there. so its cool with us. we also bring toys over there and leave them sometimes. like toys that dd is kinda getting sick of, then next week when we go over, its like a brand new toy!

but if you really want it for your house, make sure your dc is playing with it as you leave, i mean you cant take the toys away from the kid! oh well, just going to have to bring it with us! works everytime

[jeteaa]

The issues are that I see are if you mom is not really giving it to your dd to take the gift where ever she wants, then it is not really her gift. Second, not sure if your mom has any other grandchildren or future gc, but if so, then ALL the toys she has at her home should be for ALL the gc to play with, w/ none belonging to a specific gc. My niece live minutes away from my parents and my mom has stocked a playroom full of "nieces toys", so even though we only visit a few times a year, it is really odd how my kids have to ask to play with the toys because they are my nieces.

[limabean]

My mom and ILs have gotten toys for my kids to play with at their houses, but they weren't presented as gifts -- they just kind of appeared one day with the understanding that this was a toy to play with at grandma's house.

Maybe you could tell your mom that the kids will love having a cool toy to play with at grandma's house, but kindly ask her to not wrap it up and present it as a gift because the kids might not understand why they can't bring "their" toy home with them. Maybe she could just put it out and say, "Look what grandma got for you guys to play with when you visit!"

[grniys]

I see nothing wrong with it. That was the way it was when I was growing up. I still have lots of toys at my great-grandmother's house from when I was a kid. Now my son can play with them when we go to visit.

[ElaynesMom]

Yeah, I suppose I just found it odd because I think if it's a gift it should be my dd's to take wherever she wants. I was also a little disappointed as this is something I wanted to get for my dd for our home, and I have the feeling if I buy my own, my mom will be upset that hers won't be special. She is really trying to outdo me, and she has all these rules about the gifts she gives, and I'm getting a little tired of it. I've tried to talk to her about it, about how I don't want my dd to get the idea that everyone is supposed to be giving her mountains of gifts, about how me and my dh would like to be able to buy her a "cool" gift too. Her response is that her mother did it to her when I was a kid, so it's "payback time". I guess I'm the one who has to pay . I'm really starting to hate holidays/birthdays.