Having second thoughts... what did you do?

[need relief]

I've always pictured having my husband, mom, sister and best friend with me in the hospital delivery room during labor and the birth, but now as I get closer, I'm not so sure! My sister and best friend will be comming from 3 hours away and I don't see them that often and will be dropping everything as soon as the phone rings. But, now while I'm thinking about how long labor may be, (this is my first) I don't know if I'm going to prefer the distraction of my girls during contractions, or if it would be better to have it more quiet... or maybe that will make me focus on the pain more???: I guess I'm worried that I'll have to entertain or something. They all get along great, but what are they going to do? Sit there in silence? Chat amung themselves? I'm also a little worried that they may may my hubby nervous when he's trying out his role as coach for the first time.

If you had an audience, how did that work out? Anyone change their minds and kick everyone out? I feel bad having all these people out in the waiting room for HOURS ...

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

At first, I just wanted my husband. Then he suggetsted my mother and his mother stay, because he was a little freaked out. Well my 13 and 14 year old sister and sister in law were in there, but I said when I was ready to start pushing, they were to leave. Well when the time came, no one made them leave, and EVERYONE saw my legs up in the air and the baby coming out. At the time, I did not care. But after I was able to recover and THINK about it, I was NOT a happy camper. This time will be my husband amd THATS IT. I would like to keep SOME pride. AS for during contractions, it was a little annoying haveing everyone in there talking and joking while I suffered, then staring at me like a watched pot. I guess its just something you will have to decide when you get to that stage.

[coyotemist]

nak

with all 3 babies i've had mom, mil, & hubby

it was lovely & they take care of themselves. no friends no kiddos, lots of supprt for me & hubby

[MaryLang]

It totally depends on what kind of person you are and what kind of people your inviting. With my first it was only my DH and doula, I prefer it that way. My family is not "touchy feely" at all and when my mom came up to the hospital during my 2nd labor, I felt kinda on edge. She didn't stay long, and that was a good thing.

[Katielady]

I toured a hospital with my first pregnancy, and the doula leading the tour had some great advice on this. She said you don't want any spectators in the room. Everyone there should be there to support you, actively working to help you the whole time. (That might mean sitting silently by your side, but still, the focus is on you and your labor.) She said having people there who just want to see the baby come out could be a real distraction, and make you feel like a watched pot. I think it's great advice.

So, I think you should think about what everyone's role would be...if you see them really helping you and adding to the experience, you could have them. If you think they wouldn't know what to do with themselves and would potentially disrupt things, maybe it's not such a great idea.

You could always tell them in advance that you think you want them there, but that you may want privacy when the time comes and that they should be prepared to get booted out and not to give you a hard time about it. And booting them out could be your husband's job so you don't have to deal with any drama.

side note, I once attended a birth as a doula where the mom invited her whole extended family to be in the room, it was a circus. Then she decided she wanted them all out, and her dad refused to leave because he wanted to sleep on the couch. I was flabbergasted. I felt uncomfortable being forceful about it, but I did encourage her mom to make him leave and not take no for an answer. What a mess!

[two bricks shy]

One of our more opinionated midwives for DD told us "Don't invite anyone you aren't willing to let them watch you have sex... it's that personal." At the time, I thought it was a little extreme, but after the fact... oh yeah. You want someone that can be postive and support you/DP. If they can not or will not do both of these...it can add more stress to a stressful situation.

With DD we chose not to invite any family/friends. There were some people that were extremely unhappy because as Katielady mentioned they "just want to see the baby come out." After transporting and everything else I am that much more happy that it was just us. DD's birth was so extremely personal and even though it was at the hosptial, a very private moment.

My parents are coming to be with DD at this birth, but their job is to be there for her, not the birth. Honestly, I still do not want them in the room with us.

I think you should invite anyone you want to, but certainly reserve the right to change your mind at any time. If you chose to invite anyone, they need to understand that. I would also assign DP to be the "bad guy" if needed (or your Doula if you have one). You can change your mind now, in labor, or during the moment of birth...this is a moment for you, DP, and your baby. Don't feel bad if they are in the waiting room for a long time... it is their choice and it is not as if you can control how quickly or not the birth goes.

[OkiMom]

I had DH there to with DD and I could honestly say I was very glad no one else was there. He was the only person I would have wanted there. This time Im have a friend there whose acting as a doula as well as DH. It was a difficult choice to make, whether to have her there or not, but shes going to be there to help me and thats it. Shes great with stepping in with the doctors over here and Im not good with speaking up when Im in pain.
We have it a little easy though, both pregnancys we lived far away from my In-laws (although DD's MIL offered to fly out). If at any time we lived close to them I would have them watch the children we had while I was at the hospital. If DH was away (hes military) I would invite my MIL to be my labor support.