Can I join this tribe?? Not that I'm particularly thrilled about the idea, but it's SO nice to know I'm not alone in this!!
I have 3 decades of emotional/verbal/physical abuse from my mom. My dad, he's just so passive-aggressive he let it happen. I love him, but he has the backbone of a jellyfish. They divorced when I was 11, and we stayed with him, for the most part.
My mom married a real effin' winner when I was 15... she had known him 2 weeks.
: She's got the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old, I swear. But he could get her good drugs, adn eventually got her hooked. After he was abusive to her, she finally left. They were divorced after some obscene long time, 5 years or something like that.
She remarried him last year.
He's off the drugs, which is good, but it's a matter of necessity. See, he had a stroke at work from too much crack, and hit his head on a pallet when he fell, cracked it open. According to her, he had a "complete personality change." Uh huh. What he did was be really nice till she married his loser self again and agreed to take care of him. So i don't feel sorry for her in the least.
Mom has lived with DH and I 3 times since we've been married (2000). All three ended in hell. The last time, we cut her off for 3-4 months. I did call when DS was born, she didn't care, and I sent her a very generic mother's day card that year. (NOT a World's Greatest Mother card, believe you me. Something more along the lines of what I'd give my pastor's wife, or a new mother acquaintence of mine.) Anyway, apparently it was deemed a sufficient enough apology, and peace was restored by Her Majesty.
Her latest little drama? She sent the kids (specifically my DD, who is her favorite), totally inappropriate gifts. DS 20 months got a bunch of things that were 3 years and up, DS 6 got a bunch of toys that were 8 and up, and DD got a ton of crap she knows I don't like in my house, and had told her SPECIFICALLY not to get. And her response? It's so very... MOM!
She has decided that my daughter will hate me when she becomes a teenager, because ALL teenagers HATE AND DESPISE their parents. So (OK, bear with me, this is a crazy woman's twisted thinking) she has decided to basically buy my DD's love now, and make herself DD's favorite, so that when she DOES start to hate me, she'll still love grammy, and she'll come to grammy if she ever has a problem, instead of going to her "little friends or boyfriend."
I hit the roof, at the very idea that she could A) buy DD's love and affection, B) that I'm such a crappy paretn that my kids are going to hate and despise me, and C) that she's just generally trying to take my place in DD's heart.
They all ticked me off so much I was bawling. The day I allow that woman to become that close to my precious daughter, will be the day they lay me in the ground! I KNOW what it's like to be "loved" by her... it's TOTALLy conditional. And usually the condition is, SHE must take precidence over EVERYTHING else in your life. No God, no husband, no children, no family... just this insane woman who MUST be #1. You're either for her or against her, and my the good Lord help you if you're against her!
Well, that's my rant. We've moved 1500 miles away to NOT have to deal with her. Because as DH says, insanity is contagious.
And my brother is getting married, so she can pull all her crap with them. (Although I'm still ending up being the bad guy with that wedding, b/c I don't want to take my family of 5 on a cruise when I'm 5 months pregnant and pay for all that crap! But, since she paid for the actual cruise tickets, we're going, I guess. Lucky me.) But, hopefully, by March, all the drama will be over, and we can get back to our nice, quiet life...1500 miles away from the insanity.