Felixmom and Blessed Mommy I am glad that you subbed.
Whitney-My dh is also not willing to go to counseling. I understand his reasons though, ironically our families growin up had the same psychiatrist--little good that it did, but he really resents psychology in general. (Other than it pays half the bills now because that's my field. LOL) That must be really hard for your child to have his dad reject him like that. We've had some battles too with my dh and that hard stance he's taken with my dd, almost pushing her out of our home even. Because that's how his parents handled things. Dh paid the price of being locked up for a year in a psych ward while his parents worked out their own stuff. It's really tough to be in the middle of conflict with your partner and your child. I hope he can reconsider or atleast maybe you and your son could get counseling and alter your behavior and maybe your dh will come around seeing some benefit to it if things improve or coming in as a "consultant" to talk about "your son's problem" and not as the patient.
My mom is on a negative stretch again. She is fighting with the home owners association because they replaced their roof with an unapproved color (Green) and it was my stepdad's responsibility to submit the request for roof repairs and the choice of colors for approval. So according to my mom the HOA is suing them for $20k.
My stepdad has supposedly responsded with depressive symptoms, alcoholism, and withholding um marital relations from my mom. (Completely inappropriate for her to tell me about their last year.) I don't believe ANY of it except maybe he's depressed.
I am worried that my stepdad and my mom are on the brink of divorce, for her well-being and self-preservation. She has no one in this world but us "kids." Her parents are both dead. (And she can't come here.) She hasn't worked in two decades. I doubt she could hold a job.
She keeps ranting that he is an alcoholic and I saw no sign of that in the days they were here.
She has been at odds with her inlaws because she accidentally sent one of her rants about my stepdad's "alcoholism" to them about a month ago. The petty part of me is thinking it's too bad they didn't get this one too!
It was a DOOZEY! So my stepgrandparents got this nasty email and they told my stepdad and he had it out with my mom. I have to admit that I laughed until I cried about that stunt. You can not say all that stuff behind your dh's back and think he will never find out. 
I intervened once before because I was concerned about my dad's safety and I he did not believe me that my mom was toxic. That was what resulted in the one year off from my mom.
There's some stuff in her writing that makes me think she's psychotic again. I wish that I could call him and say I am worried about him and let him know the lies my mom is spreading about him. He wouldn't believe it, but *I wish* he would. He's a nice guy. Most of my issues with him growing up were because of lies my mom told him. It's another "not my business but..."
My stepdad was in a car accident in his late adolescence and it has made him particularily trusting. (which is a major enabling plus for my mom and her shenanigans.) It would be as simple as "Fwd" and "Send" to confront this one. I would have it in writing. Not that that matters. I could have irrefutable Proof and my family would insist I was the crazy one.
When Stepdad finally gets sick of my mom though, it will be a world of turmoil for us kids. I am not looking foward to it but it seems like that day is closing in.
So there are two issues for me.
To confront or not to confront. It goes against my very nature to leave this alone. Although it's better for me to ignore it-consequences wise--I have my values. The ones I didn't learn in this family, lol, about respecting ppl and being honest, protecting others even if it's at your risk. Ok I learned that one in this family.
The other issues is (and it may be premature)
where will my mother go if my stepdad and her breakup? My mom is talking about it in her email. I sure don't want her picking up and moving here (she has dissassociative fugue sometimes) or more likely with my sister. Like us all my sister, has her own challenges and she sure doesn't need any mama-drama. My sister is moving this week. Doesn't know her address though cuz the Army hasn't told her yet. Will tell her Monday. Maybe that's a perk for her. I think she will want to come out here because 2 of her 3 kids are here.
Toxic Family Relocation Program. There ought to be one.
Having self-critical thoughts too for ever having started talking to her again because though my anxiety is not extreme, the desire to protect and to be believed about what is happening remains strong.
I appreciate that any of you got this far in my rambling of thoughts. :-)
As I contemplate, is it better to have a mother going about her harm-doing and know about it or not know about it? Sigh. I really wish her peace. She was doing so good there for a stretch and this thing with the HOA seems to have completely derailed her.
Whitney-My dh is also not willing to go to counseling. I understand his reasons though, ironically our families growin up had the same psychiatrist--little good that it did, but he really resents psychology in general. (Other than it pays half the bills now because that's my field. LOL) That must be really hard for your child to have his dad reject him like that. We've had some battles too with my dh and that hard stance he's taken with my dd, almost pushing her out of our home even. Because that's how his parents handled things. Dh paid the price of being locked up for a year in a psych ward while his parents worked out their own stuff. It's really tough to be in the middle of conflict with your partner and your child. I hope he can reconsider or atleast maybe you and your son could get counseling and alter your behavior and maybe your dh will come around seeing some benefit to it if things improve or coming in as a "consultant" to talk about "your son's problem" and not as the patient.
My mom is on a negative stretch again. She is fighting with the home owners association because they replaced their roof with an unapproved color (Green) and it was my stepdad's responsibility to submit the request for roof repairs and the choice of colors for approval. So according to my mom the HOA is suing them for $20k.
My stepdad has supposedly responsded with depressive symptoms, alcoholism, and withholding um marital relations from my mom. (Completely inappropriate for her to tell me about their last year.) I don't believe ANY of it except maybe he's depressed.
I am worried that my stepdad and my mom are on the brink of divorce, for her well-being and self-preservation. She has no one in this world but us "kids." Her parents are both dead. (And she can't come here.) She hasn't worked in two decades. I doubt she could hold a job.
She keeps ranting that he is an alcoholic and I saw no sign of that in the days they were here.
She has been at odds with her inlaws because she accidentally sent one of her rants about my stepdad's "alcoholism" to them about a month ago. The petty part of me is thinking it's too bad they didn't get this one too!
It was a DOOZEY! So my stepgrandparents got this nasty email and they told my stepdad and he had it out with my mom. I have to admit that I laughed until I cried about that stunt. You can not say all that stuff behind your dh's back and think he will never find out. I intervened once before because I was concerned about my dad's safety and I he did not believe me that my mom was toxic. That was what resulted in the one year off from my mom.
There's some stuff in her writing that makes me think she's psychotic again. I wish that I could call him and say I am worried about him and let him know the lies my mom is spreading about him. He wouldn't believe it, but *I wish* he would. He's a nice guy. Most of my issues with him growing up were because of lies my mom told him. It's another "not my business but..."
My stepdad was in a car accident in his late adolescence and it has made him particularily trusting. (which is a major enabling plus for my mom and her shenanigans.) It would be as simple as "Fwd" and "Send" to confront this one. I would have it in writing. Not that that matters. I could have irrefutable Proof and my family would insist I was the crazy one.
When Stepdad finally gets sick of my mom though, it will be a world of turmoil for us kids. I am not looking foward to it but it seems like that day is closing in.
So there are two issues for me.
To confront or not to confront. It goes against my very nature to leave this alone. Although it's better for me to ignore it-consequences wise--I have my values. The ones I didn't learn in this family, lol, about respecting ppl and being honest, protecting others even if it's at your risk. Ok I learned that one in this family.
The other issues is (and it may be premature)
where will my mother go if my stepdad and her breakup? My mom is talking about it in her email. I sure don't want her picking up and moving here (she has dissassociative fugue sometimes) or more likely with my sister. Like us all my sister, has her own challenges and she sure doesn't need any mama-drama. My sister is moving this week. Doesn't know her address though cuz the Army hasn't told her yet. Will tell her Monday. Maybe that's a perk for her. I think she will want to come out here because 2 of her 3 kids are here.
Toxic Family Relocation Program. There ought to be one.
Having self-critical thoughts too for ever having started talking to her again because though my anxiety is not extreme, the desire to protect and to be believed about what is happening remains strong.
I appreciate that any of you got this far in my rambling of thoughts. :-)
As I contemplate, is it better to have a mother going about her harm-doing and know about it or not know about it? Sigh. I really wish her peace. She was doing so good there for a stretch and this thing with the HOA seems to have completely derailed her.
:
blessed mommy. that would depend so much on the partucular situation it's had to answer
MDC)
s mama! It's a crappy thing to have in your head/life etc. I think just being a wonderful parent to your own kiddos help heal alot of those wounds.
:That's when I made the connection that this is a process. Very symbolic. Everyone has their "enough's enough line." If I'm in contact with her I get that I can expect more of the same. Literally being you know what on. So the limits with her have to be very certain.
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