Toddler wants to nurse.. but can't..

[AlpineMama]

DS, 19 months, never nursed. (We tried and tried hard but nothing ever came of it, to make a long story short.) However, he has seen me nurse DD since the day she was born. Recently he started showing interest in it. He always wants me to pull my shirt up and stare at my other breast when she latches on. He also tries to touch the nipple, especially when it's leaking milk, but I tell him no hands. Then he usually puts his mouth up to the nipple and sometimes licks the milk off it. (This squicks me out a little, but I let him do it, because he seems to be trying to copy DD.)

I thought he would get over it after a day or two, but it's been a few weeks now and he's getting more and more obsessive with it. Every time he sees me nurse DD he throws a fit if I don't pull my shirt up to let him stare at the other breast. (Thankfully this hasn't happened in public.)

If he wanted to nurse I would let him, but I'm also scared of it to an extent too, scared that he would bite me. Umm. Yeah. He's not yet verbal so I'm not sure how much I can "explain" to him verbally. I usually offer him a sippy with water or juice after a bit to distract him away from the boob.

Basically, am I doing the right thing by letting him "look" at the non-nursing breast? I don't want him to start getting jealous of DD's access to them. But at the same time it DOES feel kind of weird to have him, like, lick the milk off. (It sounds even weirder to write that out than when it's actually happening!) And DH is convinced DS is going to have a breast fetish or something from this, that it borders on abuse, etc. Anyone have any suggestions?

Oh, and also, I wanted to try to express milk for him to drink, but I can't get any milk out pumping, so I can't even give him breastmilk in a bottle/cup.

[hollydlr]

hugs mama! I don't have any personal experience with that kind of situation, but I am hoping someone here does for you! I think it is ok to let him check it out like he is - its a natural instinct for a baby to nurse and be interested in his mother's breasts and milk. He is still very much a baby, and would likely still be nursing if he had been able to from the beginning.

[Mama2Bean]

I only have personal experience with nursing a 19-mo old. She's 23 mos now and still, to me, a baby. At 19mo, definitely a baby! I hope you get some experienced ladies to give you some advice.

Hugs, hugs, hugs,
H.

[AlpineMama]

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

[Nautical]

Originally Posted by AlpineMama

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

[*Karen*]

Aw, that sounds so sweet. Does he use a pacifier? If so, you can tell him to suck it like a pacifier which he may understand.

[milkybean]

"am I doing the right thing by letting him "look" at the non-nursing breast? I don't want him to start getting jealous of DD's access to them. But at the same time it DOES feel kind of weird to have him, like, lick the milk off. (It sounds even weirder to write that out than when it's actually happening!) And DH is convinced DS is going to have a breast fetish or something from this, that it borders on abuse, etc."


Aw, no worries. If he had been nursing this whole time he would be totally used to them with no negative problems.

Actually, I have 3 younger brothers, each of whom nursed for 2 years before self-weaning (whereas my half sister and I both nursed, different moms, for 4 years and over that!), and each of them almost ignores breasts. My brother's first serious girlfriend and his wife both were/are very very flat, and my half-brothers haven't dated a busty woman that I've seen yet! So if anything it might make it a total non-issue for him when he grows up, as he'll really know what they are for other than just a beacon for dating, LOL.

[Picturesque]

Originally Posted by AlpineMama

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

This is beautiful! Made me teary just reading it!

[xbabymamax]

::

Im totally crying!
I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard

When a child isn't nursing, they seem so grown up. But as soon as they latch on, they just look like little babies and it feels so so so normal.
Since your son never nursed before, of course you would wonder if it was ok.

In my opinion, a 19 month old is still a baby!

He wants to nurse now, I say let him figure out what he wants.

I think it is really special and awesome that you would let him try it.

[calebsmommy25]

Originally Posted by AlpineMama

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

This melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. How very blessed he is to have a Mama like you.

[Ta2dmama]

Originally Posted by AlpineMama

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

Aww! I didnt b/f my youngest for long due to complications but when he was about your sons age he saw some other bubs feeding and became interested. I explained to him that he used to drink milk from them but that it was all gone now. So he had a "mock drink" and still does very occasionally.

I would let your son have a suckle if he wants to.

[BellaClaudia]

you are soo good and kind and good mom. thank you for letting him to
try.

I nurse my 3.5 year old and as the other poster said..
as soon as she latches she is a baby..

did you try the nipple shields to mimic bottle feel?
if he knows how to use bottle..

other idea.. how about making a bottle with tinny hole in the nipple and train him to suck really hard on it because this is probably the case.. he is used to easy flow of drink so h does not know how to suck hard ehough..
and also latching..

so maybe some practicing with fun would help?

worth trying.

hugs

[BellaClaudia]

btw.. I think that there is a forum for

relactating moms on www.kellymom.com

maybe you can find more similar cases there and more advice?

[lynx0333]

I just wanted to comment about your husband worrying about it bordering on abuse. You are not doing anything to him, or forcing him to do anything. You are simply being understanding of his curiousity, accepting it and not making an ISSUE out of your body and his curiousity. I think that is VERY healthy

You rock

[redeyedvireo]

Here's an article about relactation with adopted children older than six months, which might have some useful tips:
http://www.llli.org//llleaderweb/LV/LVOctNov04p99.html

And here's a link to the relactation forum at kellymom (not sure if it will work):
http://forum.kellymom.net/forumdisplay.php?f=21

[veganone]

I think 19 months is still a baby, and he probably needs reassurance that he is still your baby even with his little sister there. I think letting him "nurse" just like you describe is incredibly sweet and will probably be very good for him long term. I don't know that I'd encourage tandeming unless you really want to, but letting him do it for comfort is sweet. Maybe you can set a limit of only at bedtime or something if you want peace when you nurse DD.

19 months is WAY too young for it to be at all weird for him.

[jennlyn]

The thing that stands out to me here is the fact that when you have two children close in age, you tend to think the older one is , well, old, when actually they are not. You'll be amazed how differently you will look at your children when your youngest is 19 months old and you realize what a baby she is.

[fyrebloom]

I had a similar experience with my son that might be of some comfort to you. I conceived twins shortly after my son turned one and because of the risk of PTL with multiples, I weaned. Well I tried to unwean him when they were born but he wouldn't nurse. He had the interest but he didn't "get it" and the taste of my milk made him gag. I tried to pump for him but even an ounce in his full milk cup made him throw up. I gave up and denied him access and he was ok with it. Fast forward to a year later. My now nearly 3 year old son shows interest again. I keep denying him but finally I let him try. He had been watching his sisters for long enough to know what to do and he latched right now and now is nursing 4-6x a day . If you are comfortable with him trying then go for it. It might not work out but maybe it will. Elliott was weaned for 18 months when he finally figured it out again so anything is possible!

[ashleyhaugh]

my sis and i are 2 years apart. we were both nursed for a few months- 6 or 8 for me i think, about 4 for my sis. anyway, my mom said i wanted to nurse when my sis was born, but she didnt let me, because she thought it was weird. now she feels like she should have let me.

she thinks extended nursing is kind of weird too though, so i dont think it would have lasted even if she had let me

[SimpleBean]

Originally Posted by AlpineMama

Well, sometime after I posted this, I was putting DS to bed. We were in our snuggle chair where he gets a couple of lullabies before crib time. Today he was snuggled up against my chest, then pointed at my shirt and asks "more." I lifted it up for him and he kind of took the boob in his mouth very gently (didn't suck on it though) and smiled up at me, snuggled in, and sat like that for a bit until he fell asleep. I think that's the closest to nursing we've ever gotten. Kinda made me teary, actually.

Sounds like a sweet and loving moment!