12 month old - need advice from working moms about weaning

[jdavidian]

Here's my situation..

I have always let my son who will be a year next week nurse on demand and he nurses to fall asleep and still wakes up 3-4 times a night. I work full-time and pump at work but my milk supply is dwindling on its own and I'm not pumping as much for some reason so he isn't having as much milk during the day (but more food.) He's fine with that and doesn't really try to nurse or even want a bottle half the time during the day. I have found that when I do nurse him other than going to sleep, I'm usually the one who initiates it, and he only does it for a short time, unless I have been gone all day. Then he wants to nurse longer. But nighttime is a whole different story.. He will let my mom put him to sleep now without nursing but still wants to nurse when he wakes up at night.

So here I am.. I would love love love to be able to let my son do extended breastfeeding but I am a single mom with little help and with working so much, it's really taking a toll on me. I am soo tired during the day and have had trouble concentrating and getting things done. I haven't had a complete sleep cycle in over a year and everyone is always asking me whats wrong with me and why do I look so tired. I know he doesn't NEED to nurse on demand after a year so I think I am ready to start weaning.

I'm really messed up because I have attachment parenting values but they really don't work when you are working full-time and staying home is just not an option. I wish it was so I could continue to do what I feel I should, but unfortunately it's not. All the advice I see everywhere is if you want want to do child led weaning, then just let him keep nursing on demand, and that's what's best, etc. etc. and I agree but I don't think these are working moms. Any working moms out there that got no sleep and how did you handle it? Were you able to do extended bf'ing or if you weaned, how did you do it? Nighttime of course will be the hardest.

Also, I have questions about a baby's diet looks like after weaning? I know they still need milk but does it have to be cow's milk? Can I give him yogurt instead? Can he still eat stage 3 baby food or does it have to be all table food? Also for hydration, I have tried giving him water in a sippy cup a couple of times and he hates it. He wants a regular cup but spills it. Any advice on this? What about juices? Are they good for this age? He is 25 lbs. 12 oz. so I'm a little worried about him gaining too much more weight.

Thanks for any advice.

[kimadams03]

Weaning and Eating

Hi,
First of all I wanted to say hats off to you for nursing for as long as you have and as much. You are doing a great job and should not feel guilty for needing to make some changes. As far as the weaning goes at night I was wondering if maybe grama could stay over for a few nights and provide some soothing for the little guy. I no that when I go to the baby/toddler at night he will want to nurse but if my husband goes then it's different. If she would be willing to stay with you over a weekend it might only take a few nights to get him out of the habit. Even Dr. Sears says that it's ok for a child to cry a bit if he is being held. That way grama could go and hold him, comfort him or pat him, he would feel safe and secure, but not have the temptation to nurse. Second option...I don't know how well your little guy does in bed with you but I know that if my kids are in bed with me, I tend not to wake up all the way when they want to nurse. I still feel rested when I wake up in the morning even if they have nursed 3-4 times at night.
As far as nutrition goes I would say that we did not give our kids milk once they stopped nursing. We only gave them water. My predication supported this and said that they will regulate how much water they need as long as it's available. He will get the hang of it. If you felt like you wanted to give him milk then I would give him raw goat or raw cow milk (we did this at arond 18 months). Milk that has been pasteurized looses all the natural enzymes that help your body to break it down, plus because of the heating process all the vitamins have to be added back in. You can do rice milk also if you want. But make sure to get the non-vanilla kind that is enriched.
We have done raw goat milk and rice milk with our boys. They are very healthy, are hardly ever sick beyond a runny nose for a few days and have never had an ear infection. We did goat yogurt only (starting at 8 or 9 months) and then around 18 months we then introduced cow yogurt.
As far as table food...yes...we do table food all the time. We did "Super Baby Food" with our first and have done BLF "Baby Led Feeding" with our second. Both have worked great.
Hope that provides a bit of help.
Best of luck!

[ians_mommy]

Originally Posted by jdavidian

Here's my situation..

I have always let my son who will be a year next week nurse on demand and he nurses to fall asleep and still wakes up 3-4 times a night. I work full-time and pump at work but my milk supply is dwindling on its own and I'm not pumping as much for some reason so he isn't having as much milk during the day (but more food.) He's fine with that and doesn't really try to nurse or even want a bottle half the time during the day. I have found that when I do nurse him other than going to sleep, I'm usually the one who initiates it, and he only does it for a short time, unless I have been gone all day. Then he wants to nurse longer. But nighttime is a whole different story.. He will let my mom put him to sleep now without nursing but still wants to nurse when he wakes up at night.

So here I am.. I would love love love to be able to let my son do extended breastfeeding but I am a single mom with little help and with working so much, it's really taking a toll on me. I am soo tired during the day and have had trouble concentrating and getting things done. I haven't had a complete sleep cycle in over a year and everyone is always asking me whats wrong with me and why do I look so tired. I know he doesn't NEED to nurse on demand after a year so I think I am ready to start weaning.

I'm really messed up because I have attachment parenting values but they really don't work when you are working full-time and staying home is just not an option. I wish it was so I could continue to do what I feel I should, but unfortunately it's not. All the advice I see everywhere is if you want want to do child led weaning, then just let him keep nursing on demand, and that's what's best, etc. etc. and I agree but I don't think these are working moms. Any working moms out there that got no sleep and how did you handle it? Were you able to do extended bf'ing or if you weaned, how did you do it? Nighttime of course will be the hardest.

I work anywhere from 45-60 hours/week (I am a midwife). DS is 12 mo. He nurses 3-4 times during the night, but I feel pretty rested. We cosleep, so I only wake for a second or two...do you co-sleep? We plan to do CLW, so I am continuing to pump 3-4 times at work to keep my supply up.

[jdavidian]

Thanks for the advice on the milk.. I am going to go to Whole Foods and see what they have.

I forgot to mention that we do co-sleep. I put him down in his crib asleep from nursing at the beginning of the night, and as soon as he wakes up, I take him to my bed. It definitely helps to not fully wake up while nursing him at night, but I still feel really tired in the morning. I don't think its enough. That is really what has kept me from trying to wean him though because I am already tired at night not getting up out of bed. Those first few nights where I would have to get up and soothe him another way are going to be really difficult so I resort back to the co-sleeping and night nursing to avoid that.

My mom actually lives with me because she watches my son during the day. That makes it easier, but I hate to burden her at night because she spends all day with him. I might need to do it a few nights though so he will get used to not nursing, because if he is around me, he wants it no matter what. ARound her, he's fine without it. We might try that for a couple of nights.

[Carita]

My DS was the same way - it is exhausting. We co-sleep too, but it is hard to have a full thought sometimes .

This is the trade -off in my head, that I only have to pump 1x for one 4oz bottle, if he can feed at leisure during the night. We reduced it to 1 bottle before nap at DC because when we did 2 bottles one with meal and one with snack, he didn't drink them all, but he will drink a while one before nap. So if you have him sleep through the night, he is going to want more during the day, and if you can't pump it, he's going to have to transistion to some kind of cow/goat milk.

Anyway, on his own, changes happened, going to one bottle during the day and eating more food. Then on his own, he started sleeping through the night more, so that instead of waking up 3-4 times/night, he now wakes up only 1-2. He has his longest sleep if he goes to bed with a full dinner, a bedtime snack, and a big BFing session. he is 15 months now (and right now he is up 3-4x, but ony because we have molars coming in), but I think this switch to a more favorable sleep schedule happened around 13.5 mo?

IDk, just some ideas - it does get better for some without even doing anything really. In my mind, the increased nursing all night is my son's way of saying "I missed you." Don't worry about what others say - they probably are not APing single moms, and they just don't know. It's okay to be flaky at times - I still have baby brain too a lot!! But remember to take care of yourself too - that's most important, becuase your baby needs a happy mama.

[kcparker]

My advice:
1. congratulate yourself for making it to a year of nursing. That's awesome.
2. don't beat yourself up for considering weaning. If you decide to wean now or in a few months, it won't ruin your attachment with your son. Breastfeeding is only one part of being a responsive parent, and it sounds like you could do this gradually without the baby having a meltdown.
3. Chronic sleep deprivation is horrible, so instead of looking at this as a potential loss, maybe think about the benefits of having a well-rested mama who is fun and energetic instead of being zombie-like.
4. As long as he's getting adequate calcium, it can come from any source. Find out what his calcium intake should be and what foods/supplements have calcium that's bio-available.
5. Our son has never eaten commercial baby food. We give him super-baby porridge (basically, you can take ANY whole grains and legumes: rice, millet, quinoa, barley, steel cut oats, beans, lentils, split peas, etc. and grind them in a blender or coffee grinder, mix singly or in combination with other grains 1/4c dry:1c water, and make porridge to which you can add nutritional yeast, fish oil with Omega 3's, kelp powder, liver powder, yogurt, etc.), bits of our food, winter squash, soups, veggies run through the food mill... He loves to gnaw on apples and pears too.
6. Our son loves STRAWS - the best of the sippy cup and the big cup (we still hold the big cup so he doesn't douse himself).
7. Give yourself a round of applause once in awhile. Being a single, working mama is super-human, in my opinion.

[MommyofAngelBabies]

Originally Posted by kcparker

My advice:
1. congratulate yourself for making it to a year of nursing. That's awesome.
2. don't beat yourself up for considering weaning. If you decide to wean now or in a few months, it won't ruin your attachment with your son. Breastfeeding is only one part of being a responsive parent, and it sounds like you could do this gradually without the baby having a meltdown.
3. Chronic sleep deprivation is horrible, so instead of looking at this as a potential loss, maybe think about the benefits of having a well-rested mama who is fun and energetic instead of being zombie-like.
4. As long as he's getting adequate calcium, it can come from any source. Find out what his calcium intake should be and what foods/supplements have calcium that's bio-available.
5. Our son has never eaten commercial baby food. We give him super-baby porridge (basically, you can take ANY whole grains and legumes: rice, millet, quinoa, barley, steel cut oats, beans, lentils, split peas, etc. and grind them in a blender or coffee grinder, mix singly or in combination with other grains 1/4c dry:1c water, and make porridge to which you can add nutritional yeast, fish oil with Omega 3's, kelp powder, liver powder, yogurt, etc.), bits of our food, winter squash, soups, veggies run through the food mill... He loves to gnaw on apples and pears too.
6. Our son loves STRAWS - the best of the sippy cup and the big cup (we still hold the big cup so he doesn't douse himself).
7. Give yourself a round of applause once in awhile. Being a single, working mama is super-human, in my opinion.

Well said. And I also normally do the Super Baby Food Porridge. It is a great book and has helped us wonderfully. They do not need a form of milk, just calcium as kcparker has said.

None of my kids EVER have milk. The farthest I with any dairy is occasionally yogurt and cheese here and there. I never use any sort of milk for them, and actually if you ask most natural minded doctors, dairy is actual a common digestive issue for many people, who might not even realize it.

Hang in there. I am a stay at home mom, but I understand your attachment. At least know, he will still be close to you, even if you decide to wean. Maybe try to continue what you are doing, but the second time he wakes to nurse, while already in bed with you, just hold him, instead of nurse him. Maybe cut out one feeding at a time, and that will give him time rather than a sudden thing.