For those with older nurslings - when do you stop telling people?

[JSerene]

My dd is 3 1/2 years old and I'm starting to think this is as far as we should go with being open about breastfeeding. I don't mind like minded people knowing, but everyone in my life knows, from disapproving family members to co-workers. Has anyone else reached a point when they decided to be tight-lipped about it? I can't help thinking that at some point someone is going to think we're just a bit too strange or even call CPS. Thoughts?

[~PurityLake~]

I don't care what they think.
If they have a problem with it that's their problem.
With that said, I have still felt slightly embarassed when someone in public (I am rarely in public) realizes my oldest daughter still nurses on occasion. But she rarely nurses anymore and it's been an awful long time since she last asked to in public. She has asked when my parents were over visiting and I gently told her that she could nurse after grandma and grandpa went home because they would only be here visiting a short time. I do this only when my dad is also here. If it's just my mom, I do not ask my daughter to wait. I have also just taken her into the bedroom with me... I think this is more an issue of my personal privacy, not about the nursing itself.

[lillymonster]

I have a 19 month old and I stopped telling people at 15 months when I told a receptionist at a doctor's office she was still nursing and she told me it was disgusting. This was after I told her my DD had oral aversions and refused food. :

[chasmyn]

I don't really tell people anymore. Most everyone around me knows. We don't live near our families, but they know, too. My IL's aren't approving but they keep their mouths shut about it. My Mom doesn't care to my knowledge. Sometimes people will ask, "Oh, you're still nursing?" And there might be some surprise in their voices, but I just say yes and they drop it, so I'm good. I think anyone who knows me knows just to let me do my thing. I've always done whatever the hell I want anyway, and I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. :

I have stopped nursing so publicly as I used to - I'll still nurse in the car and if someone is in my house visiting, I don't go hide it. But I mainly keep it to those spaces. Since my son is 3 years, 3 months, he can begin to understand now when I ask him to wat or say "later at home" or something.

[ameliasmama]

I stopped telling most people just after DD turned 1 year. I, unfortunately, don't know many like minded people and I didn't feel like always having to explain my decision. I wish I could be more open about it, but I know I would feel discouraged if I had to hear lots of negative talk about it!

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by chasmyn

I don't really tell people anymore. Most everyone around me knows. We don't live near our families, but they know, too. My IL's aren't approving but they keep their mouths shut about it. My Mom doesn't care to my knowledge. Sometimes people will ask, "Oh, you're still nursing?" And there might be some surprise in their voices, but I just say yes and they drop it, so I'm good. I think anyone who knows me knows just to let me do my thing. I've always done whatever the hell I want anyway, and I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. :

I have stopped nursing so publicly as I used to - I'll still nurse in the car and if someone is in my house visiting, I don't go hide it. But I mainly keep it to those spaces. Since my son is 3 years, 3 months, he can begin to understand now when I ask him to wait or say "later at home" or something.

You're awesome! I admire your attitude.

[brackin]

This is a great question and it's helpful to me to read the responses.

DD stopped nursing at 5.25 years. After she was about 3.5, only friends, family, and LLL group members were aware of her still nursing.

DS is going strong at 2.5. A couple of days ago, he asked, "Mommy, can you nurse me?" in public, in front of a couple of people I don't know that well. It embarrassed me at the time (I just said, "Wait and let's go to the car."), then I felt like a traitor to the cause (?) for feeling embarrassed, remembering that my mom told whoever was interested about nursing my 4yo sister.

[NewMama2007]

Shoot, I keep talking about how we're still nursing just BECAUSE it makes my IL's uncomfortable!

I simply don't care what other people think. I'm doing what is best for my family, you are doing what you feel is best for your family, and a big, fat raspberry to anyone who can't respect that.

[beth144]

i also have a 3.5 year old dd and a 13 mo old who nurses. i've stopped telling people that i nurse my older daughter and have even lied to a couple of people that i have weaned her which i hate doing, but i just don't want to be criticized. i told a new friend recently that i still nurse my older dd and her reaction was surprised/disgusted. the conversation ended well, but it still hurt my feelings that she reacted that way. i really only told her b/c i thought that she was really pro-breastfeeding and our kids play together a lot so i figured she might find out anyway. just my two cents.

[ari's mama]

I actually make it point to tell anyone who asks about my 20 mon old DD nursing that my 4 year old DS nurses too.I mean my doctor the lady in the store or any of our family etc..I think you have to talk about it like it's nomal so people will see it IS normal.I've never had to deal with a bad reaction,a few raised eyebrows maybe but mostly I hear YOU CAN DO THAT?!

[ameliasmama]

Originally Posted by NewMama2007

Shoot, I keep talking about how we're still nursing just BECAUSE it makes my IL's uncomfortable!

:
I love that!

[BnInTheOvn]

It **REALLY** bothers me that people react that way to breastfeeding...

I actually got that "OMG YOU STILL NURSE?!" when Annalise was 6 months from someone who nursed for 1 month then quit. She acted as though it were way too long or something. Mind you, HER older son had a bottle until he was 3 and wouldn't drink from a cup AT ALL. Cuz that's healthy... ?!

It really is frustrating that asa society people are "disgusted" or judgemental, or even surprised to see/find out about an older child nursing. There is absolutely NO BAD that can come of a child continueing to nurse past one year, or past 2 years (or even longer).

The reaction i really hate is "it just LOOKS wrong to have a child that old nursing, if their old enough to ask for it then they are too old!"
or....
"The mom must be getting something sick out of it if she's doing it that long!"

It is so hard to respond to comments like that, because rattling off WHO and AAP statistics doesn't seem to matter. People are still grossed out.

I think if instead we made THEM feel stupid, it might be a better approach. Why is it we always defend ourselves?? I personally have never attacked a parent about their 7yo still clingy to his blankie, or a 4yo with a pacifier...
I think if we reacted and said "That is unfortunate that society has because so phobic and sexually explicit that everything now adays is turned into something "nasty" or "wrong". What could possibly be wrong with nursing an older toddler other than YOU just dont like looking at it? When statistics are showing that it is improving SAT scores, lessening allergies, reducing breast cancer in mothers, and even reducing the chance that a nursed baby/toddler will abuse drugs/alcohol when they are older, how can someone argue that with 'well it LOOKS gross'?"

I also sometimes compare it to colleges...

Say not going to college was NOT an option (like not feeding your baby isnt an option).
And you had the option of paying tuition for a state/local college and sending them there....
or someone offered you a FREE RIDE to harvard, all expenses paid.

Where would you send them? Of course they arent going to be stupid or anything because of the "regular" college... and they can grow to be normal, educated people... nothing BAD is going to happen because of it...
But if you send them to Harvard, they have a darn good chance that they are going to be better educated, more driven, all around "better" than average people... they'll get better jobs and make more money.

Kind of how I feel about breast/formula feeding.

[lurve]

DD is 22 months and i keep proudly telling people she nurses and we do it in public too (and i am not very discrete). i figure i am helping to normalize it so others will have an easier time. and i am proud that i still nurse. and i enjoy it.

[jillmamma]

I am less open about it after around 2-2.5. As in, my kids generally don't ask in public at that age, so normally it does not come up. When talking about breastfeeding with other moms, I can usually get an idea of who might react positively or not, and then I might say it. Of course, if someone asks me directly, I will tell them, and offer sympathy for whatever difficulties they have encountered in the past. For a new mom who is somewhat open to it, I will explain how things went for me and encourage her to go as long as it is working for both of them. I also try to sound confident in my decision so that they can't really say anything bad about without being offensive. I am going on 6 years of continuous lactation, so I guess I know a little about it.

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by ari's mama

I think you have to talk about it like it's nomal so people will see it IS normal.

I'm with you!

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by BnInTheOvn

I also sometimes compare it to colleges...

Say not going to college was NOT an option (like not feeding your baby isnt an option).
And you had the option of paying tuition for a state/local college and sending them there....
or someone offered you a FREE RIDE to harvard, all expenses paid.

Where would you send them? Of course they arent going to be stupid or anything because of the "regular" college... and they can grow to be normal, educated people... nothing BAD is going to happen because of it...
But if you send them to Harvard, they have a darn good chance that they are going to be better educated, more driven, all around "better" than average people... they'll get better jobs and make more money.

Kind of how I feel about breast/formula feeding.

i love this

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by lurve

DD is 22 months and i keep proudly telling people she nurses and we do it in public too (and i am not very discrete). i figure i am helping to normalize it so others will have an easier time. and i am proud that i still nurse. and i enjoy it.

applause!!

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by NewMama2007

Shoot, I keep talking about how we're still nursing just BECAUSE it makes my IL's uncomfortable!

I simply don't care what other people think. I'm doing what is best for my family, you are doing what you feel is best for your family, and a big, fat raspberry to anyone who can't respect that.

Yeah, if someone has a problem, it is their problem, not mine. I am not responsible for their discomfort or comfort when they have an issue with something that is normal and healthy just because it is not common to Western Culture.

I really had a hard time feeling safe nursing until I read this blogpost.

The offended onlooker does not have any rights to be protected. The offended onlooker has a personal issue, a feeling of discomfort and unease, that requires handling. A cultural dissonance, that needs acknowledged, responded to, engaged with and hopefully smoothed away. The nursing dyad has no such personal issue in this paradigm. The nursing dyad is not operating out of a cultural context. The nursing dyad has supreme importance and protection in this scenario.

There is a simple truth here, that is so awesome and complete in its simplicity, that it's in danger of being overlooked: breastfeeding an infant is not a lifestyle choice. It is not a cultural convention. It is not a personal statement. It is a biological imperative. It is our essential nature. It is an essential element of our species, and the continuation of it. It is a biological norm.

We do not choose to breastfeed. We can choose not to. Likewise, we do not choose to breastfeed in public. We can choose not to. Breastfeeding is not a cultural construct. Not breastfeeding, is. Nursing an infant when the infant needs it, is a biological norm. Deciding that this needs to be done in a certain place, at a certain time, or in a certain way, is a cultural value.

The problem with many of the comments in here over the past couple of days, comments about tolerance, offence, understanding that other parents are going to be askance at nursing twins is that these arguments place nursing within a cultural paradigm. It positions the debate in one of opinion, feelings and cultural mores. In doing this, it assigns equal right to all participants, not to have their feelings etc 'offended' and that they all have equal standing in the debate: no one position is more valued or 'protected' than the other.

[kohlby]

It's case by case. It really doesn't come up in conversation naturally usually. If it does, then sometimes I don't volunteer info, sometimes I do. But I don't ever say my nursling is no longer nursing if they are. If I'm asked directly, then I answer directly, no big deal.

My son weaned a month shy of 5 years old. My daughter will be 3 in March, so of course, she's still nursing! I had a d&c for my 5th miscarriage and had to ask about the meds since I was still nursing. The anestheologist was shocked that I was still nursing a 2 year old, to the extent that I saw no reason to explain that my DS had just stopped nursing. On the flip side, if someone is shocked in a negative way, not neutral, then it's fun to volunteer when my older child stopped nursing. It can leave someone speechless which means the conversation is over! If someone has a positive reaction, then they're open to learning more, so I volunteer more too.

*I didn't nurse in public when they were older unless absolutely needed - since they weren't discreet. My son hit 35 lbs and 36" by 18 months, so people actually looked relieved when I NIP and they asked how old he was. (I'm small so he looked even older than that). By 2, I rarely NIP since I don't want to show my belly to the world, even if my breast is hidden by a head.

[pbjmama]

I had another baby, no one asks and I don't offer than I'm nursing my older dc too.