I am also a massage therapist. I know what you mean about wanting to cry during a massage. I certainly have in the right hands.
Another modality I wanted to mention that I actually benefit from a lot these days is called unlimited body. It is hands on, but not manipulation like massage is. Hands on like energy work. You can talk all you want, cry all you want, rage on etc. Here is a description from their (not so good, in my opinion) website - "Unlimited Body uses the physical body to access the cellular memory where subconscious wounds and "misunderstandings” are stored waiting to be released. As the body is supported to feel safe, you can truly relax, reveal and permanently let go of these hidden traumas."unlimited body
I noticed you live in Oregon. Are you near Portland? There is one practioner in the state in Portland. She is also a massage therapist.oregon
Anyway - thought I would just put this out there for you to check out. I work with someone who really believes that when are able to release "stuff" it is permament. I have gotten tremendous relief from headaches etc. This modality beleives that when emotions that are kept inside, they can be manifested physically. Literally usually. For example you have a UTI and she would ask who you are "pissed at." Certainly an interesting and non-western way of viewing what ails you and how to heal.