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Is there a Bi-polar support thread? - Page 9

post #161 of 572
Thread Starter 
Depakote is :

However I am moving to a new area and I am only on half a dose right now. I have a 27 days supply and nervous that I wont be able to find a new pdoc in my area. (Because I have no money and I dont know that the area has any community mental health.)

Send me good vibes for a CONSERVATIVE doctor who treats me right and doesnt freak out about nursing! (A one year old! :Their livers are like totally fresh!)
post #162 of 572
OH YAY!! i was hoping to see this update.

Hey, call your current pdoc and tell them you're moving, and you need a further 90 day supply. you can keep in contact via phone until you are able to get into a new office (and your current pdoc might be able to help you with that)
post #163 of 572
Thread Starter 
Has anyone here been untreated for a very very long time? I am dealing with some major stuff, and my parents keep telling me about how badly I parent my kids/keep my house/etc because I was depressed for so long. When I say it was because I was debilitatingly depressed my mom shakes her head and says "When are you going to stop making excuses?"

Its driving me nuts.

I dont want to make up excuses but there are actually tangeble reasons why my house was messy for a long time, and my kids and I didnt leave the house because I told people it was too "hot outside." I was so freaking depressed.

I feel like I need a support system but its so hard to come by because no one understands what mental illness actually does to a persons life.

Bipolar has completley ruined my life, and although I am positive and have a happy outlook of life now, my past is a force to be reckoned with because there was alot of bad stuff.

Anyone?
post #164 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWren View Post
I'm jealous of people who can tolerate Lamictal. I know that SO many people love it and have been helped by it. I had severe joint pain with it, could barely walk. That was a treat compared with the Abilify

I had some adjustment time, my hands and knees hurt constantly for about 2 months. I also can not take 100 mgs at a time or my back hurts, like around the kidneys. All blood tests have been normal. So I take 75 mgs at a time.
post #165 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn Breeze View Post
I had some adjustment time, my hands and knees hurt constantly for about 2 months. I also can not take 100 mgs at a time or my back hurts, like around the kidneys. All blood tests have been normal. So I take 75 mgs at a time.
Pdoc said that the joint pain usually accompanied the rash and to stop. Apparently it can be temporary pain! Gah now I feel like I should have stuck with it.
post #166 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
Has anyone here been untreated for a very very long time? I am dealing with some major stuff, and my parents keep telling me about how badly I parent my kids/keep my house/etc because I was depressed for so long. When I say it was because I was debilitatingly depressed my mom shakes her head and says "When are you going to stop making excuses?"

Its driving me nuts.

I dont want to make up excuses but there are actually tangeble reasons why my house was messy for a long time, and my kids and I didnt leave the house because I told people it was too "hot outside." I was so freaking depressed.

I feel like I need a support system but its so hard to come by because no one understands what mental illness actually does to a persons life.

Bipolar has completley ruined my life, and although I am positive and have a happy outlook of life now, my past is a force to be reckoned with because there was alot of bad stuff.

Anyone?
I was untreated from adolescence through about 22yo -- 6 or 8 years? But I have family with bipolar disorder, and they're all really understanding. Hmm, maybe we can find some good educational resources for your family online...
post #167 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
I don't even know where to begin.. I've only posted once in this thread, although I read often. I have pretty severe manic depression and OCD. The Ocd really only gets bad when I'm super stressed, or PREGNANT. UGh.. anyways, I've been on Lexapro for several years.. it helps with the OCD and depressive part of my illness. I USED to take a mood stabilizer then just stopped taking them like an idiot several years ago.. Since then I've been able to deal with the mania.. although it's caused many fights between my husband where I get soo irritated and aggressive. I'm about 6 months post partum, and I'm getting out of control. I'm a rapid cycler , and I've been going several nights on just 2-3 hours of sleep.. then crashing. I feel insane.. I'm getting paranoid, and when I come down I get so low I really honestly fantasize about suicide. I cannot bring myself to do it now because I know my children need me.. but I'm afraid if I keep getting worse that one day I'll actually do it. I'm scared to go back on mood stabilizers.. I feel like such a damn guinea pig. I'm afraid I'm going to have to try so many different combinations, and it's going to be hard doing that while being a good mommy/dealing with the holidays/etc.. I know it's what I HAVE to do. I just need some reassurance/support/advice.. anything... My husband really doesn't "get it". I just wish this would all go away.
Just wanted to update.. hopefully sharing will help some of you!
A week before Christmas I began lamictal along with my 20mg of lexapro. I also take ativan if I REALLY need it. I've only had to take it a couple of times since I started on this combination. LET ME TELL YOU- MOOD STABILIZERS make a WORLD of difference. I'm a completely different person. I'm level.. moderately happy most of the day.. and I actually sleep now! Please, if you are bi polar.. really consider a mood stabilizer. I had been on them in my teens then thought for some reason they were no longer needed.. and my live has been one helluva roller coaster ride since then. I'm so glad to have found balance in my life.
post #168 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
Has anyone here been untreated for a very very long time? I am dealing with some major stuff, and my parents keep telling me about how badly I parent my kids/keep my house/etc because I was depressed for so long. When I say it was because I was debilitatingly depressed my mom shakes her head and says "When are you going to stop making excuses?"

Its driving me nuts.

I dont want to make up excuses but there are actually tangeble reasons why my house was messy for a long time, and my kids and I didnt leave the house because I told people it was too "hot outside." I was so freaking depressed.

I feel like I need a support system but its so hard to come by because no one understands what mental illness actually does to a persons life.

Bipolar has completley ruined my life, and although I am positive and have a happy outlook of life now, my past is a force to be reckoned with because there was alot of bad stuff.

Anyone?
Oh honey. As cliche as this sounds.. Tomorrow is a new day. Some people(like your momma) just NEVER UNDERSTAND THE ILLNESS UNTIL THEY GO THROUGH IT PERSONALLY. It's sad and SOOO frustrating for people with bipolar to deal with people who think that we can control it. My mom thought it was a joke too.. until she saw the improvement medicine made in my life. Now she realizes it's an illness.. not just something I conjured up in my head. Print out some articles for her.. there are some really good sites for PARTNERS AND FAMILY members of bipolar patients. They share stories, etc.. Maybe if she reads more about the illness she'll be less critical.
post #169 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWren View Post
Pdoc said that the joint pain usually accompanied the rash and to stop. Apparently it can be temporary pain! Gah now I feel like I should have stuck with it.
That could be why one pdoc didn't want to increase it when I requested it. And perhaps for you it could have been followed by the rash, and that would have been awful. But When you have trouble functioning from pain that brings about more depression (trust me My husband is on disability for a bad back) So it was probably for the best that you went ahead with a switch.


Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
H I am dealing with some major stuff, and my parents keep telling me about how badly I parent my kids/keep my house/etc because I was depressed for so long. When I say it was because I was debilitatingly depressed my mom shakes her head and says "When are you going to stop making excuses?"
I haven't gone untreated since I've had a diagnosis, but before treatment I was a mess. I had a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old, I did a lot of yelling, and making other poor parenting choices. The laundry usually went through the washer and the dryer then was dumped on a sofa and ignored. The sink, which for the record I HATED having dirty dishes in the sink over night. Well, I'd have 2 and 3 days worth of dishes and have to run 2 loads through the dishwasher just so the kids had something to eat from. I did very little cooking, mostly just heating up frozen things, or making a really big thing of lasagne with lots of leftovers.

My mother, when I was calling her trying to get a history nailed down on my behavior. Well, while not as bad, she was unsupportive. "I think you're fine" "You're just being labled" She claimed and maintains that I was not depressed during my senior year of high school, that I was just grieving. No, I wasn't grieving, I wasn't allowing myself to, I was depressed. In middle school I was "just confused". yet I clearly remember writing a note claiming to have tried to kill myself. I don't really remember! I do remember dreaming something, and when I woke up thinking "that sounds like a good idea". But no, I was fine. Her response to my letter about hating my life ect (btw i was 12 or 13) was to send me to my grandmothers for Spring Break instead of dealing with me herself. Once I was stable I just stopped talking to her about it. It's just not worth it. Because "I'm fine" "there was never anything wrong with me" (haha, sorry mom, stil Once I was stable I just stopped talking to her about it. It's just not worth it. l on the meds! I'm FINE because I take them!)

I wish I had advice, I really do. But you have my sympathy
post #170 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn Breeze View Post
My mother, when I was calling her trying to get a history nailed down on my behavior. Well, while not as bad, she was unsupportive. "I think you're fine" "You're just being labled
This is what I've heard most. Now the irony is that my mom took lithium for YEARS. She's severely bipolar but stays mostly in a hypomanic state, so it's relatively manageable for her. (She also copes by being a workaholic, so to her the fact that I'm home with my kids is the problem.)

As for your specific questions, Transformed, I've been untreated for about 4 years at a time. It always gets horrible during that time. Right now I'm off my Invega because of an insurance problem. I went through the withdrawal, and now I'm really working with myself on deciding to take it again. I do struggle with constant treatment. I've had 2 rough therapy sessions in a row, which just makes it worse for me.

As for family, I've pulled myself back from them. I was (still am, really) angry that when people saw me so depressed I couldn't function, no one did anything. I mean, really, going to the grocery store was a chore for me. I had to nap afterward, and I told people that. They didn't say "holy crap! You need help." They said, "well, suck it up."

DH finally told MIL to back off, which helps. She kept saying bipolar is the "diagnosis of the day," and she actually in a twisted way meant it to be helpful. It just wasn't. It suggested I have a character flaw, rather than an illness. As for my mother, I filter what I tell her. It's easier that way. I wish it weren't like that, and I know I'll make it a point to be more supportive of my children when they have problems, but it's the best we can do sometimes. I do hear you on getting a support network. It's tough to do, especially since depressed people aren't exactly the most fun folks to be around.
post #171 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
LET ME TELL YOU- MOOD STABILIZERS make a WORLD of difference. I'm a completely different person. I'm level.. moderately happy most of the day.. and I actually sleep now!
I'm glad you found something that works for you! I've actually never been put on a mood stabilizer, which my pdoc has noted is odd. I've always been on other combinations. Sleep I would welcome, though.
post #172 of 572
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I was (still am, really) angry that when people saw me so depressed I couldn't function, no one did anything. I mean, really, going to the grocery store was a chore for me. I had to nap afterward, and I told people that. They didn't say "holy crap! You need help." They said, "well, suck it up."
.
this.

:
post #173 of 572
i was off meds from 21 to 30 and then i had a major replapse that took me over 1.5 years to pull out of. i barely functioned but managed to change careers, get married and have a baby. it cost me dearly in health issues and mental agony because i was in denial. my ex finally did me in and which in the end was a good thing because after 15 yrs of struggling i was finally properly diagnosed. my ex doesn't want anything to do with me. he says i use it to justify my erratic behavior, that i'm just seeking attention and plain lazy. ugh. never mind that i way the breadwinner and managed the household and taking care off dd 75% of the time!

it's been a long process and my mom has been supportive the last few years, my dad doesnt want to talk about it. it's hard to understand it's an illness when you cant' see it.

and as much as i hate being dependent on meds to function, i can't go back to the way i was! lamictal has saved my life, gave me the desire to live again, to care about myself and my daughter. to hold down a job, to have a chance to have a semi normal life.
post #174 of 572
Thread Starter 
I have a theory about the weight gain with depakote. Since it makes you a little tired, you crave carbs to wake up. So I plan to keep coffee and/or caffene pills (to a VERY mild extent) around to cope with that.

I tend to eat alot when I am tired and depakote makes me sprt of sleepy.

What do you think?
post #175 of 572
i think im depressed. which is weird for me. i rarely get depressive episodes. but there it is. im not sad exactly...just sort of..bored. i just lay around all day in my jammies and watch tv and eat cereal. any advice? i hate this? i feel like if i start to cry, i will never be able to ever stop.
post #176 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
i think im depressed. which is weird for me. i rarely get depressive episodes. but there it is. im not sad exactly...just sort of..bored. i just lay around all day in my jammies and watch tv and eat cereal. any advice? i hate this? i feel like if i start to cry, i will never be able to ever stop.
Are you bipolar?

I ask because being depressed is different from being bipolar. To me what you're describing isn't what I experience as a depressed episode at all. For me (and the last 3 years my BP has tended toward more depression than mania), I go way past wanting to cry when I'm in a deep depression. I'm not speaking as a universal experience here, just as my experience of being bipolar.

Some of that is individual, but if you were a friend, I'd probably try to get you up and moving. If I thought you were bipolar, I would talk to you about treatment options because it's an illness.
post #177 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
i think im depressed. which is weird for me. i rarely get depressive episodes. but there it is. im not sad exactly...just sort of..bored. i just lay around all day in my jammies and watch tv and eat cereal. any advice? i hate this? i feel like if i start to cry, i will never be able to ever stop.
That can certainly be a description of depression, either a mild depression, a mild description (I was really good at down-playing -- up-playing? -- my depressive episodes when talking to others, and thus hiding the seriousness of my illness), or the beginning of something more serious.

For me, that type of episode usually makes me really scared, thinking it might get worse, or I'll get in to a really unstable period. But there are lots of things you can do to help; all the things one would do for a mild depression would be helpful. Take walks outside: exercise, fresh air, and sunlight are all depression antidotes. Get up and get going and get moving even if you don't feel like it. Take fish oil, and vitamin D, and get as much sun as you can. Regulate your sleep. Cry if you need to.

And if it feels really bad or really scary, get help; see a therapist or a psychiatrist. Depression is not something to ignore ever, but especially not in someone with bipolar disorder.
post #178 of 572
yes, im bipolar. i have posted in this thread a bunch of times. im on meds. (topamax, buspar, zoloft, klonopin). normally, i have a lot of manic times, but rarely depression. i have been doing really well. and now...this. i think its because its winter maybe. and its cold. and my dh is out of work. and. and. and.
post #179 of 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
yes, im bipolar. i have posted in this thread a bunch of times. im on meds. (topamax, buspar, zoloft, klonopin). normally, i have a lot of manic times, but rarely depression. i have been doing really well. and now...this. i think its because its winter maybe. and its cold. and my dh is out of work. and. and. and.
Okay, sorry, I didn't remember your posts from before. The pp said it much better than I did - more eloquently. What you're describing sounds very mild, and it's something that getting up and moving probably can help stop. Just a brisk walk sometimes can zap low energy feelings.

As for the crying, I never try to keep myself from crying. If I need to, I do. I know that I've moved into depression when I'm hollow and don't have any need to cry any longer. I actually use wanting to cry or crying as an indicator that I'm still in a very manageable phase because it means the emotions are still there. And sometimes when I'm just feeling down, a good cry can help. It's very cleansing.
post #180 of 572
its weird. i feel like i should cry, but i cant cry. but that might be a med thing, right? anyway, i walked around the mall with my 5 year old. which normally is the last thing on earth i would ever want to do, but it was nice to spend some time with him, and get out of the house. i think its just winter blahs. i am going to start taking my fish oils and b vitamins again, i have been kinda lazy about them. thanks guys.
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