Yeah lots of discourse going on here!
Meds: For clarification, my long winded post wasn't anti-meds so please if you are on meds DO NOT STOP TAKING THEM!
I only shared my story because I got to the end of the med trail and my doctor very worriedly told me "We're really at the end of the road, I don't know what to give you". I shared in case someone else is in that boat, or maybe someone on here is hurting and can't afford a doctor and meds. That was me.
So that is how I ended up where I am now, which is a happy ending story, but I do still sometimes fantasize about having insurance and being able to go to a doctor and address issues with meds- like the ADD I still haven't totally licked it, and I still get depressed and uber hibernatory/procrastinatory.
I also am in the mixed state mania club. I have had a few happy manias or hypo manias. They seem to not necessarily revolve around anything a human would call productive, but we can't all have Martha Stewart symptoms. I feel jipped, but oh well. I know I'm manic because I'm an introvert and when I'm manic I want to be out around people, but I still don't possess the suave skills to jump into a random social circuit so that was always super frustrating. I would just spin my wheels or end up in the hands of male predators. Ug. It might be good though otherwise more damage would have been done.
I do get shopping fetishes when I'm manic where I feel I can buy my way into happiness and perfection. It starts with a purse, which leads to an outfit, which leads to a perfume, a hairdo, shoes, darn it the purse maybe doesn't match enough stuff, another purse, another outfit, booze.....giving people stuff and money I don't have etc. Bad news. It's also a really bad manic habit to get into because once you're not manic the habit of buying when you feel iffy continues. I've stopped (I have no money and no longer use credit thank god!)
Hearing/seeing/smelling stuff I have this, but I think a lot of times it's just an intense sort of memory/trigger thing. I mean I think sometimes my subconscious is doing all that stuff. I've never like seen Jesus, or thought I was the Queen of Sheba, but I've heard scary voices, warning type stuff, or I'll smell someones perfume that is dead, or see something move in my peripheral vision, and when I look it isn't there, but I did truly see it. Maybe this is a 5th sense? Or maybe I'm just making myself into something fancy, when I'm really just mental. I'm fine with it either way. The fanciful interpretation is nicer though.
And Lamictal worked excellent for me, but I got the damned rash.
Right now my biggest worry is the brain damage that bipolar does. (Has anyone else seen these scientific articles about that?) It makes me sad, and I'm experiencing it and know it is the truth. I wish it was reversible.
And sunshine and exercise do work abundantly well, espcially for the downers. When your manic exercise can burn off some of the nervous energy, but sometimes it just exacerbates it. I was a fitness ninja when I was manic.
Well keep talking, I love that we aren't alone here, it's pretty amazing to read myself in so many other people.