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EMERGENCY PARENTING 101: How to parent through a mental illness - Page 3

post #41 of 71


GET OUTSIDE!!! It not only helps you feel better in the sunshine playing with your kid(s) but it's good for you!!

You're not a failure honey, it's a rough time and you'll come out stronger for it. Now stop beating yourself up get in the shower and wash it away. Go swimming with your little guy!!

post #42 of 71

How's everybody doing now?

post #43 of 71

I'm pretty crummy but better for having read this thread.  Thanks for bringing this back...an oldie but a goodie..

post #44 of 71



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post

We need to learn to play on our strengths (which I am not sure what they are yet) and downplay our faults. (Like having an uber messy house most of the time because we cant complete a task. )


You probably already know about this, but Flylady (flylady.net) is great for this.  She doesn't talk about it, but she's clearly ADHD and her system is perfect for us ADHD people.

post #45 of 71

I just went through a breakdown, my help was/is music. I listen to http://www.archive.org/ and listen to live grateful dead shows one after another. Or I would listen to Pandora. I love the world beats station. I also burned my favorite nag champa incense. I let my son watch tv while i just zoned out. ( I like cleaning). 

I like to use essential oils. I make a blend of orange oil, ylang ylang  and patchouli. Its a wonderful blend.  I try to get outside. I started going back to the YMCA in the morning, which helped alot.

Plus when it was really bad and all else failed i would take a clonazepam.

 

;)

post #46 of 71

Having a rough day and I just need to vent.

 

I started an internship today and I know I should be happy but I was just feeling pretty discouraged.  My day went well but I was having a bit of anxiety this morning.  I have had a bit of a stressful week already, I guess...which is probably triggering my bad mood. 

 

I just feel so hopeless and depressed, with a tinge of anxiety.  Hate it.  I've been really distant from my son and so busy with school and stuff. 

post #47 of 71

this thread is helping me just by reading it.. i am going to start taking fish oil again.

post #48 of 71

SOOOO glad to see this thread-it makes me feel better just to know I'm not the only one.  I have a lot of guilt about not being a good parent to my daughter right now.  I'm trying to start exercising again, because I know that would help, but just getting started when you feel like crap is very hard...

post #49 of 71

Hello Mamas, I have been thinking about this thread. How is everyone doingÉ Oops my question mark is not working, oh well. I have been doing very well for a long time, definitely loving my meds. =We`ve had a bunch of financial trouble and I`m very frustrated that my efforts are not getting me anywhere. I feel like I want to sleep all the time. No motivation. Blah. Anyway, I should probably get my meds adjusted. The funny thing is, I don`t think I would need it if I could just succeed at my entrepreneurial efforts. lol  Anyway, hugs all around. I`ve been a bit of a bear at home with the kids, and know it`s not ideal. It`s so hard to parent when you just feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out. Blah.

post #50 of 71

((((hugs)))) to you, Surfacing.  I'm sorry to hear about it being hard lately.  I'm so glad it's been better for awhile!  Take heart - get some light in your eyes.  I wish you blessings.

-Dancy

post #51 of 71

Hi there!

 

with my, kids even now at 9 & 11, crayola washable markers are just fabulous for a rough day.  we started this when mine were babies and I was in psychosis.  I gave DD markers to color her brother who was an infant.  I just was so unable to interact and they both had a blast!!!! except one day she colored his penis with a sharpie - oops.  Just on Saturday, I was really really struggling and so I let DD color my face, my hands, my feet.  I had to go grocery shopping with a huge butterfly on my face because we accidentally got the not washable markers last time, but it made everyone who saw it smile, which really lifted me too.

 

put some jingle bells in a tupperware bowl when you need the crash, but have no safe crashing opportunity.or just throw all the tupperware.

 

I love the throwing rocks in the pond idea.

 

when my kids got a little older and we could talk more about our feelings together, we would talk about getting the angries out, and brainstorm in calmer moments, often later on after one of us had angries.

 

In the worst moments, when you can't help screaming, if you can work your mind around to screaming ' I need to scream, it's not your fault, I don't want to say anything mean to you, I love you' whatever you can come up with to help them see that they are not the cause of your episode.

 

go bowling

 

teach them early the difference between sad and depressed, even if you can't tell the difference yourself.  I remember vividly the first time I recognized SAD in myself and I embraced it and celebrated it because I could tell the difference and sad isn't so bad.  Sad is situational and goes away soon, depressed is a sickness that needs help.

 

Physical affection is huge for us.  if we couldn't get anything else, we could pile up in bed and pet each other - hair stroking, back scratches, holding hands, foot rubs, my daughter loves to play with my hair so I just let her.  we do reiki together.

 

bake!!! it doesn't matter if it's edible, let the kids pick out a recipe and go for it.  sit back and let them ask questions and don't try to correct them.  when they're making cookies or pancakes or whatever, at worst you have to start over and try again and most of those ingredient are pretty affordable.  My son is an incredible pancake maker now! and they are really comfortable grabbing a cookbook and trying out a new recipe.  And they learn math. and they have fun making a mess.  and they learn how to clean up.  It's a great way to be mindful and let go of control, other than safety of course.  I'd save that for an in-between day though where it's not the worst.

post #52 of 71

hmmmmmm, I hate the "i'm sorry mommmy yells so much".  I feel like my kids don't beleive me that I am truly sorry.  I really am.  and letting housework slide just wont work, cause dp wont have that.  He dosen't get it, his mom is a hoarder and I think that when we have a mess he thinks of his childhood and it just makes him nuts.  But let me tell you, I could use some GREAT advice!!!!   I had kids because I wanted them, and I don't want them to think that I don't love them.  Shit I would totally die for them. that's the truth.  I just wish I could be a calm, chill, patient parent.  do they exist??? 

post #53 of 71

Yes!!! It took me a lot of work and meds, but I have it down, but I also now have a really supportive partner who understands that I have an illness.  I haven't ever gotten organized, but we have determined that it is because we need some shelves.  I can't effectively put things away if there isn't an 'away' spot.  I went from being a screamer, thrower, breaker to a really calm patient person in 6 years.  I hate that it took that long, I had a bad Psychdoc for awhile.  I did DBT for 4 years.  I also DO NOT watch news or scary/tense movies.  I protect myself from triggering stuff.  :hug

post #54 of 71

I am having a terrible day. I can't seem to keep my house clean. My friend came and cleaned it on Thursday and it is already destroyed. She is going to come again today as I am having a panic attack and my boyfriend is coming over tonight. I hate my house today. I am hating myself and hating my emotions and mental illness.  I cooked breakfast and lunch, did dishes tho still have a sink full of pots and pans.

put away one load of laundry but it is never enough. I can't keep up.

I just want to quit.

post #55 of 71

Well I am glad that its possible harrietsmama.  Sorry you are having a bad day Emillie2 hug2.gifI put my clean laundry in the living room on one of the couches, and I didn't fold it.  dp came home from a weekend away and was not happy with the pile of clothes, he is now in the tub.  I want to take a tubby.

post #56 of 71

Emilie, hugs mama.  Ya know what?  I let the laundry go.  When I'm out of clean underwear, I turn the cleanest pair inside out if it's that bad and throw all the other critical laundry in the wash.  Do you have too many clothes?  I did.  I got rid of stuff in phases and now I'm down to about 2 weeks plus special pieces.  I had stuff that didn't fit yet I kept pulling it out and trying to wear it and then leaving it on my floor.  I had stuff I didn't like.  I had stuff that was just too ready for the heave -ho.  I had stuff I loved but didn't fit my lifestyle so I shared it with mama friends who could enjoy it more.  How freeing!!! Really!!!  Now it all almost fits in my dresser and closet.

 

Dishes?  If I can keep using a plate for the next meal, I do.  Sometimes I even reuse a cereal bowl, as long as it hasn't been too long.  ( I eat a lot of cereal when I'm down)  My friend Peg eats eggs every morning and instead of washing the pan every day, she puts it in the fridge to reuse it until the weekend.  Another area where pitching some stuff can do you good.  Pick a drawer or cupboard and dump it in a box.  use stuff out of it until you start skipping it for the cabinet and ditch what's left.  Voila!  less dishes!

 

Give yourself permission to take whatever short cuts you find workable in your life.  It's so much easier to judge ourselves than it is to be compassionate sometimes, but you can do it.  And when you find yourself judging yourself, try not to judge your judging, it goes into a tailspin.  Just acknowledge it and let it go by like a cloud.

 

When in doubt, stuff all the clothes under your bed or in the dryer, and all the dirty dishes in the oven.  Make the bed and wipe the counter and pretend everything is perfect until you feel ready to take on some of the stuff.

post #57 of 71

I was so happy to see this thread. I have been suffering from mental illnesses such as sever mood swings and very severe depression since I was about 13. I became pregnant with my first child, DD, when I was only 16 and gave birth when I was 17. I did it all for the wrong reasons- to escape an abusive house hold. I married my DDs father, he joined the army and we moved to Cali, all the way from Georgia before I was even old enough to drive. I was all alone with a 1 year old baby, thousands of miles away from my family and home. The marrige didnt work, so we seperated. All before I was 20.

 

I moved home, tried to pull everything together for myself and DD. I soon started dating an old flame from high school and was beyond happy. I became pregnant ( thanks alot failed birth control! ) and was scared to death. I had suffered with so many issues my entier life. I didnt even feel ready for the child I had, much less another one. I was going to have the pregnany terminated, and then my 'old falme' turned on me. After both deciding together a few days ago and having a very stern talk about how we wasnt ready for this, he decided that if i didnt have his baby, he didnt want anything to do with me. I didnt want to put DD through losing another father figure, ( her dad doesnt have much to do with her ) so against my hearts advice, I had another child.

 

All of my anxiety and mental issues sky rocketed. My OCD became extreme, my anger was terrible, i cried almost constantly and I felt...I feel horribly trapped. With all of that and other childhood issues, I now have more than my 'fair share' of mental issues.

 

Somedays I just dont feel like I can do it.

 

DD actually went to live with her GPs for 2 years after DS was born, because I simply couldnt tolerate 2 children. Not to mention DD herself has ADHD, AS, SPD and OCD- and shes 6. I think I should have never had children. It was an unfair deal to them. Now i watch my 6 year old suffer with OCD and know that it has alot to do with me.

 

DD lives with us now, but since then DH lost his job, I had VERY severe MRSA 2 times and we're at risk of losing our home if he doesnt find a job soon. I dont think I can deal with it.

 

I am planning on going to the doctor soon to get some help and in the mean time, the kids stay with GM when ever possible. But i still feel like it isnt enough. Sometimes, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry when they come home. I love them more then lifes itself, they are my heart and and soul. But I know that I wasnt ready, and right now, i dont feel fit for being a mother. I feel like im a bad example.  Every other weekend at GMs simply isnt enough- and thinking/feeling this causes me unbelievable amounts of guilt...because I feel like a 'good mother' would never think that about her children. A 'good mother' would never admit that having kids wasnt the right thing to do, and turned her life upside down.

 

I feel very very torn and confused. I know that having children wasnt the right thing to do and I could use a major break to get well. I know that Im not the mother I should be while Im this sick. But, If i leave..i dont know where i should go and if i even COULD leave- I love my childen and DH far to much for that...but how will i heal?

 

I hope that when i get help for my anxiety, and everything else ( including BPD) that things will be easier. Right now, I cringe when I hear DDs bus pull up and DH has been doing most of the care taking for DS. Nothing else that Ive tried so far has worked: I meditate, I take kid-free breaks often, I try to talk to others about how I feel whenever possible....its just not helping me heal.

 

God- I hope that the doctor doesnt suggest leaving my children. Therapist/Psycologist cant do that...can they?

 

Anyways- sorry for the long sappy story. I just feel pissed/hurt tonight.

 

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I will try to apply them to my life as well.

post #58 of 71

Hi- I just found this thread- Oh boy how I needed it 3 years ago when it started.

I'm a single mom to a super great 11 yr old son but I have my own set of issues, my 11 yr old is HG/PG (gifted spectrum) which brings its own set of issues and some days I just can not function.  I have PTSD, anxiety and who knows what else.  I feel like I'm a walking DSM-IV some days.  I take meds, some days they work great, other days I seriously can not function.  I live in one of the warmest places that has the most sun.

Right now with dealing with the holiday's I just want to give up.  My kiddo is being a total butt about homeschooling.  I know I can't enroll him in public school and there are no other options but I am so tired of this.

I've started quasi art therapy and that does help.  If nothing else art makes me focus.

I also can not sleep.  I have meds for sleep and while they make me 'sleepy' the actual sleep part does not happen.

 

UGH...

post #59 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by HuntressMother View Post

I was so happy to see this thread. I have been suffering from mental illnesses such as sever mood swings and very severe depression since I was about 13. I became pregnant with my first child, DD, when I was only 16 and gave birth when I was 17. I did it all for the wrong reasons- to escape an abusive house hold. I married my DDs father, he joined the army and we moved to Cali, all the way from Georgia before I was even old enough to drive. I was all alone with a 1 year old baby, thousands of miles away from my family and home. The marrige didnt work, so we seperated. All before I was 20.

 

I moved home, tried to pull everything together for myself and DD. I soon started dating an old flame from high school and was beyond happy. I became pregnant ( thanks alot failed birth control! ) and was scared to death. I had suffered with so many issues my entier life. I didnt even feel ready for the child I had, much less another one. I was going to have the pregnany terminated, and then my 'old falme' turned on me. After both deciding together a few days ago and having a very stern talk about how we wasnt ready for this, he decided that if i didnt have his baby, he didnt want anything to do with me. I didnt want to put DD through losing another father figure, ( her dad doesnt have much to do with her ) so against my hearts advice, I had another child.

 

All of my anxiety and mental issues sky rocketed. My OCD became extreme, my anger was terrible, i cried almost constantly and I felt...I feel horribly trapped. With all of that and other childhood issues, I now have more than my 'fair share' of mental issues.

 

Somedays I just dont feel like I can do it.

 

DD actually went to live with her GPs for 2 years after DS was born, because I simply couldnt tolerate 2 children. Not to mention DD herself has ADHD, AS, SPD and OCD- and shes 6. I think I should have never had children. It was an unfair deal to them. Now i watch my 6 year old suffer with OCD and know that it has alot to do with me.

 

DD lives with us now, but since then DH lost his job, I had VERY severe MRSA 2 times and we're at risk of losing our home if he doesnt find a job soon. I dont think I can deal with it.

 

I am planning on going to the doctor soon to get some help and in the mean time, the kids stay with GM when ever possible. But i still feel like it isnt enough. Sometimes, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry when they come home. I love them more then lifes itself, they are my heart and and soul. But I know that I wasnt ready, and right now, i dont feel fit for being a mother. I feel like im a bad example.  Every other weekend at GMs simply isnt enough- and thinking/feeling this causes me unbelievable amounts of guilt...because I feel like a 'good mother' would never think that about her children. A 'good mother' would never admit that having kids wasnt the right thing to do, and turned her life upside down.

 

I feel very very torn and confused. I know that having children wasnt the right thing to do and I could use a major break to get well. I know that Im not the mother I should be while Im this sick. But, If i leave..i dont know where i should go and if i even COULD leave- I love my childen and DH far to much for that...but how will i heal?

 

I hope that when i get help for my anxiety, and everything else ( including BPD) that things will be easier. Right now, I cringe when I hear DDs bus pull up and DH has been doing most of the care taking for DS. Nothing else that Ive tried so far has worked: I meditate, I take kid-free breaks often, I try to talk to others about how I feel whenever possible....its just not helping me heal.

 

God- I hope that the doctor doesnt suggest leaving my children. Therapist/Psycologist cant do that...can they?

 

Anyways- sorry for the long sappy story. I just feel pissed/hurt tonight.

 

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I will try to apply them to my life as well.




I am so sorry mama!!!!!!!  It can be soooo hard!!!  The therapist is NOT going to tell you to leave your children, unless you are a harm to them, which it does not sound like.  You are mourning your old life.  The steps you have taken thus far do make you a good mama.  I am sorry that you feel you are not.  Start with baby steps.  When dc says lets do this puzzle and you feel like runing to the hills, just TRY.  You may find that the little things start adding up to big things.  Make time for yourself, and not by staying alone in your room.  Go out and get some fresh air, meet up with old friends.  Make NEW friends.  and ALWAYS talk about your fears and troubles, whether it be to a friend or a counselor.  Talk is what gets me out of my slumps.  I feel like sleeping through them, but then once I express what I am feeling to a friend I start to see that it can get better.  Hold tight mama, you will get through this.  But you need to be proactive.  And venting my worries here has helped also, there is a great group of woman that have been through similiar situations here.

hug2.gif

post #60 of 71

Zebra15hug2.gif

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