My dad is very ill and we haven't spoken in 2 years - UPDATE 11/30

[PikkuMyy]

I stopped speaking to my father two years ago because of his sudden change in politics to the extreme right wing and his refusal to discuss it.

I've thought about him every day since then and wanted to get back in touch but felt hopeless about it and unsure of how to proceed.

Now he's in the hospital on a ventilator undergoing plasma exchange because of a yet-unidentified autoimmune condition that they just discovered two days ago.

I'm talking to my aunt, who has been dealing with it so far and making decisions.

I'm thinking of sending him a brief message for when he is taken off sedation.

I also am considering flying (two states away) to see him although at this point he's unconscious and can't talk.

Oh, I wish I had got in contact sooner!

[greenmansions]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I encourage you to go see him. I lost my father 2 days ago and although we were very close, there were lots of loving things had not been said before the few days preceding his passing. An effort at reconcilation with your father will leave you clear of regrets later...

Good luck.

[redeyedvireo]

I've read several accounts by people who were in comas or persistent vegetative states at one time but recovered. They said that they were aware of what was going on around them and could hear and understand what people said. If you go and talk to him, he will know you were there, and he will be glad. Politics are nowhere near as important as love. You can make it!

[PikkuMyy]

Thanks for responding.

I spoke to the hospital again tonight and the nurse said that he will be on the ventilator and heavily sedated for at least a few weeks. It's tough because I can't really afford to fly there and back twice in a short time since I'd want to see him after he wakes up too.

I'm going to talk to the hospital over the next few days and see what happens. They're hoping to come up with a diagnosis and a plan of action very soon.

You are right, of course politics isn't as important as love. It's much more complicated than that, because he changed the way he felt about almost everything and there is a lot of hate and fear and aggression aimed at part of who I am and many people I love, and he won't talk about it. But I still love him under all that.

At least I'm talking to his sisters and back in touch with the family again. And I know that he misses me too.

[Katie Bugs Mama]

Could you have your aunt hold a phone to his ear so that he could hear your voice? That way you could still have some contact with him while he's sedated, but save your visit for when he is more aware.

[meemee]

mama try your hardest and do the best that you can. no matter what happens know that your father still loves you and will understand.

i remember when i heard my dad had cancer. i was so grateful he hadnt dropped down dead from a heart attack. instead we had some v. precious moments together. they were even more precious because it was hard getting to him.

if you are at all spiritual or religious talk to your father in your prayers and he will hear you. AND it will bring you some peace.

[Mimi]

I am sorry, I have nothing to say, I did not want to read & run, though. I don't talk to my father anymore, so i clicked on this. I wish there was any advice I could offer. Do call him, maybe send a photo, just so he knows that you care.

[PikkuMyy]

Thanks, everyone. My husband and I are leaving Wednesday to go and visit him. We'll be gone a week. Most likely he will be on a ventilator and under sedation the whole time but he might be able to hear me so I'm bringing some books and prayers to read.

We're keeping the visit shorter so that when he recovers later, we have more time and resources to help him with the move he was about to make when he got sick.

I'm putting our issues and past relationship on hold, emotionally, and just dealing with the situation now. ONce he's recovered we can work on us.

[greenmansions]

I think you will be happy with your decision to visit. I hope you will come out of if feeling as tho you "made contact". I hope you get the chance to work on your relationship afterwards! Best of luck.

[AntoninBeGonin]

[PikkuMyy]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for checking in!

I got back home late THursday night. I spent 6 days at the hospital. My dad was extubated the day after I arrived so I was able to be there the whole time he was going through the immediate recovery from the sedation and intubation as well as the days afterwards when he needed a lot of help with daily living activities.

The day we left, they transferred him to a long-term rehab hospital where he'll be recovering for about a month before going home.

It was an incredibly stressful week but I am very glad I went. The timing was just about perfect. I was able to help my father through the medical procedures that he needed during the week, such as blood draws, and PICC line placement, since he was responding combatively to anyone unfamiliar causing him pain. And I was able to give him the constant monitoring and attention he needed that the nurses just didn't have the time to give, although they were great.

We're talking now and we'll take it from here.

Thanks for all your support!

[E.V. Lowi]

{{{HUGS}}} So glad it worked out!

[anjelika]

[Cherie2]

It really warmed my heart that you were able to go spend that time with your father.

And as far as politics goes, I try to remind myself that - if we can not create peace within our immediate world, how can we expect our leaders to do it on a global scale? - I just feel its my responsibility to "create the peace I want to see" lol hokey i know ... but it keeps me going sometimes

eta: oh and what ever is causing his health concerns could totally be effecting his brain chemicals too...