Originally Posted by JSMa
but we don't always get them, even at the school they generally do not have enough copies to give us.
He asks to be told of when her appointments are and would like to go to some, has even offered to take her to some, but his ex never lets him.
Same goes for parties... we are just never told about them.
wanted to be more involved with her dance as well, and were really upset last year that his ex never even told us that they were looking for parent volunteers to help.
I think to get more involved, your husband can't allow people to treat him like a second class citizen. It can be really hard, but it is also possible. My husband, living 3000 miles away from our step-daughter most of the year, had a parent teacher-conference, received copies of everything that came home from school, attended most regular doctor and dentist appointments. It takes a lot of work, but I think it is well worth it.
Does her preschool have parent cubbies or files that go home? They can set him up with his own. You or your husband can call the dance studio and let them know that he (you) are very involved in her life, even if you aren't necessarily very visible to everyone, and you want to check in and see if there are announcements or other things you should be aware of. Maybe they have an email newsletter or a mailing list you can be on. Find out when would be a good time to call and chat with her teacher every now and then about how it is going.
If he has the right to be at appointments, "not being allowed to go" shouldn't even happen. It's his daughter. He loves her and cares about her well being. Her mother doesn't have a monopoly on information about her. If it is something that is important to him, he should fight for it.
I'm saying this all from a been-there-done-that place... my step-daughters mother thought for a while that she was mom and that was that, and my husband had a right to information and access only on her say-so. It wasn't an easy opinion to change, and sometimes it seemed like his insistance was doing more harm than good... It really seemed that once he truly started seeing himself as an equally legitimate parent, leaving him out just was no longer an option.
|I'm feeling sort of emotional this morning... and am thinking about talking to DH about inviting his ex to the shower... then pending on when the other party is over, they could leave a little early to go to the other party? I don't know how comfortable he would be to have his ex there though... nor how comfortable my family will be... And this could be really early morning bad ideas. lol
Why are you feeling like she has to go to this birthday party at the expense of your family event? Is it her best friend's party? Are they going to Disney World? Step-mothers sacrifice so much of their lives for the good of other people, and you have to draw the line somewhere! I don't even see the conflict here between a big family party celebrating her much loved and anticipated baby sister, and what is likely a party for a preschool classmate she may or may not even play with on a regular basis.
Repeat after me: "We already have plans."