How do I fix this?

[Tarielena]

Hi everyone,

I am a little over 7mos. post partum and still any sort of intercourse is very painful. It has nothing to do with dryness or lack of desire/lack of foreplay. Everything just feels really tight in there, and it takes a good 15-20 minutes before it eventually "stretches" out enough to be tolerable, and it never feels actually good. I went to the OB/GYN office, and she checked to see if I had any sort of scar tissue or healed improperly (I had 5 stitches), but said everything looked perfectly fine.

She said there is physical therapy they can do to loosen things up (I did get a kick out of coming home and announcing "I need therapy on my vagina" to my DH). But she also kinda implied the whole "it's in your head thing." I figured if it's just a matter of stretching things it would be better to just let DH do it, since he's a bit more familiar with that area and I'd be more relaxed with him.

I dunno, I guess I'm just hoping someone else knows what I'm talking about and can tell me it will get better eventually. Right now I've gotten to the point where I dread anything sexual (which I'm sure makes it worse, but is not the cause) and I definitely can't stay like this the rest of my life! I read a few of the replies on the "it's all in my head" thread but I didn't want to jump in on her post, and I didn't have any sort of trauma with my birth so I don't know what the deal is.

[Jesskathand]

I had a C-section with no labor but my vagina is similar! It takes a long time for DH to get all the way in. I am 8.5 months PP

My only advice is to focus on good sex, think positive about it, fantasize, masturbate. Try to get yourself in some good sexual vibes so that when you and DH have an opportunity, you are excited!

This hass helped us a bit. It would help more if we had more opportunities!

[valkyrina]

I would agree; it just takes time. I had a c-section (never even went into labor), and it was over a year after the boys were born before I was back to normal. And yes, it took a lot of quality time with dh, and a lot of quality time with my vibrator to get me back up to speed.

so my advice would be: be patient. relax. give yourself time. and have some fun rediscovering yourself. and have your dh have some fun rediscovering you gently. it will get better.

[thixle]

Evening primrose oil capsules inserted are supposed to help "loosen" scar tissue, and i can't remember the hormone(?) but it is supposed to help relax the tissue.

[channelofpeace]

I have had two c-sections and one vaginal birth and have experienced this with all of them. It wasn't a matter of dryness... we were always careful to use plenty of lube, it just felt tight.

If we did it more often, like 2 or 3 times a week instead of every week or two, it improved. It was difficult, though, since there was the dread of it feeling so uncomfortable.

Once my cycles (8, 12 and 15 months PP) returned, the problem went away and sex felt good again.

[Tarielena]

Thanks for the responses, at least it sounds like I won't be stuck like this *forever* even if it is so unpleasant now.

I've noticed too that it's better if we do stuff more regularly, but then we get busy with work, etc. and don't have a chance for a couple days and then I think in my head "oh crap this is going to hurt now" and put it off, which just makes matters worse!

[MsBlack]

If you are breastfeeding, and especially if you've not returned to regular cycles, then it may be hormonal. Also, the thing about lubrication: if it is naturally occurring lubrication, then you know that ALL things are in place and ready for penetration--the natural moisture isn't just there to make parts slide better It is part of a cascade of physical events--when you're nice and juicy naturally, then you know you're really ready! You can use bottled lube to help with the 'slide'....and for some that's enough....but it doesn't really cover all of the *other* changes that occur for a woman to be really ready and open to penetration.

What may help is if you achieve orgasm prior to penetration....orally, manually, whatever way. Or...forget intercourse for now, there are so many ways to give and receive pleasure. If you and/or dh see intercourse as 'the' way to 'have sex', well maybe it's time to open some new doors and expand your view and enjoyment of sexual love Could really make a wonderful difference in your intimate sharing from here on out.

[Tarielena]

I am breastfeeding (and have not had a period yet), so I know I have a double whammy there with hormones making my drive be non-existant and my OB said it would make the tissue down there more sensitive.

I definitely agree on using "alternate" forms of enjoyment. We certainly don't see intercourse as the only way, I just was starting to feel like it was going to be this way forever. Plus DH misses doing it the "old fashioned way" sometimes. Knowing that the BFing probably plays a big role makes me feel a little better, at least there's a reason, but at the same time that's a LONG time to wait it out! Oh well, someday!