"stay Home mommy" book idea

[KatioCeltio]

So I'm thinking a lot about writing books-This would be something new to me but I have book ideas. I want to write a book on the benefits of staying home with your children when they are babies.
Somewhere along the way it became the cultural norm to put your baby in day care at 6-12 wks. I think many women feel they need to go back to work because of finances, social pressure, family pressure, or maybe they just don't consider any other option. I think there is a lot of heartbreak involved in women leaving their babies.
Any feed back?

[lalaland42]

Hi and welcome to MDC.

I think your heart is in the right place but I don't think it is possible to write a book like that without trashing WOHMs. Personally, I like to stay far away from the mommy wars. Maybe look around the SAH and WOH forum a little and see if you can find a more positive spin on your topic.

[puddle]

I agree with the previous poster. If your intended audience is mothers, then listing a bunch of things for women to feel guilty about if they are unable to stay home or choose not to stay home is not going to be well-received. If your intention is to change public policies to allow more flexibility to women so that they can stay home if they choose to, then you will need to conduct or to gain access to thorough, peer-reviewed research that supports your idea.

A less divisive way to approach the topic if your audience is mothers may be to focus on how to overcome obstacles to staying at home for those who want to but feel like they can't.

Welcome

[allgirls]

If you believe with all your heart that this is something you should write then go for it.

I don't know if it will sell. That's irrelevant anyway.

it will likely anger a lot of WOHM. That's unfortunate but I'd still write it.

I don't know that I would be concerned about the people I would anger if I were writing a book. I would just write it if I felt inspired to do so.

Sometimes controversy is good. It gets people talking.

I've been a WOHM and a SAHM. I've had guilt feelings from both..from the first from being away from my kids and the second being the example I'm setting for my daughters. I'm in a constant mommy war internally.

If you want to write the book I say go for it. I'll read it.

[KatioCeltio]

Thanks to those who responded,excellent feedback. I think it is an internal struggle for all of us as mothers. I think my point has more to do with a feminist perspective of having a choice and being the woman you want to be rather than doing something because you have to or because it is the societal norm.

[lolar2]

There's a book on a similar subject you might like, called Opting In. I don't remember the title.

[KatioCeltio]

Originally Posted by lolar2

There's a book on a similar subject you might like, called Opting In. I don't remember the title.

Thanks I think I'll get it! I looked it up on Amazon and it looks good.

My basic premiss is- How many women would stay with their babies if the culture supported us in this endeavor? What if companies and the government supported maternity leaves of 6-12 months instead of 6-12 weeks, Tax breaks for SAHF, having the support of being the societal norm rather than the oddity or exception.
I think feminism backfired on us in a way. Rather than freeing us, it now confines us as far as our choices around mothering. We now live in a society that is based on two income families, so how do you bridge the gap that occurs when you have a baby and want to become a single income family?
Go into debt? Sell cookies in your front yard? Time to get creative.

I definitely have respect for WOHMs I was one for 11 years and a single mom for 5 years. I also know how difficult it is and my DD was preschool/ school age.

[lolar2]

A lot of countries do support what you describe, and I would say on average they are as feminist as or more feminist than the US (there are exceptions, but as I say that's on average). Certainly in Canada they don't call a year "SAHM," they call it "standard maternity leave" as the Canadians on this board will tell you. So it sounds as though you are addressing policymakers rather than ordinary moms.

[zinemama]

Have you read The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden? She covers a lot of what you are talking about.

[KatioCeltio]

I'l' look into that book. Well Michelle Obama is looking forward to staying home with her daughters. so perhaps there is hope.
Any body know other countries that support longer maternity leave? The Netherlands?

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by KatioCeltio

I'l' look into that book. Well Michelle Obama is looking forward to staying home with her daughters. so perhaps there is hope.
Any body know other countries that support longer maternity leave? The Netherlands?

is she really? i thought i remembered her saying something about SAHMs that annoyed me. thats going to bug me now lol

o and good luck on your book! i think an interesting tidbit is that every single friend i have (I'm 21 and stopped going to school to be a SAHM .. so they are all 20-22) with the exception of 1 says that she could never be a sahm b/c she would get bored and need more stimulation.. it would be to monotonous thanks guys lol they mean well they just don't know BUT none of them have any intention of staying home with their kids. most of them have SAHMs too lol.

[mamadaan]

The Netherlands

Any body know other countries that support longer maternity leave? The Netherlands?

I live in the Netherlands. Here you get a total of 16 weeks maternity leave. Four to six weeks is before the due date and 10-12 weeks after the birth. This is fully paid. Mothers and fathers can also get 13 weeks of parental leave. This is mostly 'paid' for in terms of a tax break. Sometimes it is possible to take the parental leave full-time, but mostly this is not possible and people use it to reduce the number of hours they work for about a year.

I understand you get about a year maternity leave in the United Kingdom and that some of the Scandinavian countries also give mothers about a year's worth of maternity leave.

[Miss Information]

Perhaps you can do some research into all aspects of motherhood + career + family. There have been some books regarding different aspects of it.

I have a good book called Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children by Sylvia Ann Hewitt.

There is a number of women who delayed having children until they passed the age it would be easier for them to have children, having bought into the concept that they can delay their children indefinitely with the "security" of knowing that medical procedures (IVF, IUI, etc) exist and it has deluded them into thinking that they will be guaranteed a baby whenever they feel it will fit into their lives. The above book discusses the views of the women who feel like they were fed a lie and now they have to live with the consequences. It has, in some instances, really torn some women apart. They have some really useful resources in the back for selecting careers that are more family-friendly.

She actually discusses in detail other countries leave of absence policies, and it has been an interesting look at how ours differs and how our society has made it so much harder for women with families and careers.

It is an interesting insight to how some women were almost duped. That thanks to the "miracle" of modern science, they could continue to be high-achieving women in their careers without being told the full story - that it's really, really hard to conceive a child even with medical procedures after a certain age. So, there are a number of women in their late thirties and forties that wished they could have children but medical procedures failed them and for that they have to come to terms with.

I think there is in the US. a societal "set-up for failure" with regards to women and raising families. It's not wrong to want a career, it's not wrong to stay at home and raise children. But I do I think it that there is a lot of conflicting messages and very, very little support for mothers in whatever choices they make.

Most pro-stay at home mothering books I have found have a Christian slant to it. Not that that is bad, but I'd like to see some more writings that don't emphasize religion of any kind but a careful look into the pros and cons of choosing to move in and out of the career path for the sake of raising the family. The hardest part is that our society does not make it easy to get back into the workforce once you've stepped off it. And now, with the economy going to heck in a handbasket, it's even going to make it more difficult to return when the children are raised.

But, I think you could write a good well-balanced book by reading as much as you can about the subject of mothering in all aspects before embarking on your own. Just my $0.02

[enfpintj]

In my opinion, books don't have to be well balanced. Many non fiction books are pro or con an issue. This is no real exception. If you want to focus on stay at home issues, go for it. Peruse the bookstores and see how many you find for WOHM and their specific issues. I'm not saying that you need to exacerbate the mommy wars, but I think it's ok to focus on the one side in which you are interested.

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by enfpintj

In my opinion, books don't have to be well balanced. Many non fiction books are pro or con an issue. This is no real exception.

Perhaps the OP's stance does not have to be well-balanced. I suppose I'm still looking for the well-balanced book that discusses how to navigate one's way in and out of the workforce with ease and offers support through both, as family needs evolve. That neither SAHM or WOHM is intrinsically bad for anyone, but that a woman can manage do both as needs change.

[mama2mygirl]

I would love such a book.

[enfpintj]

Originally Posted by Miss Information

Perhaps the OP's stance does not have to be well-balanced. I suppose I'm still looking for the well-balanced book that discusses how to navigate one's way in and out of the workforce with ease and offers support through both, as family needs evolve. That neither SAHM or WOHM is intrinsically bad for anyone, but that a woman can manage do both as needs change.

I did not mean to pick on your use of the work well balanced. It seemed to me that many posters were putting out this idea that one sided books were not the way to go, and yet so many issues are approached that way in books. People who agree with them and need support in that lifestyle are the main purchasers, imo. However, that is like preaching to the choir, imo again.

Good luck finding a book like the one you want, Miss Information maybe you need to write it?!

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by enfpintj

Good luck finding a book like the one you want, Miss Information maybe you need to write it?!

Don't think I haven't considered it.

I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel I was negative, so I wanted to explain.

I've been both a WOHM (for two years) and a SAHM for four. Neither one is an easy job. It's very easy (IMHO) to lose sight of oneself in trying to make everything work, regardless of which choice is made. It's the moms that have to wrestle with the monumental decision and the good and the bad that comes from either choice.

I have much sympathy for both sides having been there in each place myself.

[enfpintj]

Originally Posted by Miss Information

Don't think I haven't considered it.

Well, you were the one posting about writing more/again, so there you are...a ready made topic.

And I agree, though I've only been a sahm, being a mother is a mother of a job. Not for the faint of heart.

[AngelBee]

I think if you feel the leading, write it!