Wwyd? - Page 3

[ksera05]

Originally Posted by Sprungthe2.50

It may not be the ideal, but I'd go and have a hospital birth, it's the baby, not the birth that is really important, and while I totally understand your preference for a homebirth, I think you will be happier for having your baby healthy and not having you or your baby in danger.

And please, don't find an underground midwife, if there is a midwife that is willing to break the law and do things covertly, then she can't be verifiable as a legitimate midwife that would have the credentials to deliver your baby and see you through labor safely.

I'd ask myself WHY you are really against the idea of a hospital birth, what is it that disturbs you and is there anyway you can investigate the hospital to see if they would be compliant with your birthing plan. If you have had difficult labours before, there is more reason to make sure you have the resources you need as a matter of safety.

And please, again, do not find an underground mid-wife. If you want to go another state where you could have a good mid-wife, than fine, but don't break the law. At worst you could get a real nut that costs you, and your baby both health and perhaps life, at best you could face prosecution.

This. especially the bolded parts.

[nummies]

I disagree. The baby and mom being healthy and happy are very important. But the mother's emotional well-being is also extremely important.

OP, I would really just take some time to process your birth and the experience that you had. Examine your thoughts and feelings about it. When you are ready, find a really supportive CNM/ OB that has a nice natural approach to birthing. Interview 20 if you need to. Get the best doula you possibly can. And try to find a really mom/ baby friendly hospital.

Good luck to you.

[kama'aina mama]

Originally Posted by nummies

I disagree. The baby and mom being healthy and happy are very important. But the mother's emotional well-being is also extremely important.

Do you disagree to the point that you value the birth above the baby? I don't want to put words in your mouth, I'm just asking. The OP is describing a situation that in one case did cost the baby her life and another could have cost mama her life and maybe the babe too. No one is saying emotional health is not important but, at the risk of overstating the obvious, if you die you have no emotional health and the emotional well being of your partner and existing child/ren suffers too. If your baby dies it's pretty hard on your emotional health, also. So I guess I'm saying that a birth plan that starts with two living people at the end of it as a primary goal is extremely important.

[purplepaperclip]

Originally Posted by kama'aina mama

Do you disagree to the point that you value the birth above the baby? I don't want to put words in your mouth, I'm just asking. The OP is describing a situation that in one case did cost the baby her life and another could have cost mama her life and maybe the babe too. No one is saying emotional health is not important but, at the risk of overstating the obvious, if you die you have no emotional health and the emotional well being of your partner and existing child/ren suffers too. If your baby dies it's pretty hard on your emotional health, also. So I guess I'm saying that a birth plan that starts with two living people at the end of it as a primary goal is extremely important.

:

[FoxintheSnow]

What would I do?

I've never had a c/s and the idea of having one scares me, but with your history I think I would have a planned one. It's not ideal, but it's what I would most likely choose.

[jrabbit]

I'm so sorry that you lost your daughter.

This is the point at which I would adopt. Post partum hemorrhage is the scariest thing to me. Even in this day & age women do die in childbirth. You're trying to decide if it's an acceptable risk to enter pregnancy knowing that you've had two potentially devastating birth situations, and I would draw the line there. I had very minor placenta issues, and I've been assured that they were unique flukes and not likely to repeat themselves, but in the back of my mind, I still wonder. If any of the ob/mw that I've consulted had indicated any concern, we wouldn't have gotten pregnant this time - as much as I really felt emotionally compelled to BE pregnant again and have another hb, I'm more afraid of dying.

But I understand that adoption is a very personal decision - it's one that my DH & I are very comfortable with, but selfishly, we wanted to "make another baby".

best wishes to you
--janis

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by Sprungthe2.50

And please, don't find an underground midwife, if there is a midwife that is willing to break the law and do things covertly, then she can't be verifiable as a legitimate midwife that would have the credentials to deliver your baby and see you through labor safely.

And please, again, do not find an underground mid-wife. If you want to go another state where you could have a good mid-wife, than fine, but don't break the law. At worst you could get a real nut that costs you, and your baby both health and perhaps life, at best you could face prosecution.

I disagree that underground midwives are necessarily something to be feared and avoided at all costs or that they are "nuts". There are some midwives that choose to be underground because of what they view as unreasonable restrictions to practice in some states (like being unable to attend a vbac, breech or 42+ week birth). They want to practice they way they see is best and not have sometimes arbitrary rules placed on them.

That said, OP, if I were in your situation, I would find a natural birth friendly OB or midwife and a good doula and birth in the hospital. And it is true... it is possible to have a gentle, triumphant hospital birth.

[AngelBee]

Honestly, I do not know

Praying for you.

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by channelofpeace

And it is true... it is possible to have a gentle, triumphant hospital birth.

Absolutely.

[CryPixie83]

Since, I live in Illinois, I have no problem going with an underground midwife (that's the only kind you can find around here).

With a history of "problems" (for lack of a better word) I wouldn't go UC, unless maybe your midwife-as-a-doula is there unofficially assisting.

Have you discussed this with your midwife from Brodie's birth? She might have some insight, as well as understanding not wanting a medical birth.

I definitely wouldn't C/S over this. And personally I doubt I'd go to the hospital... they terrify me, I mean...my labor stalled at home because I was being watched by midwives, I'd never progress in a hospital! And really, a healthy/safe baby and mama isn't the ONLY thing that matters in the end (though they certainly are MOST important). Birthing experiences are MAJOR events in our lives and can leave emotional/mental scars that take decades to heal. So I would never encourage someone to birth where they're obviously not comfortable.

I'd definitely try to find an underground midwife, and make sure she knows your history and is equipped to handle emergencies. If that were not an option, you could go with the birth center and rent an apartment near it for the month(s) around your estimated due time (I hate the term edd... babies don't care about dates )

Of course adoption isn't a bad option either... but that's a personal preference.

Whatever you eventually decide, I love you.

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by Sprungthe2.50

And please, don't find an underground midwife, if there is a midwife that is willing to break the law and do things covertly, then she can't be verifiable as a legitimate midwife that would have the credentials to deliver your baby and see you through labor safely.

That is a rather uneducated thing to say. There are many places where homebirth is illegal. Even places where (like in Illinois) a mother has every right to birth at home but midwifery is illegal. And yet there are many many well trained, experienced, competent and wonderful midwives flying under the radar. Just because something is legal doesn't mean its right and being illegal doesn't make something wrong.

[katheek77]

Originally Posted by CryPixie83

Since, I live in Illinois, I have no problem going with an underground midwife (that's the only kind you can find around here).

With a history of "problems" (for lack of a better word) I wouldn't go UC, unless maybe your midwife-as-a-doula is there unofficially assisting.

Have you discussed this with your midwife from Brodie's birth? She might have some insight, as well as understanding not wanting a medical birth.

I definitely wouldn't C/S over this. And personally I doubt I'd go to the hospital... they terrify me, I mean...my labor stalled at home because I was being watched by midwives, I'd never progress in a hospital! And really, a healthy/safe baby and mama isn't the ONLY thing that matters in the end (though they certainly are MOST important). Birthing experiences are MAJOR events in our lives and can leave emotional/mental scars that take decades to heal. So I would never encourage someone to birth where they're obviously not comfortable.

I'd definitely try to find an underground midwife, and make sure she knows your history and is equipped to handle emergencies. If that were not an option, you could go with the birth center and rent an apartment near it for the month(s) around your estimated due time (I hate the term edd... babies don't care about dates )

Of course adoption isn't a bad option either... but that's a personal preference.

Whatever you eventually decide, I love you.

So does a stillbirth. And I think there's strength in sacrificing one's ideals for what is best for one's child.

Good luck, frontierpsych.

[kama'aina mama]

Originally Posted by CryPixie83

That is a rather uneducated thing to say. There are many places where homebirth is illegal. Even places where (like in Illinois) a mother has every right to birth at home but midwifery is illegal. And yet there are many many well trained, experienced, competent and wonderful midwives flying under the radar. Just because something is legal doesn't mean its right and being illegal doesn't make something wrong.

Except that it obviously isn't the case where she lives as she has had two home births / attempts with a MW and is discussing an unlicensed MW as a new idea. So, where she lives licensed vs unlicensed means something.

[mamakay]

I would have my pelvis checked out by a few HCPs and try to figure out if there was a reason for the repeated sd. If it was likely to repeat, I'd probably plan on a c-section, honestly. Sd is just too likely to end badly.

[luckymamato2]

I answered find an underground m/w. I will have to do that if I get pg again because HB is "illegal" in my state.

I think you should do that, and take herbs to induce your labor a bit earlier than the last 2 came. Hopefully that would make them smaller and fit better. Make sure the m/w has pitocin and all the other interventions you needed last time.

However, now that I've read some replies, I am being swayed into thinking a planned hospital birth may work better. It's your choice, though.

Another thing I would recommend is that you wait - let your body and your heart heal as much as possible. I would guess putting 2 years or more between Brodie and the next baby would be very beneficial.

[famousmockngbrd]

Originally Posted by kama'aina mama

Except that it obviously isn't the case where she lives as she has had two home births / attempts with a MW and is discussing an unlicensed MW as a new idea. So, where she lives licensed vs unlicensed means something.

Good point.

I support a woman's right to homebirth, but I also think sometimes medical intervention is necessary. Maybe some people disagree with that? If the OP's situation doesn't warrant a hospital birth, what does? (This is not intended to be a rhetorical question.)

[Sprungthe2.50]

[QUOTE=channelofpeace;12613985]I disagree that underground midwives are necessarily something to be feared and avoided at all costs or that they are "nuts". There are some midwives that choose to be underground because of what they view as unreasonable restrictions to practice in some states (like being unable to attend a vbac, breech or 42+ week birth). They want to practice they way they see is best and not have sometimes arbitrary rules placed on them.[QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I really really really find this to be bad advice on finding an underground midwife although I agree with you entirely on finding a natural birth friendly OB and doula.

If you have a mid-wife that is willing to break the law and act covertly then how can you assume she would not be covert with you? How could you check that she was reliable? How could you find multiple mid-wives willing to do that and choose which one is the most trust worthy with a birth?

I think it might be situations with such as the OP losing her child during UC, and other mothers with complications that caused the state, rightly or wrongly to ban home-births with mid-wives.

On top of that, a midwife who really cares about the safety and health of both mother and baby would probably prefer a hospital birth anyway with the history of the OP given the likelihood of complications. And that is her job, to ensure the safety and well being of mother and baby.

And really, for all that it may take decades to heal from a traumatic birth as one pp said, I think it would take a lifetime to get over a death or a disability and that is where a mother's emotional well being would really rest.

[loitering]

I voted wrong. I accidently clicked "Show up at the hospital late in labor/pushing".

Here's what I would do:
1) analyze my life situation. Do I have the money to adopt? Do I have a big urge to give birth to another child, or to have another child? If you find that you want to adopt, or not have any more children, choose that.

2) If you still want to give birth, I choose "go to the hospital at the normal point in labour that most people do." But I don't know much about your complications in terms of c-sections, so I also think it should be considered. C-sections are, AFAIK, less traumatic and difficult if you're prepared ahead of time for the possibility.

[frontierpsych]

My main problem with c/s is the bleeding. Doesn't c/s make PPH MORE likely?

I'm leaning toward not having any more children. I'm okay with that, honestly. DH and I have not discussed it, but I get the feeling he'd be okay with it as well, given our reasons. He went through losing Mackenzie, and almost losing me after her birth, and he also went though the (much lesser, but still significant) trauma of Brodie's SD and my PPH.

[Sprungthe2.50]

True with a c/s you're bleeding, but the risks of that are still lower than the alternative of finding an illegal mid-wife and trying to vb without medical assistance or supervision.

I'd say just enjoy Brodie, you just had her and if you later decide you want more, than have more and just accept that your history indicate that a hospital is the safest option, and while it may not be ideal, it is no biggy not being able to homebirth compared to the alternative danger, it's the baby you're really looking for.

You still get 1st prize even if you didn't vb! You're no less of a mother or woman, in fact you are an even better mother for making a sacrifice for the sake of your child. So look at it that way and and know in your heart you are a strong mother and woman and vb'ing has nothing to do with it.