Wwyd? - Page 4

[maxmama]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

My main problem with c/s is the bleeding. Doesn't c/s make PPH MORE likely?

I'm leaning toward not having any more children. I'm okay with that, honestly. DH and I have not discussed it, but I get the feeling he'd be okay with it as well, given our reasons. He went through losing Mackenzie, and almost losing me after her birth, and he also went though the (much lesser, but still significant) trauma of Brodie's SD and my PPH.

Given a history of a pp bleed, though, they would be more proactive (pit, miso, methergine, hemabate if needed), none of which you would have UCing. Also, you bleed more during a section, true, but tend to bleed less postpartum.

[avivaelona]

I voted flippantly that you should drink heavily til the problem goes away. Obviously I don't really think that but I think perhaps this problem as you've posed it is not the actual one. What I would say is to go seek out some counseling (and it doesn't have to be traditional psychological counseling if that doesn't appeal to you, there are many roads to healing), this is an issue that you need to sort out yourself, not whether or not your desire to still birth at home is reasonable or not, but the trauma of two incredibly difficult births, two losses and the loss of your ability to feel like you do know what you want to do. The fact that you even feel pressure to decide this less than three months after the last birth just reeks to me of PTSD. You'd be super human if you weren't experiencing some and you know, no one is.

Go process this and work through the feelings and I think the answers will be much much clearer without having to ask a board of random strangers what they would do. Wishes for you of peace and healing and confidence in what you want again.

[marybethorama]

If I thought a c-section were the best choice (and I think this is a case where it is), I'd make peace with that type of birth and plan for the birth, arranging for help during recovery etc.

[mamameg]

I voted other. I would have a hospital birth.

[caedmyn]

I voted find an underground midwife, or perhaps look into going to a different state for a midwife assisted homebirth. Really, though, I think it depends on your level of comfort with likely having a baby with shoulder dystocia, and with the hemorrhaging. Just because you hemorrhage at one birth doesn't mean you'll automatically hemorrhage at another, although it seems like you might be more likely to hemorrhage with a shoulder dystocia. You could also try a low carb diet next pregnancy to try to grow a smaller baby, but obviously there's no guarantees and no guarantee that a smaller baby wouldn't still have a shoulder dystocia. If you don't really feel comfortable with the risks involved, I would go for a hospital birth ONLY if I could find an OB who was experienced with resolving shoulder dystocias and I felt confident that he wouldn't panic. Otherwise I'd plan a C-section but wait until labor started to go in for it. I absolutely would not UC with your history.

Not having more kids isn't an option for me, so I would also be comfortable just adopting future children in that situation, but again it depends on how you and your DH feel about that.

[swimswamswum]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

I voted find an underground midwife, or perhaps look into going to a different state for a midwife assisted homebirth. Really, though, I think it depends on your level of comfort with likely having a baby with shoulder dystocia, and with the hemorrhaging. Just because you hemorrhage at one birth doesn't mean you'll automatically hemorrhage at another, although it seems like you might be more likely to hemorrhage with a shoulder dystocia. You could also try a low carb diet next pregnancy to try to grow a smaller baby, but obviously there's no guarantees and no guarantee that a smaller baby wouldn't still have a shoulder dystocia. If you don't really feel comfortable with the risks involved, I would go for a hospital birth ONLY if I could find an OB who was experienced with resolving shoulder dystocias and I felt confident that he wouldn't panic. Otherwise I'd plan a C-section but wait until labor started to go in for it. I absolutely would not UC with your history.

Not having more kids isn't an option for me, so I would also be comfortable just adopting future children in that situation, but again it depends on how you and your DH feel about that.

The bolded statement is truly bad advice. Trying to "grow a smaller" baby is really unhealthy. Dieting during pregnancy to try and change your birth outcome is extremely irresponsible. Healthy babies are the ultimate goal of pregnancy. It's hard to imagine choosing to bring a baby into the world but being willing to knowingly sacrifice its health for your optimal birth experience. Like I said before, I am a staunch advocate for midwives and out of hospital births for healthy, low risk women. Unfortunately, the OP's previous births do not put her in the low risk category.

[ryansma]

I voted other - I would birth in the hospital. I would go when I knew "this is it." And I would find an OB/CNM/MW who respected and supported my choice to be as low intervention as possible, while still being safe.
I can't imagine how hard it was after the loss of your daughter. I am sorry for your loss. You have already been through so much and giving up your ideal birth must feel like another hit altogether. But if I did want more biological children with your history the only place I would feel comfortable is in the hospital. For me home would no longer be the safest place BECAUSE of my fear. And as much as I would never choose the hospital and haven't I would in your situation.

Good luck and congratulations on sweet Brodie. He is precious!

[ryansma]

Originally Posted by luckymamato2

.
I think you should do that, and take herbs to induce your labor a bit earlier than the last 2 came. Hopefully that would make them smaller and fit better. Make sure the m/w has pitocin and all the other interventions you needed last time.

Originally Posted by swimswamswum

The bolded statement is truly bad advice. Trying to "grow a smaller" baby is really unhealthy. Dieting during pregnancy to try and change your birth outcome is extremely irresponsible. Healthy babies are the ultimate goal of pregnancy. It's hard to imagine choosing to bring a baby into the world but being willing to knowingly sacrifice its health for your optimal birth experience. Like I said before, I am a staunch advocate for midwives and out of hospital births for healthy, low risk women. Unfortunately, the OP's previous births do not put her in the low risk category.

I agree, trying to induce in hopes of a smaller baby and trying to "grow " a small baby are not in the baby's best interest. That doesn't mean I think the op's feelings and desires are not valid but life is about risks we are willing to take and my child's safety or life is not one I am willing to take in hopes of getting my ideal birth.

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

My main problem with c/s is the bleeding. Doesn't c/s make PPH MORE likely?

Originally Posted by maxmama

Given a history of a pp bleed, though, they would be more proactive (pit, miso, methergine, hemabate if needed), none of which you would have UCing. Also, you bleed more during a section, true, but tend to bleed less postpartum.

I didn't vote; suppose I should have. If you wanted more biological children, I'd go with the hospital birth. Ideally, you'd find practitioner willing to talk about and help you weigh the risks of vaginal birth vs. planned c/s so that you could make an informed decision. I agree with maxmama that if you have a history of PPH, they'll certainly be prepared for it in the event of a c/s.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by avivaelona

I voted flippantly that you should drink heavily til the problem goes away. Obviously I don't really think that but I think perhaps this problem as you've posed it is not the actual one. What I would say is to go seek out some counseling (and it doesn't have to be traditional psychological counseling if that doesn't appeal to you, there are many roads to healing), this is an issue that you need to sort out yourself, not whether or not your desire to still birth at home is reasonable or not, but the trauma of two incredibly difficult births, two losses and the loss of your ability to feel like you do know what you want to do. The fact that you even feel pressure to decide this less than three months after the last birth just reeks to me of PTSD. You'd be super human if you weren't experiencing some and you know, no one is.

Go process this and work through the feelings and I think the answers will be much much clearer without having to ask a board of random strangers what they would do. Wishes for you of peace and healing and confidence in what you want again.

: ITA with everything avivaelona said, and couldn't possibly add anything to it.

And honestly, it doesn't matter what I THINK I would do in your situation - I haven't been there so I don't know. I would say very few of the mamas replying has been someone who wants a UC but has these difficutlities and risk factors... it's only something you can figure out for yourself. So what I voted is really kind of irrelevant.

Regardless of what you choose, I hope you are filled with peace and certainty, and surrounded by support - whether it's planned C-section, adoption, or UC.

[hislittlelambs]

hmmmm....i wanted to advise finding a birthcenter connected to a hospital, but that is not an option where you are right now. so, honestly, i would say do all prenatal care with the OB's at your hosptial that is 5 minutes away, making sure they know your history, checking out, and rechecking which ob to commit to and make sure they will take you and not hand you off to some nervous oncall doc who takes one look at your chart and orders immediate c-section when you walk in. (this almost happened to me with reasons much less that your history).....that said, go in close to pushing. with your previous midwife acting as your doula, she'll be able to keep an extremly good eye on you to help you time this right....OR, go in right after birth, like immeditely. (hospital is 5 minutes away, you should be able to do this)....having your pelvis looked at to figure out the SD is a good thing to look into. (not by ultrasound, but you know, that one test they can do that is pretty accurate for this, forgot what it's called)

otherwise, maybe wait until you move to the next place where they may have better birthing options for you.

I do not see this as an automatic c-section signup. and legally, as you said, HB is out....that leaves planning for the best middle ground, waiting until you move, or adopting.

i also wanted to agree with a pp about seeing what you coudl do to have babe a bit earlier so they'd be a bit smaller? with a third time baby your body may be more responsive to natural induction techniques. Mackenzie was a BIG baby for your small self AND for a firstborn even without the SD AND the stalled labor after her head was born. You had a triple whammy Kati and there is so much I don't think these people on here are getting....Mackenzie would have been born still NO MATTER AT HOME OR HOSPITAL. i don't think the others are reading that in this...her death was NOT caused by being born at home. It would have happened anywhere. Kati- i told you, you rocked my world regarding HB, and then with Mac it compeltley turned my new world upside down. I have asked every health professional i have run into thru the years, about her situation and ALL Of them, ALL of them, have echoed the exact same thing, it would have happened no matter at home or in the hospital. it was unavoidable. I just wanted to make it very very clear to everyone else reading this that your loss with Mackenzie wasn't HB related.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by hislittlelambs

I just wanted to make it very very clear to everyone else reading this that your loss with Mackenzie wasn't HB related.

:

[kama'aina mama]

I am astounded that you were able to get many health care providers to respond in such absolutes to a situation you described to them from a message board.

[mwherbs]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

I voted find an underground midwife, or perhaps look into going to a different state for a midwife assisted homebirth. Really, though, I think it depends on your level of comfort with likely having a baby with shoulder dystocia, and with the hemorrhaging. Just because you hemorrhage at one birth doesn't mean you'll automatically hemorrhage at another, although it seems like you might be more likely to hemorrhage with a shoulder dystocia. You could also try a low carb diet next pregnancy to try to grow a smaller baby, but obviously there's no guarantees and no guarantee that a smaller baby wouldn't still have a shoulder dystocia. If you don't really feel comfortable with the risks involved, I would go for a hospital birth ONLY if I could find an OB who was experienced with resolving shoulder dystocias and I felt confident that he wouldn't panic. Otherwise I'd plan a C-section but wait until labor started to go in for it. I absolutely would not UC with your history.

Not having more kids isn't an option for me, so I would also be comfortable just adopting future children in that situation, but again it depends on how you and your DH feel about that.

there are several things to address in your post first of all- low carb diets have not shown to produce SMALLER babies- in all the blood sugar treatments and dieting the possible size differences realized has been no more than 5 oz--- so no that is definately not the way to go-
in addition speaking as a mw who has not always practiced with a license- sometimes it doesn't come down to legalities- in the end all what is the most humane and still net a live mother and baby---
2 dystocias and 2 hemorrhages--- and OP said at 2 1/2 months after still anemic now as a result.

[caedmyn]

Originally Posted by swimswamswum

The bolded statement is truly bad advice. Trying to "grow a smaller" baby is really unhealthy. Dieting during pregnancy to try and change your birth outcome is extremely irresponsible. Healthy babies are the ultimate goal of pregnancy. It's hard to imagine choosing to bring a baby into the world but being willing to knowingly sacrifice its health for your optimal birth experience. Like I said before, I am a staunch advocate for midwives and out of hospital births for healthy, low risk women. Unfortunately, the OP's previous births do not put her in the low risk category.

I'm not sure why you're assuming a low carb diet is inherently unhealthy. And I never said anything about eating a poor diet or eating as little as possible or limiting weight gain or anything like that to try to grow a small baby--it's entirely possible to eat a very healthy low carb diet. If that's something someone is willing to try to see if they have a smaller baby, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[swimswamswum]

I don't know. I'm certainly not an expert, but the midwives I see, whom I trust inherently, really focus on clients eating well and listening to their bodies. Purposely trying to "grow a small baby" by following a very specific diet seems really counter to this.

Are there any experts here who can speak to this?

[the_lissa]

Eating low carb or any specific diet to try and produce a smaller baby is ineffective as well.

I had severe hg and lost weight my entire pregnancies and had an almost 9 and almost 10 pound babies.

[1littlebit]

i understand not wanting to birth in a hospital. when your only birth experiences in a hospital are negative it is hard to believe anything positive happens in the L&D unit. my birth experience was not near as traumatizing as yours and i no longer trust OBs at all. mine was a jerk.

i think i would start interviewing doctors early..maybe even before i got pg. i would first find out the hospitals c-section and intervention rate. I would also find out their rules for birth position, fetal monitoring, rooming etc. my hospital said everyone had to be monitored for 15 minutes every hour and the only options you had for birthing was on the bed.. they werent real fond of people bringing their own stuff. then i would find out the following about as many doctors as possible who do births there

c section rate
vacuum/ forceps rate
episiotomy rate
pitocin usage

after that i would pick the ones with the lowest and meet with them. tell them your history and see what they say. i would rule out anyone who seems to think natural birth is pointless.. or impossible for you and anyone who tells you an epidural is a good plan. find out how many of their patients birth naturally. ask them how they would handle shoulder dystocia ... they should have an answer that makes sense lol. when you narrow it down to 3 or so talk to them about your birth plan. are they willing to listen? do they give you any input? how do their answers differ from each other and why do they differ. once you have found the one your trust the most and feel the most comfortable with i would figure out if you are comfortable enough and trust them enough to have them attend your birth. if so work with that one... and show up to the hospital before transition with the doula from hell.

oo i would also get the papers you have to fill out a bit early and edit them as necessary. there are really great doctors out there you just have to find one.... sometimes you have to look really hard. and if you decide you dont like the one you picked you can always change

i know it seems extreme... but i would have to go to extreme measures to feel safe in a hospital.

[Shelsi]

I know your birth team or at least I know one of them and can guess pretty darn well who the others were. What do they say? I'm guessing they don't suggest a homebirth any longer and would not be willing to attend but have you asked them about hospital vaginal vs planned c-section? They are the only people I've ever really trusted in birth knowledge.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by swimswamswum

I don't know. I'm certainly not an expert, but the midwives I see, whom I trust inherently, really focus on clients eating well and listening to their bodies. Purposely trying to "grow a small baby" by following a very specific diet seems really counter to this.

Are there any experts here who can speak to this?

Well, I'm not an expert, but my midwife advised me to keep my diet low in fats and sugars and high in veggies so I wouldn't grow a "fluffy" baby (her words). I have a narrow pelvis, otherwise it wouldn't be an issue. I guess that's a diet every pregnant woman should follow,though, regardless of what size they want their baby to be. And FTR it didn't really work...I had an 8 lb. 4 oz. baby with massive shoulders and rolls galore. Not really "fluffy" but just about as big as my pelvis can fit, I bet.

I don't think this is much like deliberately trying to grow a small baby, though. I wouldn't advise that.