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I am wandering if there are other parents that find thenselves doing both AP parenting and main...

post #1 of 92
Thread Starter 
I find myself doing both main stream parenting and AP parenting. There are some things I have tried and it did does not work for our family like gental guildence. I am wandering if there are other parents that find themselves also doing a bit of both and does it work
post #2 of 92
I would venture to guess that the vast majority of parents here at MDC do exactly what you are talking about.
post #3 of 92
Oh yes, that's me!

I was a super AP parent when ds was a baby and toddler, but I find that I am much less AP now. We still do gentle discipline and would NEVER EVER hit or shame, but I do expect ds to listen and do what I say.

I thought Waldorf would be perfect for us .. and in the end, it wasn't. I let ds watch some tv and play video games. He's getting a wii on Sunday for his b'day. : He goes to public school, and we are loving it.

Compared to so many of my friends, I'm crunchy! We eat very healthy, whole foods. I'm careful to make sure ds does not eat HFCS or food dyes. They think I'm extra patient and gentle in my parenting!

But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!
post #4 of 92
Thats me too! We arent going to cloth diaper, we will have to vaccinate, and there is a 95% probability of us doing public school! There is no such thing as "right for everyone" otherwise that is what the world would look like.
post #5 of 92
We didn't cosleep, except for the occasional time, because my DF was convinced he was going to crush the baby. She did sleep in a Pack N Play next to the bed for her first four months, and is just now sleeping in her room accross the hall.

I am formula feeding, but not for any lack of trying to breast feed. I have learned a lot from my experiences in this area, and hope it will help me in establishing a successful bf relationship with future babes.

And my baby hates (with extreme passion) being in a sling. We own a stroller, and I like the convenience of taking her bucket seat out of the car, and snapping it into the stroller.

But... we don't CIO, aren't vaxing (I am still researching, but at this point I don't see it ever happening), CD, eat organic foods, won't introduce tv until age two and then it will be severely limited, have banned all things branded with Dora and Baby Einstein from our house, and eat as much organic food as possible and practical. When she gets older I hope to practice both non-punitive and non-permissive parenting.

So, yup. Definitely a mix here.
post #6 of 92
Depends on what all you lump under AP

We watch our share of TV and have fast food now and then, but neither is really AP - related though they're often included in many peoples' minds.

DoingDoing:Julie- why would you "have" to vax?

-Angela
post #7 of 92
Non-Crunchy: We have boundaries and we enforce them, we eat fast food once in awhile, the big guy is obsessed with comic books, we vaccinate, we watch family movies every now and then (shhhhhhhhh two movies a year and we're out at school hehe). We own a stroller and use it sometimes. We use our car- a lot. Ice cream reigns supreme in our house (at least once a week). We own plastic toys. Our older son is circ'd.

Crunchy: cloth diaper, breastfed, babes that are happily worn 90% of the time, co-sleeping, gentle discipline (as in no hitting/no shaming), no commercial tv or video games or internet for the kiddos, healthy eating, we delay vax, and our younger son is not circ'd. (when we learn better we do better). Oh yeah, and our DS1 is at a Waldorf school.

To me, Attached Parenting is not a checklist and you don't have to do everything on it for your kids to have a healthy attachment to you. Do what works for your family.
post #8 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily View Post
We didn't cosleep, except for the occasional time, because my DF was convinced he was going to crush the baby. She did sleep in a Pack N Play next to the bed for her first four months, and is just now sleeping in her room accross the hall.

I am formula feeding, but not for any lack of trying to breast feed. I have learned a lot from my experiences in this area, and hope it will help me in establishing a successful bf relationship with future babes.
This sounds a lot like my house! We don't cosleep either, although DS was in a basinet in our room for many months. He does sometimes end up in bed with us in the middle of the night when he wakes up because I am much too tired to try to get him to fall asleep in his room!

I didn't have a successful long term breastfeeding relationship with DS but I have learned a LOT here at MDC and can't wait until future babies are born so I can have that relationship. I wish I would have known about MDC when I was struggling though...

We have slings but sometimes DS just wants to be in his stroller.

I try to make healthy meals but in busy weeks (like this week), we do eat out more than I care.
post #9 of 92
Same here...we eat partially organic NT, but then also eat out a lot, including fast food...we watch tons of TV and don't garden at all..we homebirth(UC) and extended breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, don't vax, don't CIO...but we also have strollers and use them, buy cheap clothes and food on sale, and GD does not work for us at all. It's a mix.
post #10 of 92
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".
post #11 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breeder View Post

To me, Attached Parenting is not a checklist and you don't have to do everything on it for your kids to have a healthy attachment to you. Do what works for your family.

That's us! I really think that it is really nobody's business which direction you lean towards as long as you raise your children with respect and love. It isn't all black and white. Some aspects of AP are not for us and some are. We pick and choose what we want to implement into our family life.
post #12 of 92
We definately do a mix... I have nursed all, but my oldest decided to wean at 12 months when I was pg with #2 and I didn't push it. Kind of shocked when I got on here a couple years ago and find people pumping for months and calling it a nursing strike.
We have co-slept til about a year with all as well, kind of dependent on the baby. I also love my ergo... DH has one too so he can carry the toddler.

Though I am a much stricter disiplinarian than it sounds like most here, I am nothing compared to my parents, or DH's parents...

We homeschool, though I suppose not for any over reaching desire to do so, but because I don't trust the public schools here and can't afford the private.

So yeah a mix.
post #13 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama View Post
But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere
post #14 of 92
I think it definitely depends on how you define AP. We do what works for us rather than following anything that is prescribed by other people's ideals.
post #15 of 92
i feel like i've learned a lot here. And although i didn't know a lot about the specific philosophies of AP... I have found that we chose to do many of them on our own because it felt right for us.
I look forward to applying more of what I've learned and being mindful of choices... if we are so lucky enough to have another
post #16 of 92
of course!

I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.
post #17 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".
ITA here there is a difference between AP and natural living. I am more mainstream than many of my friends, but I am definitely crunchy compared to my neighbors. I am loving the crispy definition. I think it is all about what works for your family and meeting those needs. That defines attached to me.
post #18 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by library lady View Post
I think it definitely depends on how you define AP. We do what works for us rather than following anything that is prescribed by other people's ideals.
That's pretty much what I would say. We do our best to meet the needs of each family member in a thoughtful and considerate way, and to find peaceful solutions to things that are challenging. Things like cloth diapering and vaxing-those are about NFL, and it happens there's a big overlap between people who practice AP and NFL, but they aren't the same thing.
post #19 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by FondestBianca View Post
I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.
: We're very middle of the road here in many ways. In how we parent, in our political views, in our religious views, etc. And we do what works for us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere
Aww, I think it is a good thing to be unique! : Yes, walking the line can sometimes feel lonely, but overall, it helps me stay open minded and communicate with people coming from a different perspective.
post #20 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere
That's me too!
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