Those with a HB under their belt... - Page 3

[Belle]

nak

first birth was a hospital birth. not bad as far a hosital births go.

2nd birth was at home. my MIL said it perfectly; "Makes you wonder why people go to the hospital when you get treated like a queen at home"

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Sure, there are some people who have really traumatic births at home... but there are lots (more) who have really traumatic births in the hospital.

For me, I would never, ever consider anything else unless I really had to medically, and then I would mourn the loss of the homebirth.

You can always transfer to a hospital if things are going "bad", but you can't transfer home if they're going great, y'know? Home is the default, hospital is the backup.

Love your post!

[kailotus]

Having my baby at home is the best thing I ever did! You won't regret it! My first birth was at a birth center, my second was at home. Homebirth was about 1000 times better!

[Nursingnaturalmom]

No way were either of our homebirths bad. Nor do we regret them. I liked my first homebirth more than my second and wer are even thinking about an unassisted for hte next one

Good luck to you, nerves are very normal

[sewingmama]

I've had one birth center birth and then two homebirths (one attended by a CNM, and the second one a UC). They've all been unbelievably fabulous, but they've just kept getting better and better. I can't ever imagine birthing anywhere but home, short of true emergency. No traveling during labor, no putting my newborn in a carseat in the cold, no worrying about whether my older children would be bored/noisy/whatever, no "hospital policy" to get in the way, etc. Plus the safety and comfort of being in my own home, my own bed and pillow, walking where and when I felt like it, resting and enjoying my baby in peace afterward, etc. It's both amazing and normal all at the same time.

I do think it is worth exploring your nervous feelings though. If you're having a MW, discuss anything particularly applicable to your situation (if you're a heavy bleeder, for instance), discuss transfer and emergency protocols, etc. My MWs for my first homebirth said it was good to discuss possible issues and then mentally to shut them up in a drawer where you knew where they were but weren't focusing on them.

Also, one caveat with birthing at home -- make sure *you* (and your partner) call the shots about who visits and when. If you were in the hospital, visitors would have to abide by hospital policies, so if you want to hold off on visitors for a while, or limit the length of their visits, or whatever, be sure to do so. And don't play hostess, no matter how good you feel -- anyone who comes can get their own drinks (and bring you one while they're at it), etc. Some homebirthing parents turn off the phone and put a sign on their door to turn people away. (Otoh, I get a big birth high for the first couple of days, so I like people to come then, when it's a little chaotic anyway, and then have them go home and leave us to rest after a couple of days. But my family is actually helpful and waits on me/us hand and foot, so that works for me. The important thing is to get what *you* want.)

[sewingmama]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

You can always transfer to a hospital if things are going "bad", but you can't transfer home if they're going great, y'know? Home is the default, hospital is the backup.

What a great way to think of it! I agree!

Originally Posted by alegna

If they'd been in the hospital both would have likely been sections (ds for SURE) and traumatic in other ways. Ds would have landed in the NICU I am certain. Instead both were peaceful and everyone was together and safe.

Likewise. My first was a birth center birth, but it is very possible that she could have ended up being a c-section, or at least that I could have ended up with an episiotomy or tearing, as she was big and posterior -- my MWs handled it all just fine (and no tearing), but I'm not sure it would have gone as well in the hospital. My second, born at home, was born with a lot of mucus in his nose/mouth; he was very blue and couldn't breathe. In a hospital, I think it's very likely that he would have been whisked away from me immediately and possibly sent to the NICU, or at least the nursery, for a while. Instead, my MW stayed calm, and my son never left my arms for a second until he was doing well enough that we cut his cord an hour after his birth so that DH and DD could hold him. (Of course we wouldn't have hesitated to transfer if it had really been needed, but it just proved that there's a wide variation on normal, and a lot of things can be handled out-of-hospital just fine.)

[mom2a4Rashelle]

My first was an emergency C-section, my 2nd and 3rd were successful hospital VBAC's FULL of interventions and I decided for a change with our unexpectde miracle #4 and went with homebirth....If I could scream on every rooftop I would scream," How wonderful, empowering and amazing the experience of our HBAC was...if I would have known birth could have been so traquil and peacful I would have NEVER stepped foot in a hospital with #1" Its normal to be nervous yet I think if you go into it with, I can do this and believe in your body and have a support system you will do wonderful. Good luck with everything and before you know it maybe you will want to scream on rooftops too!

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by mom2a4Rashelle

If I could scream on every rooftop I would scream," How wonderful, empowering and amazing the experience of our HBAC was...if I would have known birth could have been so traquil and peacful I would have NEVER stepped foot in a hospital with #1" Its normal to be nervous yet I think if you go into it with, I can do this and believe in your body and have a support system you will do wonderful. Good luck with everything and before you know it maybe you will want to scream on rooftops too!

DITTO! : My HBAC was far from tranquil and peaceful, but it was still so awesome that I did indeed shout from every theoretical rooftop I could find! Every message board I belong to, Myspace, my blogs, my mailing list, yuo name it! Heck, it's been three months and I still can't shut up about how great it was!

Whereas with my hospital birth I purposefully didn't talk or think about it AT ALL for a looong time because I didn't want to remember how crappy it was.

[Romana]

Originally Posted by Munki'sMom

Would you ever describe it as being a bad experience? One you would not do again?

I would say that I found the experience of giving birth during the homebirth to be absolutely awful. The midwife's assistant was not great (& we called too late so the midwife arrived after the baby was born), but not the worst part. I just had an awful (though uncomplicated) birth. It was excruciatingly painful. The ineptitude and nervousness of the mw asst (who is now a mw herself) didn't help, but as I said, it wasn't the worst part. In fact, I think most of that would just be funny now if the birth itself hadn't been so hard/traumatically painful.

I don't regret having the homebirth. I'm glad I tried it out. I think if we'd had our first baby at home with a midwife it would have gone great (instead we transferred very late and I just pushed at the hospital w/a good family practitioner who was low-intervention).

I haven't decided if I would homebirth again. I'm on the fence. I may choose a hospital birth so that the option of pain relief (i.e., epidural) is close at hand. However, first there's more that I need to know about hospital policies as well as my chances of an epidural working for me (scoliosis).

We are having our 1st HB in 3 weeks (yikes!) and I'm really nervous. My hubby always says "I have never met someone who had a HB that would not do it again, so it must have been fine/awesome".

Is this true?

No, not true. Good and bad can happen at homebirth. Birth isn't totally predictable and there isn't any way to make it be perfect for you. I was fortunate in that my homebirth was medically uncomplicated. This is usually how it is, and if there is a minor problem, of course a midwife can handle that.

Physically, for me, the homebirth was horrible. But we were both healthy at the end. I didn't find it to be empowering or beautiful or anything like that. Rather demoralizing and definitely an awful experience. However, probably the only thing that could have made the birth better is an epidural, and I don't know if I would have had one in the hospital or not. So I might have hated the experience just as much in the hospital.

The good things about the homebirth included:

~I loved my BPIAB; it was able to get me in the least uncomfortable position during the toughest part of the labor.

~I got to go to my own bed to lie down in after the baby was born.

~I didn't have to deal with any annoying nurses, though the mw asst introducing my 2 year-old to the baby and taking pictures while I took my first bathroom trip with the midwife is something I will never forgive her for. She has the memories and I have the bad video. :

~Comfort of my own home/turf.

~I was cooking during labor and after the baby was born we had fabulous vegetarian lasagna.

~No mother-baby separation, except for that bathroom visit and examination of my perineum. But there was a lot less separation than the hospital.

I'm sure there were other good things, but those are what spring to mind. My midwife and doula were both great, even though they arrived after the baby was born (that whole calling too late thing).

Any words of wisdom for me? How can I control my nerves? What if I get into this and it is horrible?

Well, I think that if you're really anxious about it, you should think about a hospital birth. The fear-tension-pain cycle can really affect a labor, and it's very important that you give birth in the setting in which you feel most comfortable. A little bit of anxiety I think is okay and normal approaching any birth, and I really can't tell from your post if this is a deep anxiety that might affect you during labor, or just pre-labor jitters. If you're really not comfortable with homebirth, then there's no reason you can't have a hospital birth. This leads me to ask, why do you want to have a homebirth? Is it because you know people who had, because your dh wants a homebirth, or because you think it sounds good? Have you done some research and are you comfortable with your options/choices?

Part of the trick here is that there are risks that are particular to homebirth, simply because in the unlikely event of a true emergency, you really are further from emergency help (i.e. c/s or blood transfusion, for example) than if you're at the hospital. OTOH, women often like homebirth because they don't have to deal with hospital policies, rude or mean nurses, or pressure to accept interventions they don't want. You have to weigh the risk/reward of homebirth versus hospital birth and find what's right for YOU. Have you had natural births in the hospital? Were these good or bad experiences?

I think that a lot of factors play into whether a birth is remembered as a good or bad experience. One of the greatest of these is the healthcare provider. One reason I feel like I might have a hospital birth next time is that my midwife is a CNM and I can have a hospital birth with her. I know that she will respect me during the birth and be supportive. I expect that nurses who work with her will know what kind of patients she has and won't be surprised by more "natural" choices. So I feel reasonably confident that the birth could be good (with or without epidural) in the hospital with my midwife. It goes the other way, too - how confident and comfortable are you with your midwife versus your hospital HCP options?

Another factor, of course, is just luck - not much you can do to control that! I know that you can do everything "right" and still have a really hard, painful, and/or complicated birth. As others pointed out, you do have the option to transfer during the birth if things aren't going well or an emergency arises. Have you talked about transfer with your midwife? Would this maybe help calm your nervousness?

I think that it helps to work through these feelings, thoughts and questions before the birth, to the extent you can. You might even want to look into something like a couple of hypnotherapy sessions to help you analyze and work through the anxiety. I found a hypnotherapy session to be very healing prior to my homebirth.

I hope you have a wonderful birth, whether that's at home or the hospital. I think homebirth is great and most women are very happy with their homebirths, but most importantly, you need to do what's right for you and give birth where you feel most comfortable.

[MsBlack]

Romana--

"~I didn't have to deal with any annoying nurses, though the mw asst introducing my 2 year-old to the baby and taking pictures while I took my first bathroom trip with the midwife is something I will never forgive her for. She has the memories and I have the bad video. "

Bummer! Hopefully, by now that ass't-turned-mw has learned how to be more sensitive to families, and less inclined to insert herself where not wanted or needed. I think I'd be pretty ticked off if anyone at my births did something like that.

I guess your little note on that can go to helping ppl understand in advance that it's pretty important to tell your care providers and any other support ppl what your expectations are of them. I mean, I can see how you just would not have thought you'd need to tell a mw or ass't something like that! But if it's said upfront, then one can be sure. "We want to be there for all newborn measuring or needed procedures, and we expect to be the only ones to introduce our baby to other family members, arrange for pics, etc."

One thing I usually do when it's time for mom to use toilet or shower, is help arrange at that time who will accompany mom, and who should hold the baby. And usually, whoever holds the baby, I'll mention that we should wait for mom to return before doing anything else with baby. I mean, you'd be surprised--sometimes a grandmother, sister or best friend wants to give the baby a bath, or dress the baby or (rarely) give a bottle or some 'remedy' they heard was good for babies in the first hour. Or a friend wants to start arranging pics with other family members, stuff like that.

[flapjack]

First, I need to say that in every pregnancy, I've lost my nerve about the impending birth at around 37 weeks- just as I get close to term. Worrying so much my babe sprang breech to comfort me, the works.
All five of mine have been at home- including my stillborn daughter, who died before labour started- and I haven't regretted it for a minute. I've had the best possible standard of antenatal care, supportive attendants during labour and exceptional postnatal support and aftercare- with breastfeeding, everything. One of my births, I probably should have considered transferring in retrospect- he had shoulder dystocia and then I haemorrhaged- but we got away with it in the end, and it's all good.
None of my births have been tranquil and peaceful- they've been strong, elemental, rude and earthy. I found myself running away from my candlelit birthing nest so my DH didn't see my poo, and two of mine have been born on the toilet- a third made her arrival whilst I still had my knickers on, though it wasn't a quick labour. There was a lot of love for them- and me- the day my children were born, and we have some fantastic memories and funny stories to tell them.
BUT, whilst I don't regret having homebirthed, I do regret having allowed visitors in the day of Skye's birth and the day following. I should have guarded my cave a bit more closely.

[Emmeline II]

It seems to me that care providers have a bit influence over whether a hb is a good or bad experience; in hospitals, not only do you have to deal with the personality and philosophy of the Dr., but the Nurses as well in addition to hospital policies, plus everyone else that may wander by or in your room while you are in compromising positions.

My second was born at home. My mw and her assistant were 2hrs away at a meeting. They called later that day after the meeting; I was in labor (my first was drugged) but I didn't feel I needed them yet (and what stage I was at didn't show in my voice because I was pulling it together to be able to speak clearly).

Anyhoo, when I called them again I think they were on their way back. The next call after that they figured that even when speeding they would not make it so my mw called her mw friend, who was closer, to come to me.

Dh arrived 20min before the birth. Mw friend arrive 30min after, and I think my mw arrived 30min after that. Dh was on the phone with my mw for the birth, but dd birthed herself, pinked up right away and was nursing within a few minutes. My mw asked before doing anything, and dealt with a pph I had trying to pee sometime after the placenta was delivered. I think they stayed 2 to 2.5 hours.

Overall it was a good experience (I had pre-e induced hospital birth with the first), and I would do it again.

[gretae]

I've had two water births at home with posterior babies and wicked pain but I wouldn't have it any other way. I had to go to the hospital recently to be monitored for dehydration and pre term labor and that experience only solidified my belief that homebirth is the only way for ME. I stress me, because I'm not sure everyone should birth at home, there are definately those who are safer in a hospital, there are those that can't cope with the animalistic and earthy nature of birth and are more comfortable in a controlled atmosphere. I support those who choose to birth in whatever way they feel most comfortable. I just wish that there were more choice available to women. Homebirth is expensive for some, particularly those whose insurance won't cover it, like mine, but so worth it. I think people need to do a lot of soul searching, reading, and researching before deciding which method is best for them. For me, nothing is more empowering and perfect than delivering at home.

[KBinSATX]

We just had our second homebirth in Septmember. It was awesome! Again.
I am glad though that it was my first birth that was a little more challenging. That way my second birth just seemed fantastic.
But I loved having my babies at home. The hospitals around here have some 3 hour policy where they keep *your* baby for observation after birth for 3 hours!
I can't even imagine that!
DS was almost 2 years old the first time we were 3 hours apart! LOL

Congrats on your pregnancy and have a wonderful birth

[Blucactus]

Originally Posted by Munki'sMom

Would you ever describe it as being a bad experience? One you would not do again?

We are having our 1st HB in 3 weeks (yikes!) and I'm really nervous. My hubby always says "I have never met someone who had a HB that would not do it again, so it must have been fine/awesome".

Is this true?

Any words of wisdom for me? How can I control my nerves? What if I get into this and it is horrible?

(bolded mine)

Nope, I LOVED it. I looked up from birthing my son and said "THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!"
I am just a normal person, who feels normal pain, but my HB was very very special to me bc I had a HORRIBLE hospital birth w/an unnecisarry c/section the first time around. That was horrible. But it taught me the value of birth. So I embraced and enjoyed every sensation, good and bad, of the homebirth.

[*MamaJen*]

My homebirth was just about perfect. Seriously. I wouldn't change a thing about how my baby was born. The story is in my siggy. There was some pain, but it was never close to overwhelming or unbearable.
My sister broke her arm and I took her to the ER. I kept on thinking that, while it was a great place to fix a broken bone, it would suck to have a baby there. Everyone I know who's had a hospital birth followed by a homebirth swears they would never go back to the hospital unless it was medically non-negotiable.
Good luck! It's normal to be nervous. I was. Birth is a big deal. But I bet you'll be fine.

[Romana]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

Romana--

"~I didn't have to deal with any annoying nurses, though the mw asst introducing my 2 year-old to the baby and taking pictures while I took my first bathroom trip with the midwife is something I will never forgive her for. She has the memories and I have the bad video. "

Bummer! Hopefully, by now that ass't-turned-mw has learned how to be more sensitive to families, and less inclined to insert herself where not wanted or needed. I think I'd be pretty ticked off if anyone at my births did something like that.

I guess your little note on that can go to helping ppl understand in advance that it's pretty important to tell your care providers and any other support ppl what your expectations are of them. I mean, I can see how you just would not have thought you'd need to tell a mw or ass't something like that! But if it's said upfront, then one can be sure. "We want to be there for all newborn measuring or needed procedures, and we expect to be the only ones to introduce our baby to other family members, arrange for pics, etc."

One thing I usually do when it's time for mom to use toilet or shower, is help arrange at that time who will accompany mom, and who should hold the baby. And usually, whoever holds the baby, I'll mention that we should wait for mom to return before doing anything else with baby. I mean, you'd be surprised--sometimes a grandmother, sister or best friend wants to give the baby a bath, or dress the baby or (rarely) give a bottle or some 'remedy' they heard was good for babies in the first hour. Or a friend wants to start arranging pics with other family members, stuff like that.

I would just like to say, not in a defensive way but in a "some birth attendants just stink" way, that we discussed nearly everything ahead of time, and this particular assistant either wasn't listening, forgot, or didn't care (or all three). We went through my birth plan ahead of time in detail and she okayed everything, but didn't follow it when the time came. For example, I had said I wanted to birth in the position most comfortable for me, but she had me sit on my behind in the birth pool, which was much more uncomfortable (presumably so she had access). It was a fast second stage; no reason for concern. I had put in my birth plan that *I* wanted to catch my baby, 2nd choice being dh. Instead, she reached down and pulled ds out of me and up out of the water, then had the gall to say to him (ds) at one of his office visits that "I was the FIRST PERSON to touch you!". Nice. Did I mention her lecturing me about how much worse a hospital birth would be only 2 hours after the end of a traumatically painful birth? Or how she made comments about being able to hear me making noise from the driveway? That's right, lady, I was in so much freakin' pain I was screaming in agony. Glad it was just a sideshow to you. Or how she insisted that I had just had a "beautiful waterbirth" when I was saying how awful it was? Or that she publicly called me out on considering an epidural birth in front of other office staff and the waiting room of a family practitioner who sees mostly women who have natural births?? HIPPAA ANYONE????

Yes, she was awful. I doubt she's acquired much more in the way of tact, empathy, or respect since this spring ('08).

I'm sorry if I sound defensive. I'm not defensive; I'm PO'd.

[sunanthem]

Uh.... I LOVED my 2 homebirths, no frickin way you'd ever find me seeking a hosp. birth

yeah, HB's are THE BOMB!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

I'm sorry if I sound defensive. I'm not defensive; I'm PO'd.

And by the sound of it you have every right to be.

-Angela

[Night_Nurse]

As someone who birthed first at a hospital and then at home, I prefer homebirth a million times over! But it's all about choices and it's wonderful that we all have the option to birth at hosp., home, or at a birthing center (well, most of us, it is illegal in some areas).
As others have said, you'll find both good and bad birth experiences in either setting. And as an OB nurse, I can certainly say I've seen more than a couple of unhappy outcomes in the hosp., even with normal, full term, uncomplicated pregnancies. It's just when a homebirth goes wrong everybody talks about it. When there is a less than joyous hospital birth it never makes the 5 o'clock news, kwim?

And it's perfectly normal to be nervous and anxious about impending birth, no matter the attendant or setting.