Weekly Post Partum Chat & Support 11/15-11/21 - Page 5

[myrmom]

Oh Carrie i'm so sorry you are going through that with your Dh...it certainly isn't fair and you have every right to be upset.

Why is it men seem to think that taking care of baby is our sole responsibility.

when dh and I had our first son, we had a long conversation about responsibility and kids. When he is at work my job is the kids, his job is work. When he gets home we split everything...he does not get off the hook because he worked all day....so did I!!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

we are just built stronger....thats all it is

I like that!

Thanks guys, thanks for hearing me out. Even just typing it all out made me feel a little better, put it in perspective. And I did get sleep last night so it's not like it was "teh worst night evar" with her.

I did forget to mention that he did laundry - but left the clothes in the dryer and left wet clothes in the wash. And made dinner but left everything out on the stove and didn't load the dishwasher. Hmph.

[TaraRae82]

Oh, Carrie, I feel you pain lady. I was just getting ready to post a similar vent. Ally Rae didn't sleep AT ALL last night and was screaming. She slept for about 20 min at a time. He just kept rolling over and changing positions in bed all huffy and puffy. Well, I'm sorry we're disturbing you! UGH. Then this morning, I texted him to say I wasn't going to be joining him and his Grandma for dinner at her house tonight. His response was, "I didn't figure. You seemed frustrated this morning. You ok?" AM I OK!?!?!? You're kidding, right? That has got to be the stupidest question of 2008! I told him I was tired, cranky, frustrated, and overwhelemed. Then he says, "Just remember this is time is only a small piece of the pie and you'll miss this." Gee, thanks. I'm not frustrated with Ally Rae, I'm frustrated with you! I didn't respond because I know I would've gone off on him. I've spent the first part of this morning crying. Rough day.

On a more positive note, I forgot to post that Ally Rae ROLLED OVER, yes, rolled over on Sunday night! We were having tummy time and she started kind of teetering on her left side so I told DH to watch because I thought she might roll over. Sure enough, probably 60sec later, BLOOP! Over she went! She's just 6wks today! Good grief. I crawled at 3mo but I didn't roll this early! I'm afraid of how early she may become mobile.....things get so much harder when they're mobile. But, she hasn't done it again since so maybe it was just a fluke.

Even with my rough night and pi$$y attitude today, I'm still aiming to get my weight training and ab work out in this afternoon. Good thing is I can do weights while I wear Ally Rae, in case she's fussy. She's asleep in her Moby right now so I'm enjoying a cup of hot tea (Yogi Nursing Mother's Tea).

[sonshine_rae]

Carrie I'm sorry your so frustrated with your DH,
things happen.

Can I make a suggestion in general to all of the first time Moms? Take it easy on your DH he's a new Dad same as your a new Mom, the 'rules' of the family have completely changed and it will take a while for you both to get comfortable in your new roles. Try to count the positive things they do NOT the negative, try to thank and respect them for what they do accomplish. The more you build them up, the more they will want to help, the more you tear them down, the more likely you'll hear 'everything I do is wrong, I just can't please you anymore.' And if you get the last comment they may shutdown and stop helping all together. I say this out of love and experience.... parenting isn't quite as 'natural' to Dads so we have to help and encourage them in it.

Now to my AAM:

I LOVE my DH... he was awesome last night, I thought what he had done earlier in the evening was kind, and helpful.. but I went to bed at 10:30.. babe woke at 11pm.... DH stayed with the baby till 2am.. put him to bed (asleep) and joined me in bed for about an hour before baby woke to eat!! I got a lot of sleep last night, especially since I was able to change, feed, and get baby back to sleep by himself by 4am .. then baby slept till 7:15... yay!! I almost never get the baby back to sleep by himself again in the middle of the night .

This was just what I needed after such a awful day yesterday, now if I can just be careful to stay positive today, maybe things won't end so poorly this time.

Samuel is growing a lot lately we had to pull out the 3-6 month clothes over the weekend even! But I think that's part of the problem I may call the doc's office and see if Samuel needs his reflux meds upped due to his weight gain, since he's fussing/crying for hrs a day again and spitting up a lot after every feeding.

Something I had to do after my first baby.. and again after my second baby... though this time I don't really care anymore LOL! Was to 'let go' of the housework and how I wanted it to be done, before kids I stayed at home and kept it all nice and neat.... with each kid I've had to 1. realize things won't be that neat anymore and 2. let DH help in HIS OWN WAY without criticizing that he isn't doing it the way 'I' would. MAN that is sooo hard, but some other Moms coached me on it, and it really does work DH helps more and more these days.. when I don't fuss at him for 'his way' of doing things. Things do eventually get done, and even if they are different.. they are fine .

[sonshine_rae]

(((hugs)))) Tara I'm sorry you must have been posting while I was typing...... I've BTDT .... I find it easier to just go to the couch on days like that.. then I didn't have to hear DH's grumbles.. and could just deal with the baby. Generally at times like that my DH won't ask to help with the baby unless 1. I tell him I need help or 2. He hears how upset I'm getting (aka if I'm talking in threatening tones to a sweet innocent baby LOL!)

*AAM again ..... my period is kind of heavy and painful.... I sure hope this doesn't mean I'm going to start ovulating lol... I'm a bit freaked at the thought of Irish twins! I need to get a call in so that I can get fitted for a diaphragm again!!

[TaraRae82]

^I did ask for help last night....he was sleeping so heavily, he didn't move a muscle. I ended up going downstairs and putting her in her Moby and that didn't work. So, we paced the nursery and cried together.

[sonshine_rae]

ah man .... I'm sorry about that... I think I've cried 'with' all of my babies.... it at least relieves some of my stress as baby lets out his/her stress I guess.

(((((big hugs)))))))

[Baby_Cakes]

Yes, big hugs to you, Tara!

I know it's gotta be hard for 1st time Dads too, but it's so hard to work up any sympathy for them sometimes.

I'm also pissed b/c I was going to grab a shower while Nora is asleep -- and our water is out. WTH? That never happens.

[sonshine_rae]

Okay... now Carrie.... I think that does 'take the cake' ... I'd probably have a fit about the water going out...... errrrr! So totally not fair (((hugs)).

Ah yes..... sympathy for others is hard to come by when your having such a hard time yourself.... I know yesterday I was feeling angry about everyone and everything..... it was such a bad day.

I can only be so chipper today since I had sleep.... by this evening I'll probably be whining and upset again..... so don't mind me if I'm annoying right now..... (aka sorry if I seemed pushy earlier.. but I was just trying to help).

[Faerieshadow]

Originally Posted by sonshine_rae

Can I make a suggestion in general to all of the first time Moms? Take it easy on your DH he's a new Dad same as your a new Mom, the 'rules' of the family have completely changed and it will take a while for you both to get comfortable in your new roles. Try to count the positive things they do NOT the negative, try to thank and respect them for what they do accomplish. The more you build them up, the more they will want to help, the more you tear them down, the more likely you'll hear 'everything I do is wrong, I just can't please you anymore.' And if you get the last comment they may shutdown and stop helping all together. I say this out of love and experience.... parenting isn't quite as 'natural' to Dads so we have to help and encourage them in it.

Yes, this!!! It can be SO HARD sometimes, too, because we're the ones who went through the physical process of being pregnant, giving birth, and dealing with pp hormones, nursing, etc... but they are going through a lot of changes too. I have learned to force myself to think rationally about whatever stupid thing DH has said or done "this time"... if it's something I can tell I'm choosing to take the wrong way because I'm cranky, I drop it. If it's something that could be fixed with an explanation of my side of things, I choose my words carefully. And the nicer I am about things while still letting him know when I need something from him - whether emotionally, or something around the house, or whatever, the more he tries to make my life easier. When I let my anger or frustration dictate how I talk to him, he ends up defensive and we get nowhere.

It stills SUCKS when they just don't get things though!

[Faerieshadow]

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

^I did ask for help last night....he was sleeping so heavily, he didn't move a muscle. I ended up going downstairs and putting her in her Moby and that didn't work. So, we paced the nursery and cried together.

Make sure you tell him that tonight... and that he owes you some rest.

[Faerieshadow]

I keep missing things lol!

Carrie that sucks about your water! We have such limited time to ourselves these days it is so aggravating when soemthing interferes with it!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by sonshine_rae

I can only be so chipper today since I had sleep.... by this evening I'll probably be whining and upset again..... so don't mind me if I'm annoying right now..... (aka sorry if I seemed pushy earlier.. but I was just trying to help).

You are so helpful! Not at all pushy! I value your advice and opinions. So incredibly helpful!

[Orionbelt]

Tara and Carrie: Big ***HUGS*** to you both. It is so hard for a couple to adjust to being a family and I completely agree with sonshine about the changing family being hard on both but in our defense, the men aren't dealing with the raging hormones. It was hard at first with DH and I but I learned to communicate with DH with regards to what I needed help with and what I wanted him to do and he learned to be more sensitive to my raging hormones! Believe me when I say, it does get easier. DH and I have become even closer and more in love as the time wears on but it does take work...especially when children are added to the family.

AAM: Like many others, DH hasn't been helping out much lately and I'm exhausted but I'm not upset with him as he does have a good excuse. He is in the Navy and on course at the moment. This is his last week of course and he has three essays, a test and two presentations to make in the next two days. He has left everything to the last minute so he is pulling all nighters and hasn't been able to help with the kids at all for the last few days. In his defense, the reason he has left everything to the last minute is because he has spent all his free time with the kids and I so I really can't be mad at him!

So today, I have decided to let go and not worry about the house work. This is one of the hardest things for me to do. But I am doing it today and taking some me time and playing with the kids. I taught my 2 year old and 20 month old how to throw popcorn in the air and catch it in our mouth...it was a blast. I so needed those giggles! :

Charlotte is growing and doing really well. I'm not sure if I posted this or not (life with three under three can be pretty busy sometimes!) but we had an u/s done on Charlotte and the mass has shrunk and no longer has a blood vessel attached to it. This is great news because the Pediatric surgeon doesn't want to do surgery and basically we are just going back at 3 months to make sure that it is either the same or continuing to shrink and if it is than we are in the clear.

Speaking of Charlotte growing...she gained a kilogram in less than two weeks. Can we give a whoot whoot to my boobies! : This is just so exciting to me since my oldest daughter is very tiny for her age and it has been an issue since birth...she actually isn't even on the growth charts anymore and hasn't been since she was 9 months old. Nothing to worry about though since she has been through every test under the sun and it has just been decided she is petite and healthy.

Better run...I smell something nasty. Somedays it just feels like I do nothing but change diapers...good thing my kids have cute bums!

[crosscat]

n@k

orionbelt You got me craving popcorn.

baby_cakesSorry to hear about your water. Hope it's fixed soon.

to all the mamas who need more help/understanding from their DHs. Sonshine_rae had good advice/insight. My dh is really good about helping - especially if I am specific and direct w/requests, but I consider calla all my responsibility after bedtime coz dh has to get up in the AM and go to work. I can stay in bed all day if it comes down to it - my only obligation is feeding and caring for her right now. This baby usually sleeps well at night and just isn't very fussy in general tho, so that makes a big difference I'm sure.

AAM:
Heat is out. Luckily the fireplace keeps most of the house cozy. Waiting for repairman. Our home warranty kinda sucks. They are so slow to send anyone, then the ppl they send usually take forever.

I want to learn to nurse in the Moby. I found this link for hip carrying a newborn in a wrap while searching for vids on nursing in a moby. I haven't tried it yet, but thought I would share with you all. I think Calla will like it coz when she is alert, she pushes against my chest trying to look around while in the hug carry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFJzYo7Kjuc
Seems like I'm forgetting something I wanted to say, but chores are calling, so I'll scram.

Take care and have a good day all!

[Baby_Cakes]

^Wow, she makes that look easy. Am I the only one getting all twisted up in my Moby? I feel like an idiot.:

[crosscat]

^Watching vids (or better yet getting someone to show me in person) makes a HUGE difference to me.

[farmerjess]

Thanks crosscat, I can't wait to try that carry!

[Amber Lion]

Originally Posted by farmerjess

Em, how do you use the ACV?

Dilute it with a bit of water, swab her mouth and your nips and wash all your nursing bras and any shirts or bedding that come into contact with your nips with it.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Rae Ok, I need to vent. This is going to be long, but I'm about to blow! I am upset/angry at DH.

I've had days like that where I'm getting to the end of my rope and watching Dh act like *he's* going to fall down dead he's so tired... and I'm thinking, but *I* stayed up with her all last night and had her all day... how are *you* more tired than me?!?

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

we are just built stronger....thats all it is

I truly think this. Honestly sometimes I get so annoyed with Dh for acting like he's "so done" when *I'm* the one who takes care of her all night, all day, and most of the evening. I'm doing fine; my nipples hurt like hell most of the day, I have gotten WAY less sleep than him, and my back is killing me from wearing/holding her all day... but yeah, go take a nap honey, *I'll* watch her some more.

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

Oh, Carrie, I feel you pain lady. I was just getting ready to post a similar vent.

to you too!

AAM: I realize our Dh's are adjusting too, but sometimes it's hard to have compassion for them when you need some help. I've gotten better about asking for specific things though. Like last night, I needed to go to the bank, Dh had just gotten home and didn't want to go for a walk... so I told him I'm leaving her with you and walking to the bank. He wasn't happy about it at first, but I just insisted. It was SO nice to get out for a walk by myself!!! It took me about 1/2 an hour and I chatted on the phone with my best friend who I hadn't spoken to since before I went into labor and breathed in the brisk evening air and... it was just awesome. Totally recharged my batteries.

Midwives came for Addie's 3 week visit last night. She's 9 lbs 8 oz!!! I can't believe it... well actually I can, I've been thinking she was getting heavy! First newborn screen came back normal but we did the heel prick again for the second one. The rest of the appointment was spent speculating about why it's hurting so bad when she nurses when my nipples are only very slightly cracked and she's obviously getting plenty of milk. They agreed I definitely do NOT have thrush; I'm happy and sad about that b/c if it had been thrush I could have treated it even if it's a pita.

So we think Addie is tongue thrusting and that is causing the pain when nursing. It's not a big deal in the beginning b/c I've got a powerful let down and she's basically just gulping the milk that's shooting into her mouth, but then when she needs to start sucking it starts to really hurt. I'm doing a 24 hr diary of everything I eat (to rule out any intolerances jic), when we nurse, how long we nurse, what position, and if it hurts/how it hurts. My doula and LC friend came over too, so it was my midwives and her all trying to figure it out. Hopefully this diary will give us a better big picture perspective.

Also not helping is the 3 week growth spurt... I was getting 1/2 hr to an hr of sleep at a time last night b/t nursing, getting her back to sleep, and then falling asleep myself. I'm so , but Addie always gets up to eat between 7-9 and then will only go back to sleep after a time in the wrap and by then I'm too awake to go back to sleep. So hoping she takes a long nap this afternoon too that I can get in on.

[audsma]

nak

I've been trying to read and post to this thread since Sat. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one frustrated about sleeping on the couch.

Hugs to those of you having a tough time right now.

I took both kids to a museum on Sun. and it went great! We got quite a bit of exercise too. Yesterday was 2 appts. I took Bryson by where I worked until June, & it wasn't the visit I'd expected. More sick people than i'd hoped, so my friends didn't get to get too close. Bryson broke out w/ some major acne, so I'm hoping it won't show up in pictures over Thanksgiving if it's even still there.

I have a question for you mamas-- what temperature do you keep your house at during the night? I'm concerned b/c LO has woken up with a frozen noze and hands w/ the thermostat set at 60, and the IL's keep it lower at their house-- where we will be staying over Thanksgiving. I'll have to insist that we keep it higher.