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why are so many boys treated as sub-humans? - Page 2

post #21 of 128
i see it from girl dissing stuff to boy dissing. i dont buy it dont like eather way. pink is for girl umm nope my dd wears pink as does my ds. boys are rocks and girls are eggs. i do hear things but when i do i put them in their place. "oh boy here comes trouble"(nope that one is) "hey boy you need your hair cut"(nope just needs to get braided) "oh aint he bad" (ummm no he is just standing there looking).....both of mine are treated the same.

too funny cause i think my daughter is worse then my ds by far. bestfriends dd is worse then her ds. the top defence i have is..........
my mother still to this day (im 30) says she would of taken triplet boys in place of me because i was such a handfull...she had 3 boys in a row then years later me...:i heard that as far back as i remember but i know i am what she wanted all along so i always know i am a mommy's girl:
post #22 of 128
Oh yes, I have experienced this. The worst one I have ever heard is a father telling his little boy "suck it up, princess"
post #23 of 128
Oh, and my sil refers to her own two kids (boy/girl) as "the brats". Even to their faces
post #24 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by urchin_grey View Post
I've noticed it in others, but not with my own son. But that's probably because he has waist length hair and long eyelashes.
My DS as well. And because of his appearance, I know DS appears to many to be a spirited, lizard lovin', tree climbing little girl which is not only just fine, but considered "cool" by most he meets. When they are told he's a boy, it's easy to see their perceptions of his previous "spiritedness" change...

*sigh*

Hang in there, all.

Em
post #25 of 128
I think a lot has to do with location too. Some areas aren't so anti-boy. Granted I didn't get a son until yesterday, but I am male and was a boy and have heard very few of these things. (did hear the "Girls rule and boys drool" on the playground but it was usually responded with "Nuh uh! Boys rule and girls drool!").
post #26 of 128
I was particularly disgusted when I was at a play group a few weeks back and my son (11 months) was playing with a girl the same age. The girl's mom started talking about how the little girls daddy wouldn't like her having a boyfriend now or ever and went on to talk about how he is already planning the "I'm gonna kill you if you touch my daughter talk" for her future boyfriends.

I was pretty disgusted that because he is a boy he is already labeled as a bad and just out to get what he wants. He is just a baby.

I also hate when people put their gender issues on my baby. If they have something to say about a colour or a toy I tell them to keep their gender issues off my baby.

That being said it must be hard when girls don't fit or want to fit the mold that our society has created for them. I think it goes both ways. There is too much pressure right out of the womb for girls to be "girls" and boys to be "boys".
post #27 of 128
I have experienced this through my ds, it's horrible, there is one woman in particular that dislikes my son just because he's a boy, I have to tell him to steer clear of her, she has 3 daughters and the thing that gets me is that her youngest is really a terror, it's all about the child and not what sex they are.
post #28 of 128
Congratulations MusicianDad!!! :
post #29 of 128
I have girls and a boy, and honestly, have not experienced what many of your describe.

I do hear the 'you have your hands full' thing fairly often, and I find it completely fine. Cos I guess I do have my hands full. Three kids, a busy life, homeschooling.... yep, my hands are full. And having a climbing, noisy, crazy 3 yo boy adds to that.

Maybe I don't take offense too easily, but comments like this never bother me. Nor do ones about boyfriends etc with toddlers. I just smile and move on. It's just no biggie to me.

It's funny, because I said this on mdc when I had just girls, and was told 'just you wait, if you have a boy you'll understand.' But now I've had a boy for almost four years, I still don't understand.

Maybe it's where I live, or maybe it's just that it doesn't bother me. I don't know, but I wouldn't even care if someone referred to my little boy as noise covered with dirt - because half the time, that's what he is. (and so are my girls. )
post #30 of 128
Congratulations, MusicianDad!

Oh, yeah. I'm not even going to try and figure out whether people think I have my hands full because I have 4 kids or because 75% of them are male, (and yes, my girl is way harder to parent.) It's the constant, constant expectations.
Clothing: covered in pockets, giraffes and truly offensive slogans. I'm a little monster. Well, no, I'm not a mummy monster so I'm not genetically able to birth little monsters, that isn't one of my superpowers and evolution doesn't work that fast. Watch out, here comes trouble. Well, no, that doesn't work so well either. And so on.
David and Goliath and the whole "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" crap.
School systems, especially over here, are set up to have parents believe that because your typical 5yo boy does not, cannot, will not, sees no point in sitting still for an hour then there's something wrong with them, but does not believe that there is something wrong with the 50% of the class who do.
The one that really bugged me though: one of the birthday parties DS1 has been invited to since moving down here was a tank-driving day. Cool, huh? Dress your kids up like minisoldiers, have them run around a field covering themselves in mud and driving in tanks and military vehicles, both boys and girls- which was great until the same kid started making Alex's life a misery calling him cissy and queer and "so gay" and a load of really offensive stuff that's suggesting this 9yo really believes that little boys have to be macho man. Whatever :. There's one of those two boys who has a real problem, and I really don't think it's mine. (They're both 9, btw.) Poor kid.
post #31 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by kldliam View Post
I'm looking at 2 different hand-painted signs about 3 feet apart. The first is written in BLUE and says:



Then my eye goes towards the other sign with PINK paint:



I am not sure which is more nauseous. But I'd much rather be a noise with dirt on it than a giggle in any coating.
post #32 of 128
As a feminist, I was pretty much ready from the first ultrasound to defend my daughter from restrictive gender roles.
But I have been surprised by how unnecessary that has been. My daughter is very active and agile but it's usually considered cool for her to run faster than the boys.
My son on the other hand has been the target of a lot of rude remarks for doing ballet and oddly enough, for being well-behaved. Often when his behavior is praised in public, other parents whose sons were not praised, will respond with something along the lines of 'oh my son couldn't get along with girls/say please and thank you/sit politely/read above grade level/whatever F just did. He is ALL BOY.' I get so sick of the implication that because my son is creative, sweet, and bright, that makes him somehow neuter. Sometimes I respond that he is mostly boy, part kangaroo or something silly like that but I would really rather just call them on their sexism and be done with it. It would make sitting in waiting rooms every week with these women pretty awkward though. I feel sorry for everyone involved. Gender role dichotomies hurt boys AND girls. And I am pretty convinced that all kids, no matter how ALL BOY they are or are not, are harmed by hearing these sorts of remarks.
post #33 of 128
What bothers me is the sexual steriotypes. If I had a girl who liked to do all 'boy' labled type things (like play in mud, climb in trees, etc) - I would not get any negative comments about it. In fact, it might get praise such as 'She is going to be so strong!'...etc...
But I happen to have a very sensitive boy. He in fact, does not like getting mud on him (cries/screams if he does) and prefers to hug trees and talk to them (bless him!)...He also loves the colour pink, etc...And what do I get? Jokes about how he is going to be gay!!! WTF?!... (and this is from friends!)...I personally do not find it funny.

I also hate the attitude of 'suck it up! - Be a man'. The way boys and girls are treated differently from day one about their emotions.

I actually have a theory about this.
You know how men get 'man flu'? Like they overexaggerate any illness whilst woman tend to move on (we might be ill but we still have to take care of the children, take care of the house, go to work, etc)...I think this is their way of making up their lost affections in childhood because of the countless times they were expected to 'suck it up' and 'be a man'. (does that make sense? lol...It does to me hehe)
post #34 of 128
This attitude is often carried into adult with the comments about "Men" with the head shake, or just considering all men to be inept at anything except those tasks requiring power tools or whatever.

I've seen a lot of people consider the fathers of their children to be second rate, not worth listening to, and not even "allowed" to be alone with their own children.

The best I can hope for is that one day, DS will pick a partner who treats him like an equal. The minute she rolls her eyes and says "Men" to me, I will officially become "That" MIL.
post #35 of 128
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Layne: I feel sorry for everyone involved. Gender role dichotomies hurt boys AND girls. And I am pretty convinced that all kids, no matter how ALL BOY they are or are not, are harmed by hearing these sorts of remarks.
Yes, I couldn't agree more. They DO hurt boys and girls. Men and woman. Societies. The world. The situation pains me because I do have a son and I feel a sense of closeness of heart to boys.

If you are one of those people who it just "doesn't bother"....

well I guess that's what makes this world such a special place!
post #36 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by layne View Post
Gender role dichotomies hurt boys AND girls. And I am pretty convinced that all kids, no matter how ALL BOY they are or are not, are harmed by hearing these sorts of remarks.
Exactly. I have a daughter and two sons and I see/hear it all. Although my oldest son is mistaken for a girl almost 100% of the time like others have mentioned. He is beautiful and has long hair so obviously that equals girl. If my youngest chooses to have long hair it will be the same. Already people are having to ask because he doesn't have the boy cut.

I've heard stupid and nasty things about having boys (the horror) and about having girls (the horror). But it is looked at as a positive when a girl does something considered 'boy' but it is not cool when boys do things considered 'girl' at all. Even my friends/family who consider themselves progressive and open minded think this way and it's quite offensive to me.
post #37 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
I actually have a theory about this.
You know how men get 'man flu'? Like they overexaggerate any illness whilst woman tend to move on (we might be ill but we still have to take care of the children, take care of the house, go to work, etc)...I think this is their way of making up their lost affections in childhood because of the countless times they were expected to 'suck it up' and 'be a man'. (does that make sense? lol...It does to me hehe)
Oh man, I would rather take care of four sick kids than DH when he is sick. However, I don't think DH was ever told to suck it up and be a man, BUT I can see the lack of affection from other areas. (his parents are strange.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SquishyKitty View Post
I've seen a lot of people consider the fathers of their children to be second rate, not worth listening to, and not even "allowed" to be alone with their own children.
I don't know if this is what you are talking about, but I don't like DH to take the kids out to the store or what not until they are old enough to follow on their own, or know to find a store employee and their dad's name should they get lost. dh is often oblivious. And I don't think this is because he is a man, I won't let MIL take my kids for the same reason. So there could be other reasons mom's don't want dads to take the kids off by themselves that have nothing to do with them being men.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kldliam View Post
If you are one of those people who it just "doesn't bother"....

well I guess that's what makes this world such a special place!
This is the second time you have made a comment suggestion that those of us who don't see this type of treatment either "don't have eyes" or it "just doesn't bother us." Isn't it possible that not everyone experiences this?
post #38 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum View Post
IMaybe it's where I live, or maybe it's just that it doesn't bother me. I don't know, but I wouldn't even care if someone referred to my little boy as noise covered with dirt - because half the time, that's what he is.
mine too! he's a "noise covered with dirt" for sure! i can see how it seems insulting next to the girl quote about sunshine etc. though.
post #39 of 128
insulting boys to empower girls is not the best way to create change but i think that the girl power stuff is just a backlash against our "man's world." it's a (feeble) attempt at teaching girls to be proud of being girls and to teach them to never consider themselves as "below" boys/men. it's a shame it's not done in a better way but nothing in this world is ever done perfectly.
post #40 of 128
I have one of each and have heard that both are the hardest gender to raise, and insulting things about both.
No. It doesn't bother me to the point that I'm going to get all worked up and in someone's face. Sorry. Not my thing.
I'm the one raising these kids, there will always be stupid people out there. The best I can do is give my kids the guidance and acceptance they need at home to handle the stupidity that is bound to come their way, regardless of which gender they are.
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