Well..we aren't GD, I'll say that much. i'm not sure how much else I can say without getting reprimanded...please mods, if I say something I'm not allowed to, please TELL ME and not just reprimand me...We do not advocate hitting or anything, but we are more authoritarian, we expect our kids to do what we tell them to, yes, I'll say it, "obey" us.
I see mostly cons to the counting. In general, I am not in favor of it, because essentially, you are telling the child "you don't REALLY have to do what i say, when i say it, you can do whatever you want for a little while, and only after i count to 3, or 5, or 20, etc, do you REALLY have to do what you are told" and I think that is absolutely the WRONG message to send kids. My kids need to do what they are told RIGHT NOW when I tell them to do it. But I am talking mostly about older kids who are developmentally typical and can, if it is taught to them, have that ability. Say, 4+
Now, for a younger child, or one who has serious "transition" issues, like my dd had for a while, I can see the benefit..although again, i would "structure" it in a different way that did not make it seem like they were "allowed" to ignore me and then choose when they want to obey me. Like...I might say to dd "in 5 minutes we are going to the store, you need to be ready." and then at the 3 minute mark say it again, and the 1 minute mark I will be more firm such as "in one minute, mommy is walking out the door and getting into the car to go to teh store, you will have to have your shoes on to come with me. would you like help or can you do it yourself?"
do you see how that is different than saying "please put your shoes on rigth now, we are going to the store." and then allowing her to disobey for a period of time before coming back and telling her again or counting to 3?
We are juggling 2 jobs for dh and I, 2 seperate families with custody/visitation agreements, 4 different schools (each with various pickup times, of course!) between the 5 kids and numerous activities like wrestling, boy scouts, etc. We have a strict schedule, and being places on time is simply not a negotiable issue(the state frowns on your 10 year old being left outside in the snow after school has let out fo rthe day, for example), we HAVE to leave when it's time to leave, we don't often get to stay in the house all day, etc.
We don't pick battles if they are not necesary, and if we have the option to stay at home all day, awesome! ...but generally, we expect the kids to do what they are told *right now*, not after we count to 5 or whatever.
I see mostly cons to the counting. In general, I am not in favor of it, because essentially, you are telling the child "you don't REALLY have to do what i say, when i say it, you can do whatever you want for a little while, and only after i count to 3, or 5, or 20, etc, do you REALLY have to do what you are told" and I think that is absolutely the WRONG message to send kids. My kids need to do what they are told RIGHT NOW when I tell them to do it. But I am talking mostly about older kids who are developmentally typical and can, if it is taught to them, have that ability. Say, 4+
Now, for a younger child, or one who has serious "transition" issues, like my dd had for a while, I can see the benefit..although again, i would "structure" it in a different way that did not make it seem like they were "allowed" to ignore me and then choose when they want to obey me. Like...I might say to dd "in 5 minutes we are going to the store, you need to be ready." and then at the 3 minute mark say it again, and the 1 minute mark I will be more firm such as "in one minute, mommy is walking out the door and getting into the car to go to teh store, you will have to have your shoes on to come with me. would you like help or can you do it yourself?"
do you see how that is different than saying "please put your shoes on rigth now, we are going to the store." and then allowing her to disobey for a period of time before coming back and telling her again or counting to 3?
We are juggling 2 jobs for dh and I, 2 seperate families with custody/visitation agreements, 4 different schools (each with various pickup times, of course!) between the 5 kids and numerous activities like wrestling, boy scouts, etc. We have a strict schedule, and being places on time is simply not a negotiable issue(the state frowns on your 10 year old being left outside in the snow after school has let out fo rthe day, for example), we HAVE to leave when it's time to leave, we don't often get to stay in the house all day, etc.
We don't pick battles if they are not necesary, and if we have the option to stay at home all day, awesome! ...but generally, we expect the kids to do what they are told *right now*, not after we count to 5 or whatever.
. Any more thoughts on this?
... it is more from across the room as I am doing 10 other things. I don't expect it is any more disrespectful than my kitchen timer that will continue beeping when the pasta is done until I do something about it.
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