Counting to three.... - Page 5

[Punchy Kaby]

Originally Posted by ilovebabies

No, it's not crazy at all. You can train a child either way. You can either train them that you're not serious until you get to the "3" when counting, or you can teach them that you expect them to obey immediately. Kids are super smart. How many kids will totally ignore their parents until the mom raises her voice, starts to walk toward them, or starts counting, and then all the sudden they do what you asked? They have been trained to not take the parent seriously until this point (and believe me, children know what that point is with their parents). That's because they have been allowed to ignore the parent the first time, or second time, or whatever.

Picture the scenerio. Mom has said, "Bobby, it's time to put your shoes on now so we can leave." Bobby ignores mom and continues what he's doing. "Bobby, I said go get your shoes on for mommy." Again, ignored. "Bobby, I'm counting to 3 and you better go get your shoes on." Bobby ignores mom until... "Mommy's counting... one, two... two and a half....three!" Bobby finally obeys.

OK I seem to be stuck here and I don't know how to get out of this situation. What do I do after the first time I say, " we are going to go to the babysitters' please get your shoes." Is there something better to say? Let's say I just said this once and went and got the shoes to put on and then he is so wiggly I cannot get them on. If I try to get them on anyway he might start hitting me and all the time through this situation I am getting more and more angry. What do I do then? I usually give a 5 minute reminder when we are getting ready to leave so he is not surprised that we have to go. When I have to get to work I don't have the option of letting him dillydally.

I am trying to learn more about GD but I need a 'how-to' guide for my spirited 3 YO.

[verde]

Counting to 3 is an opportunity for my children to make their own choices. It's an oppertunity to alter an inappropriate behaviour by themselves instead of me doing it physically for them. It's a challenge to set a time limit on something they are taking their time doing. It's a chance for them to take some responsibility and exert their own will. Of course, if they are in an unsafe situation or are doing something that jeopardizes their safety, we don't count or in any way negotiate. We remove them immediately. I believe that counting has a place in gentle discipline.

It is in no way giving them 3 chances to disobey.

I totally agree. That's how it works in our house.

I also think it depends on the personality of the child. My DD does not ignore me until I get to three. She hears me and begins to end whatever it is that needs to end. Then when I say three she stops and comes to me. But in counting to three, I give her the opportunity to finish what she was doing and then act on her own. For DH and I, it works beautifully and is not traumatic at all.

I put counting to three in the same category as time-outs: for some people it works well and for others it doesn't. Part of GD is finding out what works well with your particular children.

[captain crunchy]

For dd it is a mix between playful parenting (sometimes I count in a dramatic operatic voice for instance that makes dd laugh) and a concrete reminder that my patience is ticking down to zero and when I get to three, the negotionation portion of our decision-making is coming to a close

We don't do it every day even, just in limited and occasional situations and I 100% don't believe it negatively impacts dd in any way.