Another question for tandem nursers

[ameliasmama]

Hi Mamas-
A while back I posted asking when mamas weaned during pregnancy and I read all the responses and having been thinking about it non stop! I still don't know if I want to tandem nurse, but I also don't feel ready to wean my LO, at.all!!
So, if you tandem nurse....
~how did you make your decision?
~what was your nursing relationship with your older child like before baby came?

I'm probably totally overthinking this, but I'm so worried about making the wrong decision! I hate to end our nursing relationship before either of us are ready, but I also don't want to end on a bad note if tandeming just doesn't work for us!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by ameliasmama

~how did you make your decision?
~what was your nursing relationship with your older child like before baby came?

It was obvious that dd still needed to nurse. So I continued to nurse her. Wasn't really a big "decision" as things just kept on with her as they had been.

-Angela

[LauraN]

I just kept pushing back the day of weaning b/c it was so obvious that DS still needed to nurse.

Then the baby was born, and he just kept right on nursing. He got so cute and chubby-cheeked right at first with all the fatty newborn milk!

It wasn't a hard decision for me. But it was tough going at times. When DD was born, she was so tiny that DS seemed so huge in comparison. I had some serious skin-crawling moments nursing him at times. I started having to limit his nursing sessions a bit. I also was never able to nurse them simultaneously. I tried a few times, but it was way too intense for me. So I didn't. Luckily he was old enough to understand that he had to wait his turn, and even that we were going to nurse while Mom counted to 20 slowly and then we would stop.

What was hard for me was deciding to wean him after DD weaned herself. When DD stopped, I was ready to stop and though DS was only 4, I went ahead and weaned him, too. He took it like a trooper, and he still fondly remembers nursing (and wanted to try again when DS2 was born, though he no longer remembered how).

Hmmm, I'm not sure how helpful my story was . But I guess the answer to your question is, I never actually decided, it just happened.

[jillmamma]

He was just turned 2 when I got pg, and very attached, nursing probably 4-6 times a day at that point. I kept going because he seemed to have a big emotional need to continue. Instead of a security blanket or thumb or whatever, he used my breasts as his security item. So I felt it was not fair to just take that away when he very much still needed it. I did start cutting back once I was pg to 4 times a day (what I felt I could handle and yet still meet his needs), but we kept on at that pace till his sister was born. Right after she came, he did step up his demands a lot for a few weeks, then we were able to get back to our pattern once things settled down a bit. He also got the "fat face" (gained about 5 lb in 3-4 months) after the newborn milk was in. He went on to nurse another 2 years, and I am again down to just 1 nursling since a year ago. No regrets about how we did things.

[pbjmama]

how did you make your decision?
I just went with it through pregnancy, making adjustments as needed. Adding limits when needed.

what was your nursing relationship with your older child like before baby came?
It was good. There were days I didn't want to nurse anymore so we nursed less those days. It was very helpful to have a nursing toddler after several times after the baby was born and I had a plugged duct or whatever, a toddler can suck those things right out!

[milkmamamerina]

I read up on tandem nursing when I was PG which was very helpful since the LLL book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" also has a lot of info and stories of pregnant nursing. I loved nursing my son until I got pg and then it became very irritating. I had to limit it a lot since it made me so irritable both physically and emotionally that I had to fight the urge to smack him away from me. I could clearly see that he wasn't ready to wean, so I just nursed him as best and as long as I could and then would tell him I needed a break (daddy helped distract him--he was nearly 2 when I became pregnant) I pretty much decided to see if he would self wean as my milk changed, if not I was going to give tandem nursing a try. Eventually as my milk dried up, he nursed less and less. He even went 6 days boob free toward the end, but I reintroduced it because he was having wretched tantrums.

I am so glad he was still nursing when I had my daughter because she spent a week in the NICU and I pretty much lived in the hospital that first week. His daddy and grandparents cared for him while I nursed my newborn that was wired up with all sorts of monitors and IVs. During the few short visits I had with him during that week, nursing was a wonderful way to have to express-bonding time. Finally, when we all were home sleeping together again, he woke up the first night scared and confused and we had a beautiful time tandem nursing as he got aquainted with his new baby sister and I got to hold my children together.

As time passed, I quickly found that I could not comfortably nurse both simultaneously. So, I would split the nursings and make my son wait his turn which worked well. However, I found my son's antics at the breast and the fact that his feet hit my calves while sidelying to be quite uncomfortable and my breast frequently hurt as well. I would count to 10 in a soothing voice to let him know it was time to quit and he would often let go before I reached 10. He has never indicated any jealousy over my daughter nursing and I began putting off nursing my son more and more until I had decided I was no longer going to nurse him. I would simply tell him that he has such a big mouth and big teeth that it hurts my "nursies" and I didn't couldn't nurse him right then. I would say I weaned him a week or two prior to his 3rd birthday, Oct. 30th. He seemed especially needy one day about that time and I let him cuddle my breast and he kissed the nipple. That seemed to be ok with him. Now he has taken a new interest in my bare belly. It seems he's making a substitution since he will cuddle, squish and suck on it.

sorry to be so long winded, I hope it helps.

[ameliasmama]

Thank you all for your replies. I have decided not to make a decision and just see what happens. If she's ready she'll wean and if not I will be a tandem nursing mama!

[sarah04]

Yeah, we tandem nursed because I never made a decision! That said, it made the transition with the new babe very easy. It also took care of the initial oversupply - I never had a problem with engorgement because my toddler loved all the extra milk!

[clavicula]

I had to make the decision, b/c nursing through pregnancy was h*ll for me (lots of pain and agitation). Finally, we are tandeming and it was so worth it!

[GardenStream]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

how did you make your decision?
I just went with it through pregnancy, making adjustments as needed. Adding limits when needed.

what was your nursing relationship with your older child like before baby came?
It was good. There were days I didn't want to nurse anymore so we nursed less those days. It was very helpful to have a nursing toddler after several times after the baby was born and I had a plugged duct or whatever, a toddler can suck those things right out!

This

It was never a decision that I made. I just went day to day and did what felt right for us. Some days I couldn't handle him nursing more than once per day and other days he wanted to nurse 10 or 12 times. It has worked out much better than I ever would have expected.

[kohlby]

DS still had an emotional need to nurse. Plus I've had several losses, so I also worried about weaning a child due to being pg and then losing the pregnancy anyways. It wasn't about whether to tandem or not, it was about DS having that need or not - and he did.

I did have DS cut down since I had to reduce his sessions in order to get pg. I allowed him to nurse much more often once DD was here. He was used to a lot more restrictions before DD, so he definately didn't get jealous when he was suddenly allowed to nurse more!

[RedPony]

OP, I'm in your same position and we're taking it day by day. We've cut back significantly as of a month or so ago, but I'd still say we nurse anywhere from three to six times a day.