If your 1st birth was traumatic, was the 2nd better?

[DevaMajka]

So...after posting here that I was torn about having more dc, we had a (happy) "surprise" pg.

I'm feeling less panicky about it now that I've met with a few midwives, and had some reassuring comments from...just about everybody. lol.

I'm just wondering how the trauma of your first birth (or second) affected your second (or subsequent) births.

Frt, I hemorrhaged a lot when ds was born. The midwives I've met with have told me that there's a 15-20% chance it will happen again, so that means there's a 80-85% chance it DOESN'T happen again.
I'm having midwives for my pregnancy and birth, and I've heard that here, midwives have just as much clout in hospitals as doctors do.

[bobandjess99]

Congrats!!
sadly, no, my 2nd birth was worse....at least i didn't hemorrhage a second time, but the pain was even more beyond awful than the first time had been...and it wasn't nearly as much shorter or easier than everyone says the 2nd birth is..and the afterpains were OMG! awful, and i hadn't had any the first time....all in all, way worse all around...ugh.

[AutumnMama]

My second birth was far and away better than my first! I went from 20+ hrs of labor and 2 1/2 hrs of pushing to 3 1/2 hrs of labor and 20 minutes of pushing!

I had it so set in my mind that I would be having an at least 10 hour labor, that I was pretty much in shock for the first hour of so after he was born!
I kept saying to the Midwife "I can't believe I DID IT! I can't believe it's over already!"

[Right of Passage]

My first birth didn't effect my second (except making me a VBAC) what effected my second birth was a birth story planting a seed of fear. My second birth, planned HB, turned into a transfer because I was afraid and it came out during trasition. My second birth was much better, but it still had it's bumps.

[kltroy]

My first birth was not traumatic, but was tremendously disappointing. I had been planning a natural birth and instead got 10 weeks of trying to turn a breech baby, followed by a schedule c-section. I never even got to experience labor. My second birth? Amazing. I had one VERY awful week at 32 weeks pregnant when baby #2 was breech, but she managed to get herself head-down and stayed put. Then I had another crazy week right about the same time where I had to switch VBAC care providers and hospitals because my midwives lost their backup OB. And then I went 9 days past my EDD.... but the labor and birth itself was AMAZING. So empowering, and a really great experience. Makes me think seriously about having a third baby!

[Ks Mama]

I would not call my first birth traumatic.
But I empathize with a lot of the feelings being discussed in this forum, and its so worthwhile, particularly on this site, because I think there is a lot of shame being felt when the natural birth doesn't turn out so natural.

My first pregnancy was lovely. Though my DD was breech, and we tried EVERYTHING to turn her, ended up shceduling a c-section...
then...
the day before, she TURNED! :
So the C was cancelled, we were back on the natural track. My midwife was excited, we were excited. Everything was go.

Fast forward 3 days, my water broke, and more than 24 hrs later, after hours & hours of hard back labor, oh god the pain!, consenting to an epidural that I didn't really want because I felt somehow like I'd be FAILING if I didn't go all natural (that is beyond dumb, but I'll tell you, it is pervasive on this site - we've got to work on changing th culture of shame in realizing sometimes all natural PLANS don't work out - there is a reason and a time to use medicine to help), the epidural didn't work. Neither did the subsequent one. So I kept fighting through the labor which was still ungodly painful, only now my legs weren't fully functioning, and I pushed for hours. DD was stuck. Forhead presentation - my midwife could see/feel her eyebrows, but my cervial lip was swollen and so though I'd been at 10 cm for hours, DD couldn't decend all the way. I was running a fever. They were worried about merconium. DD was delieverd by C-section 31 hours after my water broke. And honestly, the surgery wasn't so bad. Really it wasn't. What was rough, was being immediately separated from my baby for an hour while I was sewn up. Barely got to see her. That was the worst part for me. That, and we were in the hospital for a week because she had severe jaundice (from a blood incompatibility with me), my milk wasn't coming in, she was colicky from the moment she was born, I was completely thrown for a loop. Fortunately, she turned into a champion nurser, I healed amazingly well from the surgery, her bili numbers started to come down, and all was well.

Next birth, we were SO determined to do it "right". Hired a doula, did prenatal yoga, read everything I could on succesful VBACs, had another relaly well thought out natural birth plan. But the difference was this time that I ALSO planned for the things that the first time around I never thought would happen - because I was under the crazy impression that if you just BELEIVED enough & WANTED enough & PLANNED enough to have an all natural med free, perfect birth, you'd get one. This time I was ready for ALL the possibilities. And that made such a difference. Allowing myself to think, while not in the midst of contractions, about major decisions involving meds, etc., was so important.

So when my son was born via emergency C a month ahead of time, even though it was completely unplanned, and a scary surprise, I was okay, and it was a beautiful birth! We had a plan for the possibility of another C - and insisted on my husband being in the room for the insertion of the spinal. We insisted on my son being placed on my chest immediately after birth while I was being sewn up. Insisted on no separation, and we were PREPARED this time for severe jaundice (which he also had)... and were able to go home at day 3, not day 7 - and treat him at home with home health nurses & a bili blanket. And what a difference.

Anyhow yeah, if you made it this far, thanks for reading.

The answer to the question is yes, my second birth was much easier emotionally, because I didn't have that underlying sense of "failure" - that I did something wrong, or could have done something different that would have made the "ideal" birth possible, or changed the course of my second birth. The truth is, I did everything I could (and I believe this NOW about my first birth as well). My second pregnancy & birth was SO healing, and really helped me through the feelings I carried from my first pregnancy & birth. Not everything in life is plannable or controlable - particularly pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting! But it makes sense to be educated and prepared for all possibilities, on paper AND emotionally.

I highly recommend reading Birthing from Within by England. It helped me so much in my second pregnancy.

[barefootpoetry]

Yes, infinitely.

My first was a standard hospital birth, chock full of interventions including C-section, rife with fear, stress, rudeness, and utter lack of empathy.

My second was a homebirth, empowering, awesome, a little scary but ultimately incredible in all its messy, loud, unpredictable glory.

I had to overcome a LOT of obstacles of all kinds to make my second birth as polar opposite from the first as I could. It was so worth it.

[BoringTales]

My first birth experience was a nightmare. Unnecessary elective induction, 2 days it failed, I ended up with a 3+ day labor, 3+ hours of pushing, vacuum extraction, massive tearing...bawling through the last 2.5 hours of it. Not good.

My 2nd was about 100x's better. He was 4.5 hours, start to finish, less than 5 minutes of pushing, totally unmedicated. I felt 90% 'normal' about 3 hours after the birth.

My 3rd was right in the middle. Certainly not traumatic like my 1st, but it lasted about 3-4 times as long as my 2nd, which I wasn't expecting, and I did get an epidural. I had no problems with it though...

[kltroy]

Ks Mama makes an excellent point. I think the key to a great birth experience (which may or may not turn out how you had planned) is to make good informed decisions, take charge of your care, and believe that you acted correctly given the circumstances you are presented with. This may mean that you end up with interventions you hadn't planned on, but remember that all interventions were invented for a purpose, amd they can really help people when used apporpriately. No matter HOW your next birth goes, I hope you come out feeling more empowered and like you made the right decisions for yourself and your little one - because that is what makes all the difference.

[DevaMajka]

Wow! Thanks everyone for sharing.
I'm a little better prepared this time. I was pretty convinced (as was my o/b) that my first birth would be "textbook."
This time, I'm feeling a little more balance emotionally, as far as my outlook.

And I am fully expecting to ask for drugs at some point I guess here they have a lot of different pain options for different points in labor, so I may not even have to have an epi. But I will definitely not feel like I did something wrong if I choose to get one. (that was the ONLY thing about ds's birth that *wasn't* traumatic )

[imagine21]

My first birth was hard, 58 hours, hospital birth. 3.5 hours of pushing. Baby fine, but I felt like I had been through a war. It took me 10 years to do it again. I did hypnobabies the 2nd time around. Same doctor (well, if he didn't section me after 2 days, I thought he was a keeper) beautiful birth. The 2nd one healed the first one. Have hope.