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post #41 of 91
This drives me nuts. *Everyone* seems to assume that I want/need (yes, need!, I've been told that) a girl this time since I already have a boy at home.

The truth is when I got pregnant I didn't care, and then I started getting really strong boy feelings again and now I'll have some adjusting to do if a girl pops out (I'll be thrilled I'll just be surprised as well).

I am loving the thought of two boys. And after this one if I have another dozen boys that will be great too and if the next one is a girl that is also perfect

It bothers me that other people project on my family what would make our family perfect...
post #42 of 91
My favorite reply to "Do you know what you're having?" is, "Well, dh thinks its a baby, but I'm hoping for a PUPPY!"
post #43 of 91
It's not about a particular gender. I have three boys andp eople assume my second and third sons were "failed attempts" at getting "our girl". It drives me nuts, especially because they always say it in front of my boys.

OTOH, there are also those commenters that say "Oh, you're so lucky to have boys. Girls are horrible to raise."

I wish people would keep those kinds of thought to themselves.
post #44 of 91
people just say stupid insensitive things.

you should hear some of the stuff people said when i had a miscarriage, or to my friend who lost a baby at birth. just breath taking in the scope of it's stupidity.

i wouldn't take it personal, people just open their mouths to just say something, anything, and then most amazingly thoughtless things spill out.

he probably thought he was being funny. my best friend from childhood is one of 4 girls and you wouldn't believe the things that were said to her baby sister. so sad, i do think it affected her in a very negative way.

it's always nice to have snappy comebacks memorized, so that you can manage to say something when you are just reeling from the idiotic thing someone just muttered.
post #45 of 91
Many of my friends who have been pregnant recently had a gender preference-- most wanted boys. Also, I know of two families who had all boys who were open about wanting a girl-- one family so much so that everyone in the delivery room knew about it and started shrieking when they finally had one. So some people are probably just projecting their own desires, you know? FWIW, I have seen this equally (and with equal nastiness) regarding both genders.
Some posters have said this makes no sense to them, they would not care if they only had children of one gender. On the one hand, of course this is true-- healthy, happy children of either gender are the most important thing. However, I know that my mom has had very different relationships with her sons than her daughters, and I know she is happy to have been able to experience both sides. That seems like a pretty normal desire to me.

It *is* rude for people to inquire about this, especially in front of the children.
post #46 of 91
Yes, I have to say that I strongly wanted a girl. I have three sisters, so I "know" girls, and I really wanted the experience of having a daughter. Dh and I knew we were having an only, so it felt like we only had one shot, yk?

That said:
1) I would NEVER imply that another family should WANT a child of a different sex, as though the one(s) they have are not sufficient.
2) I would NEVER assume that because, pre-pregnancy, I had a desire for a particular gender, that anyone else would share that desire and/or want some sort of gender parity among their only children
3) I'm sure, obviously, that had I had a boy, I would have been ecstatic, because he would have been my child and, once he was there, I wouldn't be able to imagine having it any other way

BTW, if we were having more kids, I love the idea of having a whole pack of girls (or boys). I think there's something really appealing--not sure why--about families with many kids of the same gender.
post #47 of 91
People will always find reasons to make stupid comments no matter what!!! Just ignore them.
post #48 of 91
I also have 2 girls and then a boy. I get a ton of idiotic comments as well. The worst ones are usually from friends and family. My grandmother was just so pleased that I gave DH a son, like somehow it was a present from me to him? Excuse me?? She then commented that we have such a perfect family and that we're done now with having children. I responded with "Oh, no Mimi, we're not done having children! Besides DS needs a brother you know!" She then said "but you'll stop at 4 right?" and I told her we were going to have 18 and be on TV like the Duggars. I haven't heard any more comments from her since then about our family size.

Seriously though, my heart is telling me I want 5 children. DH doesn't like to plan more than 1 child in the future though so we'll have #4 and then see how he feels. However many girls or boys we end up with will be up to God to figure out, we'll take them.

Just wanted to add that I've BTDT. I usually respond to ppl with "Oh, we weren't trying for anything, this little guy was a surprise!" If they continue on or make some rude comment about birth control I typically reply with "Well, my husband just can't keep his hands off me, you know." That usually stops them in their tracks.

Beth
post #49 of 91
My sister is pg with number 4, she has 3 boys already everyone is convinced that the only reason she is pg again is because she wants a girl, also I too, get the comments about a complete family 1 girl 1 boy and how I mustn't have any more or want any more, but little do they know that I have endured 2 miscarriages and these comments are very hurtful to us all. I want more kids because I would like a bigger family, I have no preference for the sex I love both.
post #50 of 91
I think that it's easy to be a bit overly sensitive about things like this (just like I will openly admit that I'm overly sensitive to comments about only children, since my dd is an only!) I think that I'd make a point of mentioning it to your dds and how you're so happy to have each of them for who they are-- but I'd also try not to take it as some heavy insult or anything more than small talk, really. People want to talk, the new baby is an obvious choice of conversation topics-- the gender is probably just something that's obviously different and so people comment on it as a way of making conversation. I doubt that they mean to project anything negative at all- and I think that, unless someone has a strikingly snarky tone or something, it might benefit everyone's spirits to give folks the benefit of the doubt.
post #51 of 91
Quote:
Some posters have said this makes no sense to them, they would not care if they only had children of one gender. On the one hand, of course this is true-- healthy, happy children of either gender are the most important thing. However, I know that my mom has had very different relationships with her sons than her daughters, and I know she is happy to have been able to experience both sides. That seems like a pretty normal desire to me.
I was one who said they didn't understand it. Maybe that's not the right way to put it. I don't think people who want to experience both are bad people. But I've had miscarriages, have a child with special needs, and have secondary infertility. I understand superficially wanting to experience raising both genders, but not caring so much to the point that you'd be actively disappointed even after your child is born. I truly have no gender preference and would gladly take three more girls, or boys, or both, I have absolutely no preference for either- I can sort of understand why some people do, but not to the extent that they would complain about either. IMO, that's taking your children for granted. To me, having kids should be about wanting to provide a good life to another person and having a wonderful relationship, not projecting your own selfish desires and living vicariously through preconceived gender ideals. That sounds a lot angrier than I mean it to Like I said, it's fine to want what you want, as long as it doesn't affect your actual relationship or treatment of your child, which for some people it really does. My MIL was the fourth of five girls, and believe me, they suffered for not being boys.
post #52 of 91
My DH and I have chose to have one child and we made that clear to everyone! When we found out we were having a girl everyone kept saying "doesn't Josh want a son to carry on the name?" or "you guys are probably going to change your mind so Josh can have a boy"

My DH would not have it any other way, and he tells people that!!
post #53 of 91
to the OP: honestly, i probably would have assumed it was a (failed) attempt at a joke. who says "man-child" unless they are trying to be funny? but i wasn't there, maybe it was snide.
post #54 of 91
I have 2 boys and constantly get, "are you going to try for a girl?" Right after having my second, people made so many comments about how now we'll have to try for a girl. We tried for our children, not a particular sex.

Now that we're done with our 2 boys, people act so disapointed that we won't "try one more time for a girl"
post #55 of 91
Ya know, what I really can't stand is that other people have their "choices" for what they want you to have. I'm newly pregnant, and I already have a girl. My mom, and one of my friends are both "rooting" for a boy this time. My mom started calling this baby her grandson weeks ago. I feel like slapping them.
post #56 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by griffin2004 View Post
the honest truth is that many people DO think it's better to have boys than girls

maybe you could use a deflection like "yes, DD1 and DD2 are fabulous big sisters; DS1 simply adores them" which stops the "man child" ridiculousness and puts the focus back on your girls

my DD and I are of different ethnicities and I use this technique when someone says something boneheaded to us
Except that girls are actually more desired than boys. There's a longer wait to adopt a girl, and most gender-swaying technologies are in favour of girls. And yet you get people thinking that boys are more desired. Weird, hey?
post #57 of 91
OP, I'm sorry -- it does suck when people say thoughtless, potentially hurtful things in front of our kids.

On one hand, I agree with those who have said that these comments aren't usually intended to demean one gender or the other universally -- I think that most people who make such comments would say those things whether you had 2 boys or 2 girls already -- they just assume that everyone wants one of each.

But on the other hand, our first child was a boy, and honestly there was this weird undercurrent, never really spoken aloud but just hinted at, that we had fulfilled our procreational duty. People would just say stuff obliquely, like, "Oh good, you got your boy first!" as though the sex of our next child didn't matter because at least we had created a Boy. : So I think there may still be some subconscious undercurrent of the whole "carry on the family name" thing.
post #58 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabe View Post
Except that girls are actually more desired than boys. There's a longer wait to adopt a girl, and most gender-swaying technologies are in favour of girls. And yet you get people thinking that boys are more desired. Weird, hey?
Where? In the U.S.? Because girls being more desired than boys certainly isn't a global truth -- think of how many girl children have been murdered/cast aside in China so that her parents could replace her with a boy.
post #59 of 91
We have 6 kids and I'm expecting (due date only in July and we're not planning to find out the sex) and whenever people ask my dh if we are trying for a girl he says: "Well, if it is a girl then we'll have to work on balancing things: 6 of each sound GREAT! Actually 12 of any sex sounds great!" That normal causes their jaws to drop and then we just change the topic! :-) :-)
post #60 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabe View Post
Except that girls are actually more desired than boys. There's a longer wait to adopt a girl, and most gender-swaying technologies are in favour of girls. And yet you get people thinking that boys are more desired. Weird, hey?
I don't think the very small percentage of parents who adopt are indicative of attitudes of the larger population. My experience is that most parents who come to adoption after infertility have a variety of concerns/issues/experiences/whathaveyou that influence their gender preference. I'm no anthropologist, but offhand I can't think of a country or culture that prizes girl babies over boy babies. Maybe there are a couple of unique examples?
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