Am I just a pathetic fangirl?

[aaronsmom]

Not sure where to put this, hopefully this forum is right.
I don't even know how to convey how I feel.
As long as I can remember I've been an introvert, aside from a brief stint in my teenagehood when I tried to become a social butterfly. I've always found my escape in fantasy: books, movies, daydreams.
But sometimes the reality of my incredibly mundane life just comes crashing down on me. I know that there is nothing beyond this. There are no vampires or faeries. No elves or dwarves. No magic and no perfect, everlasting true love.
All my life I've wanted more than this. Why does life just have to be so incredibly.......well, boring?
Sometimes it's just downright depressing, honestly. I so badly wish the things of my fantasies were real that it hurts.
I become way too attached to the characters I see or read about in movies and books that when the story is over I'm sad. Even though I could go back and watch it or read it again it doesn't continue on. How pathetic am I?
Please tell me I'm not just a fruitloop.

[Oriole]

I think you ARE a fruitloop, but I'm right there with you. I tend to fantasize about being a true part of the story, and find it hard to let go of favorite characters. They seem to live in some parallel universe for me.

I'm okay with everyday life, though. I have a magical beloved. Not sure how I'd feel without him.

[Murihiku]

Some people fall in love serially. Some people take drugs. Some people spend all their money.

I think it's much less fruit-loopy to fall in love serially with stories, get high on imaginary worlds, and spend all our time in the realms of Faerie. At least that way our children don't get hurt!

I also believe that there may, just possibly, be something beyond this.

[journeymom]

You're not pathetic at all for feeling that way. I think it's really common to want to be a part of another world. I entirely identify with what you describe. And there comes a point when we compare our early expectations for life with how life has turned out to be, and sometimes real life is found 'inadequate'. Then we grieve a little.

You have a right to be an introvert, so don't think you need to force yourself to be something you're not.

But I had an experience where I took fantasy life too far. Maybe four years ago we had to make a difficult, ultimately disappointing move. I got very depressed. I'm a sahm so I'm just here all the time, in this house that I hated. Then Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince came out : and someone here on the HBP thread introduced (dun dun dunnnn!) fan fiction. It might as well have been crack. Within a week I was lost to the world. Seriously. Like, staying up till the wee hours night after night reading fanfic on the lap top, not getting dressed all day, not eating, not fixing dinner, kids watching hours of television, all so I could feverishly read fanfic. It really affected me and my family.

I have more to say about this, but it'll have to wait!

[aaronsmom]

I'm okay with everyday life most of the time. But then comes along a certain story that just captures my attention so much that when it ends I'm so so sad. But then I get over it for awhile (months sometimes years) until another story comes along that captures my attention in the same way.
Journeymom, I know what you mean. There have been times when I've been wrapped up in fanfiction (and even tried to write some of my own) but not for awhile. It's hard to find good fanfiction.
I'd really like to hear what else you have to say on this subject.

[WeasleyMum]

I think tons of people are exactly the same way, and I am too to a certain extent. I mean I like my life, but when things get stressful or anxious I tend to dive into my favorite, familiar stories-- Harry Potter, LoTR, Buffy, what have you. It's more than a little escapist, but who cares? Makes me happy. And IMO it's had a generally positive effect on my "real life" too; I have genuine friendships that started out as nothing more than a common interest in a paticular book or TV series.

[hollycat]

i think there is oodles and oodles of magic in this life, which i find more of every day. i promise you, its there if you look!

[journeymom]

Telling (and hearing) stories is fundamental to the human experience, so I feel no shame at all for being biased towards fantasy stories. Just the extent to which I checked out of the real world. I spent some time beating myself up because of my interest in fantasy.

It's taken a couple of years, but I'm engaged in the world again, or at least as much as I want to be. I'm searching for a 'cause' to dedicate myself to, someway to help other people. I don't want to get to the end of my life simply having read a whole lot of books, never having helped society somehow. The recent elections captured my imagination. Last week I spent some time motivating people to join me on Saturday at a political rally. I loved being at that rally!

Aaronsmom, I'm not sure why, but fanfic just keyed into a need I had. The sexual content was a big part of it. Honestly, sex with dh while I was reading fanfic was some of the best we'd ever had. And fanfic authors can 'make' the characters do things that the Author isn't interested in. It was great to discover that other people like some secondary characters like I do, and it was thrilling to immerse myself in stories that focus on my favorite characters. But it was too easy to tell myself I'd just read one chapter and then go do laundry, okay, one more chapter and I'll start dinner. One more chapter with the laptop on my lap with dh sleeping next to me. And then sure enough, it was 3:00 am and I'd finished a novel length fanfic!!

It helps that since Deathly Hallows came out the volume of fanfic has dropped off significantly. Then this one particular author pulled her fabulous story, unfinished, and that was it. Time to re-enter the world. Once in a great while I check to see if this one good story has been updated, but it's been eight months. I'm not holding out much hope that it will ever be completed.

[Murihiku]

Originally Posted by journeymom

I'm searching for a 'cause' to dedicate myself to, someway to help other people.

Ooh, if you're looking may I suggest Amnesty International? It's perfect for a reader/writer/introvert if you fit any of those qualities. It's good for a busy parent because you can write letters/emails at home, and/or join a local group if you want more "rally"-like experience. It's apolitical and it's dear to J.K. Rowling's heart.

And I've been right there with you in the fanfiction binges. And fanvids too!

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by Murihiku

Some people fall in love serially. Some people take drugs. Some people spend all their money.

I think it's much less fruit-loopy to fall in love serially with stories, get high on imaginary worlds, and spend all our time in the realms of Faerie. At least that way our children don't get hurt!

I also believe that there may, just possibly, be something beyond this.

You're right.
I know a lot of people escape into fantasy worlds. I guess I 'binge'. Sometimes I can go a year or more without finding a story to fall in love with (or falling in love with an old favorite all over again *cough* LotR *cough*). I re-enter the real world after a few days or weeks of serious obsession.
I jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon quite late actually. The first book came out when I was pretty young and I read the first few chapters and found myself extremely uninterested. Just recently (within the last few months) I sat down and watched the first five movies and then I just had to go get all the books and suddenly I just fell in love! I was so upset when I heard they had pushed the HBP movie back to July. But now I'm in love with the Twilight series (having just finished Breaking Dawn and the partial draft of Midnight Sun on the author's site) and am seriously looking forward to November 21st! DH and I already purchased tickets to go see the movie.
Lord of the Rings has been an object of my obsession since about 4th grade, waxing and waning as the years go by. I re-read the books and re-watch the movies at least twice a year.
Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches and Vampire Chronicles series' is another of my favorite fantasy worlds.

[SAHDS]

Man, if I told you even a portion of the extent of my Harry Potter obsession, I guarantee it would make you feel tons better about yourself.

[Verity]

I guess I am a bit loopy, too. Two of my children's names came about because of a series or movie I loved.

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

Man, if I told you even a portion of the extent of my Harry Potter obsession, I guarantee it would make you feel tons better about yourself.

Thanks.

[philomom]

Sorry, my life could never be boring. Each weekend I take the kids and dh on some little adventure or have them try a new food. We go to our local science fiction convention. We belong to book clubs. We host game nights. We hike and camp. There's so much that's wonderful in the world out there.... you only have to take a little time to discover it.

Stretch yourself a little. There is magic of a sort out there, I've seen it.