Is Creativity Harmed By Parent Participation?

Dear parent,

As long as the child initiates her desire to do something and is doing her own creation, I would not worry about it. The confusion for the child starts when there is an illusion that the parent and child are creating together. As long as you are creating for yourself of your own initiative and in no way attempting to get your child to participate, your child is not likely to want his creation to look like yours.

When you do your own crafts, do so when your child has another care giver and is occupied with her own activity. If she is alone and bored, obviously she is more likely to do what you do in order to be with you. Children need clarity and honesty. Your craft is not hers and she cannot really “help” you any more than she can help you breath, eat or sleep.

If she wants to “help” you, be honest and tell her that you don’t need help because art is self-creation. Tell her she is welcome to the materials, to do her own thing. If you are doing something she cannot do, it is best to be clear that this not something she can participate in. If you must do your craft when alone with her, she can bring the wool, pile the left overs in a paper bag, hand you things as you need them etc. She can learn that mom has her own activities that are not hers. It is best not to give a child the misleading illusion that she can do everything like you. Best to be honest so her desire to create comes from inside.

Still, networking can be fine, as long as it is about the networking and helping and not about pretending to “create” together.

Music is slightly different because there is nothing left to look at after one is done singing or playing an instrument. The music exists only in the moment of creating it.

Without a visual lasting “outcome,” the child does not become attached to “result.” I find that children of professional musicians don’t usually compare their own musical experiences to their parents performance (unless parents teach them to compare without realizing the harm they cause.)

In the same way that the child learns to speak and is not harmed by the fluent speaking of the adults and older children around her, so can her musical creativity develop by the exposure to skillful musical performance. Music learning is like learning a language. The child must walk her own path without coercion, correction or intervention.

Either play the music you play, without pretending that she can do the same, or, if you play with her, follow her lead and stay at or bellow her level. This way you are collaborating with her, joining in her experience.

To make music with your child yet without directing or implying expectations, I suggest you take my “Natural Young Musician” phone session: http://authenticparent.com/musical.html. In this session I provide lots and lots of musical games and activities that children end up initiating with or without their parents and through which they learn the fundamentals of music and musical creativity.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/