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Children Hurt Toads

Naomi Aldort

Dear Naomi, I have two boys (5yo & 3yo), and recently they have discovered the wonders of toads. We go on toad hunts maybe 2-3 times weekly. My concern is how they are handling them. They play with them of course, but they seem so rough with them, and the toads usually die within a few days. The boys throw them, hold them by the legs & twirle them around, drop them from high places. They say, "Mom, look!" I can't bare to watch; I try very hard not to intervene, and sometimes I catch myself giving dissatisfied looks or saying, "Toads feel pain too, and maybe they don't like to be touched that way; animals like to be touched gently." I want them to be curious & learn from these toads, and I want to give them the freedom to learn, and also, it's hard for me to see how they handle these creatures. Even though they are "just toads," they are still living things; how do I help them understand "animal" care without thwarting their curiosity?

Dear Parent,

By letting your sons play with the toads the way they do, you have taught them exactly what you wish you didn’t. Children respond to guidance. If you have the the animals protected as you would another child, your children will follow your guidance. If they don’ts, then stop the activity, as they are not ready. In addition, as yourself why they don’t follow your guidance; why don’t they trust you and take your word seriously? 

For now I recommend that you tell the truth: “I have been inauthentic by taking you to “hunt” toads and letting you play with them. This is not the way to treat them. They are not toys. We are going to stop collecting them for now.”

When children are not ready for toads, that’s fine. Next time check readiness and respond to reality with confidence. There are many areas in life that you know to respond clearly based on readiness, specially when safety issues are involved. It is the same with this game; they are not ready yet.

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com

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