Dealing with Divorce

I am sorry for the loss and grief that you and your son are experiencing. It is positive that you recognize the stress you are all going through. A two year old child typically experiences some form of separation anxiety without going through the loss that he is. The battles you describe also sound developmentally normal and aggravated by the separation from your son's father. Having said that, I have a few suggestions for you:

1. Acknowledge your son's sadness, anger, and hurt and let him know that you are hurting and feel sad too. Have your son color a picture for his dad and get him outside playing as much as possible. Try to keep your routine with him as normal as possible. Reassure your son that the separation is not his fault and that daddy and mommy love him very much.

2. Work with your son's father to develop a parenting time schedule that is consistent depending on your circumstances. A consistent time schedule based on your son's age might be two to four times per week on the same days each week. Consider setting up a phone schedule either until the face-to-face parenting time begins or in addition to the face-to-face parenting time to maintain contact and help your son feel reassured. Talk with your son's father about the importance of reassuring your son himself of his love for him, etc. If you are having difficulty communicating with your son's father or the two of you disagree as to what is best, seek out a trained mediator or parenting coordinator in your community through your local family court or one of the following websites www.mediate.com or www.divorcenet.com A mediator is a trained professional usually with a mental health degree, or a law degree and specialized training in mediation. The mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates you and your son's father making the necessary decisions you might not be able to make without someone else assisting you. A parenting coordinator is a trained professional with mediation training, the professional degrees, experience with high conflict families and specialized training in parenting coordination. You can go to www.afccnet.org for a booklet on developmental needs of children and suggested parenting time scenarios based on developmental needs. They also have a brochure on information for never-married parents.

3. Last but not least, take care of you! Not knowing your circumstances it is hard to make specific suggestions. However, I would make sure you get out socially to a movie, take a walk daily, or participate in other similar activities. It might also be helpful to see a counselor if you are not already doing so. Go to www.helpstartshere.org or check with your insurance company for a referral. You might also want to check out the following two books: Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci and Crazy Times by Abigail Thetford.