Highly Emotional and Sensitive Mamas Tribe - JAN '09. [Archive]

lovbeingamommy

11-16-2008, 11:25 PM

Whew!! I saw this suggested on the Questions and Suggestions forum and thought this would be a perfect tribe for me. Why didn't I think of it :duh

Well, it's here and I hope we get plenty of members to take part because as far as I'm concerned it is a serious issue for me especially when it comes to my DS. I believe this is where the majority of the emotional/sensitive issues originate from.

However, my whole family is emotional (and often times can't deal with things logically because emotion gets in the way) and then here's me - the gifted logical adult with a highly emotional/sensitive side. Oh great, seems like a major juxtaposition to me. These two parts of me - the logical and the emotional/sensitive do seem to collide quite a bit and cause me great distress :irked: It gets me in trouble to as people don't understand just how much things affect me inside and expect me to just think about it well...logically. GRRRRR

Often times I'll cry and take things so personally when I hear or see something on the news or internet. This has definitely increased since I had my LO. The worst is hearing about toddlers drowning in pools :(- I live in AZ so I hear about this at least probably once a month on the news. It tears me up and I feel the need to do something about it.

Well, hopefully this is a good start...I could go on...but a chocolate pie is in the oven :eat: mmmmm

Any others around ?

I sent out contact/friend requests so we could stay in touch easier...if you're interested :)

carmel23

11-16-2008, 11:47 PM

I am part of this tribe. :o I have outlets that help me manage myself, but really sometimes I think I am debilitatingly (is that spelled right?) sensitive.

lovbeingamommy

11-17-2008, 12:37 AM

babygrant

11-17-2008, 09:33 AM

I defenitely belong to this group.

I chose the wrong career for my type of personality I think. I worked in a nursing home and as a home support worker so I was constantly in contact with palliative residents and residents who have passed away. I would cry and cry and cry when I got home because I was so sad. It was very upsetting, but I lost my permanent job and I haven't been able to take any shifts at my casual position because I have no daycare.

If someone says something to me that is rude I will cry. I remember working as a cashier at a department store and a lady yelled at me about some pricing and I burst into tears. I can NOT stand being yelled at or I just break down.

My hubby came home for the weekend, he's been gone for a month. He was home for 2 days and left again last night and I've been crying ever since. I'll probably cry for another 4 days.

Anyways, kids calling for me. Subbing to this thread though!

carmel23

11-18-2008, 06:03 PM

carmel23 - tell me, tell me how do you deal with the really debilitating times. I need some of those strategies myself. I'm thinking of going to church counseling, but would like to try and do something on my own...like maybe meditation or yoga, anything that works :innocent

TIA - Kate

Not that I do it well, but reflecting on this, this is what seems to help:

I'm Roman Catholic and the cycles of the Church, the feast days, confession, really, really seem to help. It keeps me from thinking about myself, and gives me a great strength. I could see if you are any religion, really focusing on the seasonal rhythms could be very good.

Also meditation, or contemplative prayer...

And my having my dh to talk with and get me out of a funk.

But a good counselor might be the right thing, that is basically what Catholic confession is (it isn't just self-loathing and guilt :wink)... You can get all the bad stuff off your shoulders, ask questions about stuff you are struggling with. But I would be *VERY* careful and evaluate the person before getting too personal. I could see that a bad/insensitive counselor could really do harm, yk?

And chocolate...

Other then that, I would love to hear how others strengthen themselves... And using it as the gift that it is--because it is a gift. I used to write a lot, and writing (although it can cause a total breakdown) seems to be a really good process... Anything that is creative and challenging and belongs only to you, yk?

lovbeingamommy

11-20-2008, 09:37 PM

sensitively...bumping :innocent

Nibikwe

12-07-2008, 06:36 PM

Hi
HS MAMA HERE!
I find writing really good too.. but only if I can focus, and if it's relatively quiet! lol
On the weekends I put the ipod on and for an hour or so my partner looks after the kids and I sew or paint or look at art magazines and just disappear into the worlds other artists have created. Sometimes I throw rocks and driftwood into the water. As hard as I can!

I am struggling with neighborhood NOISE today!! We went for a walk to get away from the noise, but coming home midday is just too overwhelming sometimes! I feel really resentful because I choose to be a sahm and then to contend with all the daytime noise around here just makes me feel hopeless!! what if I want to try and get a nap?! not possible! Do I have to go to the library and "accidentally" fall asleep with my baby on one of their couches? I have earplugs in, but all I could hear was a neighbor hammering like it was on my head, some out-of-school teenaged kids playing deep bass music, even my heartbeat is giving me anxiety! Seriously. Does anyone else have trouble functioning, thinking, when there's noise? If someone drops something hard on the wood floor it just sends my nerves right up. I'm probably stressed too, but I'm considering getting up in the middle of the night to do my creative work. It's just all too much in the daytime! It bugs me to have to leave home to feel better. The beach is good if you have one nearby. Maybe we'll just camp out at the beach every day....

I needed to vent! Thanks for understanding.

Erin

anjelika

12-08-2008, 03:32 PM

I'm super-sensitive. I find that though I have outlets, I still have issues dissipating emotions. It's rough! :o

lovbeingamommy

12-09-2008, 11:55 PM

Hi
HS MAMA HERE!
I find writing really good too.. but only if I can focus, and if it's relatively quiet! lol

I am struggling with neighborhood NOISE today!! We went for a walk to get away from the noise, but coming home midday is just too overwhelming sometimes! I feel really resentful because I choose to be a sahm and then to contend with all the daytime noise around here just makes me feel hopeless!! what if I want to try and get a nap?! not possible! Do I have to go to the library and "accidentally" fall asleep with my baby on one of their couches? I have earplugs in, but all I could hear was a neighbor hammering like it was on my head, some out-of-school teenaged kids playing deep bass music, even my heartbeat is giving me anxiety! Seriously. Does anyone else have trouble functioning, thinking, when there's noise? If someone drops something hard on the wood floor it just sends my nerves right up. I'm probably stressed too, but I'm considering getting up in the middle of the night to do my creative work. It's just all too much in the daytime! It bugs me to have to leave home to feel better. The beach is good if you have one nearby. Maybe we'll just camp out at the beach every day....

I needed to vent! Thanks for understanding.

Erin

Oh Erin, I so understand about the noise issue. I think that's why I'm a night owl. As soon as DH and DS are tucked away in bed I'm on the other side of the house doing my creative projects or thinking about some project or plan that I'm going to try and put into action. With me though, having OCD makes the whole noise and other people issue even worse, but thankfully my family understands that when I say I need to be ALONE...I really do mean it and they respect that.

Ahhh, the beach that would be nice, but alas, I'm in the desert :( far from any shore.

dhinderliter

12-14-2008, 08:58 PM

lovbeingamommy

12-14-2008, 09:58 PM

i guess i fit in here. dh and i have been going through counseling and she gave us a book about the personality types...besides being incredibly helpful at putting the different personalitys into groups and explinations i found out that i am a type 4 personality (which is not the same "style" of type as a "type 1 personality" type of thinking) 4's are RULED by their emotions. so although some things dont bother me when i do feel agrevated, upset, hurt, sad, horny WHATEVER i just get overwhelmed with those feelings. being able to recgonize this and realizing all of the information has been really helpful. especially since i have not had a way to use words to express this nor did i ever think "hey this may not be how everyone else feels their emotions".

i know its going to be a challenge to learn when its ok to go with the feelings and when i need to take a breather and just calm down. i also need to find a good medium that i can focus on and not just feel "normal' but to try to maintain and learn to be that way when needed.

Enneagram test (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) if anyone wants to test themselves. its long (15 questions for 9 personalitys...so 135 question test)

:w

At first I thought you might be talking about the Briggs/Meyers personality type tests. I took that in college and it described me to a "T". I haven't heard of the one that you linked but I'm going to check in out in the next few days or so.

So, I'm curious, is the counseling helping a lot? My Dh and I have gone through so much in the past few weeks that we're both about at the breaking point. I have severe OCD and he (at 42) had a minor stroke last week! Boy, that was a wake up call to lose weight, change diet, and exercise more.

Again, welcome and hope to see some of your posts soon :)

dhinderliter

12-15-2008, 09:30 AM

no thats a diff test. i should take that one too. counseling has helped us. our friends down the street are going through counseling as well for different reasons. both are pretty extreme though (divorce). we have a specialty counselor and she comes to our house! :joy: so we don't have to find childcare or even go anywhere. its all out of pocket though and we are starting to struggle with the cost. :( thankfully we have about 2 months of weekly therapy under our belts and might cut down to 2x a month now. we'll see how today goes.

i hope your hubby is doing better and things slow down.

Anna's Lovey

12-30-2008, 05:48 PM

I feel like crying because I made my daughter cry by suctioning out and wiping her nose, so I belong here. I've found that Cognitive Behavoral Therapy really helped before the birth of my daughter, but now I don't think I can do any groups for a while. my daughter is eight months old and I'm afraid to leave her with anyone, even my husband. sigh.
Nice to meet all of you.

lovbeingamommy

01-02-2009, 01:19 PM

:w Anna's Lovey -

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now :( It was really hard for me to leave my LO with anyone else...still is. But I have no choice if I want to work p/t in order to have my medical benefits. It's hard, maybe you could start with leaving her for really short periods of time like 30 min. or so while you run a quick errand.

I was glad to read that CBT has worked in the past. I'm going through that right now with my OCD problem and I think my sensitivitity is heightened because if it.

Good luck mama, and I'll be thinking of you :)

I sub to this tribe so I check it every few days. It's not super active, but hopefully others will see it as it gets bumped up to the top with a new post.

Theia

01-02-2009, 02:36 PM

Hi. I'm part of this tribe too. I have always cried way too easily and am unable to control it. My anger can also be just as intense, and I've done a lot of work on that. It is generally controlled unless I am around someone else who is OOC. One thing (of the many) that bothers me about being so emotional is that if I am in the heat of an argument and something is said that hurts or angers me.... I forget everything! I forget what were the valid points I was trying to make, I forget what was literally said to me just a minute before. I then feel so lost and frustrated because I can't remember what the argument was even about! I guess that should be my clue to let it go, huh? :o But instead I will keep whatever going by backtracking to a point that I do remember and then hoping the other person will say something that triggers the other memories. :eyesroll

Pre-motherhood, I was able to meditate 2x daily for several years. That helped so much, not just with my emotional aspect, but with clarity and my response to things as well. I need to make that a priority again. I felt so much better during that time. I know even 1x a day would be a tremendous help right now. Now I am inspired that I'm going to meditate when DD naps.

Purple Sage

01-02-2009, 03:08 PM

Hi, I think I belong here, too. Pregnancy has definitely made it worse, and I have this sinking feeling that I'm going to be a total wreak after the baby is born. :(

My main problem is that I take everything personally. I'm also, like others here, very sensitive to noise and get overstimulated easily. The worst thing for me right now is that my dh just doesn't understand me at all. Especially during this pregnancy, I've been so emotional about everything, and all I really want is for someone to be sympathetic and understanding and say something nice to me. I've expressed this need to him many times, but he's apparently not capable of doing that. :( It has gotten to the point where I'm considering medication (but probably won't end up getting any because I'm not comfortable with most meds & pregnancy/breastfeeding).

Anyway, just thought I'd introduce myself. Sorry I don't have any insight or ideas to share with anyone right now. :o

cad's_mommy

01-03-2009, 04:13 AM

Hello, I'm a newbie to this site, and to your tribe...if you don't mind.

I've been told, " Oh your too sensitive"! So, to be honest with myself and a bunch of strangers, I've been in denial about my sensitivity. I have tried to overcome it, and I think that I have learned to handle my emotions in a much better way, thanks to my relationship with Jesus Christ.

But when I'm angry with say my sister, she can argue or state her issues in a calm B**** way with a smile, and I end up yelling and then crying. Every stinking time. I cannot control it. I HATE it, because then I look like the bad guy because I can't be rude in a calm manner with a smile. UGH!

So, I actually try to avoid conversations with her and other family members that I know will turn into a disagreement about something, and since I'm quite vocal with everything, I know that I won't be able to be calm like them and then I end up looking like a lunatic. And it's all because I am extremely sensitive.

Unfortunately, I have noticed that my 6yr ds is just like me, and that makes me sad, and then I cry for him.

I think we have a gift, but it's hard to know how to use it properly.

wife to Jeff :couple 11/01/99, mommy to Carder 05/28/02 :argue: Adryenne 06/28/05, Davis :boybaby:06/05/08, and :angel :angel :angel.

lovbeingamommy

01-03-2009, 01:02 PM

:w mamas

peace laughing

lemongrass

cad's mommy

I share so many of the thoughts, emotions, and concerns that you've brought up in your posts. I'm hoping that through this thread we can help each other to understand ourselves better as well as help those around us to understand (as cad's mommy said it best, the gift that we have.) I truly believe that supersensitivitity is a gift and needs to be nurtured and used to it's full extent. I hope everyone will sub to this thread so it stays on top of the subforum posts. I'm linking all mamas as friends so we can stay in touch if needed for more immediate support :love :love

Theia

01-03-2009, 01:24 PM

lovbeingamommy - ahhh.... that is so sweet of you.

I know there have to be advantages to being super sensitive. I hope we are able to discover some here together. I've always treated it as a debilitating thing. And I have often said I feel things more intensely than most people, but always when referring to negative emotions. I guess it is more acceptable to feel more pain than it is to feel more love. Does that make sense?

I tried to write up a decent example to clarify my previous statement, but failed and deleted it. But surely the mama's here understand what I'm trying to say. :shy

Purple Sage

01-03-2009, 04:31 PM

cad's_mommy, thank you for the reminder that being sensitive is a gift. It's easy to forget that in the midst of feeling pain, but you're right that it is a very positive thing when used properly.

lovbeingamommy, thanks for the welcome and for starting this thread! :love

bristow

01-10-2009, 11:45 PM

Hi, I would like to be a part of this group. I'm newish to MDC and new to realizing that I'm HSP (highly sensitive person). I just discovered the book "Highly Sensitive Person" when a friend suggested it may apply to me. Have you all read it? Is that where you got the term? It felt good to read the book and find out that there isn't actually something wrong with me- I just need to understand and accept that I am extra sensitive and live in a way that doesn't exacerbate my sensitivities.
-Tumalo

lovbeingamommy

01-11-2009, 12:26 AM

lovbeingamommy

01-11-2009, 12:38 AM

Yes, I said "gift" because having read Howard Gardner's Theory on Multiple Intelligences, I believe our emotional and sensitive side would be considered an intrapersonal intelligence. This gift allows us to detect and act on complex differentiated sets of feelings. However, there's also the interpersonal intelligence that allows HSP to sense in others' their feelings and sensitivities. So I suppose either of these would apply to us in our situation. WDYT?

lovbeingamommy

01-27-2009, 12:11 AM

Givin' us all a gentle :bump:

Lately, I've been crying at the drop of a hat whenever I hear a sad or depressing story from someone at work or from family. So for the past few weeks I decided no more mascara...it's just not worth the raccoon eyes everytime :lol

anjelika

01-27-2009, 09:42 AM

I've never worn mascara for that very reason! :o

The economy is really stressing me out - mainly because I'm definitely feeling an "every man for himself" mentality at work. People in perpetual bad moods and intentionally sabotaging one another. I just want peace, happiness, and prosperity for all of us. No contests! :(

dhinderliter

01-27-2009, 02:51 PM

i don't get to "feel" my sensativity alot. i stay at home and don't have much contact with alot of people. specially from when ds was born to jan 08 i was just dead. its odd to get back into my emotions but its relieving. i was crying after dh got home one day and i really wanted to stress that it wasn't that i was SAD. i was overwhelmed. i felt his happiness, my happiness for him, felt like i had hurt my bf, felt the frustrations of my crush who was in africa, plus a little bit of lonelyness while dh was gone AND also happy about the relationships that were growing so quickly. it was ALOT to process and i just had to cry about it. and none of it was sad! :shy

last weekend we were out with our friends again and we were all drinking. it was all a new situation and all of the sudden i just had this jolt that i had to stop and console dh. that somehow he was upset/uncomfortable or something. i was the DRUNKEST person in the room at the time and still my feelings are right there on the surface. :eyesroll i wonder if i shut myself out of more friendships as an almost subconcious way of not getting overwhelmed. i can deal with crowds and going out (as long as the attention isn't on me) and i always WANT more friends but in reality i don't make them well. *shrug*

i'm very interested in my feelings though. when i feel something new i try to stop and analyze it, dissect it down, see if its connected to another feeling or if theres something i can do to reinforce it (if its good) or fix it (if its bad AND my feeling).

i'm afeared though that although i would like to get a job outside the home i am far to volatile to hold one down. i've been spoiled with being my own boss, setting my own hours and being a homemaker.

don't mind me rambling...:D

littlehawksmom

02-11-2009, 12:37 AM

Subbing.
I am very emotional and sensitive. Sometimes it is a gift and sometimes it is a curse.
I can be impulsive because sometimes the emotions are looming and that is all I can see. Then I need to do something to shake things up and get things changing.

My dh will never admit his feelings or talk about them. I get so scared of him when I sense his darker moods or displeasure-I feel like it is something I have done (and a lot of the time it is-it just comes out later:irked:). When he scolds me or judges me or dismisses me or anything, I take it so hard. I am afraid to talk to the man. I am pretty sure it not just me 'taking thing personally' all the time. I wish he could be gentler with me, but he says, if I have a problem with it, it is my problem. And he is right on some level.

But, it would help so much to hear some reassurance sometimes.

I think my sensitivities are a gift-it can be exquisite. But I have to hide my nature from my dh, who just tramples me.:(

jackie75

02-11-2009, 09:03 AM

Subbing. I read the highly sensitive people book...& I definitely fit in here. Be back later...have to go shopping. :dizzy:

dhinderliter

02-11-2009, 11:45 AM

i've been going through and sorting out my feelings from everyone elses. i'm so suceptible to feeling everyone elses feelings along with my own that they don't even realize that simple from the heart feelings can be to easily taken that i "need" to feel them as well...whether they are true or not!

my BF broke up with me a few days ago and my dh thought something was SERIOUSLY wrong. "my emotional well of a wife has apparently felt nothing its one of the signs of the apocolypse!" :eyesroll:shy at least he made me laugh! but it made me realize that my feelings aren't true if i'm feeling everyone elses as well. in some ways i don't like cutting myself "off" from everyone else....but i also make spur decisions based on emotion. they are the only thing that counts if its all i can see.

joyful373

02-12-2009, 06:28 PM

Wow... do I belong here! I am new to the forum, but an extremely emotional person. Before I was pregnant I was very emotional and sensitive. I have been told that I have a "big heart." I cry at almost every emotion the G-d created... :) I am so glad to be made this way though- although at times it is very trying.
Then I couldn't experience love and joy to the extent I do- even if the painful times are more so.

Now that I am pregnant, my emotions are even MORE raw and obvious (was that even possible???!!) and it is almost a daily exercise to remind myself about boundaries, and whether or not that person who made a quick quip really ment the comment to hurt the way it did... or to consider the source and not take things as personally.

Gosh it's good to find others like me :joy: