Jesse

[Celestial]

I'm having a really shitty week.

Jesse was due 4 years ago tomorrow. I'm not having an easy time of it right now. I've been down all week long.

Why can't it just stop hurting?

[onehipmomma]

(((((((((((((Celestial)))))))))))))))))

I don't know when the huring stops, I wish I had some awesome healing words for you.

I am thinking of you and wishing you peace.

[Jacque Savageau]

Celestial - I know how hard anniversary dates can be. We wanted our children so deeply. It makes sence that we would miss them just as deeply.

It's been over 8 yrs. now since my daughter was born still and it still hurts at times. In the spring when flowers bloom. At Christmas (she was born 2 weeks before Christmas), at Thanksgiving (I was big and pregnant and very happy then). So many times the wound seems to split open again.

Time does take some of the pain slowly as you find a place of peace with what has happened.

I'll be thinking of you today - please post again if you need too - that's what this forum is about.

Sending gently, loving hugs and thoughts.

[Celestial]

Thanks. I don't know what else I can say to let you know how much your support means to me.

This time of year, is very hard for me, as is mid-August- September 15.

Just trying to ride it out.

Thinking I'm going to hit the garden centers today and tommorrow, and piuck up some plants that are in bllom. Time to do my memorial garden.

[Jacque Savageau]

Celestial, The garden sounds very healing. I think it's healthy for us to remember our lost children. I always think of the time I spend as a small part of me mothering her memory in the only way I can.

My Crocus are already blooming and it's a beautiful reminder of someone so dear. In early Summer the Pansies will bloom, the Straw Flowers into Fall. We have it timed to bloom from early Spring to late Fall. I want to plant the Gords that look like Pumpkins this year - that would really be cool to me.

So many people thing it's unhealthy to remember or memorialize our children. I think it brings us to a greater peace. The Greif becomes a part of us, who we are, who we've become. By acknowledging this I feel we come to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I do understand certain times being harden than others. Your in my thoughs.

[LEmama]

:fairy Celestial ~ sending love and peace your way...

[Irishmommy]

((((Celestial))))

[kykarraliv]

((((Celestial)))). It is so hard to get through anniversaries. I just went through the 1st anniversary of Hannah's death on Feb 23rd. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

A tender kiss on the cheek from Hannah to Jesse.

[Celestial]

Thanks everyone. I'm doing better this week.

kykarraliv: Hugs to you. I love to think of Jesse having other souls to keep company with. The image you just gave me is so very sweet.

Irishmommy, LEmama and onehipmomma: Thanks for the love. :)

Ms. Mom: I have never understood why people think it is okay to just gloss over the loss of a baby, in any way or form. They don't talk about it. They don't refer to the child. Those babies MEANT something to us! So when other people don't talk about the lost baby, or acknowledge they even existed, it hurts. We've already been robbed of the chance to make memories with that child, and then we are supposed to forget that the promise that baby was too! We are supposed to "forget" that child ever existed!

My friend started laboring last week, and I was afraid she was going to have the baby on Jesse's due date. Well , we are still waiting for her baby, but I don't know how I would have dealt with thngs had the baby been born on the 11th. It's selfish, but sometimes it doesn't seem quite fair that there shou;ld be a celebration of life on a day when *my* baby should have been in my arms. But on the other hand...

Is this weird? I'm so very possessive of the dates... They are **Jesse's** days!

[Irishmommy]

I don't think it's weird at all.

I'm glad you're doing better.

[Jacque Savageau]

Celestial, I can feel the passion in your words. I've felt them too. We can't have our children to make memories with and nobody wants us the keep the memories we have. Your precious one will always be remembered here.

I can also relate to the dates. My sis-in-law never even sent a card when my daughter was born still - non of dh's 7 brothers or sisters came to the funeral or sent cards (I'm still dealing with a great deal of anger on that one). Well she had her baby on Amanda's 1 yr. anniversary - I can't even tell you how full of rage I was - not at her having a healthy baby - at the timeing - then she salted the wound by asking dh to be the Godfather! (argh, I was so upset).

However, I have a friend I met through the SHARE network. She lost her daugher in a similar way to me and we're very close. She had her baby on the one yr. anniversary and I was filled with joy for her! Ds was born 9 days later alive and healthy. The Winter is holiday season is always an odd one for me....

I am glad your feeling better. I think everything you've discribed is so normal. Please know we care.