I've been giving this thought lately. My mother only had two children (myself and my brother) and I was almost 3 when he was born. She said she wouldn't have had it any other way...that it was easier to raise a baby when I was older.

My husband and I have previously said that we only want 2-3 children...and that works fine if I wait 3 years in between each child. (I'll be 22 when this first is born...so 28 roughly when the 3rd is born) I don't know that I'd want to be pregnant into my 30's. My mother waited until she was 34 to have me and it was hard on all of us for my parents to be "older" growing up.

My question: What's the space between your children? Is it on purpose? Why?

Hee-hee! I love this question because it reminds me how little control we really have in life... I planned to have 2, close in age, preferably girl then boy...

My biological kids are 27, 13, & 12. My soon-to-be-adopted foster daughter is 8. And I am raising my grandchildren, ages 2 months and 22 months. Never planned this, but I can't imagine life any other way.:joy::joy:

I read that, health-wise, 2-4 years is the best spacing.

Mine are all 2 years apart (23-25 months between each). All planned and on purpose :D I love the age gap and we are now TTC, which even if it happens this month, would now make our biggest difference in spacing (30 months apart since my youngest is almost 21 months) if it takes a few more months than I may get to experience the 3 yr gap for the first time, which I imagine is a lot easier in many ways.

I like it because my kids are all close enough in age to play well together and I'm hoping that continues as they get older. Okay, so play well together doesn't necessarily mean they get along all the time :wink but they have similar interests and definitely entertain one another. The one thing that was a bit hard was tandem nursing two at a time, for that reason alone I would say 3-4 yrs age difference would be easier on your body and ability to get sleep at night.

I am 29 now and probably will want to be done haing babies by the time I'm 35.

My dd is now 3.5 months and I plan to wait a few years (probably 3-4) before my second child. :) (I have a IUD now; if I didn't want to wait at least a few years, I wouldn't have chosen that birth control method)

I have a brother who's 3.5 years older than me and I always liked that. So I guess that has influenced my decision maybe?

I know a friend who's very close in age to her brother and sister, and she loved it that way, so she'll probably want her kids closer together as well :D

Mine are 55 months and 44 months apart. They were deliberately planned that way. Despite the slightly harder time ds has had so far, I think I like 3 1/2 more than 4 1/2 years apart. :) I wouldn't want, for myself, to have my kids closer than about 3 years.

15 months between the first two, 3 1/2 years between 2 and 3.

Mine are just about 4yrs apart. I'd planned for 3... but had a m/c.

I think 3 is good. I wouldn't personally be comfortable TRYING to have them much closer than 2 as I think 2 full years of breastmilk is a birthright.

I have no qualms about having children later (I was almost 29 for my first and we plan at least 4) My parents were older and it was great.

-Angela

My DS is 3.5 yrs now and we're about to start TTC at the first of the year.:D
I always heard 3 yrs spacing was good and my sister did that with all five of her children. However the closer DS got to 3, I was sooo happy we did not have another LO yet. He is just going through a tough period with establishing is independence and DH and I are exhausted. He seems to be heading out of it a bit though and we think he'll be ready for a sibling soon. He's asking for a baby now too, which I think is so sweet.:p

I planned to have four children, fairly close (my idea was the first two separated by about 18 months, then about 2.5 years, then another 18 months between 3 and 4). I fully intended to be done by age 30 or 31 at the outside.

I had ds1 in 1993, at the age of 24...all on schedule. Then, I started ttc. To make a long story short, I had my second, dd, in 2003. DS1 was 10 years and 2 months old. I was 34. I had ds2 in 2005, at the age of 37. I had my precious angel baby Aaron in 2007 - he was stillborn. I was 39.

I'm currently pregnant with what I deeply hope will be my fourth living child. It's my 8th pregnancy all together (3 m/c in there, too). Unless my baby is premature, I'll be 41 when he/she arrives.

So...planning, schmanning. I'm trying to just take what I get, and appreciate the blessings I have.

Well, I only have one right now but there will be at least a three year difference between them (will start to TTC late summer 2009). I thought I always wanted my kids to be very close in age (15-20 months apart), but when it came time for me to think about getting pregnant again I was nowhere near ready.

we just have the one right now and had planned on having the next when dd is 18 months, but are now reconsidering waiting longer, so i am interested to see the responses to this post.

dd is 23 months and ds is 2 months. so far 21 months apart has been great (but what do we know!). i am curious as to when we will start to try for dc3 (although as we never TRIED for the first 2, i suspect it won't be up to us).

It just wroked out that my children will be *almost* 6 years apart and I actually REALLY like this set up. DS is old enough to do things for himself & to help, and he really is very helpful:thumb I seriously could not imagine having a 3 year old AND a baby:dizzy: *Maybe* a 4 year old but 5 is definitely a good age to become an older sibling.

I also agree with the "health wise" comment. A woman's body needs time to build up her nutritional stores to have another baby. Plus, she needs time to BF her children which in traditional times is around 4 years. In traditional tribes it is actually really frowned upon if the woman has children close together and the husband does not initiate any intimate contact because of this.

Some on purpose, some not ;)

My first two are 15 months, 5 yrs between 2 and 3, 19 mths between 3 and 4and 5 yrs between 4 and 5.

There are honestly pros and cons to both age differences.

Mine are 4 years and 3 months apart. We didn't really plan it that way, we wanted more like 3 years apart but we had some fertility issues so they ended up further apart. I do know I wouldn't be able to handle them closer together though.

My brother and I are 4 years apart and fought constantly. We're pretty close now that we're adults but that part does worry me. Hopefully my boys will get along a little better.

10 months... DD decided she wanted to come as soon as she could in her brother's wake. I think it was fate because I don't think I would have had the courage to try for a second after how high needs DS was as a baby and continues to be. She turned out to be a gem of a surprise though! She's a wonderful addition (completion?) to our family.

I've been giving this thought lately. My mother only had two children (myself and my brother) and I was almost 3 when he was born. She said she wouldn't have had it any other way...that it was easier to raise a baby when I was older.

My husband and I have previously said that we only want 2-3 children...and that works fine if I wait 3 years in between each child. (I'll be 22 when this first is born...so 28 roughly when the 3rd is born) I don't know that I'd want to be pregnant into my 30's. My mother waited until she was 34 to have me and it was hard on all of us for my parents to be "older" growing up.

My question: What's the space between your children? Is it on purpose? Why?

34 is old????? Ack!! LOL I'll be 41 this month and I'm expecting, and I don't feel "too old", nor am I outside of the age range of my daughter's friends and schoolmates and I was 34 or 35 when she was born.

Mine will be about 7 years apart and I love that. If you read through some of the forums here, you'll see a theme - it's hard to have a baby and a toddler. You basically have two babies. Personally, I would not have two children close together unless it happened by accident. I'm close in age to a sibling so I get the "playmate" idea, but you can't guarantee they'll be playmates instead of fighting all the time.

DS1 is six and a half years old and DS2 is six months old. We had planned on having them 4 years apart but...getting pregnant the second time was not as easy as we had imagined. I personally wouldn't have kids with less than 3 years between them, two in diapers is something I would do on purpose. ( The people who "baby bunch" are in my opinion, the bravest soliders on the homefront!)

Me and my sister are five years apart and we are absolutely best friends now. :joy:

Mine are a little more than 3.5 years apart, and I think this is working out great for us. DS is almost 5 and DD is 15 months. I was 33 when I had DS and 37 when I had DD. I don't feel as though I'm an "older" mom unless I read posts like the OP's. :p

I

So...planning, schmanning. I'm trying to just take what I get, and appreciate the blessings I have.

:yeah:

i've planned different numbers of kids and different age spacings at various times in my life, but i never got what i planned or planned what i got.

I have a 19 year old, an almost 17 year old, and a ten month old.

The teens don't get along very well but both of them love the baby and he certainly does enjoy them.

Brandon and Jocelyn are 3 1/2 years apart (not by choice...we had Ryland in between). But honestly, it's probably a lot easier now that Jocelyn's nearly 2--they get along pretty well! Jocelyn and Amelia will be 23 1/2 months apart.

Growing up, most of my siblings were pretty close in age--we were born in 80, 82, 84, and 85. Then I had a sister born several years later, and I left for college when she was 2 years old. Of course, I now have 2 more siblings (2 years old and 6 years old)--I love them, but I hate that they were both born after I moved out...I barely know them, and they sure don't know me.

The teens don't get along very well but both of them love the baby and he certainly does enjoy them.

This is actually very reassuring to hear. DS1 is a bit distant from his younger siblings lately - more involved in his teen social scene than interacting with little kids, yk? I've been wondering if he'll have any relationship with this baby, since he's going to be 16 when it arrives. Mind you, all three of my kids adore babies, so maybe it will be okay...

Mine are two years apart (3.5, 1.5 and due in January), it is closer then I wanted initially. But they can play together now with some of the same toys and they both still nap in the afternoon (so nice when you're pregnant).

The thing with child spacing and family sizes is that you only know your family and will always love them however it turns out.

34 is old????? Ack!! LOL I'll be 41 this month and I'm expecting, and I don't feel "too old", nor am I outside of the age range of my daughter's friends and schoolmates and I was 34 or 35 when she was born.



I didnt' mean it to sound that way. It was just weird in high school to tell my friends that my mom was 50 already when theirs were in their 40s...

Mine are almost exactly 3 years apart, and I think it's been really difficult. I am finding myself torn in two most days trying to meet the needs of my barely 3 year old who is still a baby in a lot of ways and of my newborn. It's been rather overwhelming. Waiting another year might have been wise, but then again I wouldn't have my son so I suppose I shouldn't second guess things.

It was a planned spacing and not planned all the same time. Clear as mud, eh? :lol Long story short, we decided to start trying. Then we felt like it was too soon for another so we decided to stop trying. However, it was too late to make that last decision as I was already pregnant.

Oh yeah, and I was 34 when I had my first, and I am by no means the oldest mom at the playground. I think I am about the same age as most of the other parents with kids my daughters age around here and even quite bit younger than some. My doctor told me my husband shouldn't get the vasectomy he was considering after I had my son because we were "too young" to make that decision. Maybe this varies by area though. I think most people around here wait until their 30s to even start. Younger parents actually stand out, and I have been guilty of assuming the the young moms are the nanny. :bag:

We decided to go with my natural spacing. When I breastfeed on demand, I don't get my fertility back for about 14 months. At that point we just let me get pregnant when my body is ready. That puts about 27 months inbetween each child. I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but it worked for us. (This will be the last one though.)

My experience so far with the 27-month spacing is that in the first few months, it can be a little hard, because the two-year-old is still such a baby and so both little ones need a lot of time and attention, but within months it all works out perfectly. My two boys are very close and the best of friends. Also, this way I can be done with building our family sooner rather than later, having had all of our babies within about five and half years.

It works for us! Personally, though, I wouldn't have wanted to go ANY closer together AT ALL. 2 years apart seems to be the bare minimum for comfort in our experience, 2.5 years apart would probably be perfect.

I think most people around here wait until their 30s to even start. Younger parents actually stand out, and I have been guilty of assuming the the young moms are the nanny. :bag:

One of ds1's teachers used to talk to me as though I were 18 or something. She went on about how I was "still so young", and I finally pointed out that I was, in fact, past my 30th birthday. I'm not sure she believed me, but she still acted as though 24 was just soooo young to have a baby. :dizzy:

My first 3 are all 3 years apart...
6/01
8/04
7/07

... and then whoops! DS came exactly one year, one month, one week, and one day after DD3. (I love that it worked out that way, a year a month a week and a day. Could not have planned that if we tried!)

I am only 26 years old, and by far the youngest mom in EJ's class. The next one up from me is in her mid 30s.

1 and 2 are almost 4y apart, I love that spacing. 2 and 3 will be 2.5y apart, the very closest I would ever go. If there is another after this, it will be 3+ year spacing.

Mine are all about 2.5 years apart. I would not have had it any other way!

Ds1 is 3 years 11months 4 days older than ds2. :lol Ds2 will be about 3 year 8 months older than the new baby. I love this spacing. I honestly could not imagine having my kids less than 3 years apart. My sister & I were 17 months apart & while it did give us someone to play with at our own level, there was also a huge amount of jealousy and fighting. Plus, I find when I'm pregnant I tend to push away my other kids a bit. I can't help wondering if it would be more than a little bit with a younger child who hasn't started separating themselves somewhat.

If you had spoken to me before I had my DD, I might have told you I wanted kids 18-24mo apart. Push comes to shove and I am not pregnant and have a 27mo. If I get pregnant right now (not trying), my DD would be three when her sibling was born. I can see waiting another year or more at this point.

This can be debated forever. I always thought I'd want my children closely spaced, but that wasn't going to happen for us and I'm glad with the way things are. I have one dd and she's 3yrs3months and I'm not pregnant with #2 yet. First of all, I didn't get my period back until last December (27 months). Second, dd can be a bit high needs and I feel she really needed that time as an only child. She nursed until she decided to stop on her 3rd birthday and I'm glad she had those 3 years and stopped on her own.

Also, when they're infants, you almost forget that they still need so much as a 1, 2 and 3 year old (I haven't gotten any further than 3 yet!) so when she was a baby, I thought "2 years is a fine spacing!" until I had a 2 year old and realized I could NOT have dealt with 2 kids at that time. I've read that for attachment purposes, it helps to have at least 3+ years between kids. This could be debated greatly I'm sure, but it's one opinion.

I'm just now feeling more ready, so they would be more than 4 years apart. We may wait longer for unrelated reasons (possibility of moving, etc.) but who knows.

Oh, and I had dd when I was just under 23. And we also hope to have more than 2 :)

Before I had any kids I thought I wanted a 2 year spacing. I now just have one, he is 15 months and I am not ready for another yet. I am thinking 3 to 4 years, will be perfect. I would rather not wait longer than 4 years. My sister and I are 6 1/2 years apart, and while we are close now, we weren't growing up. I know that being close in age doesn't guarentee that, but I think it can help. I've been seeing so many pregnant moms with a little toddler, and they are doing the two year spacing or less. That seems so popular. I have been worrying a lot lately that if they are further apart in age they won't be close, or play together, but I know for us as parents a larger spacing would be better. So DH and I would like about 3 to 4 years between kids, but the only problem with that is he starts grad school next fall, and we really have to see how intense that is, and if it makes sense to have another while he is in school. If we wait until he graduates they would be 5 years apart. We also talk about perhaps having a third, although I am more into that than DH is. I have no idea what that spacing would be if we had a third. I had my son at 25 (which is just what I planned), and I think if I have another in my late 20's and if we have a third, be done having kids by my early 30's. That was my plan pre kids, but I have no idea if that is what will happen, as so many things can change plans.

5 years, yes on purpose. Especially as a WOHM, I wasn't ready to have another baby before then.

Younger parents actually stand out, and I have been guilty of assuming the the young moms are the nanny. :bag:

There is a generation gap between most moms around here and myself. When I do see a younger mom I make a point to approach her. Too often it really is a nanny, and then it's kind of awkward for the both of us. It's a shame, really. Honestly my first reaction would be to get mortally offended if someone mistook me for my own kids' nanny... It wouldn't be that person's fault but it would just hurt.

At least when I NIP I hope people don't mistake me for a wet nurse... :innocent

My older brother and I are 3.5 years apart. We're not all that close, although got along fairly well growing up. It might be the age gap, or just personality differences.

DH and his older brother are just less than 2 years apart, and while they have very different personalities, get along really well as adults.

Anyway, I wanted 2 kids, and wanted a gap of 2 to 2.5 years. DH is an older dad and wanted them closer together, like 12 months (!!!!!) to 'get the hard part over with'. Ummmm, I don't think so buster!. So, he convinced me to start trying when DD was 12 months, and I agree, thinking it would take us a few months to conceive, but of course, we got prego in about a week. So, the kiddos are 21 months apart. It was pretty challenging the first 18 months or so, especially because DD (older one) is very demanding of attention. Now they are 2 and 4, and play very well together, so while it's still challenging, it's much easier than the 1st year.

Mine are almost 7 years apart. Not really on purpose; we were shooting for a 2 yr gap but then I got scared,:p and then even with trying it wasn't happening. By the time I got pg again I was convinced one or both of us was infertile. So far it's been perfect! Dd1 begs to help with the baby and is old enough to actually be helpful, plus old enough to be understanding of stuff like having to wait until I nurse or change the baby, etc. And the 5mo will smile for big sister even when the boob fails.:wink

At least when I NIP I hope people don't mistake me for a wet nurse... :innocent

These days I'm not sure most people would even know what a wet nurse is!! Let alone think you were one:wink

I'm one of "those youngins" and I'm sure people think I'm the older sister. When DS says "Mom, ...." I always get really long stares like 'what?! she's not old enough to have a kid!'. Now that I look like i'm about to give birth any day now they know for sure I'm DS's mother. AND I am always one of the youngest moms with the oldest child at the playground, playgroups, etc. More often then not I'm quite embarrassed to say how old I am:o

My kiddos are 21 months apart, 23 months apart, and 19 or 20 months apart depending on when this baby is born. I do best when the youngest is around a year, that's when I know I can handle another. I don't know how many more I'm going to have-it depends on God. But I like the spacing and that's how they naturally happened.

I have two brothers, ones 22 months older and ones a 4 years older. Im close with the one thats 22 months older and we always have been. Im not close and never have been to the one thats 4 years old. My husband has 4 siblings and they are all between 18-24 months apart.
My older DD is 22months and the baby is a month. So there is 21 months between the two. There are days where its great and other days Im pulling my hair out. It wasn't really planned, we just let things happen.

My DDs are 14 1/2 months apart. I thought it might take a little longer to conceive (but bf'ing around the clock doesn't slow my cycles down :eyesroll ) That said, we did plan to do close spacing, since we sort of hit 38 & 50, respectively, & said, "wow, where is the time going?", so I had my babies at 38 & 39. A bit more space between them might have been a good idea, but then DD#2 would never have been, for various reasons, so I'm really glad we didn't wait to try for our 2nd.

Mine are 3y2m apart. This spacing has worked really well, but they probably would have been more like 2.5y apart if ds1 had ever freaking slept! I was so sleep deprived for his first 2 years that no way was I even going to contemplate getting pregnant.

Dh and I both want a third, but are worried about the spacing. If I got pregnant tomorrow, there would be over 5 years between ds2 and the new baby. We just don't know if we are prepared to go right back into the trenches, just as we are getting into the stage of being able to do so much more with the kids. But oh, just one more . . .

My three boys are exactly 2 years apart--their birthdays actually fall within the space of a week. That was not planned--we don't use birth control. My baby though is 19 months old and I'm not pregnant yet, so my combined birthday party plan is all screwed up! :lol

I like the 2 year spacing. Yes, it's difficult with a new baby, but they are close enough to be friends, enjoy the same things, etc.

I like to start TTCing when then current babe turns a yr. I like close spacings and we want a large family. I have always had milk right until near the end then they pick right back up after. I'm more than ok with that. :)

There is a generation gap between most moms around here and myself. When I do see a younger mom I make a point to approach her. Too often it really is a nanny, and then it's kind of awkward for the both of us. It's a shame, really. Honestly my first reaction would be to get mortally offended if someone mistook me for my own kids' nanny... It wouldn't be that person's fault but it would just hurt.

Oh yeah, I've never actually made the mistake out loud. Even if I've made some assumptions in my head, I always feel out the situation first to find out the relationship before saying anything about it so I don't end up with my foot in my mouth. I would be mortified if I offended someone like that. You never know when the younger woman might be mom and not the nanny...or for that matter when the much older woman might be mom and not the grandma. It's just like I never ask a woman when the baby is due unless she has said she is actually pregnant even if she looks like she is 42 weeks along. :lol

My children are:

Older dd:9
Younger dd:16mos
Soon to be dd:Due march 2

The reason for the older is b/c she is from a previous relationship and I got married and wanted more children but that didn't happen til older dd was 8. I LOVE the age difference and so does older dd. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her sister and can't wait for this one as well! I am 31 and i.am.done.!!! NO MAS!

My kids are 3 yrs. 6 months apart. I initially thought I wanted a closer spacing, but it took awhile longer than expected to conceive. Now, in retrospect, I wouldn't have it any other way! DD was 3.5 and out of diapers, attending preschool and pretty easy when DS was born, and I still found the transition to two to be overwhelming and rough at times. I can't imagine dealing with a baby and a young toddler at the same time!

I was 32 and 36 when my dc were born. I find that I'm not the oldest parent in dd's class, nor the youngest, but more in the middle. I've been w/ DH since I was 17, and, for us, waiting to have a family has worked out really well. We had a blast in our 20's and formed a strong foundation to build a family on.

My boys are 29 months apart - so almost exactly 2 1/2 years.
I love it. Ds1 is young enough to not be jealous or resentful and is excited about being a "big boy." I haven't had another problems having a toddler and a baby. The adjustment period for us was more just going from one to two and it was really drama free. Ds was actively involved in the pregnancy and came down to meet his brother immediately after ds2 was born at home.

I couldn't even imagine having another baby until ds1 was around 15 months. He was still nursing every 2 -3 hours overnight. Once he nightweaned I could fathom having another so we started talking about trying. I liked the choices we were making for him (co-sleeping, nursing, etc) and I wasn't willing to stop any of them to get pregnant. It was important to me to nurse him to 2 years old. And we just barely made it because the pregnancy made my milk say dry up.
Our plan is to space the next one the same - 2 1/2 years. So I will have another spring baby. Now that I know that pregnancy dries up my milk I might shift it a few months to make sure Z gets 2 years of mama milk but they will be about 2 1/2 years apart.

Dh and I have two children, 10 years and 2 months apart; or should I say we have two only children. This was absolutely deliberate. I am an only child and I liked it growing up. As an adult, it is a bit more difficult. I wanted to have two children but I wanted to be able to give each of them my undivided attention. I got exactly what I wanted.

Also, the older child is a girl and as a high school teacher for many years, I know statistically, girls with much younger siblings are less likely to have children at a young age becaise they know how much work it is. I also have a built in babysitter. I don't yet leave her alone with her brother, but it has been wonderful to be able to take a shower or make dinner while she reads to her brother in the other room. And her friends, wow, it is wonderful for little brother to have a gaggle of 12/13 yo girls around all the time.

my dd and ds are exactly 5.5 yrs apart, and it is the ONLY way i can see that having 2 would not make me totally insane! the sleep deprivation and stress of baby and toddlerhood is so intense for me, and i can't imagine trying to parent 2 little teeny ones at once. my dd is so sweet with my ds, and he adores her. it's been the perfect spacing for us.

Didn't read all the responses.

DD1 & DD2 are 10 minutes apart, but you don't exactly get a choice about that :)

DD3 came 17 months later. It was crazy and busy, but it's been a wonderful gap. They are three friends, they play together beautifully, they are the best of friends, share a room, get up together, go to bed together, etc. I really love the gap.

DS came 2 years 10 months after DD3. I have also really enjoyed this gap. My three "big" girls are pretty independent. Rivka was settled in playgroup (I was working) and had her own friends & life by the time he came along. She happened to be pretty advanced, so she was speaking well, toilet trained for almost a year, etc. by the time I had a baby. As he's growing up a bit the girls are enjoying him more, but he's still really not their "peer."

I don't know what I'd repeat again. I'd be perfectly happy to be pregnant now, but my period hasn't come back and with DD3 it didn't come back until she was around 2 (with the twins I was working so it came back sooner).

Anyway there are lots of benifits to different gaps, you have to do the best for your family and situation :)

Well I have no second child yet but we are currently trying!

This spacing was planned - it is something I gave a lot of thought into and I feel my reasons behind it are very important...so of course I love sharing them!

The first reason for my spacing is my son. Its all well and good for me to say 'Ah - I fancy another child - lets go for it!'... But then I would only be thinking of myself. Nothing wrong with a little selfishness of course, but having another child is a big thing and affects more than one person - and since my DS is part of this family, I need to consider him as well!

A lot of this has to do with the way I choose to parent. Having another child is going to mean things are going to have to change. One mummy, two childrens...logistics and all of that! - But, there are some compromises (I suppose you can consider them AP - such as breastfeeding, not leaving a baby/small child to cry, babywearing, etc) that I would not be happy about making. I have avoided these by having a larger age gap.

I wanted to make sure my son was ready for another person in our relationship. It is never going to be 'easy' with two or more children - but my son can now walk and is much too big (at 50lbs! lol) to be carried in the sling (and has no desire to be any longer) - he is not breastfeeding (Some people feel fine with at least 2 years of breastfeeding, I would like to let my child self wean before taking the risk of pregnancy drying up my milk and them weaning before they are ready - especially at 2 years of age, a very hard year for them!) - he also can talk to me and we can communicate and talk about our feelings, etc...so he is never left to cry and since he understands 'patience' and 'in a mintue' and 'I am coming...' etc (without force in a stressful situation - it has naturally come to him) - I am able to do something and then see to his needs as well, being able to talk about our feelings and come to a more consensual solution if things are not working.

I wanted to wait until I was sure about all of these things as well - instead of just predicting them. I do not think it would have been fair on my son to just predict things would be different/better/more to my favour/etc - in the magical '9' months time during pregnancy. I wanted to be sure before we just went ahead with it if that makes any sense. (you know - no pressure on any of us)

I am not at all worried about my sons relationship with his potential sibling. I do not think age gap has much to do with this - more, how a parent handles things. For me, they have a better outcome to a close and loving relationship with a bit of a larger age gap (going on 4+ years here) than if I had a smaller gap. (waiting is hard of course, I know! - I have been broody since DS was 3 months old! lol)...

Which brings me to the second reason...me of course! Being the mother (who is with my son for the majority of the day!), I also play an important roll in this all! Could I function at my best with a small or lager age gap...etc. The answer for me (and this is where it might differ for everyone - meaning there is not 'right' all around age gap for every family) is a larger age gap. This just goes back to logistics and common sense! - I like my sleep for starters, some 'me' time, etc... All things that would be very stressing if I had two small children to look after!

At the end of the day, I do not want to just 'manage' either.

I also have to think of my body. It needs time to heal, and since I had a section and will be trying for a home birth next time around, I needed a little over 2 years for my body to heal properly and then a bit more for me to heal emotionally as well.

There are going to be pros and cons to all age gaps of course - and as every family is different, these pros and cons might differ. However, as we are all human - I think the pros far outweigh the cons to a larger age gap and would always highly recommend that!

I'm always suspicious about people who claim there is a "right" spacing for children. First, as some PPs have indicated, we often don't have complete control over this. Second, each family is different and can handle different spacings better. Third, how "easy" a particular set of children is to raise depends not just on spacing, but on the comibnation of personalities. Again, not much you can do about that!

We have 3.5 years between ds and dd. We wanted a little less than 3 years, but then I had a miscarriage. I like this spacing because ds is in preschool a few days a week, so I can nap with the baby or spend some one-on-one time with her. And it's nice that ds is out of diapers. And it's nice that ds can play independently sometimes. We don't have any family support nearby, so I think closer spacing would have been pretty difficult for us. My friends with 2 years between kids seemed to have a harder transition.

I'm 35 and I'm probably one of the younger moms in the neighborhood. As other posters have commented, the standards/expectations about parental age have really changed a lot.

I'm in the planning schmanning camp. I never wanted my kids close together ("planned" for about 4 years). After 4.5 years of infertility DS joined us.

I cannot imagine it any other way!!! We got to thoroughly enjoy DD for 8.5 years and she got our undivided attention as well. Now DS not only gets plenty of our undivided he has the added bonus of an awesome big sis :)

DD also is a big help for me. I try not to put a lot of responsibility for her brother onto her but she is a big help when I need to shower or get meals prepared etc.

I am anxiously waiting for my over a week late period as I write this and I am getting very nervous. We are pretty sure we are done with two (well I am, but DH would love many more) and I would never have planned such a close age gap (DS is 26mos) ... come on period!!

Mine are almost 16 months apart and we LOVE it! Absolutely hands-down love it. I was nursing my oldest still full time, no period, no signs of being pregnant (was not preventing pregnancy) and when I found out I was pregnant I was so happy. I love having my girls close together. I don't know what it is like having them 2-4 years apart, but they are great together. They play together, rarely fight and do everything together. It is great!

4 yrs apart- and its great! DS1 was/is old enough to enjoy, appreciate and understand. He goes to pre-school and is delighted about daddy time, so I can do the baby stuff. You might think the kids would not play together, but even though DS2 is only 2 months old, DS1 finds ways to amuse both of them-a tent, showing DS2 his toys, making faces... And DS2 thinks he is the absolute bees knees...

I could not have done a baby and a toddler- DS1 was quite a handful.

I think it is very hard to plan spacing before you have your first. It is hard to imagine how you will feel physically and emotionally and some babies and toddlers can really be challenging.

My boys are almost 5 and almost 4 years apart. I did intentionally want them spaced out but now I regret it. I suppose it was easier when they were babies and I wanted to give them more one on one time when they were babies and the older child was more independant. But now...they are in three different stages. Three different schools, activities, toys, interests, friends... It's hard to do things as a family that everyone enjoys like theme parks. We have to split up and tag team so everyone does what they like. We do many things with just one child rather then as a family so I guess it's a bonus for the kids to get special one on one time.

I will be 24 on jan 6th. My first two are 17 months apart and my next one will be 2y4m from my middle child. Really we thought having them close would be good other than that we just felt ready.

My two are 20 months apart. We had that spacing because I wanted my son to have breastmilk for at least a year before my supply dropped off because of pregnancy, and because having a baby in July or August meant I could start nursing school in the fall. Otherwise we would have to wait until I was done with school, and that felt like too long.

Then we realized that one parent in school full time and another working full time, with no childcare, and a toddler and a newborn, while logistically feasible, was a stupid idea.

So...um....the best laid plans and all that?

I always "thought" I'd have 3 children before I was 30 and then be done. Got married at 23 so it seemed reasonable. My brother's and I are all one year apart and I loved that closeness growing up but, then again, it's the only think I knew.

Fast forward to my reality. I'm 37. I've dealt with infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth. Our only living child is not quite 3 1/2 right now. We've been ttc since he was about 18 months.

I was sort of following a personal timeline before I turned 30. I wanted to be married by the time I was 27 - I was 27 and 2 months when H and I tied the knot. :) Then, I wanted to have our first child by the time I turned 30 - I had DS when I was 28 and 10 months old. :) DS will be 3 in January and we would like to start TTC #2 after the first of the year - I always thought that my first and second child would be close to 3 years apart, if not a little over, but now I'm thinking that this is all happening for a reason -....H and I have been through a lot over the past few months; changing of jobs, H traveling QUITE a bit and always gone when I'm ovulating, etc., and we want to have a little stability in our lives before we start TTC #2 - plus, DS is potty training right now, doing very well, and I think we've been so focused on that and other things that we haven't thought much about TTC #2 until now. :) There is a time and place for everything and I'm truly starting to believe that now. :)