Has anyone lost a twin?

[bigbellydreams]

A friend of mine has been struggling with IF and m/c's. After the second m/c her doc got agressive, and started her with a million ultrasounds during her cycle, clomid and some trigger shot so they would know exactly when to time things. Well happy happy joy joy it worked! She had betas done and they were more than doubling! Then she had some spotting so the doc did an ultrasound and saw there was a second sac that was much smaller, then a little later she had more spotting they did another u/s and the sac was smaller, then she had more spotting they did another u/s and there was no sac at all.

I haven't talked to her yet, she just e-mailed me the details, she is 8 weeks right now farther than she has made it in the past. So they are very optimistic about the baby she is carrying.

My question is...In her message I couldn't tell how she felt about the second sac. Did anyone here go through that? What might she be feeling about it? I congratulated her on the healthy emby, but what do I say about the one that didn't make it? Her message made it sound like its no big deal it explains the spotting, do you think thats just the way I read it, or is she also hurting for the one that didn't make it?

[OceanMomma]

I had the same thing with dd#2. I had very high HCG levels & an extra sac at 6.5 weeks. It was behind her one so they could not see it properly. I went back at 7.5 & 9 weeks for an U/S & it shrunk rather than grew. My RE told me it was vanishing twin syndrome & very common.

To this day I cannot tell you how I feel about it. But at the time I had lost 2 babes previously & was terrified about losing dd#2 so I was not keen to dwell on the negatives. I had experienced both my losses within a 6 month period & that was only 6 months prior to me concieving dd#2 so I was pretty much all done with mourning for a while so I did push it to the back of my mind. Part of me was also very very relieved to still have dd#2.

So, depending on how your friend is as a person, how she copes with stuff & what she has been thru, she may not be too phased right now by it. More concentrating on the positive or trying to just keep it together for her surviving babe. She may not even considered it or processed it as a loss yet. I feel sort of silly almost to get all cut up about it as I ended up with a healthy baby. Especially when I see what other women have lived thru in terms of losses & other women I know who are dealing with infertility & probably can never have a baby.

[Jacque Savageau]

Dd is a twin. I had a miscarriage at about 5 weeks. A week later, I was still feeling pregnant (which can happen after a miscarriage). My doctor was concerned that it wasn't complete and an infection was forming, so he did an ultrasound - there was my dd!

I felt much like OM. I had several miscarriages and a stillbirth, so I felt fearful of losing her and overjoyed that I was still pregnant. What an odd combination of emotions.

My dd is 6 now. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to raise 2 and it makes me a bit sad. But the feelings aren't overwhelming either.

[witchbaby]

i had some fairly bad bleeding at 5.5 weeks w/dd. a u/s confirmed her h/b but there was an unidentifable mass next to her which the doc couldn't identify-- he thought it was probably a twin that didn't make it. a u/s a week later showed a growing fetus and a diminshing mass, so it WAS most likely her twin.
after losing two pregnancies (missed miscarriage discovered @ 11w4d with d&c 2 weeks later and an early miscarriage @ 4 weeks), i was mainly thrilled to have a baby with heartbeat. i'm still not sure how to feel about that lost twin, since i have such a beautiful perfect girl in my arms as we speak.

[SamuraiEarthMama]

i've seen statistics stating that up to 30% of multiple pregnancies lose one or more embryos due to vanishing twin syndrome. we know this know because of such early ultrasound use... my bet is that her doctor has shared that statistic with her, and that she was prepared for the eventuality.

still, it would be kind to let her know you're sorry to hear she lost one, and offer your shoulder if she needs it!

k

[Solange]

This has happened to me....

I wish when I first started spotting I would of never had that 1st U/S.
My story was a rollercoaster....
I was told at first that I was miscarring a twin. Then when the spotting came back...they did a second U/S and the once empty #2 sac was now growing a baby....
came back 2 weeks after that ..and now the baby no longer had a HB and at 6.5 weeks for baby #2 was told I was miscarring(again).
I think I would have been better off had I not seen the fetal pole and the yolk sac....but b/c I know what I saw and what it *was* I am more so effected...It has made me much more fearful of this pg..as I never expected to ever hear miscarriage in a pg...you know the typical..it could never happen to me mentallity....
as much reassurance as I get from my CNMW and the OB that my remaining twin is healthy and strong...I am still having some issues of connecting with this one for fear of losing it too....so I am working on that....

hth

[Seeking Refuge]

DS who is 30 months old now was a twin and to be honest although I was sad, I was so focused on the fact that he was okay that I probably didn't grieve as much as I did. I have had two early mc's since his birth and I think they effected me more than losing the twin.

Still it is always good to offer her comfort and let her know that she is not alone and other women have gone through the same thing.

Take care,

[Dawnalex]

I lost a twin with Irelend. I lost him at 10wks, i had a really hard time with it. We found out when i was about 5-6 wks, becuase the midwife had a "hunch" LOL...
He was growing and they saw a hearbeat, then one day he just stopped growing. It was really hard for me.
Its funny i think Irelend knows that theres something missing, its hard to explain, i guess its just the way she acts sometimes.
I hope your friend gets better (hugs)

[carmen veranda]

I too think I lost a twin when I was pregnant with my 9 yr old. I had just come to terms with the fact that I was accidently pregnant at the age of 33 with a man I had only known a short time. I was just starting to rejoice in the thought of a new baby. I was just sitting at the kitchen table when I felt a "pop" deep inside me and suddenly I was sitting in a puddle of blood. I did not see any tissue or anything really except blood. I just knew I had miscarried. I started grieving a child I would never know. I just kept bleeding, but no cramping and nothing passing but blood. I called the Ob on call the next day and he met us at the office. He did an ultrasound. There was a fetus in there with a heartbeat!!! I WAS still pregnant.!!! And there was also this littler, empty sac. He guessed it was a diminishing twin. I felt so many things. I didn't want to be pregnant in the first place. Then had just came to peace with that, and blam, thought I was not pregnant after all. Relieved and sad and confused and guilty and you name it. Then to find out I was still pregnant after all. Emotionally reeling for sure.
My nine year old knows about her maybe twin and we have named her. She has insisted that we count her among my children. Otherwise I probably would not have named her out loud, just would have kept her secret and held her in my heart.