Military Moms - Jan-Feb '09!

[KatieJD]

Happy new year mamas! I wish you all the best and much prosperity, health, and happiness! Here's to this year being better than the last!

[Alohamelly]

Happy New Year!!

[KatieJD]

So now I really need some advice. DH is deploying for sure between April-June, there is no doubt about it. This babe is due at the end of May, and if luck is on our side we can keep him here until just after this babe is born. I'm already having a post-partum doula so that will be a giant help, but for everyday life I'm wondering how I'm going to survive with a newborn and a very high-energy toddler. How I'm going to get everyday things like grocery shopping done I have no idea, its already hard enough with just one. Has anyone been through raising a new baby on their own for the first year in addition to other young children? Do you have tips for saving my sanity?

[MarineGurl020412]

Hi Ladies!

I am new to these boards and would like to join you. My name is Billie Jo and we are a Marine family currently stationed in Okinawa, Japan. DH and I have 2 DDs together, Mireille who is 5 and Melinda who is 3, and a third DD on the way (EDD 4 March 09).

[BellaLuna Rayne]

Happy New Year!

Today was a really hard day for me. DH is on mission and I really want/need to talk to him. I got an email this morning at 1 am so that was nice. So much for things calming down for him.

:hug to all.

[kirstenb]

Happy New Year everyone!

Welcome Billie Jo!

Katie, I didn't have two when DS was born but DH was deployed... what saved me was having a lot of food cooked in the freezer and a lot of things in the fridge and pantry that required little to no cooking. The last thing I wanted to do was cook and since it was just me it was super easy to take something out of the freezer and heat it up.

I relied a lot on my friends out here, too.

[MarineGurl020412]

I have to second what Kristen said about the meals. Our first deployment I was pregnant with DD2 (DH came home 10 days after I delivered). DD1 was 18 months when he left and I was still active duty.

When I would feel like cooking I would make double batches and freeze 1/2 for later. This was a godsend on those days where I just didn't want to do anything.

Grocery shopping is ahole other thing. Do you have a friend nearby? My friend and I would either take turns doing our shopping while the other would watch the kids or we would all go together and I would help keep an eye on her kids while she would help with mine. Also my MIL did fly out to help and left a few days after DH got home. If there a family member that can come and help you for a while?

[KatieJD]

Thanks for the info ladies. I plan to do a lot of freezer meals like I did last time so I know that will be a big help. The friend thing is kind of a weird situation right now. I've become the resident weirdo I guess to all of my neighbors because I cloth diaper and own a cloth diapering business and apparently all of my other parenting choices like breastfeeding are strange as well, I'm "that mom" to avoid supposedly. I do not fit into this role very well and I can't fake it well enough to play the game in order to have friends I guess. I don't have any family members who can help out for an extended period of time, my IL's work full-time and the only person I'm in contact with on my side of the family is my brother. At this point I'm just trying to find as many short cuts as I can and make do.

[MarineGurl020412]

I don't know if Bragg still does it but you may want to check the CDC. I know most bases have started implementing a certain number of free childcare hours a month (usually 10) for spouses of deployed service members. You could utilize that for some of your shopping trips. Though you would have to know in advance when you want to go and pretty much make sure to do your shopping during the week.

[AFWife]

DH heads out for Air Force Basic Training next week...then I'll OFFICIALLY be a military mom! :joy:

Good God, though, I'm going to miss him.

[Mommyofalmost6]

Hey ladies can I join in? My husband is in the Navy. We have a little one due in May and are doing our first PCS in June. I am feeling very over whelmed right now!

[katiemoore27]

scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.

[KatieJD]

scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.

There may be some underground midwives who can attend you, or midwives who travel from out of state. Check the local FYT forum for the area you're moving to.

[KatieJD]

Hey ladies can I join in? My husband is in the Navy. We have a little one due in May and are doing our first PCS in June. I am feeling very over whelmed right now!

Welcome!

[dhinderliter]

katie~ you can always make a non military friend and sign them in! they may like getting cheaper food from the commissary (if thats where you go obviously this is easier!) and still get the help you need while they get the chance to shop on base. if they use cash it should work fairly easily.

i did all the shopping with the kids when they were little although dh was home i took them with me a lot. its practice either way. good luck

[Mommyofalmost6]

So now I really need some advice. DH is deploying for sure between April-June, there is no doubt about it. This babe is due at the end of May, and if luck is on our side we can keep him here until just after this babe is born. I'm already having a post-partum doula so that will be a giant help, but for everyday life I'm wondering how I'm going to survive with a newborn and a very high-energy toddler. How I'm going to get everyday things like grocery shopping done I have no idea, its already hard enough with just one. Has anyone been through raising a new baby on their own for the first year in addition to other young children? Do you have tips for saving my sanity?

My advice is sling baby and pop toddler in cart so you have both hands :) We are up to baby number 6. I still hate taking all of the kids to the store with me but it is manageable. It will take come trial and error for you to figure out what works best but it will be ok. I remember when I wasnt from one to two and I was like how do I do this? :) Natural reaction I think.

[marlne]

scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.


Its definately a change!! We're living it right now, my DH began in Sept. so we're still pretty new in it ourselves. We've got 3 kids and one car and it hasn't been easy. Especially since there's no bus system here.lol

I don't like being off base really but we do what we gotta do, right?:thumb

[KatieJD]

My advice is sling baby and pop toddler in cart so you have both hands :) We are up to baby number 6. I still hate taking all of the kids to the store with me but it is manageable. It will take come trial and error for you to figure out what works best but it will be ok. I remember when I wasnt from one to two and I was like how do I do this? :) Natural reaction I think.

I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now :)

[kirstenb]

I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now :)

Your DS sounds like exactly like mine in a shopping cart. :) I bring in quite a bit of food and water when we shop and I pretty much bribe him the whole time with that. If I shop quickly I can usually finish right as the food is running out.

[Mommyofalmost6]

I am sooo not above bribery in the store when I have to get stuff done lol. I have a little one that was like that. I got a soft back pack that I put on him and could hold on to.. he could walk but not run off and I could get stuff done. I used to hand him things in boxes and what not that he could put in the cart too. Keeping him busy seemed to help. He is 2 1/2 now and will walk nicely in the store so keep faith he will out grow it :)

[boobyjuicex3]

I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now :)

My advice would be to find a high school kid (I am not gender specific )to watch your toddler. My kids love the attention from the sitter, the sitter loves the extra money, and I love the time at the store with just the new baby. Also I agree with PP to look into the CDC's give parents a break program. At my base its only 1 Saturday a month so its not too practical for grocery shopping.

[AFWife]

I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)

[Maluhia]

Good God, though, I'm going to miss him.

You will - but your love will get you thorough - welcome to the tribe!


I don't like being off base really but we do what we gotta do, right?:thumb

We really are all different - living on base scares me to no end!

I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)

You CAN but you'll have to paint it white when you leave, just like a rental.




Out here on the island we are doing well. Daddy is "home" if working 12+ hours a day 6 days a week count.

I do love the friends I've made through the FRG - I found one homebirther and some extended nursers which makes me smile, it's so rare for me not to be the "odd lady" who has "only" one child, who had a natural birth, etc. etc. etc.

Anyone have GOOD FRG experiences - ie. ideas that I can use with ours? We are doing a bake sale soon, other ideas out there?

[KatieJD]

DH is gone until the end of the month for JRTC. We also found out he's changing jobs but its not going to change his deployment status. DS is just starting to get over a cold, the same one I had around Christmas. Now he's given it back to me, not the kind of sharing I can appreciate.

Living on-post is definitely a big change. I'm used to having more privacy and everything but we're getting used to it. There are a lot of benefits, like saving money and being closer to everything. More activities to do and such.

Kailua - I don't have any suggestions for FRG. Mine is just starting to get more active now that we're gearing up for deployment, I'm thinking about volunteering for a position though I don't know how much time I'd be able to dedicate to it in addition to running my business and taking care of kidlets. Ours just did a sale of really nice baskets, bracelets, and wine/labels.

[psychethemuse]

Hello all! I'm an ex-AF mama married to another airman getting ready to PCS but waiting for orders. *sigh* He's in a refresher course and graduates in Feb and we have no clue where we're going (unless one considers the fact that there are only a handful of places we can be stationed to begin with). Anyway, I'm an AF brat too...so I suppose the military is in my blood.

[ChichosMama]

Can I join?
SO and I where planning on getting married in Oct. then little bean decided she wanted to make an appearence. Me being the vein D-O that I am, I refuse to be any bigger than a size 8 for my wedding day. Being that I was 9 months preg. for my first marriage.
SO/BD is in the Navy and station on Coronado Island till July, after that we are hoping for orders to Point Magu. I don't want to leave my home state of Ca.
So do I qualify?

[KatieJD]

Welcome psychethemuse and ChichosMama!


psychethemuse - I was just in your shoes over the summer, except my DH is Army. I hope you're able to find out where you're heading soon!

ChichosMama - I'd say you qualify, you pay your dues one way or another whether you're married or not. Welcome to the group :)

[kirstenb]

I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)

You have to paint it back before you leave. I really want to paint DS's room, but I am trying to decide if it will be worth it. It's hard when you don't know how long you will be staying somewhere.

[chely7425]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say hi... DH just got back from his/our first deployment so we are just adjusting to having him home. It is nice though, especially since DS has finally figure out that he likes him :D Not much else going on here... trying to figure out how on EARTH I am going to handle 2 babies 13-14 months apart without my head exploding...

[erinid]

Hey Everyone!!!

I'm so happy to see other military mamas on here!! My DH is in the Marines, we're currently stationed at 29 Palms, but live off base in Joshua Tree (don't like base housing). We have one daughter who is almost 5 (on the 15th!), and one on the way due in July!!

My DH is in school (again), so no deployments for him thank goodness. I wish I knew more about having a home birth-- I've been trying now (for 3 weeks) to get an appointment at the Naval Hospital on base, but since they seem so hesitant to give me an appointment (I now FINALLY have one), I'm wondering if it would be easier to do something else. Can anyone tell me what the procedure is for getting to do a homebirth and just have a midwife?

Thanks all- and I'm so glad to be here!!

[KatieJD]

Hey Everyone!!!

I'm so happy to see other military mamas on here!! My DH is in the Marines, we're currently stationed at 29 Palms, but live off base in Joshua Tree (don't like base housing). We have one daughter who is almost 5 (on the 15th!), and one on the way due in July!!

My DH is in school (again), so no deployments for him thank goodness. I wish I knew more about having a home birth-- I've been trying now (for 3 weeks) to get an appointment at the Naval Hospital on base, but since they seem so hesitant to give me an appointment (I now FINALLY have one), I'm wondering if it would be easier to do something else. Can anyone tell me what the procedure is for getting to do a homebirth and just have a midwife?

Thanks all- and I'm so glad to be here!!

Welcome!

If you're looking for a midwife your best bet is to check out the FYT area here on MDC for your region and ask for recommendations, you can also do a search here (http://www.mothering.com/community_tools/resource_directory/midwives.html) or even doing a search on google may bring up some info for you. Once you've located a midwife in your area she will most likely be familiar with Tricare and can tell you how much is covered and the procedure for going about reimbursement. CNMs (certified nurse midwives) are covered by Tricare Prime, you would need to switch to prime if you haven't done so already. There is a big thread in the homebirth forum discussing homebirth and Tricare, you can look there to get a lot of your questions answered as well.

[MotheringHeart]

Hey ladies! AD AF wife here just checking in! We are starting to get crazy around here as we are finishing up an assignment outside of DC and are headed to England in the summer! There's much excitement and lots of nervousness. I really don't like the idea of it taking 60 days to get our household goods over there, but I don't think I have much choice.

[ChichosMama]

Thanks Katie.
I checked out your HC, very nice fluff. Stock in July so I can snag. lol

[MarineGurl020412]

Just checking back in ladies.

Welcome to all the new ladies.

[kirstenb]

Welcome to everyone new!

DH has four weeks left in his cycle and then he graduates his first recruit class. He'll have about five weeks of leave before he picks up a new class so we are hoping to fly home since we didn't go home for Christmas.

[katheek77]

So, um. Yeah.

DH is going to be working crazy hours (understandably). He's assistant station commander. Last night, the station commander called to ask if we could watch his kids as his wife tried to kill herself while he was at the game.

This is the second *wife* who has attempted suicide in the past year FROM THIS STATION. There are 9 recruiters, including DH and the SC. I guess a couple more wives have tried to kill themselves within the company, as well, but it was kind of hush-hush.

Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.

[AFWife]

DH officially left for basic training today...well, he'll be down in Houston until tomorrow and then off to San Antonio

[Sarah W]

I haven't been in this thread yet.

So...I started a thread in BF challenges a while ago but thought I'd post here. I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

I haven't really talked about it too much, I don't really want to think about it. We're getting things ready to make the transition as smooth as possible. DH is great with DD, so no worries there. I'm just going to miss her so much. I'm OK for the most part, but I still have my moments.

[ChichosMama]

I haven't been in this thread yet.

So...I started a thread in BF challenges a while ago but thought I'd post here. I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

I haven't really talked about it too much, I don't really want to think about it. We're getting things ready to make the transition as smooth as possible. DH is great with DD, so no worries there. I'm just going to miss her so much. I'm OK for the most part, but I still have my moments.


Wow mama. You are STRONG. I would be gone with my family in Mexico. :hug

[ChichosMama]

So, um. Yeah.

DH is going to be working crazy hours (understandably). He's assistant station commander. Last night, the station commander called to ask if we could watch his kids as his wife tried to kill herself while he was at the game.

This is the second *wife* who has attempted suicide in the past year FROM THIS STATION. There are 9 recruiters, including DH and the SC. I guess a couple more wives have tried to kill themselves within the company, as well, but it was kind of hush-hush.

Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.

Uhhh why is this a common occurrence?

[funfunkyfantastic]

Joinin' the club here! DH is underway again. More time away from DD... :( But such is life! Luckily she won't really know the difference while he's gone, she's still too young. My mom is still living with us up until we move in april. DH's ship will be going into dry dock then and we're planning on moving right along with it. I'm happy to still have my mom around, the extra help is wonderful! :D

[katheek77]

Uhhh why is this a common occurrence?


The recruiters' suicides? The hours and pressure. You make mission on pain of your career, and, unfortunately, a lot of it is out of the recruiters' control...something over 90% of recruits are walk-ins (I don't remember the exact stat...I want to say it's high 90s, but, somewhere over 90%)...so, if you don't have a walk-in market, you can be in big trouble. You're d@mn'd if you make mission, anyway. My husband's station made the mistake of going 99% in fiscal year '07 (whatever the year before last was...I think that's '07, cuz we just started '09), in a NON-walk-in market, so, now they're constantly being told they suck because they're not quite as high this year. And a lot of these guys never wanted to be recruiters, and ended up being "involuntarily converted" while on recruiting duty, so, they're pretty stuck with no way out, other than leaving the army completely when their enlistment is up. The men are supposed to be psychologically screened before they're put on recruiting duty, but...:shrug. Every recruiter my husband knows who's been to Iraq would choose going back over recruiting duty. Especially guys who were used to being sort of "men of action" and depending on themselves and other trained soldiers, and are now sitting behind a desk all day, subject to the whims of (mainly) 18-22 year old civilians.

The wives? Not sure...I have theories...

[marlne]

Recruiting duty is really difficult..
A few "family" and personal difficulties making it difficult (as example) is when its something that makes you have to be someone you really aren't. Like my hubby, he's so NOT a people person and would rather deal and interact with other military members. It's hard on the family of the recruiter too. My husband is gone atleast 14hrs a day and works most Saturdays and some Sundays as well. It's rare if any of the kids are awake when he gets home. Whats hard on me is the feeling of being stranded because we have only one car and no bus system in this town. For us, money is tighter too. Way tighter. Ugh..

There's a lot more difficulties and I've seen other issues but many are ones my husband prefer I don't talk about on a forum since many times there are "other eyes" looking out there for that stuff, creating bigger problems. (I didn't believe it til I saw it) It sure is a different world compared to him being back in the fleet.


My husband is one of those who would rather be back in Iraq over this duty..

[katheek77]

Recruiting duty is really difficult..
A few "family" and personal difficulties making it difficult (as example) is when its something that makes you have to be someone you really aren't. Like my hubby, he's so NOT a people person and would rather deal and interact with other military members. It's hard on the family of the recruiter too. My husband is gone atleast 14hrs a day and works most Saturdays and some Sundays as well. It's rare if any of the kids are awake when he gets home. Whats hard on me is the feeling of being stranded because we have only one car and no bus system in this town. For us, money is tighter too. Way tighter. Ugh..

There's a lot more difficulties and I've seen other issues but many are ones my husband prefer I don't talk about on a forum since many times there are "other eyes" looking out there for that stuff, creating bigger problems. (I didn't believe it til I saw it) It sure is a different world compared to him being back in the fleet.


My husband is one of those who would rather be back in Iraq over this duty..

Oh, my DH would go back in a heartbeat - he did two tours with the 82nd as a 13F. His best friend just got back from his fourth tour over there, and I can always tell that he misses it whenever he talks to Phil. My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.

[AFWife]

I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

[ChichosMama]

Oh my...

[marlne]

Oh, my DH would go back in a heartbeat - he did two tours with the 82nd as a 13F. His best friend just got back from his fourth tour over there, and I can always tell that he misses it whenever he talks to Phil. My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.

My hubby is definately not a salesman either. Going up to people and then having to talk to them was a nightmare, he just doesn't like to deal with civilians and hates being around crowds.
He's gone to Iraq twice as well and just after we moved here for Recruiting duty, he heard his unit he was with were heading for Afghanistan. Talk about being totally upset! He's been dying to go there.
He likes to do his work.. His work is being a good Marine, not a recruiter/salesman.lol

[marlne]

I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

I'll tell you that going through my hubby's first deployment was hard on me too. That time was when I stopped watching the news. (it helped)

I'll admit its not easy.. The good news is that you Can get through it!
Focus on his home coming. Focus on getting things ready for baby and keep yourself as busy as you can. It helps. Sending off care packages really helps too.
Talk to other girls who have been through it and are going through it if you can. Being around others who have been there and are doing that can really help. They understand.

You will get through this.:Hug

[kirstenb]

I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

:hug

I remember DH's first deployment was super hard on me too. He deployed to Iraq 04-05 when things were really bad and I had a permanent knot in my stomach. I second marlne's advice on finding other military wives- I had that support on his subsequent deployments and it was so nice having that support system of people who KNEW what I was going through.

[kirstenb]

He's gone to Iraq twice as well and just after we moved here for Recruiting duty, he heard his unit he was with were heading for Afghanistan. Talk about being totally upset! He's been dying to go there.
He likes to do his work.. His work is being a good Marine, not a recruiter/salesman.lol

This sounds like my DH! Whenever he hears what his old unit is doing he totally wants to go back to the fleet. He's heard they *might* go to Afghanistan and I can't even tell you how bad he wants to go. And he likes (for the most part) being a DI!

[Maluhia]

Hey ladies! AD AF wife here just checking in! We are starting to get crazy around here as we are finishing up an assignment outside of DC and are headed to England in the summer! There's much excitement and lots of nervousness. I really don't like the idea of it taking 60 days to get our household goods over there, but I don't think I have much choice.

Oh I'm so envious! I wanted the Navy to send me WITH DH when he went to the UK but the tour was not long enough. humph.



Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.

I've heard the divorce rates are astronomical and honestly it's horrid how many people are forced into recruiting duty when they don't want it. It can kill your career and the chances of success are so damn slim. I pray we never see such duty, ever, and I pray for you two to get through it.

I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

Have you made Mommy videos? My DD LOVED beyond words watching DVDs of her Daddy reading stories and we made one for each month he was gone so she had "new" ones every few weeks.

My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.

My DH is the same - what is it with these darling antisocial DHs in the military?

not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

You ARE going to be fine!
Figure out what works for YOU - write into a journal as a really long letter, have him leave you cards to open once a week, etc. etc.
It's like labor - it hurts, but you get through it and come out stronger at the other end.



Here - DH is working from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. six days a week and I have a hard time not laughing when people congratulate me for "having him home." I know the sarcastic attitude does not come off well, but some days, it is too much to hide it.

I've only found one other wife I like much and our children are 5 years apart in age and she lives 30 minutes away. So much for friends from "the boat."

[AFWife]

Thank you so much for all of your kinds words. I just keep telling myself it's only 8 weeks (basic training) and then we can at least TALK more often.


Question: About when will my housing allowance come in? Will it be with the first paycheck?

[MarineGurl020412]

Hi ladies just checking in again. I am so behind so I am just going to start over from here.

I got both of my girls signed up for the Sibling class that is offered at the hospital. They will be going this coming Saturday and then the 7th of Feb will be the "Lamaze" class that they offer. It is all done in one day and that works for me instead of having to trying and find care for several days.

[Cardinal]

Anyone ever lived at Beale AFB in CA? I need info fast!!

[Maluhia]

Thank you so much for all of your kinds words. I just keep telling myself it's only 8 weeks (basic training) and then we can at least TALK more often.


Question: About when will my housing allowance come in? Will it be with the first paycheck?

The BAH should be in the first paycheck although the military is notorious for getting pay things wrong and fixing them in their own sweet time. I'd find the # to the PSD (Personel Support Detachment) where he is and go over your first LES (Pay statement found online at MyPay) and make sure it's right. His BAH will be based on the county HE is stationed in and not where YOU live, bummer, I know.

Anyone ever lived at Beale AFB in CA? I need info fast!!

Nope! Maybe in FYT you could find someone from near there?

[Maluhia]

trying and find care for several days.

That part is often the worst - finding reliable childcare when far from home.


Are you delivering at a MTF or out in town? I had a friend who delivered out in town there 5+ years ago and she said she was treated as if she were at a spa - amazing!

[AFWife]

The BAH should be in the first paycheck although the military is notorious for getting pay things wrong and fixing them in their own sweet time. I'd find the # to the PSD (Personel Support Detachment) where he is and go over your first LES (Pay statement found online at MyPay) and make sure it's right. His BAH will be based on the county HE is stationed in and not where YOU live, bummer, I know.


This I did not know. So it's based on San Antonio and not Houston?



Let me just say that having your husband call and only be able to say, "Hey babe, here's my address, love you" should be considered wife torture.

[Maluhia]

Yeah - it's mean and sucks.



I'm dealing with a CRAZY EVIL CO wife who is just causing my life more consternation than I'd ever care to experience again. ONE.MORE.MONTH. and then she goes away - thank GOD.

[Sarah W]

Have you made Mommy videos? My DD LOVED beyond words watching DVDs of her Daddy reading stories and we made one for each month he was gone so she had "new" ones every few weeks.

Not yet, but I will be! I found that suggestion a couple weeks ago and thought it was great. I got a program to create DVDs and I've got several books. I'm planning on ordering a few more and starting soon.

I won't be leaving until Mar 7th now, so that's a little unexpected bonus.

[nia82]

Hmm when DH went to OTS we received BAH and COLA based on my ZIP code. So we received it for San Francisco, and not Montgomery, AL, which is a substantial difference.

[AFWife]

Hmm when DH went to OTS we received BAH and COLA based on my ZIP code. So we received it for San Francisco, and not Montgomery, AL, which is a substantial difference.

Thankfully it wouldn't be too huge a difference if it's based on his...but i would get a couple hundred more if it's based on mine.

I guess I'll see in a week or so. Pay day is the 30th right? Because the 1st is a Sunday?

[boobyjuicex3]

Alright mama's, I have a crazy question for you. I have a friend that is getting a $16,000 federal tax refund! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? Little background: Family of 4, navy ( enlisted e-4) with less than 5 yrs in, they did 4 months in Iraq, they did not own their home in 07 (they closed on it Dec 29) and they used tax slayer.com to file. I feel like it is a mistake and don't know what to say to her.

[KatieJD]

Alright mama's, I have a crazy question for you. I have a friend that is getting a $16,000 federal tax refund! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? Little background: Family of 4, navy with less than 5 yrs in, they did 4 months in Iraq, they did not own their home in 07 (they closed on it Dec 29) and they used tax slayer.com to file. I feel like it is a mistake and don't know what to say to her.

Did they claim zero dependents last year? I have no idea what their income is but we're a family of 3 and we're getting 7k. I was going to ask if they bought a home since that would help explain it but if they didn't I have no idea.

[boobyjuicex3]

We are a family of 6, own our home and claim 2 getting 7k.

[KatieJD]

Hmm....that does sound really weird to me based on e-4 pay, we make well over 10k more a year than that and we're definitely not getting anywhere close to that back. I'm going to guess and say they claimed zero dependents last year.

[marimara]

Hello ladies! I just found this tribe! My husband is ADAF for 12 years now. I am also prior AF myself. We have a 2yo dd. We are currently stationed at Moody AFB, in Georgia. Been here 2 years already! Time flies so fast. I was thinking I should try to connect with some military mamas more like myself since I can't seem to find any where I live!

Sometimes it's so hard being a military spouse and having to move so often and then getting stuck living somewhere you don't like or don't fit in. We moved down here from the DC area so we thought that we could use the change of pace and all with the new baby. Boy did we NOT know what we were getting into! This town is nice and all but so very UN-progressive and conservative. At least I am closer to my family down here but still....Any advice for helping me find happiness here? I've just been trying to get out of town as much as possible on the weekends (go down to Florida). We probably have 2-3 more years here due to my dh taking a 1st Sgt job this year.

[KatieJD]

Hello ladies! I just found this tribe! My husband is ADAF for 12 years now. I am also prior AF myself. We have a 2yo dd. We are currently stationed at Moody AFB, in Georgia. Been here 2 years already! Time flies so fast. I was thinking I should try to connect with some military mamas more like myself since I can't seem to find any where I live!

Sometimes it's so hard being a military spouse and having to move so often and then getting stuck living somewhere you don't like or don't fit in. We moved down here from the DC area so we thought that we could use the change of pace and all with the new baby. Boy did we NOT know what we were getting into! This town is nice and all but so very UN-progressive and conservative. At least I am closer to my family down here but still....Any advice for helping me find happiness here? I've just been trying to get out of town as much as possible on the weekends (go down to Florida). We probably have 2-3 more years here due to my dh taking a 1st Sgt job this year.

Welcome

and :lol I think I could have written your post. For us northerners, its a BIG change down here. My best advice would be to check out the regional tribe on here and ask people if there are any groups that focus on your interests, there almost always are.

[psychethemuse]

Hello again. Well, we found out we're going back to Ft. Gordon (Augusta, GA) and I'm really trying to stay positive about it (DH and I are westerners at heart). At least we have a house to go back to.

Still no orders though. The one person who is in charge of putting orders together here thinks there is no rush, even though DH graduates in 16 days. :eek I guess that's because our report no later than date is in July (yeah, big screw up there). I'd like to schedule TMO so we can have an idea of when we can move and therefore let our tenants know when we want them to move out. However, that will have to wait.

[AFWife]

Got my first letter from DH today...I have a question...

He said he got put on EC for a couple of hours while the flight was doing medical and dental stuff...he didn't explain so maybe someone here can...What's EC Duty? I've been on MDC too long because EC means something entirely different in my mind! (I should hope that our Air Force recruits aren't practicing potty training... :D)

[kirstenb]

I have no idea but I thought the same as you!

[AFWife]

I did a little research and it's Entry Guard...the person that makes sure only that flight and TI enters the dorm...everyone takes 2 hour shifts.

[ihugtrees]

Navy mama here. I'm due in June and we will PCS in December. It will be my first time away from my family and hometown, other than two semesters at a college 3 hours away. Being that I will also be a new mama, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. DH will probably deploy pretty soon after we get to our new place, too. Yippeee...

[KatieJD]

I did a little research and it's Entry Guard...the person that makes sure only that flight and TI enters the dorm...everyone takes 2 hour shifts.

So the Air force version of CQ duty? That's what I assumed it what but wasn't sure.

[meganbarr]

Hey Ladies. I havent posted on here in a while, but I have a really long question. We just moved to Tyndall AFB and so far the medical clinic here has been a NIGHTMARE. When I called to make an appt for DD to get a referral for a new pediatric urologist, the lady told me I had to speak to a nurse first? I waited all day for a call from the nurse. The next day, I started calling them. They said her line was busy so I started calling every hour (I forgot to mention that each time you call the appt line you have to wait like 10 minutes to get to a person) Finally, they quit answering the phone when I called. At about 3pm they told me it might be the next day before I could talk to the nurse to schedule an appt just to see her PCM. I got mad and told the lady "ok I understand she is busy so Ill just come to the clinic when you open tomorrow and wait until a doctor sees her, Im sure it will probably take a while but dont worry Ill bring a lunch." The nurse called me an hour later and scheduled the appt. When I saw the doctor she didnt read any of the med records, ultrasound and vcug slides, or immunization records. She just gave them all back and told me she didnt need them. She then handed me a copy of the "standard" immunization record and told me to stop by the referral desk and go to the immunization clinic. At the immunization clinic was another disaster filled nightmare and the people were just plain mean and nasty. When I called to make a yearly pap appt it was more of the same crap and hateful people and once again it took all day. So neways what i would like to know is, is there any way for us to use civilian doctors? I stopped by the tricare office and the lady was mean and more concerned about why i didnt want to use the military clinic. She handed me some papers and said "Fill this out and write a letter" When I asked her what she ment by a letter she just said "fill this out and write a letter, they may or many not approve your request" Has anyone else had experience with this? Any suggestions on the "letter"?

[KatieJD]

Hey Ladies. I havent posted on here in a while, but I have a really long question. We just moved to Tyndall AFB and so far the medical clinic here has been a NIGHTMARE. When I called to make an appt for DD to get a referral for a new pediatric urologist, the lady told me I had to speak to a nurse first? I waited all day for a call from the nurse. The next day, I started calling them. They said her line was busy so I started calling every hour (I forgot to mention that each time you call the appt line you have to wait like 10 minutes to get to a person) Finally, they quit answering the phone when I called. At about 3pm they told me it might be the next day before I could talk to the nurse to schedule an appt just to see her PCM. I got mad and told the lady "ok I understand she is busy so Ill just come to the clinic when you open tomorrow and wait until a doctor sees her, Im sure it will probably take a while but dont worry Ill bring a lunch." The nurse called me an hour later and scheduled the appt. When I saw the doctor she didnt read any of the med records, ultrasound and vcug slides, or immunization records. She just gave them all back and told me she didnt need them. She then handed me a copy of the "standard" immunization record and told me to stop by the referral desk and go to the immunization clinic. At the immunization clinic was another disaster filled nightmare and the people were just plain mean and nasty. When I called to make a yearly pap appt it was more of the same crap and hateful people and once again it took all day. So neways what i would like to know is, is there any way for us to use civilian doctors? I stopped by the tricare office and the lady was mean and more concerned about why i didnt want to use the military clinic. She handed me some papers and said "Fill this out and write a letter" When I asked her what she ment by a letter she just said "fill this out and write a letter, they may or many not approve your request" Has anyone else had experience with this? Any suggestions on the "letter"?

I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience, that makes me so angry for you :( I would completely bypass all of those people and call Tricare directly for the information you need, explain that your child has particular health care needs that aren't being met by the on-post clinic and you need to see someone more specialized off-post. You can see civilian doctors and have them be covered under Tricare Prime.

[meganbarr]

I did call Tri-South directly. They told me to go to my local Tricare office and that I would need to obtain a waiver to see an off base provider. They told me that the person in the Tricare office would help me fill the paperwork out. However, the lady in the local Tricare office was being deliberately unhelpful and basically refused to give me more information about what was supposed to be in the letter that I am supposed to attach to the paperwork. I really have no idea what the letter is supposed to say or who it is supposed to be addressed to and she refused to tell me. I was so angry I called my husband crying and told him I was going to go get a full time job so that I could get civilian health insurance! Honestly, Im still considering it.

[marimara]

I did call Tri-South directly. They told me to go to my local Tricare office and that I would need to obtain a waiver to see an off base provider. They told me that the person in the Tricare office would help me fill the paperwork out. However, the lady in the local Tricare office was being deliberately unhelpful and basically refused to give me more information about what was supposed to be in the letter that I am supposed to attach to the paperwork. I really have no idea what the letter is supposed to say or who it is supposed to be addressed to and she refused to tell me. I was so angry I called my husband crying and told him I was going to go get a full time job so that I could get civilian health insurance! Honestly, Im still considering it.

I believe the letter is supposed to say (addressed to Tricare) that you don't want to be seen on base and then state your reasons. This happens alot in my area, our base facilities suck too. Say that you have to wait too long to get an apt, waiting too long when you get there. You have small children and this is unacceptable. I'm pretty sure just a simple letter stating that you want to go off base will do the job. Sometimes military medical sucks!

[nia82]

I'm so sorry for you! At Vandenberg AFB only kids under 3 are obliged to see the military ped; everyone else can just choose a PCM in town or choose to see the military docs. That's under Prime.
I never saw a military doc, I went with civilians. Does Tyndall require you really to see an on-base-doc? If yes, I would write a really long letter, describing the rudeness, long wait etc to Tricare and demand a referral off-base. I'd made quite a stink about it, and I think you have every right to do so after the treatment you received.
The local facilities aren't much better either. The ped is ok, but bullies about vaccinating and shared incorrect information, then admitted that he never read a vaccine package insert and doesn't know what's in there. :irked:
I called the immunization clinic to find out which vaccine brand they use, unfriendly people on the phone with no answers. *sigh*
We will PCS in June to WY, if the base facilities are equally horrible, we'll switch DS to Standard. It has copays, but at least you are free.

[katheek77]

Whoo-hoo!

New recruiting rules just came down from brigade!

The recruiters are NOT allowed to work past 2100. Although I assume this does not include the days right before mission day. But, I'll take it.

They are to leave at 1630 ALL Wednesdays for "family time".

They have to get two Saturdays/month off.

Wheeeeee! I really hope they stick with this.

[MangoMommy]

It sounds like you got the wrong info from the Tricare office, at least as far as I understand it. You DO have the option to use Tricare Prime out in town, as long as you use an approved provider from their list.

Go to http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/home/Medical/FindingAProvider

click on find a provider then click on find a network provider, then it takes you to a Humana page (that's who services the area) and you put in your zip and specialty,etc. Then you call the doctor and ask if they are accepting new Tricare Prime patients.
you can download the form to fill out to change http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/Download/Forms/2010_Enrollment_South.pdf

I would also recommend calling Tricare (the 800# not the local office) directly and tell them the base isn't easy access for you,etc you have a hard time getting appts or whatever excuse you want, but that you need to find out how you pick a tricare prime approved pediatrician out in town.

Good luck!

I ended up going Tricare Standard for me, but it's because when you are pregnant you either have the baby at the base or go Standard and have the baby out in town.


***sounds like you did call tricare directly...I'm sorry you're having troubles! When I do Tyndall's zip code, it pulls up Tricare Prime peds so I don't know why you can't see one of them. Odd!!

[AFWife]

ARGH! It's the first payday and I'm already having issues.

When we opened the USAA account we were told we could open it with a zero balance because he hadn't left for basic training yet...apparently that's wrong. They closed the account after 45 days and DIDN'T TELL US!!! (we opened it back in October so there was plenty of time to inform us) Well, that means the direct deposit info he took with him isn't valid. So when finance tried to pay him they tried to deposit into a closed account...and it got kicked back. Now I have NO idea how to get my money and I really need it to pay bills! I called his recruiter and she's trying to see what she can do... :irked: Please tell me this isn't normal. I have anxiety issues as it is.

[marimara]

No it's not normal, once you get the direct deposit sorted out you shouldn't have any more problems. Occasionally Finance will mess up pay for TDYs but not that often. We use BOA because they are everywhere and their "military bank" is quite nice. Also we've used the local base credit unions often before. I've not had much luck with USAA before, sorry..

[AFWife]

No it's not normal, once you get the direct deposit sorted out you shouldn't have any more problems. Occasionally Finance will mess up pay for TDYs but not that often. We use BOA because they are everywhere and their "military bank" is quite nice. Also we've used the local base credit unions often before. I've not had much luck with USAA before, sorry..

It's okay. Now the issue is dealing with DFAS (finance I guess) because they won't release the funds to USAA now. I'm having to do stuff with MyPay and try to get at it that way. Problem with that is HE set it up down there so I have no idea what the PIN number is or anything like that. And because I don't have "power of attorney" they won't let me do much directly. I hate to think that they're going to pull him out of training to have him fix it or something. That would suck. He's gone this long without getting yelled at or in trouble...

[marimara]

It's okay. Now the issue is dealing with DFAS (finance I guess) because they won't release the funds to USAA now. I'm having to do stuff with MyPay and try to get at it that way. Problem with that is HE set it up down there so I have no idea what the PIN number is or anything like that. And because I don't have "power of attorney" they won't let me do much directly. I hate to think that they're going to pull him out of training to have him fix it or something. That would suck. He's gone this long without getting yelled at or in trouble...

I would highly, highly, highly, suggest you get a General Power of Attorney. If he is deployed or in training you will need to do things like this and sometimes (like if he is deployed) it could be days or weeks before you could hear from him. Dealing with Finance can be a PITA sometimes but it comes with the territory. Also another word to the wise, (since I saw you were new to the military, 1st Sgt wife here), getting into a financial trouble-overloaded on debt, payments, etc can get your dh into trouble and he could possibly lose his job over it. It's very important to keep good track of your finances and not get into too much debt. It's so so so so common to see new airmen and their families join the AF and immediately get into debt, because they suddenly see these nice paychecks and want to spend, spend, spend. First thing they do is get a new car. Not saying at all that you guys are like that, I just wanted to throw that out there (because I was just talking to some airmen about this at lunch today). :) :goodvibes:

[AFWife]

I would highly, highly, highly, suggest you get a General Power of Attorney. If he is deployed or in training you will need to do things like this and sometimes (like if he is deployed) it could be days or weeks before you could hear from him. Dealing with Finance can be a PITA sometimes but it comes with the territory. Also another word to the wise, (since I saw you were new to the military, 1st Sgt wife here), getting into a financial trouble-overloaded on debt, payments, etc can get your dh into trouble and he could possibly lose his job over it. It's very important to keep good track of your finances and not get into too much debt. It's so so so so common to see new airmen and their families join the AF and immediately get into debt, because they suddenly see these nice paychecks and want to spend, spend, spend. First thing they do is get a new car. Not saying at all that you guys are like that, I just wanted to throw that out there (because I was just talking to some airmen about this at lunch today). :) :goodvibes:

He's good about money and finances. We're actually trying to follow the Dave Ramsey plan...Yes, we will be getting a new car but we desperately NEED it (not WANT it)
My brother is a Marine and he's told me about all these guys that have their entire paycheck spent in a matter of days...I don't understand it.
:) I do appreciate the concern, though. We're trying our hardest to get OUT of debt (hopefully that will only take 2 or so years...we don't have THAT much and the majority of it is student loans) :thumb
LOL Any other words of wisdom are very welcome!!!

[KatieJD]

Awesome news, katheek!

DH came back from JRTC on Wednesday night and it only took DS about 20 minutes to warm back up to him. He was confused because he saw him for the first time upon waking up and I think he must have thought he was still dreaming.

We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.

[kirstenb]

We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.

:hug

DH graduated his first recruit class on Friday. :love It was fun to be at the graduation ceremony- the last boot camp graduation I was at was when he graduated 5 years ago. Not much has changed! He is home on leave until the end of the month, then he starts a new cycle. He pretty much spent the whole weekend sleeping.

[gagin37]

We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.

:Hug

[AFWife]

Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?

[katheek77]

Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?

Depending on when you send the form in, it will start the first of the next month or the first of the second next month (I think the cutoff date is the 20th...not sure...so, if you fill it out by Feb 15, it would start Mar 1, but if you fill it out Feb 21, it wouldn't start until April 1). Although since I found out I was pregnant the week we PCS'd, they made mine retroactive to the start of the month I filed in.

Clear as mud?

TPR is awesome. I :joy: it. Much wider selection of doctors to choose from. I know nothing about standard, though I think there's also a cost share in addition to your deductible.

ETA:
TRICARE Standard
Outpatient cost share after deductible is met:20% of the TRICARE allowable charge You may be required to file your own claims

Here's the tricare standard handbook: http://www.tricare.mil/mybenefit/Download/Forms/Standard_Handbook_06.pdf

[marlne]

AFwife~ I don't get the whole tricare thing honestly some days.
When we got to our destination, we visited the tricare office and they set it up for us.



While on RD..
Been kinda quiet lately as we're all a little down with recruiting duty.
Never thought how bad it could really affect you when you have one car!
I'm literally stranded with my 3yr old all day just about 6 days a week or so. My girls can't even do things after school with me not having a car.
There's no bus system here either unfortunately to get around anywhere.
It can get a bit depressing.

My DH is having a hard time too with RD. As I've mentioned before, he's just not recruiter material. He's not a salesman at all and doesn't like people. (wll more like he just isn't a people person. He likes other military ppl.lol)
The guy in charge asked him if he wanted to quit already.
Hmmmm, wonder what could happen to my hubby if he did? I didn't know they could quit.

It's not like he isn't trying though. He's honestly trying very hard to do the best he can.

[Kassyaf13]

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Keri and I am stationed overseas with my husband. We have one DS that is 5 months old. I am new to this site but love to have military mom's to relate to.

[kirstenb]

My DH is having a hard time too with RD. As I've mentioned before, he's just not recruiter material. He's not a salesman at all and doesn't like people. (wll more like he just isn't a people person. He likes other military ppl.lol)
The guy in charge asked him if he wanted to quit already.
Hmmmm, wonder what could happen to my hubby if he did? I didn't know they could quit.

It's not like he isn't trying though. He's honestly trying very hard to do the best he can.

:hug

Sorry you are all having a hard time with RD. I'm not sure what would happen if he quit, but it wouldn't be good. It would go in his record and it could be a very long time before he was able to pick up rank. It's very possible they would look at it when it came time to reenlist. I hope that it gets better for him with time (and for you too!).

Welcome Kassyaf13!

[cat_tengel]

where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place:o...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin

[Alohamelly]

My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

[marlne]

Thanks Kirsten :D
I have been talking daily with my hubby in trying to get him to get me a used car with our tax return.. He's agreeing with me so I'm a little hopeful.
Now it's just a matter of what I can find over the phone or internet that he can go look at.

He's going to keep hanging in there of course. I think it's just going to take a bit longer than a "few months" adjustment for him. (more like the whole few years.lol)
HOpefully with having a second car, it will help us here stranded at home and maybe even him when we can come visit.
We are currently a 20min drive from DH's office. Getting a car is our best option and I think it could help. Keep your fingers crossed we find a car?

Alohamelly~ I think it's doable!
Do you have any family here on the mainland that will keep your cars for you?
If not, how about finding a storage place that accepts cars? Unfortunately I don't know how much that would cost..
We didn't think we'd miss Oahu but are finding we are already.lol

[MangoMommy]

My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

AlohaMelly!
Do you have family in the area that could help you here on O'ahu? Could you afford to ship 1 car to the island? I'm not sure how Army (you guys are Army?) works with deployments and moves,etc but I can imagine missing the warmth and sunshine. I know I will when we leave in a year.

BTW, I think I "know" you thru HMW...I joined, probably as you were leaving?

[MangoMommy]

Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?

Ok, you (the wife) are automatically enrolled in Tricare Standard when you are entered into DEERS. Tricare Standard requires a deductible, plus co-pays for every visit. You can go this route if you need to be seen immediately while you wait on Tricare Prime, but I'd do the paperwork for Prime and wait for it. Tricare Prime Remote is ZERO out of pocket but you still get to pick doctors. Normally those on Tricare Prime have to be seen at the medical facility onbase but when you don't like by a base you get to pick.

[MangoMommy]

where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place:o...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin

I wasn't with my DH when he joined, we met a year later so he was already getting paid so I don't know how that works out. But be prepared for all and everything to not make sense or go wrong. LOL. It's rough at first while they get the finances figured out I've heard.

Basically he'll get base pay (which is pretty low but decent) and a housing allowance, unless you live in base housing.

[Kassyaf13]

where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place:o...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin

Cat Tengel,
All military branches offer LOTS of classes once he joins. The minute you get your ID card go on base and start trying to get in to classes. They have ones on how to PCS, how finance works, how housing is done, all of that. If you can't find the classes then just start making phone calls, your first one should be to the Family Support Center, I think that's what the Army's is called. A lot of people don't know about the stuff that is offered but I promise if you get involved then knowledge will be your power.

[Kassyaf13]

My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

I used to be stationed in Washington and there is a place in Tacoma down by the industrial area that you can store your car for up to two years. I don't know how much it costs but they look after your car and it's in a locked facility, there are also places down there that you can ask about shipping if you'd like to do that. To ship our car to Germany it was $2000. It might be cheaper since Hawaii is closer.

[kindheartcarol]

hi everyone!
i just joined today so i'm tryin to get the hang of everything. I'm a usmc wife i've been with my marine for close to 2 yrs now. i survived a deployment while being prego with ds last yr. right now we're working on post deployment baby #2 (while breastfeeding).

[marlne]

Welcome to all who are joining here! Glad you're here!

Warning... possible vent ahead..

Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...:(
I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.:angry

I may be older than my husband but we are together on things and when it comes to his job, I am "behind" him. Not the one pulling the dang reigns.
Never ever once did I suggest a single thing to him. We are here with him and supporting him. Yes, he knows its getting to me about being stranded, but I'm not making it a horrible situation. Heck, it would probably get to just about anyone to be stranded.
I'm dealing and we'll "together" fix the situation, but... I'm so upset that they would suggest any problems are because my husband married someone older than him and suggest that it's me doing things!
Why does age have to affect anything like this anyway?
Ugh..
It's bugging me..:(

[kirstenb]

hi everyone!
i just joined today so i'm tryin to get the hang of everything. I'm a usmc wife i've been with my marine for close to 2 yrs now. i survived a deployment while being prego with ds last yr. right now we're working on post deployment baby #2 (while breastfeeding).

:wave

Hello! I see we live close to each other! Do you live on base or in town?

[kirstenb]

Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...:(
I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.:angry


:hug

How did they find out it was you? I'm super leary of those kinds of boards because of that reason.

[marlne]

Every "recruiter wife" has to be careful. Its super easy to find out who your hubby is and for some reason there are people who search out forums to find out what is being said. I just don't get it, Why?
My DH said there was someone on one of the groups I joined that was there to "see" if they can find out what is going on.

There were two guys in the past (one kind of recent too) who in fact got in some type of trouble because of things their wives shared.:(

I'm upset about me being blamed for my DH's problems (he's only been at it for 4mos) with RD due to me being older and yet have noone to talk to about it.. Why bring up me being older and then saying I'm to blame?
It makes me mad when I've done nothing.

[Alohamelly]

Alohamelly~ I think it's doable!
Do you have any family here on the mainland that will keep your cars for you?
If not, how about finding a storage place that accepts cars? Unfortunately I don't know how much that would cost..
We didn't think we'd miss Oahu but are finding we are already.lol

I don't know anyone here who could keep our cars. I really want my husband to sell his before he leaves and then I'd like to ship mine over. I know we'd have to pay out of pocket though, but I do have time to save for that.

AlohaMelly!
Do you have family in the area that could help you here on O'ahu? Could you afford to ship 1 car to the island? I'm not sure how Army (you guys are Army?) works with deployments and moves,etc but I can imagine missing the warmth and sunshine. I know I will when we leave in a year.

BTW, I think I "know" you thru HMW...I joined, probably as you were leaving?

I have a lot of friends over there that could help me. My dad is there, but he's moving this spring.

That's pretty cool that you are on HMW! Is it still going strong? I helped create that board, btw. :D

I used to be stationed in Washington and there is a place in Tacoma down by the industrial area that you can store your car for up to two years. I don't know how much it costs but they look after your car and it's in a locked facility, there are also places down there that you can ask about shipping if you'd like to do that. To ship our car to Germany it was $2000. It might be cheaper since Hawaii is closer.

Thanks for that info. That's good to know! I'm thinking to ship one car to Hawaii, it would cost at least $1000

[MangoMommy]

That's pretty cool that you are on HMW! Is it still going strong? I helped create that board, btw. :D


Yup, still going strong, prob lots of ladies you know are still there (but they are on the mainland now.)

I hope it all works out for you!

[AFWife]

I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

[Kassyaf13]

I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

They can because the same thing happen to my friend and her husband was flown back from Tech School in time to be with her and the baby. He might have to stay a little longer in Tech School, like a couple of days if he misses info or a test, but in the end it will be worth it. Have him talk to his MTL once he gets to Keesler, they should be able to help.

[KatieJD]

I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

I'm not sure if its the same thing but my DH will most likely be staying behind for a bit during his deployment for this baby to be born, so I assume they could have him come home but it would be something he needs to work out ahead of time and make others aware of it.

[KatieJD]

Welcome to all who are joining here! Glad you're here!

Warning... possible vent ahead..

Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...:(
I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.:angry

I may be older than my husband but we are together on things and when it comes to his job, I am "behind" him. Not the one pulling the dang reigns.
Never ever once did I suggest a single thing to him. We are here with him and supporting him. Yes, he knows its getting to me about being stranded, but I'm not making it a horrible situation. Heck, it would probably get to just about anyone to be stranded.
I'm dealing and we'll "together" fix the situation, but... I'm so upset that they would suggest any problems are because my husband married someone older than him and suggest that it's me doing things!
Why does age have to affect anything like this anyway?
Ugh..
It's bugging me..:(

I don't talk on any boards but here, maybe a little on diaper swappers but I just avoid the military boards all together. Don't let them suck you down like that, people are a-holes and like to start drama just for the sake of doing it. You know you're helping and not hindering and he knows that too so don't let them get to you :hug

[marlne]

Thank you so much Katie! I truly appreciate it.
Yeah, they definately made to to where I won't go to any future military function.. I don't want to see any of them, let alone meet them now.
I don't want to be around those people at all. They've got no reason to bring me up, let alone me being older than my husband.

[dirtyhipegirl]

Hello all,

I haven't been on here in forever, so I'll reintroduce myself. Lindsay, dh is in the AF. We are stationed at Aviano for the next couple of years. After that we are planning on putting in for Hickam and if not we are going to get out for sure. Being a military spouse can be really hard at times. My dh was in Korea for a year, that sucked, but I'm grateful for all the travel opportunities. Look forward to getting to know you all.

[KatieJD]

Welcome back!

Not much to report here, just getting ready for the new baby and DH is busy, busy preparing for this deployment. We're heading to Florida next week for a little work vacation since DH is in charge of some stuff down there, it won't be much of a vacation for him but it will give us all a little break at least.

Hope everyone is well!

[ChichosMama]

SO put in his orders AGAIN, prayers pls ladies that he stays here in San Diego. Thanks!
<3

[Soul-O]

My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

Hi Melly:

Unfortunately, the Army won't pay for the move to Hawaii or back, and will only pay Ft. Lewis rates for BAH when your DH is deployed. I recently checked into this myself because I'm with family here in CA while my DH finishes phase 3 of officer training (MIBOLC) in AZ, and I wanted to stay here instead of go up to Ft. Lewis because DH will deploy shortly after we arrive. I completely understand your dilemma, and hope you can find a way to make going home work for you :hug.

[lisa_nc]

Marlne,

Recruiting sucks, but don't let them play the mind games with you. Just put your head down and shoulder through. I swear to you, the duty ends and you go on with your lives. If you need to, you can PM me to talk. My husband is also a Marine and he came off RD almost two years ago. It was the hardest three years of our marriage, but we did it and you can too. :)

[Soul-O]

Does anyone have family members enrolled in EFMP? I'm actually considering it for myself because I have been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder characterized by extreme angioedema (swelling) in my airways when exposed to any number of allergens, and my MDs have not yet determined all of what causes the reactions or how to treat me. At this point, my allergist has recommended that I reside no more than a 5 minute drive from the nearest ER so that I can be treated quickly in the event of an airway obstruction. My DH thinks we should enroll in EFMP for now so that we can request priority housing assignments on post to be close to the MTF and also have extra assistance with our kids if he is deployed and I am hospitalized with a flare up.

Anyone with EFMP experience - please share the good and bad.

Thanks?

[Maluhia]

I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

I moved here when DH got stationed overseas for 9 months - he then got stationed here in Hawaii. We got BAH from the last place we lived and we paid out of pocket for my/DD flights. That being said there is an awesome AP group on island that has playdates, etc. and can create a great community and is about 1/3 to 1/2 military Mamas.

Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????
They might let him go but the $$$ to fly home will be out of your family pocket so it might be good to save towards that. Also, you might look into having a free doula since you are military and your spouse will be deployed in case your labor is fast and he can't get home in time.



Anyone with EFMP experience - please share the good and bad.

Thanks?
I know it can do good things for you but can be "bad" for your husband's career future. That being said your condition sounds like it really needs EFMP and I would do it in your situation.

[marlne]

Lisa_nc~ Thank you so much! I may just take you up on that pm one of these days.lol We definately have ups and downs but the sad thing is that those ups probably wouldn't really be considered "ups" on most other duties.lol We take them though!:D
I still think a second car would be key..:wink

Soul-O~ I'm EFMP due to having asthma and have been put in Category 2. So far nothing about it has been really negative. As for a positive, it helps with housing problems that are air related. I couldn't be put in a house with a window a/c unit when we were in Hawaii. We tried it at first but I was having too many asthma issues.

Also, if there is a problem with things in a house that aggravate my asthma, I mention being EFMP and they come out asap instead of taking days like for some other people.

[Valrock]

Hey everyone! Mind if I join in?

My DH is in the Navy We're stationed at Patuxent River Maryland. We've been here for 3 years and were in Hawaii for nearly 4 years before that. I'm hopelessly homesick for my island home.

DH is being deployed this summer as an Individual Augmentee. We're not sure where yet but it looks like Guantanamo Bay. I'm okay with that. Much better than being forward combat deployed!

If you ever get a chance to come to Pax, don't take it!! That's all I'm gonna say :).

Happy to be on MDC, though!

[Alohamelly]

Well I don't think I'm going to go home for my DH's deployment. I don't mind paying out of pocket for everything, but I need at least Hawaii BAH rate to make it worth it financially and since I can't get it, it'll be too much of a strain. :(

My daughter and I are both EFMP and so far, we haven't gotten anything out of it. Although my DH thinks that's why we got Ft. Lewis - we're near a lot of medical facilities and such.

[boobyjuicex3]

Hey everyone! Mind if I join in?

My DH is in the Navy We're stationed at Patuxent River Maryland. We've been here for 3 years and were in Hawaii for nearly 4 years before that. I'm hopelessly homesick for my island home.

DH is being deployed this summer as an Individual Augmentee. We're not sure where yet but it looks like Guantanamo Bay. I'm okay with that. Much better than being forward combat deployed!

If you ever get a chance to come to Pax, don't take it!! That's all I'm gonna say :).

Happy to be on MDC, though!

Welcome! I am stationed at Bolling. My playgroup is in St Mary's Co. I will pm you later. I just wanted to say HI

[marimara]

Welcome! I am stationed at Bolling. My playgroup is in St Mary's Co. I will pm you later. I just wanted to say HI

Hi I just wanted to say that that area is lovely, I moved from there (Hollywood, St Mary's County) to Valdosta GA and sure do miss it up there!

[boobyjuicex3]

Hi I just wanted to say that that area is lovely, I moved from there (Hollywood, St Mary's County) to Valdosta GA and sure do miss it up there!

We meet in Hollywood more often than not :D I have no complaints about the area. Its a nice drive to Kings Dominion, Washington DC, and Baltimore. We have been here almost a year and I am finally getting to "know" the area without GPS:o

[CTH3989]

Hi ladies! I've posted a few times in this thread. My name is Chelci, I'm 19, I am married to a Marine named Anthony. We have 2 children together, Elijah who is 2 years old and Alexandria who will be 7 months old tomorrow. Currently we are stationed in Hawaii.

[KatieJD]

New thread (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?p=13280516#post13280516)

[brown8075]

My husband and I have been married about 5 years. He recently just came back from Iraq. We are stationed in WA state, however I came to TN (where my parents live) when he was in Iraq, we are now back in WA. We have always had a pretty rocky marriage. Recently we have decided to get a a divorce. It may get ugly because recently he said if we stay in this marriage the way it has been going he could end up harming me???? So, I don't know whether to take that as a threat or a warning and either way I want to end it. Wondering if I should use a civilian or military lawyer? his father is an ex marine but has a good friend that is a 3 star general and I don't want them to try manipulate the situation for their favor due to the pull they may or may not have. Any suggestions??