Mama's Without Kids ~NEW~ 2009 Thread

[BurtsGirl]

The Mama's without Kids Tribe is a group of women who have found themselves at MDC for various reasons who do not and have no plans to have children. We're part of the MDC community, too, and have particular issues that have, in part, to do with carving out a place that's about mothering for women who don't think that they will mother.

Share with other women without children and who don't see them in the future. We discuss our lives, loves, careers, hobbies, partners, travels, and on goings. We also discuss issues and topics related to not having children and what impact that has on our lives.

Feel free to check out our 2008 thread here (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=949229).

For those planning children or waiting to TTC there is a Not Mama's Yet tribe here (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=1005708).

[BurtsGirl]

For those that might be new maybe we can start by introducing ourselves again. If your comfortable share you situation on why you're not having or aren't planning to have children.

I'm Rachel and turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. I'm married to Terri, 34, and we have a beautiful good boy named Rascal. I work in marketing and Terri is a production manager at a small sign company.

We started TTC in 2007 and after much investment made the decision to stop and to move forward without children. It's been a difficult but very good decision for us. After that decision it left me in confusion as to how I would fit into this community. I decided to carve out a tribe for women like me and was surprised there were others. We've all shared so much in the last year and I hope we'll continue to grow, learn, and embrace each other as women as well as add some new tribe members.

[jlutgendorf]

Hi Rachel! :loveeyes:

Thanks for starting a new thread! I'm Julia, married to Robert. We have 2 dogs, three cats, 2 birds and 8 guinea pigs. I'm a graphic designer and he's a photographer/web designer.

I'm in a different place than Rachel, in that I'm 100% undecided on whether I WANT kids. Robert has said he does, but I can't make up my mind. One moment I do, the next I see someone with their screaming toddler and I don't. I'd like to get to a point where I can say yes or no. But I'm not sure how to get there! :lol

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Glad you made it over, Julia! :love

So what is everyone (<-- postive thinking) doing this weekend.

Tonight we are putting together the bottom part of the entertainment center DW is building. We should be able to take that part home tonight. SO excited! Tomorrow we're watching the nephew's basketball game and volunteering to plant some trees! :treehugger: Sunday we'll probably relax but might do a hike if the weather stays nice. Today it's supposed to get into the 60's!

[jlutgendorf]

No firm plans yet. We might go tour a house for my parents, but the owner hasn't gotten back to me yet. Parents live in AZ, and want to get a second house out here, so we've offered to check them out if they're not too far away. Other than that, the house is scary, so maybe we'll (finally) do some sort of cleaning.

Robert's back! :joy: he's tired, but he had an amazing time. it's really interesting, because his experience of the inauguration was really different from what they were showing on tv, mainly in regards to people's reaction to both Bushes. It seems like a bunch of people snuck in this huge colapsable sign, and when the Bushes and Cheneys were leaving on Marine 1, they put it together and pointed it at the helicopter, reading "Get the F@#! out of Washington". Not the nicest of sentiments, but I can totally understand why people feel that way.

He also said that it was akin to a religious experience for many of the people there, people just overcome with joy, crying because they were so happy and so proud. My mom sent this to us in an email: "I just wanted to share, that just before Pres. Obama was sworn in, I had a flash from when I was a child watching (in black and white, natch) on TV the civil rights demonstrators in Alabama having the police turn fire hoses and dogs on them. It was vicious. There’s no other way to describe it.

Several of us had chills as he took the oath of office. So much has happened in baby boomer lifetimes."

And Robert said they were showing those exact same clips on the jumbotrons, I guess doing a recap of the civil rights movement. He also said that the crowd just went insane any time the Obama girls were shown, all the flags went up waving, everyone cheering and clapping. In general, just happy excited mayhem. And apparently, everyone was in a good mood, polite to everyone else, no fights, etc.

We looked through some photos, but not all. He took 20 GIGS worth. We'll need to pare that down some! :lol

oooo, and he got me an Obama shirt, with the logo done up in sparkly rhinestones! (I love sparkles :lol).

I'll def. post links to the pictures when we get them online.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, WOW! What an experience. I can't even imagine what the energy was there. And I had no doubt that he would fill up several memory cards, lol. All the photographer friends I have would do the same thing. Better to have too many than not enough, lol. Should be fun going through them with him. And I'm totally envious of the sparkly Obama shirt!

House hunting with someone elses money sounds like fun! I love shows like House Hunter and My First Place.

[BurtsGirl]

Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.

[Scribe]

Hey, I'm Grace! I'm a nearly-30 year old woman, partnered to a man, Mark. We're undecided about kids--Mark leans against, I lean towards. Strongly towards. So it's something that we talk about some and are sort of waiting on.

I currently work at a university but am changing jobs in two weeks to go back to my former career--technical writing.

Mark and I have two dogs and three cats, as well as a rotation of foster dogs. Currently, Mark is interviewing for post-docs and in a few months we'll be moving somewhere, but we don't know where yet, which stresses me out.

And I don't cook. Unless I have to. I'm trying, though!

[jlutgendorf]

Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.

Yup, Robert's the main chef! I like to bake, but don't do it very often.

See, if we all get together, our partners can just send us with food! And we can all pretend we cooked.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Yup, Robert's the main chef! I like to bake, but don't do it very often.

See, if we all get together, our partners can just send us with food! And we can all pretend we cooked.

~Julia

:rotflmao laughup :laugh:

OMG, that was hilarious! I also love baking but don't do it much because of the waist line. :o Also, I totally forgot you had 8 guinea pigs. How does one acquire 8 guinea pigs? Do they have names?

You know we could use a neuroscience guy in SC! *hint-hint, poke, giggle* :love

[Scribe]

Hehe. I wish.

Right now, it's between Virginia (outside D.C.) and the East Bay.

[BurtsGirl]

East Bay? Is that the one in CA? If so my vote is for the East Coast! DC is drivable for Julia and I and we can meet in the middle. So I think you and Mark should plan your move, careers and life around us being able to hang out, drink wine (beer for Julia), and giggle like school girls once a year or so. You good with that, Julia?

[jlutgendorf]

East Bay? Is that the one in CA? If so my vote is for the East Coast! DC is drivable for Julia and I and we can meet in the middle. So I think you and Mark should plan your move, careers and life around us being able to hang out, drink wine (beer for Julia), and giggle like school girls once a year or so. You good with that, Julia?

I am totes good with that. Doooooooo iiiiiittt.

And you get 8 guinea pigs by starting out with 2. Then you suddenly have a lot more. Then when a pair of boys break into the girls sections, you have A LOT more. I think at our height, we had almost 20. which is a lot. Our current ones (in order of age) are: Arizona, Tigger Yum Yum, Flower, Brillo's Baby, Pepe Lopez, Dobie Jr., Chub Tub, and Little Bit. (we like weird names).

[BurtsGirl]

LMAO! I :love: the names! Especially Pepe Lopez and Chub Tub! Ok, too many exclamation marks...sorry. :D

So it's all decided and Julia and I approve the DC move. Whew. Now that that's done we can create world peace.
Seriously, which place would you prefer to live, Grace?

Man, I'm in a good mood today.

[jlutgendorf]

LMAO! I :love: the names! Especially Pepe Lopez and Chub Tub! Ok, too many exclamation marks...sorry. :D

So it's all decided and Julia and I approve the DC move. Whew. Now that that's done we can create world peace.
Seriously, which place would you prefer to live, Grace?

Man, I'm in a good mood today.

Pepe Lopez is actually named after a bottle of Tequila. :shy Chub Tub was a slip of the tongue when Robert got Photobucket and SmugMug confused with each other. It was hilarious (to me).

We also had a foster stray cat named Chalupa and a rabbit named Gordita. Yes, we are weird.

Yeah, where would you like best, Grace?

~Julia

[Scribe]

Berkeley. But it's complicated. The offer in Virginia is probably a better one. We'll see.

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, you are seriously cracking me the h@ll up! I'm sure someone is going to walk past my cube and ask why I'm giggling so much.

Grace, I hope where ever you move you'll be happy and so will Mark. (although I am still placing my vote on DC for purely selfish reasons.) :wink When do you think you guys will be making the final decision?

[Scribe]

Should just be a few weeks. Mark goes to England next week for his last interview. When he gets back, we should have all the information we need to decide.

[BurtsGirl]

How was everyone's weekend?

We mostly just hung out at home which was nice. Sat we skipped the game and went to do the volunteer work but when we got to the meeting location no one was there. We were majorly bummed about that. I'm going to email the org to see what happened. Maybe we missed something. Sunday we cooked, played video games and I did some reading. I gotta tell you I just love the magazine Natural Health (http://www.naturalhealthmag.com/). I read the whole issue yesterday.

[wannabemoms]

Hey, I finally made it over here...:shy

Intro, intro, let's see...

I'm Crystal and I'm a 29-year-old gal married to my 39-year-old wife, who has been my partner for over 7 years. In the summer of '07 we got this crazy notion about having kids. We supplemented, charted, tested, doctor-ed, and called it quits a year later. We are on the road to a child-free life, which I am fine with 90% of the time and really angry about 10% of the time (which is probably better than it was 6 months ago, so I guess I'm making progress).

We live in an old continually-being-renovated-schoolhouse in the country, surrounded by hayfield and woodlots. We are grossly outnumbered by our 2 cats and 3 dogs, who somehow always get away with claiming the couch. I'm an ecologist by training, am currently trapped in a cubicle administering federal grants to people doing the type of research I WANT to do, and am plotting my eventual escape back to grad school to do my PhD.

Lately I have been a largely absentee contributor to this lovely group of women who I adore, because I am in a big snit/mood/bummer/somethingorother and I tend to withdraw from people I care about when I'm like that (sorry girls! :hug:)

Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.


Hey! I'll have you know I cook! I made lasagna and chili and stew and an oven roast this weekend, and un-cooked for the dogs, too!!:D

[Scribe]

We made more house progress this weekend! Our living room is now awesome. We moved a bunch of bookshelves around and edited tchotkes and everything is dust-able now. Yay! We also watched a movie and went out to breakfast and just hung out. It was good. And I went thrifting and only spent $2, which is like the least amount ever.

I'm stressed, though. I want us to make a decision as to where we're going to move so that worrying can becoming planning.

[jlutgendorf]

Ok, see that's our plan. Crystal will just have to cook for all of us!

Weekend was ok. We did end up going out near Athens to look at a house for my parents. It was nice, had lots of room, but needed some updating inside.

Otherwise we were pretty lazy. Didn't work on the house (can you see that's a theme in my life). Started going through inauguration photos, so hopefully those will be ready soon!

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Crystal, I'd love to see some pictures of your awesome old schoolhouse-house, if you don't mind someday. I bet it's neat living there. Also you are totally voted in for cooking for us! I agree with Julia! And we :love you and hope you'll take the time you need to get over this bump and be back to us good as new or better, until then we're thinking about you!

Grace, That's awesome that you guys got some things accomplished around the house. How are your allergies today? Any better? I soooo know that feeling of waiting to plan. It's the worst stuck, stagnant feeling! YAY for the 2 buck shopping spree!

Julia, I do love how your mind works, :lol. Sounds like your weekend was as productive as mine.

We did get the bottom of the entertainment center finished and in the house. When I went over to Terri's work (where she's been making it) to help put it together and saw the top for the first time I started to cry. I'm NOT a crier but it was that beautiful. I was just so proud of her and her work was just awesome. I'm not posting any pics until the back part is finished which should be next week but the bottom looks awesome in our living room.

We spent Friday night hooking up the new surround sound system. Man, these things just keep getting more and more complicated. We had Terri's OLD (circa 1989) stereo that was three feet tall and each was a seperate unit. Floor length wood laminated giant speakers. It was time for an ungrade. Now everything is in one tiny unit but much more complicated. The speakers are also so small! We eventually got it working and are getting the hang of the three remote system we've got now.

[Scribe]

We spent Friday night hooking up the new surround sound system. Man, these things just keep getting more and more complicated. We had Terri's OLD (circa 1989) stereo that was three feet tall and each was a seperate unit. Floor length wood laminated giant speakers. It was time for an ungrade. Now everything is in one tiny unit but much more complicated. The speakers are also so small! We eventually got it working and are getting the hang of the three remote system we've got now.

We've been doing that too! Mark got a new receiver for Christmas from his parents (his old one was nearly as old as Terri's) and he rewired everything. It is complicated, but it sounds great. We also got a new cabinet to put it all in. This one. (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20104737) In the black/brown, though, not the white that is shown.

[BurtsGirl]

We also got a new cabinet to put it all in. This one. (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20104737) In the black/brown, though, not the white that is shown.

Oooooo, ahhhhhh! That's pretty!

[Scribe]

Yeah, it's nice. And it was inexpensive. We also moved three bookcases out of our living room, so we have much less furniture now and it looks better and feels more open.

[jlutgendorf]

mmmmm ikea…

I'm excited to see what Terri has been building! Robert builds us some stuff, but he's just been learning about woodworking the past two years or so. Probably the coolest thing he's built us has been a shelt that runs around up high in our living/everything room. We have to put up just one more section though.

I'd also love to see school house photos. Sounds neat.

So, here's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I've realized that I've felt pretty directionless in life for some time now. And it's corresponded (but not neccesarily due to) me sort of "loosing" two people that I considered as mentors. I guess I have this desire to have someone in my life that's wiser, more experienced, balanced, etc. It's like I don't have something to focus me, to clarify my thinking and planning.

But then, I'm thinking, why can't I do these things for myself? And I don't feel personally that Robert would be appropriate (as a mentor/mentee relationship is unbalanced power-wise, plus I know he's got stuff to learn as well! :lol). I'm kind of stuck with the idea of finding a therapist again and paying for my mentoring :lol.

I guess there's no real question there, just ramblings. And I'd like to hear people's thoughts on what i've blah blah blahed about.

Re-reading that, I don't know if I've explained myself very well. hmm.

[BurtsGirl]

*raising hand*
Hi my name is Rachel and I've never been to an Ikea. Although they are opening a new one in Charlotte so I might be going at some point to check it out. I know they have one in Atl also but the only thing in Atl worth a trip is gay pride and to hang out with Julia someday.

Julia, I here you. My boss (and mentor) died in 2007. I'm still not over that loss. I see him everywhere around my workplace. I'm also not a self-motivator when it comes to some things so motivation is lacking in a big way. Deadlines help though but it's rare I have a deadline for anything. I got no advice, not that you asked for any, but I do hear you.

Grace, since your ms. super crafty bath-lady I have a question I hope you can help answer. You know those candles (http://www.amazon.com/Chamomile-Vegetable-Exclusively-Fragranced-Greenfire/dp/B001J86VEQ/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1232998441&sr=8-2) you can light and when it melts you can pour it onto your partner (without too much pain) and it turns into massage oil? I would love to make some of those, have you any ideas, tips, recipes, etc along this line?

[wannabemoms]

I'd also love to see school house photos. Sounds neat.

So, here's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I've realized that I've felt pretty directionless in life for some time now. And it's corresponded (but not neccesarily due to) me sort of "loosing" two people that I considered as mentors. I guess I have this desire to have someone in my life that's wiser, more experienced, balanced, etc. It's like I don't have something to focus me, to clarify my thinking and planning.

But then, I'm thinking, why can't I do these things for myself? And I don't feel personally that Robert would be appropriate (as a mentor/mentee relationship is unbalanced power-wise, plus I know he's got stuff to learn as well! :lol). I'm kind of stuck with the idea of finding a therapist again and paying for my mentoring :lol.

I guess there's no real question there, just ramblings. And I'd like to hear people's thoughts on what i've blah blah blahed about.

Re-reading that, I don't know if I've explained myself very well. hmm.

I can TOTALLY relate. I'm a pretty confident person, but I thrive when there's an experienced and steady hand providing guidance, support, and kudos. Dunno why. Yeah, it's obnoxious too sometimes.

[Scribe]

Grace, since your ms. super crafty bath-lady I have a question I hope you can help answer. You know those candles (http://www.amazon.com/Chamomile-Vegetable-Exclusively-Fragranced-Greenfire/dp/B001J86VEQ/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1232998441&sr=8-2) you can light and when it melts you can pour it onto your partner (without too much pain) and it turns into massage oil? I would love to make some of those, have you any ideas, tips, recipes, etc along this line?

Yep, you can do that fairly easily. There is actually a tutorial here (http://www.ehow.com/how_4682489_massage-oil-candles.html) that makes sense.

Oooh, I should offer some of those up in the craft swap for V-day...

[BurtsGirl]

I'd knew you'd know about it! I'm looking at some stuff for our anniversary trip in March. :wink It says liquid vegetable oil, do you have a preference in this category? They mention almond oil. Can you buy that at the grocery store?

[Scribe]

I'd knew you'd know about it! I'm looking at some stuff for our anniversary trip in March. :wink It says liquid vegetable oil, do you have a preference in this category? They mention almond oil. Can you buy that at the grocery store?

I would use almond oil, or possibly coconut oil (which isn't liquid at room temp, but I'd think would work fine). Something more exotic like apricot oil would work, too, but harder to find.

My hippy grocery store has almond oil in the health and beauty section.

[BurtsGirl]

I'm totally going to make a lot of these for myself and as gifts. Thanks for the tips, Grace. Know of a good, cheap place to get soy wax?

[Scribe]

$2/lb is a good price, I'd think. Try here (http://www.mcsoywax.com/wax.htm)?

[BurtsGirl]

Wow that site rawks!

[jlutgendorf]

My computer has decided to be super slow. which is bad when i need to work on large files. blah.

Rachel, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for the loss of your boss/mentor. That would be so hard. I'm pretty lucky in that I can still talk with my former peoples, it's just our relationship that's changed.

~Julia

[jlutgendorf]

Rainy and blah over here. I'm totally not motivated to work. yet have much to do.

Robert's been sick with "the crud". But I"m pretty proud of myself, normally the house devolves when one of us is sick, but so far I've made us dinner twice (ok, it meant I reheated soup and made grilled cheese sandwiches) and kept up with the animals and even did some side house work. Not a lot, but still, something is better than nothing!

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

I hate slow computers. Just wanna throw them across the room. The boss/mentor thing has been hard. We still have videos that have his voice in the background. It's a little creepy.

We are foggy and blah over here. Hope Robert gets to feeling better. And you go with your keeping on top of it self! I :love grill cheese.

Off to have lunch with my honey.

[Scribe]

I am home alone for a few days starting this afternoon. Mark is in England through Monday.

[BurtsGirl]

Is England really in the running? Is he interviewing for jobs or grad school? England sounds fun! It's definitely on my to-go list.

Any home-alone plans?

[Scribe]

Jobs. Postdoctoral fellowships, to be exact. He will graduate this spring. Yay Dr. Mark!

No real plans, besides maybe make meatloaf (I've been craving it) and watch movies and bad TV. Things have been so hectic, I could use the down time.

[Scribe]

UG. I had a bad night. Couldn't sleep for hours and then when I did get to sleep all three dogs woke me up sequentially to go out. I'm exhausted.

Bring the coffee!

[BurtsGirl]

You certainly deserve some down time, sister. Hope you enjoy that meatloaf! Yum!

Yesterday from after lunch on was bad for me. I ended up not going to pottery class because I hurt my wrist. I'm hoping this is just PMS but I was (and still a little am) depressed and not sure why. I feel you on the no sleep thing. I didn't get to bed until 1am and then could not get to sleep to save my life. VERY annoying.

[jlutgendorf]

I HATE not sleeping. My sleep schedule is way off, so if I want to get to sleep before 2-3 am I have to take something. Which ususally means I'm groggy in the morning. But I would be groggy anyway if I went to bed at 2 am…blah blah blah.

Sorry to hear the dogs were being butts. It's a good thing they're so cute. How do you like staying alone? I usually love the first day or two and then after that I start to get depressed, mainly because I think I'll do all these things (like clean) while Robert's gone, and then I never do.

Sorry about your wrist Rachel! And missing pottery. PMS sometimes makes me feel gross. I'll usually have a few days of being mood swingy and acting bitchy and then Robert (very gently) asks me if I'm going to get my period soon. and then i realize how crabby I've been and that he's right, I AM going to have my period. Always such fun times.

Not much new here. I woke up with a headache though. trying to be motivated for work.

~Julia

[Scribe]

I actually really like being home alone, the dogs just have a fit for the first day or so.

This time, I am leaving for Oregon before Mark gets back from England, so we're actually going to be apart for like 12 days or something. Which is as long as we've been in apart in years. I'm curious as to how we will handle that.

[BurtsGirl]

WOW. I'm not sure how I would handle being apart from Terri for that long. I think the longest we've ever been apart was for maybe 5 days or so when she flew to Mass for her g-father's wake/funeral.

Julia there are nights when I have to take something also to settle my mind down. Normally its just a Tylenol PM, but I still wake up groggy. Can't win for losing. And LMAO @ Robert gently asking if your going to start your period. :lol.

I'm really trying to focus on work today. I've been so slack all week and I really need to get some video editing done and finish this video for our Integration division. It's that whole lack of self-motivation thing. Once I start working on something though I really get into it and enjoy what I do. Whoa, did I just say that...yes, yes I did. OK. So it's just the getting started part I have issues with.

[Scribe]

I'm working away too. Trying to get everything all in order, since tomorrow is my last day!

[BurtsGirl]

since tomorrow is my last day!

I think that warrants:

:energy: :bouncy :bouncy :clap :jammin
:balloons :champagne :balloons
:carrot:banana:snap:broc:

ETA:
*passing out :champagne to everyone

A toast to Grace for new career beginning and opportunities and of course more $$$$$$$$$$$$$

*clink clink*

[jlutgendorf]

I'm working away too. Trying to get everything all in order, since tomorrow is my last day!

Awesome! how exciting.

I second the glass clinking!

[BurtsGirl]

Well, it's friday. Can I get a TGIF! I've been in such a funk this week, especially the tail end of the week. I'm hoping it will end with the weekend beginning.

Tomorrow we're going to the b-ball game. I'm going to try to remember to take some pictures. I want to start a scrapbook for the nephew so it would be cool to do a basketball page. The afternoon is up in the air right now. I'd like to drive to the mountains and visit some of my favorite shops and eat at the Flying Frog but not sure if that will happen or not. Sunday we'll be cleaning and doing yard work. We always watch the superbowl even though neither of us are big pro football fans. My sis and nephew are coming over to watch it with us and chow on some wings. So it should be fun. I think I'm rooting for the Steelers this year.

So what you gals got planned?

[jlutgendorf]

I think this week has been weird for everyone. We're going to eat dinner with friends tonight and try to forget all about this week!

I totally forgot about the super bowl. We aren't sports people AT ALL, but normally one of our friends has a party.

My goals are pretty much the same. try to clean the house :eyesroll:. though this weekend we have NO plans other than the comcast guy coming out to fix the cable. I'm going to have to figure out what to do with the dogs as the cable is in our bedroom, and thats where their crates are. They'll bark in their crates, but they'll bug the cable guy if I let them out. Maybe i'll be strong and get up early and take them for a walk.

But yes, my main plan is to clean house and edit lots of photos!

~Julia

ETA: I was also a TOTAL SLACKER and didn't get into work until 10:25. 10:25! What's wrong with me?!

[BurtsGirl]

We had a good weekend. Friday night we (well, I ) decided it would be fun for us to take off for the beach. So we drove down and spent the night and played in Charleston on Sat. It was Rascal's first beach/ocean experience (I'll be posting more about this on my blog today) and I think he enjoyed it. Sun I finally did some major cleaning and it was MUCH overdue. I didn't realize how nasty my house had gotten. Blah! Hoping this is going to be a better week than last. I still haven't started my period but it's coming.

Last week I went to three stores looking for a pocket weekly calendar and a wall calendar and I couldn't find anything! What does one have to do to find a 2009 calendar in 2009? I went to B&N, Hobby Lobby, and Target. Any other suggestions?

[jlutgendorf]

Do you have a borders bookstore? That's crazy you couldn't find any a BN. That beach trip sounds like fun! I'd love to be able to take our girls to the beach one day, I think they'd really like it. I've only been to Charleston once, just for a few hours, but it was beautiful! Reminded me a lot of Savannah.

Our weekend was half good, half yuck. On Sat, slept in, worked around the house, then went to work and Robert did some work stuff and I worked on stock photos. By that time my throat was starting to hurt and I was starting to get stuffy, so I had taken a Mucinex earlier. Turns out I'm sensitive to the cough suppressant and only got three hours of sleep because it made me feel like i was on drugs (complete with mild hallucinations and dilated pupils). Since then I've had a fever and generally feel like crap. I'll probably need to see a dr. I'm worried about having a sinus infection or strep throat (my disease of choice).

I've got to figure out what's making us sick. We normally NEVER get sick, but this is the third time this winter that I've gotten a cold/sinus infection type thing.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

I think we have one in the mall. I'll check there during lunch today. Yeah, I was just done after BN didn't have any. They just had the small desk calendars. Blah! Charleston is a lot like Savannah! We've only been to Savannah for a few hours but it was nice. Most of the time we prefer the mountains to the beach but every once in a while I get an itch for the ocean.

Julia, you might want to get to a doctor. A lot of people around me are getting Strep right now. I hosed my nephew and sister off with nuetra air last night because she's in the middle of it. (Not contagious after 24hr on a z-pack though but just in case.) I started taking my Vit C again just as a precaution.

Did Grace leave for OR yet?

[jlutgendorf]

yeah, i think she left this morning or last night. I can't remember.

I'm thinking it's not strep now. mainly because my nose is so stuffy/runny, and that's not normally part of it for me. probably a sinus infection. gah. i hate going to the dr. especially when i don't feel good. they should come to me! :lol

And my health insurance is all weird right now. I switched plans and because I'm going to a plan with more benefits, i have to reapply. :eyesroll. and they just finally got the application packet to me today, so i'm not sure what my coverage is right now.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Blah, I hate dealing with insurance stuff also. It's completely confusing and frustrating. I so wish we would just go to a single payer, government funded health care system like our Canadian neighbors. Hope you get to feeling better, J.

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, you rock! I found $4 calendars at Borders! YAY!!!! Thanks for mentioning them.

I have training to do at work today and I'm not looking forward to it. It's not that it's going to be boring or anything I'd just rather be doing something else. At least I will be getting it over with.

[jlutgendorf]

Sweet! I'm feeling better. no more fever but full of mucus! grossss.... and tired. it's hard to sleep when you can't breath.

I've got to play catch up now. and i'm not motivated at all. we should run away together so we can ignore our jobs today. :lol

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Don't tempt me, Julia. I'll come kidnap you. Although I don't know where you work and I have yet another meeting after lunch. Poop. Maybe we could do a planned hooky day, lol.

So glad your feeling better! Are you guys getting excited about the art show next week?

[jlutgendorf]

Yeah, it should be fun. and you've reminded me we need to send out evites to our friends!

man, i'm so stuffed up. i think the sudafed has stopped working.

[jlutgendorf]

Did you survive your training? I don't know if I'll survive this cold! :lol

I'm so stuffed up and the only thing helping is hot showers. bah!

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Yea, it wasn't so bad. It does put more responsiblity on me but we'll see how it plays out. Sucks you aren't feeling much better. Are you taking anything for the congestion? I've heard the netty pot works well, although I haven't tried it because the concept scares me. I'd totally drown myself, :lol.

I finally started my period but now I feel like a cow and have craps. BLAH! Good news is pottery class tonight! YAY! Just hoping I didn't miss too much last week.

I was hoping to get some newbies to join our tiny group here but doesn't look like we picked up any. Hmmmm. Just you and me, babe, for now. :wink

[wannabemoms]

Blarg, I made a big long post and it's not here. :(

Oh well. I'm still around, in spirit if not in practice.

I'm super-busy at work, and trying to get the nerve to start contacting potential PhD supervisors in my "spare time" (ha ha). I'm seriously considering a program that would involve me spending 4 months of the year away from home. Not, like, in a different city away from home. Like PANAMA away from home. I'm frightened.

[BurtsGirl]

Yay, Crystal, :hug.

Wow panama! Is the a career move or is this with the going back to school thing? Sounds exciting. Bet you'll get a nice tan while you're there.

[wannabemoms]

This would be back to school. One of the schools I'm looking at offers a Neotropical Environment Option as part of grad studies... I can't help but think how kick-@ss it would be studying insects up in the canopy of a rainforest (call me crazy, but hey). I did a short stint (3 weeks) in the tropics of Belize a few years ago and always wanted to work in that kind of environment again. But being away from home, and Kim, for 4 months at a time is pretty intimidating.

[BurtsGirl]

Tough call, Crystal. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and Kim.

I'm down today. My period has come on full force and it's not fun. Blah! Can't we just get rid of these things if we aren't going to use them anyway?

So, what's everyone's weekend shaping up to look like?

[Scribe]

Hey all, I'm still in OR, just checking in quickly. Things here are going well, if a bit stressful. Busy busy. Sorry everyone is feeling crappy here!!

[jlutgendorf]

Wow, you have some tough (but really interesting) decisions in front of you Crystal.

Sorry you're feeling crappy Rachel! :hug

I'm feeling a little better. less congested, though now my nose feels all dried out and crispy. fun!

This weekend, the biggest thing will be participating in the Rail Arts District Studio Cruise: http://www.mudfire.com/RAD-Studio-Cruise-2009.htm

We'll be at our studio doing Valentine's Day photos. We wanted to find a cut out of Obama and let people have their picture taken with him, but we couldn't find one that would get to us fast enough. So hearts and lace it is!

~Julia

[jlutgendorf]

Hey all, I'm still in OR, just checking in quickly. Things here are going well, if a bit stressful. Busy busy. Sorry everyone is feeling crappy here!!

oh hey Grace! I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip when you get back and are settled in!

[BurtsGirl]

Grace! :hug. Hope your trip is going well. We miss you!

Julia, that RAD cruise looks awesome. Wish we didn't have plans this weekend already. We'd love to have done the tour and stop in your studio for some pictures!

Friday, my sister and I have a date. We're going to dinner and then to see "he's just not that into you". Should be fun. Sat we are going to the b-ball game and then taking my dad to lunch for his birthday. After that we're going to have the nephew and we're thinking of doing a small hike with him since it will be warm. Sunday we'll run the usual errands and pittle around the house.

[jlutgendorf]

How was everyone's weekend? Grace are you back home?

Ours was good. The event turned out well. Started out rough, but we were packed by the end of the night. I'll write more about it in the blog (along with embarassing photos of myself!).

Here's the portraits we took: http://eyeonlinemedia.smugmug.com/gallery/7310466_PwgdE#P-1-12

And we were smart and we got EMAILs this time. So we can get back in touch with everyone. It's a learning process!

~Julia

[Scribe]

I am back, and first day at my new job! Exciting stuff all around.

Portraits are so cute! Looks like a really good time.

[BurtsGirl]

Loved the pictures, J! Glad you guys are having some fun with all this work stuff. And I want to know when the next cool show is in advance, missy! I wanna come!

Our weekend went as planned. We did finish the entertainment center. It's awesome! Got in a hike with the boy and sunday just pittled around the house and yard. It was freakin gorgeous here!

Grace, glad to have you back. Hope the new job is treating you right.

[Scribe]

I have a little internet privacy problem, so please note my new user name.

New job is good. Learning a lot right now, training to get up to speed. I think I'm going to enjoy it.

[jlutgendorf]

Sounds like you had a nice weekend Rachel!

I hope your new job is going well Grace, sorry that you're having privacy issues.

Not much new here. i am completely unmotivated to work. i'm in a funk of sorts i guess. I was even being snippy with Robert yesterday. i hate being like this, where i know i'm being obnoxious, but i don't care. hmmmm maybe i'm due to get my period! :lol

~Julia

[Scribe]

Fun challenge: help me decorate my new cube! I need some color and life in here or I'm gonna go nuts, but I need to keep it professional, too. I'm thinking a letterpress calender is a good start, but what else would you suggest?

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, sorry you're so ack! I hate being in a funk. I haven't been very motivated to work much either this week, instead I've been planning out our vacation this year, which is a lot more fun.

Grace, I'm thinking about your challenge, I'll be back with some ideas and more things I want to share when I have some time after lunch.

[jlutgendorf]

huh, just checked my fertility friend calendar and I AM due to have my period soon. I'm actually a little over due, but my cycles have been getting wonky lately. Last one was 48 days, when normally I'm 29-33 days. :eyesroll

Well, at least i'll be less bitchy soon! :lol

[BurtsGirl]

Ok, a little more time now.

Grace. I don't got much. I tried googling cube decor and it was not a pretty sight. I need a cube makeover myself so I'm not much for advice in this department. I've actually never thought about decorating my cube in a mindful way. I've just sporadically thrown stuff up there and it's not all that cohesive. Since you brought this up though and I am looking around the cube I am definitely going to do a make over. My only suggestion is to add an office plant. It's really awesome to watch something grow in your cube and I high recommend it.

We've had somethings going on lately. We had to call a plumber out to the house today because the washer was backing up. Fortunately it wasn't too big of a deal and he was done in 30 mins. Just a really big clog.

We also got some bad news last week about Terri's Step dad. He was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. They did a surgery and chemo and we thought he was in the clear. Turns out in Jan they found out it spread to his brain. Terri was a wreck. Mostly because of what her mother has gone through lately. Her mom lost her parents in 2005 & 2007. She's been caring for a very sick much older brother and her husband. She can't seem to catch a break and it's heartbreaking.

Terri and I discussed what we would need to do if he passed before our planned trip up there in June/July. Terri really wants to be there for her mom so we're at the very least going to fly her, if not both of us, if/when the time comes. At first I wasn't sure if our planned vacation up there would still be on or if we'd try to put it on hold but Terri wanted the two events to be separate so that's the way we're treating it. Her mom didn't tell her how long the step dad has but they are going through Chemo again. If that doesn't work we're not sure what will happen next. It's hard to be so far away when we know her mother must feel so alone in this.

[jlutgendorf]

Fun challenge: help me decorate my new cube! I need some color and life in here or I'm gonna go nuts, but I need to keep it professional, too. I'm thinking a letterpress calender is a good start, but what else would you suggest?

Do you have room/the right kind of walls to put up some art? i remember from your blog that you got some really colorful art for xmas, anyway to put something like those pieces up?

and i love letterpress. it's like graphic designer porn. but we have poor clients so we never get to do any jobs that use it. :(

[jlutgendorf]

Ok, a little more time now.

Grace. I don't got much. I tried googling cube decor and it was not a pretty sight. I need a cube makeover myself so I'm not much for advice in this department. I've actually never thought about decorating my cube in a mindful way. I've just sporadically thrown stuff up there and it's not all that cohesive. Since you brought this up though and I am looking around the cube I am definitely going to do a make over. My only suggestion is to add an office plant. It's really awesome to watch something grow in your cube and I high recommend it.

We've had somethings going on lately. We had to call a plumber out to the house today because the washer was backing up. Fortunately it wasn't too big of a deal and he was done in 30 mins. Just a really big clog.

We also got some bad news last week about Terri's Step dad. He was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. They did a surgery and chemo and we thought he was in the clear. Turns out in Jan they found out it spread to his brain. Terri was a wreck. Mostly because of what her mother has gone through lately. Her mom lost her parents in 2005 & 2007. She's been caring for a very sick much older brother and her husband. She can't seem to catch a break and it's heartbreaking.

Terri and I discussed what we would need to do if he passed before our planned trip up there in June/July. Terri really wants to be there for her mom so we're at the very least going to fly her, if not both of us, if/when the time comes. At first I wasn't sure if our planned vacation up there would still be on or if we'd try to put it on hold but Terri wanted the two events to be separate so that's the way we're treating it. Her mom didn't tell her how long the step dad has but they are going through Chemo again. If that doesn't work we're not sure what will happen next. It's hard to be so far away when we know her mother must feel so alone in this.

Wow Rachel, that must be really hard. Terri's mom sounds like a strong lady. Is there any way she can get respite care sometimes for the people she's caring for? It doesn't make them less ill, but it can give her breaks and time to herself. I know that caretakers (who are mostly women) often get burnt out and end up not taking good care of themselves. Maybe Terri could send her a gift certificate to use for a massage or something like that.

:hug

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

That's a really good idea, Julia. (about the massage) Terri's mother is one of those people who has to have someone to take care of. She wouldn't step down from that position, i don't think. She needs to be needed.

I am going to look into that massage. They live in such a small mountain town that I'm not sure what's up there.

[Scribe]

If you can't do a massage GC in her location, maybe something like a take-out GC?

I just ordered my first cube decoration--this calender (http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15736654), which I've been eyeing for months.

[BurtsGirl]

Grace those are so pretty! You need to pass along any ideas you are gathering for your cube so I can steal them for my cube.

[Scribe]

Do you read Dooce? She's got a great "Daily Style" section. I bookmark things from it all the time.

[jlutgendorf]

That's pretty! I'm so sad they've stopped producing the Print Gocco. I really wanted to try it out.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Googled dooce and apparently I'm reading her NOW! 44, thanks Grace. LOL! Now I just need to google Gocco

[Scribe]

Hehe. You're welcome? :)

Did you ever make those massage candles? I made some and they turned out great. They are super cute in thrifted wine glasses, too.

[BurtsGirl]

My bff and I are getting together next monday to make them. I haven't decided what to put them in yet. I did get the wax from the link you posted and I also got some apricot oil for them. I just need some wicks and containers. Any tips or suggestions from the btdt view?

ETA: love the wine glass idea!

[Scribe]

I used 3 parts wax to one part oil, which seemed to work out just about right. I used a combo of almond oil and coconut oil, just because that's what I had the most of on-hand.

I'd use something smallish for containers, because was melts down so much. I used small wine glasses and needed about 6 oz wax and 2 oz oil for each candle.

[jlutgendorf]

You all should post photos of these candle thingys. They sound interesting.

Rachel, the print gocco is/was this cool little device made in Japan that let people make their own small, short runs of screen printed items, but without the huge hassle of doing it "the real way" (which is complicated, involved and messy).

But the Japanese manufacturer has stopped production. and i'm thinking that since they aren't making the inks and flash bulbs needed to use the machine, that once people run out, that's it, there's no way to make them work anymore. very sad. so people are trying to get other manufacturer's to pick up production.

[Scribe]

They look just like regular un-dyed container candles, they're just much softer to the touch and burn at a much lower temp, so you can extinguish them and then use the melted wax/oil for massage.

[BurtsGirl]

I might do a test run this weekend to see how it comes out.

Wow, the Gocco is pretty neat. Bummer they are stopping production!

[BurtsGirl]

Found this one a blog and thought it would be appreciated here.

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they…

(1) eat lessDog and cat

(2) don’t ask for money all the time

(3) are easier to train

(4) normally come when called

(5) never ask to drive the car

(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people

(7) don’t smoke or drink

(8) don’t want to wear your clothes

(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions

(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[jlutgendorf]

That's funny Rachel! :lol

And it actually reminds me of a situation I've been thinking about. Our neighborhood is generally very "lax" when it comes to animal care. There's tons of feral cats, who are sadly kept in check by cars and stray dogs. I don't think I've seen a cat last longer than a year around here. :(

On to the dogs, there's also a big population of stray/irresponsibly owned dogs. We're sort of attached to one stray, we call him Sun Pup (cause he lays in the sun a lot). He's picked a family to be his pack and he sleeps on their front porch. I think the mom tries to feed him some of the time, but they're really poor.

We also have another dog, we call call Not Zeke (cause she looks like our neighbor's dog, Zeke, but isn't him). She sort of has owners. Sort of. Well, she and Sun Pup are good friends and she spends a lot of time with him, and she is, of course, now knocked up and HUGELY pregnant. Like she looks like a hippo she's so big with babies.

So what do we do? She used to be more friendly, would try and play with Keira when Robert walks her, but lately she's gotten skittish. She's also too far along to spay/abort. I'm honestly surprised she hasn't popped yet, she's just huge.

We have absolutely no where to keep her and puppies if we could grab her. Our yard isn't fenced in and the house is too small and crowded with animals already. Plus, her pups are most likely going to be lab/pit/gsd mixes (that's the majority of the dogs in our area). They're probably going to be black and mid sized, meaning they're going to have a hard time finding homes.

So what would you do? If anything? None of our friends are looking for puppies or dogs, the rescues are full up…

Any thoughts?

[Scribe]

Gah. If only I had an answer to that.

[BurtsGirl]

I don't have much advice either. I'd probably try to take her to a no-kill shelter. That just sounds like a heart-breaking situation, J.

So what are the weekend plans? If you haven't already read my blog, we don't celebrate V-day but I have no opinion on other people celebrating. We're planning a hiking trip on Sun but Sat is pretty open because it's supposed to rain. Might just stay in and watch movies.

Grace's costco post on her blog had me talking Terri into a visit there tonight to check out what they have and if it would be benefical for us to become memebers.

I'm also thinking of doing my taxes myself this year. I normally have someone else do them for me because I have the house, student loans, charity donations, etc to deduct but they charge me almost $200 to do them. I'm looking at something like turbotax to do them this year. How do you guys do your tax stuff? Any advice/opinion on tax software?

[wannabemoms]

Geez, I don't know what I would do with that dog. There's seriously no rescues around who could take her? Any not-so-nearby that would be willing to arrange transport? Eek, I'd hate to see that around me, I'd be worried sick.

Speaking of preggo dogs, our little miss Heidi entered "womanhood" today, she started her first heat! We decided to delay her spay, partly because she had/has mange and partly because we think there are some long term health benefits to delaying, so now we get to keep her under lock and key for a while, yay. Our neighbourhood is full of intact, roaming males. :irked: On the plus side, I found a use for the huge bag of cloth diapers I scored super-cheap last year, which have been sitting gathering dust in our closet...some creative scissor action for a tail-hole and voila! One dog cleverly disguised as an organ-grinder monkey :D

Oh, on the taxes note. In the past we've had an accountant do them for us, when DW was claiming her driving/auto expenses. That's not happening anymore so I think I'm going to do them myself and save us a few hundred dollars in fees. I've done them before using QuickTax (dunno if there's a US version). It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be.

[jlutgendorf]

Yeah…I'm kicking myself for not grabing her when she was friendlier and not knocked up. I think it's $60 for a spay, which is a little expensive for us, but it's better than 8 new, not really adoptable puppies. sigh.

We don't have many plans. Art show tonight and "anti-valentines" pizza and beer with friends. I had to grill Robert to find out if he was getting me anything for Vday. I'd rather we just eat candy! :lol but he's a romantic guy and he's always planning something, so I found him a last minute gift, an illustration of two guinea pigs in love (we have lots of guinea pigs!). I liked your blog post btw rachel. and grace you need to blog more. That's how i entertain myself at work! :lol

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

grace you need to blog more. That's how i entertain myself at work! :lol
:nod :yeah:

[jlutgendorf]

oh, forgot the tax question. I've used turbo tax, it was fine, but we hire someone now as I can't even begin to figure it out with regards to Robert's biz, owning the house, blah blah blah.

In regards to the dog and rescue, the entire state of GA (and much of the SE) is in HORRIBLE crisis mode with regards to homeless animals. Most rescues pull exclusivly from our animal controls, because they're overcrowded and underfunded. It's so bad that traditionally adoptable animals (small cute lap dogs, puppies, kittens) are put to sleep in huge numbers. Often rescues from Maine, NH, etc. will put together transports for the small dogs and bring them up there to be adopted out as there's a shortage of those kind of dogs.

Her best bet, rescue-wise, would be to drop her off at our local AC, then go nuts on craigslist, posting photos of this poor mama dog who's going to be forced to have her babies on cold concrete. That sometimes gets them pulled, but there's also a chance that her being that pregnant would be an automatic put to sleep.

ok, sorry to go off on that tanget, not trying to make everyone depressed!

[Scribe]

I do my own taxes. I actually really love doing it. I considered doing it professionally at one point. But if you make less than I think $60K, you can use H&R Block Online for free, which is super-duper easy.

I know, my blog is suffering! Seriously though, I am SO overextended. New job, several freelance projects, still on contract with old job, and big volunteer grant editing assingment. Plus a few special bath products orders. I'm barely keeping my head above water.

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, I am completely depressed now, thanks. You need to post a GPP on your blog stat!

Grace, seriously, did you take on so much to purposely screw yourself and your freetime or was this an accident?

[BurtsGirl]

Reading over my previous post I need to add that it was meant as sarcasm and not to be a biotch.

[BurtsGirl]

Taxes - Thanks for the input on this, guys. I think I'm going to purchase the software and give it a shot this weekend. I've heard it's easy to use and most of my stuff is pretty normal...I think...I hope...

[Scribe]

Grace, seriously, did you take on so much to purposely screw yourself and your freetime or was this an accident?

Heh. It wasn't so much accidental as a perfect storm of things. All of these things individually would be fine, and when I agreed to do each of them, I didn't realize that I'd be doing them concurrently.

It will end up fine, just a little breathless for a few weeks.

[BurtsGirl]

I'm exhausted just hearing the list! Hope you can at least see the light at the end of the storm, lady!


I've got a question and I was going to post it in my blog because I feel like I overload this thread sometimes. But I'd like more real conversation about it.

Last night some friends and I went bowling and we got to talking about mutuality in friendships. Of the friends we have we are normally the ones to plan get-togethers, dinner parties, vacations, and activities. We do have one couple that's pretty good at reciprocating our efforts with their own but most of our friends really don't for various (some justified) reasons. (and that one couple lives about an hour and a half away) Terri and I have talked about this and we're getting pretty sick of putting forth all the effort for things and no one else stepping up.

Like last night our friends said, "you need to come over and see the new (fill in the blank), and we'll have dinner." This is something she's said a bazillion times. I always look at her and say, "we'd love to, just let us know when," and she never does. Last night I'd just had it and I told her that she aways says that and never follows through with an invitation. She didn't have a response really and there was still no invite. I am so tired of being the planner in our friendships. We actually took a year off from dinner parties, etc to see if someone else would set up and plan something. Nope. We almost never saw our friends that year.

Which leads me to two conclusions. My friends are lazy or they don't really like hanging out with us. I'd love to start a supper club but I can't count on them to plan for their month, not to cancel, or to even commit to a month. I love my friends, I really do. When we do get together it's so great and everyone has a great time.

Terri and I LOVE to entertain. We also like to go all out because Terri loves to cook and I love to make everything special and nice. So we're a good team. I have had one friend tell me that they don't feel like they can match our hospitality and I told her she didn't need to. Even if she invited us out to eat, that would be great. We don't care if it's paper plates and KFC. We entertain the way we do because we really do enjoy it, not because we expect our friend to entertain the same way. Am I being ridiculous? Are my expectations of my friends unrealistic? Do I just need to find more friends? Advice or a kick in the butt or a different persective very much welcome.

[Scribe]

I've heard that issue come up with friends before. It's definitely a tough one. I think, in part, some people just really aren't comfortable entertaining. I'm not. Having people at my house, especially lots of people, is very stressful to me and I don't usually do it if I don't have to. I try to be reciprocal in my friendships in other ways, though.

The other part is being the one to do the inviting means being the one to risk rejection. To some people, that's no big deal--they don't even think of it that way. To others, it's a big deal. I'm in the big deal camp. Even if I am close friends with someone, I have to really psyche myself up to invite them to do something, because I know I'll feel rejected if they say no.

Neither of these things excuses being a giver and not a taker, but these are just some possibilities of what might be happening.

[wannabemoms]

That's a tough one, Rachel. I know I am supremely, embarassingly guilty of being a crappy friend in that regard, which is probably why I now, at the age of almost-30, find myself pretty much friendless. I'm really not sure why I do it. I LOVED the friends I had, but unless they were right there (like, as in, we were roommates), making the effort to get together was too much for me. It really isn't, but it felt like it. Now that I live out of town, far away from everybody, it's worse. I really have zero friends IRL. It's pretty sad.

Two totally OT things:

1. I started a blog. I've been enjoying yours and wanted to start something. Not sure what it's going to transform into, but it's there in some kind of larval/infant stage: falltoclimb dot blogspot dot com

2. Grace, how did you change your user name without starting a new account? I wanna change my name.

[Scribe]

2. Grace, how did you change your user name without starting a new account? I wanna change my name.

$2.50 PP to the mods and a request.

[wannabemoms]

$2.50 PP to the mods and a request.

Bah. I'll just start a new one. :eyesroll

[Who, me?]

Yeah, it's me. Done with the old user name. :D

[BurtsGirl]

Thanks guys, good insight. I know one friend has a problem with rejection in the way Grace mentioned and I understand that, although your right in that it's not an excuse. As for having people in our space, I also understand that but even it's it just let's go get some drinks after work or let's go bowling, or anything. I'm just tired of it always being me. Friendships are so hard sometimes. I also think being a childfree person should allow for more time to form and bond with a group of friends. We don't have to go home after work every night because there are kids to feed, wash, and put to bed. I want more of a life... I'm just not sure how to get there yet.

And don't get me wrong I still love entertaining I just need to find some friends who also enjoy it, I guess. Next weekend we're doing a 5 course beer dinner. We're preparing a fabulous meal with 5 different courses and Terri is pairing a local micro-brew beer to each course. And yes I plan to partake. Should be a lot of fun and we're really looking forward to it. We've done wine tastings and football parties, superbowl parties, july 4th picnics, tried to plan a group vacation that didn't happen like it was supposed to. It's just frustrating and defeating. I'd like to for once enjoy the work of someone else and not have to clean up afterwards. Blah! I do have one friend that is really trying but she's yet to come up with an invite to anything.


Cystal, welcome to the blogosphere! I :love your blog and have made sure to place appropriate comments.

Julia, you need to blog more also, missy!

[Scribe]

Julia, can you explain your sig line to me?

Beer dinner sounds awesome, Rachel. I want to come!

[jlutgendorf]

man, i gotta refresh more often! :lol

Let's see, friends. Most of our close friendships are pretty evenly reciprocal. though now that i think about it, we need to clean up and have people over. We like to entertain, but the main living area is a wreck and I'm currently too embarrassed to have people over. :o So thanks for that reminder.

I do find that with friends who aren't as reciprocal, it's usually the flakier ones. But with them, part of what I love about them IS the flakiness, so I accept it. Though I'm not as good of friends with them as the others. that was a bad sentence.

So, I don't know. I try harder for the relationships that are most important to me. And generally my closest relationships easily survive slacking on my part or theirs. So I guess I would say, keep in touch with those you're the closest with and don't let the rest stress you out.

Um, and I'm inviting myself to the 5 course diner. :shy it sounds awesome.

Yay for a new name and blog Crystal! I'll go check it out.

I do need to blog more. I have to recap our art opening last night and we're going to another one tonight. so much to do, so little time! though I'm not as busy as Grace!

As for my sig, it's a line taken from the anime series Ghost in the Shell. It was said by the character who was Prime Minister of Japan (who is also a woman). Someone was trying to coddle her and she responded with that line. I like it because i interpret it along the lines of a guy saying "oh let me carry that box" to a woman, out of the notion of being chivalrous, eventually leads to the idea that he needs to carry the box because she can't. And that's something I've always thought about/talked about since I was little. Why does being a woman mean people open my doors, carry my things, pay for me on dates, etc.? I don't agree with it.

I'm not an anime person at all, but Ghost in the Shell is very political/post modern theory/issues surrounding technology and the individual vs. society. It's very cerebral. Though the Major (lead character) does run around in not a lot of clothing most of the time. :innocent And is generally eye candy.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, thanks for the reply. I was :nod: most of the way through it. Periodic slacking is one thing, never extending an invitation is another. Now I want to see Ghost in the Shell!

How was everyone's weekend?

We spent Sat running all over the place and Sunday hangout with a friends who live out in the country, and I mean the deep-woods kind of country. We did get to go to the REI store though so YAY! We also played a lot of video games this weekend, lol.

[Scribe]

Is the TV show very different from the movie? I know I was supposed to love the movie, but I really, really didn't.

My weekend was productive, but not all that relaxing. I got quite a bit done. And Mark and I did sneak in a movie yesterday. "The Wrestler." It was fabulous.

[BurtsGirl]

Ooo, I wanna see the Wrestler! Good to hear it's a good one!

BFF and I are making the soy candles tonight. I'm so excited. Should be lots-o-fun. I didn't get a chance to do a trial run this weekend so we'll both be in the dark. I'm using some left over baby food jars we bought off ebay for gifts of spice rub mixtures to serve as the holder. Hope it works ok.

[jlutgendorf]

Our weekend was nice. It was gloomy on Sat, but not really rainy. We braved the farmer's market (which was INSANE, weekend + holiday = do not go to the farmer's market), and got ingredients to make a huge pot of pork and tomatillo stew. So GOOD. Though it wasn't done cooking until midnight because we got started on it so late! :lol We also saw Push, which was pretty good.

Sunday we started to clean out our shed (scary!) so we can eventually move our current kitchen table in there and switch to using a drop leaf table to save space (which we desperately need. Then we worked on photos/web type stuff. and then met up with friends for drinks and grazing. Ended up staying out with them until 1, so much for going to bed early on Sunday! It was so much fun though, we hadn't seen one of them in 4 years and our other friend has a new girlfriend who is hilarious.

Grace, i'm guessing you saw the very first movie made? Where the Major runs around nekkid a lot and busts up her body at the end? I found that first movie to be more "anime"-like than the tv series. I thought the first movie was kind of "Akira" like, you know where every now and then you go, wtf?

I think the tv series was done for americans, or at least with americans in mind. I'm not sure if you would like it though, despite the higher level dialogue and concepts being presented, it's still violent and the women are still mostly busty and scantily clad. Though they do kick ass.

~Julia

[Scribe]

I'm all about violent women, Julia. Yes, it was the original that I saw.

Rachel, I think baby food jars will work great. One tip: put the wax in first, then place the wick. Because the wax is soft with the oils in it and sets up kind of slowly, it doesn't work to try to stick the wick to the bottom and then pour in the wax (like you do with regular candles).

[jlutgendorf]

ha ha! cool! I personally love the Major's character in the TV series. She never needs saving, which I think is great. What didn't you like about the first movie? I'm just curious. I don't know if I remember enough about the first one as it compares to later movies and the series.

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Ok, really good tip to know. I've never made any kind of candles before so I'm really not sure what I'm doing. Wax then wicks, got it.

Julia, you mentioning cleaning out the shed reminded me of some thing I read on a blog last week and LOVED. It linked this slide show (http://www.dwell.com/products/slideshows/36338229.html#id=a_1&num=9) of prefab sheds turned into extra living space. I LOVE this concept. It's like adding more square footage at a fraction of the price. Of course the ones they show are really expensive but I think there are definitely some cheaper alternatives.

[jlutgendorf]

Ok, really good tip to know. I've never made any kind of candles before so I'm really not sure what I'm doing. Wax then wicks, got it.

Julia, you mentioning cleaning out the shed reminded me of some thing I read on a blog last week and LOVED. It linked this slide show (http://www.dwell.com/products/slideshows/36338229.html#id=a_1&num=9) of prefab sheds turned into extra living space. I LOVE this concept. It's like adding more square footage at a fraction of the price. Of course the ones they show are really expensive but I think there are definitely some cheaper alternatives.

ooo! thanks for the links Rachel! I know that's what we need to do to our house, bring a lot of the living space outside. We really need to get at least part of our yard fenced in so the dogs can run more and figure out some kind of screen door so we can leave the doors open, but not let the kittehs outside. I'd love to put in more of a patio area as well. ah, if only i had more time and money! :lol and probably the vacant lot next door to us!

~Julia

[jlutgendorf]

Anyone alive? Rachel how's the pottery class going? I must see pics of your finished fired pieces! How's the job Grace? Great job on blogging, now I have to catch up! :lol

And hi Crystal! post whenever you feel like it! oooo, i should go check your blog as well!

~Julia

[Who, me?]

I'm alive! Ex.haus.ted. Though. DW and I did some marathon renos. She's been working since Thursday, I started Saturday. It's worth it though, we're about a week away from having a functional spare bedroom. I can't wait! I finally got around to fixing up the kitchen cupboards, and we painted the downstairs bath/laundry. I need to get some pictures. I think we're actually starting to see the light at the end of the reno tunnel. The only room that needs to be totally done now, and not just touchups, is the main bedroom. Ok, I lied the main bath needs to be gutted, but that's going to be the one room we let someone else does. Paint and drywall cannot save that monstrosity of 80's hideousness. A blowtorch might, but not paint and drywall. We're going to get a contractor in to lay carpet upstairs and gut the bathroom.

soooooo sleepy.

[BurtsGirl]

Definitely alive over here. Last night my BFF and I did the massage candles, they rocked the house. We did about 10 candles in the baby food jars in various scents. Can't wait to try them out.

I made the mistake of stepping onto the scale today. My eye's just about popped out of my head when I saw the number. Do you guys weigh yourselves? If so how often? I should have never gotten on it. WHY! Why did I do that. BLAH!

I've been lurking over at TheChildfreeLife dot com. They've got some pretty interesting articles. They also have a forum but I haven't decided if its too radical for me or not.

I'm really trying to change my perpective of my career. I've taken Grace's cue and bought some art and nice picture frames for my cube. I'm hoping to add a few more touches for a cube makeover. When it's finished I'll post a before and after pic on the blog. Grace, I'd love to know what you're doing with your cube issues.

I'm trying to treat my job with more respect, and in turn treat myself that way as well. I think as women we're always taught that we aren't good enough. For instance, my title at work is Digital Media Producer. When I first started working here I thought it was just way too over the top for what I did. I used to say, "Well, my fancy title is Digital Media Producer but what I really do is..." Now I realize the title really fits. I really do handle all the digital media that comes and goes from this place and I need to start treating my position with a little more respect.

I'm also working on my "image" which is something my inner defiant teen is cringing over. I really don't care what these people think of me, I do my job and I do it well so bite me if you don't like me. But I'm trying to act more professional. I'm adding a little makeup (gasp!) and am looking at how I present myself. This is more for me than for anyone else. My thoughts are that if I can treat myself with respect and professionalism, I'll start acting like my job is important and purposeful and not just treat it with distain and disregard. I spend WAY too much time here not to feel good about where I am.

So far, only day two, it's working a little. I need to work on my daily schedule, focus, and goals because I just get too side tracked with browsing online sometimes. I'm planning on staying late tonight and cleaning my cube and adding the art and frames I bought.

Julia, alive enough for ya, :laugh:

[Who, me?]

Definitely alive over here. Last night my BFF and I did the massage candles, they rocked the house. We did about 10 candles in the baby food jars in various scents. Can't wait to try them out.

I made the mistake of stepping onto the scale today. My eye's just about popped out of my head when I saw the number. Do you guys weigh yourselves? If so how often? I should have never gotten on it. WHY! Why did I do that. BLAH!

I don't too much these days, maybe every few weeks. I was weighing almost every day or every other day about 8 months ago when i started actively working on being more active and eating better. But if I've been "cheating" like around xmas, I don't bother 'cause I know that the number won't make me happy, and I don't want to get hung up on numbers. I can tell where I'm at by how my clothes fit now.

I've been lurking over at TheChildfreeLife dot com. They've got some pretty interesting articles. They also have a forum but I haven't decided if its too radical for me or not.

I'm really trying to change my perpective of my career. I've taken Grace's cue and bought some art and nice picture frames for my cube. I'm hoping to add a few more touches for a cube makeover. When it's finished I'll post a before and after pic on the blog. Grace, I'd love to know what you're doing with your cube issues.

I always have to have a few personal items in my work space, it's usually the first thing I do when I move to a new cube...pics of the dogs, DW, and my nephews, that sort of thing.

I'm trying to treat my job with more respect, and in turn treat myself that way as well. I think as women we're always taught that we aren't good enough. For instance, my title at work is Digital Media Producer. When I first started working here I thought it was just way too over the top for what I did. I used to say, "Well, my fancy title is Digital Media Producer but what I really do is..." Now I realize the title really fits. I really do handle all the digital media that comes and goes from this place and I need to start treating my position with a little more respect.

I'm also working on my "image" which is something my inner defiant teen is cringing over. I really don't care what these people think of me, I do my job and I do it well so bite me if you don't like me. But I'm trying to act more professional. I'm adding a little makeup (gasp!) and am looking at how I present myself. This is more for me than for anyone else. My thoughts are that if I can treat myself with respect and professionalism, I'll start acting like my job is important and purposeful and not just treat it with distain and disregard. I spend WAY too much time here not to feel good about where I am.

So far, only day two, it's working a little. I need to work on my daily schedule, focus, and goals because I just get too side tracked with browsing online sometimes. I'm planning on staying late tonight and cleaning my cube and adding the art and frames I bought.

Julia, alive enough for ya, :laugh:

Image at work it an interesting subject. Personally, I feel better when I look better. I used to HATE clothes and HATE thinking about what to wear, but I find that if I take some care in my appearance, it makes me feel better and empowered somehow...now this is very contradictory to how I've always felt that it's the inside that counts. But dang it, I look pretty awesome in a pencil skirt, sharp sweater and heels, and it subconsciously changes how I carry myself, and present myself to others...I feel good and in control and like I don't have to take anybody's -hit. :D I don't feel like that necessarily in jeans and a turtleneck. I keep those "power outfits" for days when I need a pick-me-up or when I know I need to make a good impression.

[BurtsGirl]

Image at work it an interesting subject. Personally, I feel better when I look better. I used to HATE clothes and HATE thinking about what to wear, but I find that if I take some care in my appearance, it makes me feel better and empowered somehow...now this is very contradictory to how I've always felt that it's the inside that counts.

Exactly my thoughts. Good to hear the theory works!

[Scribe]

As usual, Rachel, we're struggling with a lot of the same things.

So far, my cubical decor consists of:
-bright geometric floral cork placemat under the monitor
-bamboo expanding pencil holder with new pens, mechanical pencils and chocolates in it
-coordinating red and cream file folders and message pad
-mouse pad with my dogs on it

When the calendar I ordered comes, I'll put it up as well. And I went all out and ordered a fancy one-cup coffee pot (the kind with those pod things), which I plan to set up up on a tray with mugs in one corner, like a little coffee station.

The broader issue, though, of taking yourself and what you do seriously and not assuming you are overtitled/overpaid/etc. is one I really struggle with. It's hard for me, for whatever reason, to wrap my head around the idea of myself as a professional who deserves professional respect and professional compensation. And I think it is largely one of those "fake it 'til you make it" issues--act and dress like a professional and eventually you can conceptualize yourself as one, you know?

But I'm still sloppy. Khakis, long-sleeved plain tee, clogs. I put the casual in business casual...I've been wearing makeup lately, but I'm not today. I just bought two new great pairs of heels, but I haven't worn them...

[jlutgendorf]

woohoo! super alive!

Crystal, what you're doing sounds awesome, post photos in your blog! (can you tell I'm obsessed with blogs?)

Rachel, I totes understand you. For the past few months, I've been looking at my wardrobe and going wtf? I don't think I used to dress poorly, but man, some of my outfits…plus, with my lateness I'm not always very put together looking.

It's really interesting to me, because in high school i was SO image focused. I had to shower, blow dry my hair, curl my hair, find just washed, non-wrinkled clothes, etc. and I did that EVERY DAY i had school. I got up at 5:30 in the morning so I could do all that. And it was because of some weird notion, that if I didn't do all those things, "someone would know" and they would…tell everyone? be mean to me? I have no idea what, as I have never been bullied over having straight hair, wrinkled clothes, etc.

Then in college, I realized that was all insane and I loosened up a lot. But now I feel like I went to far, I need some of that structure back if I'm going to be working in office settings.

And THEN (omg) I start thinking about why we have these standards of look and professionalism, and why are they like that, and are they good or bad? and and and… can you tell I over think things? :lol I do have to admit, that I've always been fascinated by standards that are set by society, but seem to have little actual necessity when it comes to people being happy and successful. I've done a fair bit of art around those concepts as they relate to gender roles, haven't gotten into appearances yet! But maybe now I will.

Sorry for all of that rambling! I'm bored with my current project and procrastinating!

~Julia

[BurtsGirl]

Love the coffee station idea, Grace, not that I like coffee but I bet it will be adorable when you get it all set up. You wanna take the right side of the brain and I'll take the left?

My problem is definitely not overcompensation. I'm underpaid by, at the very least, $10,000 which I think contributes to the lack of career-esteem. I know I'm worth more but apparently my company doesn't think agree, so why bother.

I totally hear you on putting the casual in business casual. Yep, Right there with you. I have a few nice pieces but over all my wardrobe is lacking...a lot. And it doesn't help that I detest heels. I will not wear them except on special occasions or once in a blue moon to work. I normally kick my shoes off at my desk but I just can't handle having to walk around in uncomfortable shoes, nope, not happening.

And I can speak from experience on the "fake it till you make it" concept. It works in a lot of area's of one's life.

Crystal, I agree with Julia. I'd love to see some pics of the house on your blog. Bet it's going to rock when you guys get done!

Julia, OK what that hizzle is totes? :lol

I've never been one to worry too much about my appearance. I mean, I like to look nice and presentable but nothing is or was getting my azz out of bed at 5am. I do agree that beauty and appearance standards are very interesting subjects and I'd love to see some of the art your talking about but for me it's more like what Crystal was saying, "Personally, I feel better when I look better." As much as I hate to admit it, that's so totally true and right now I'm all about feeling better, feeling more confident, feeling positive.

[Who, me?]

I promise to get pics up tomorrow. Cross my heart.

[Who, me?]

Oh, and I was the total opposite in HS. Out of bed, rumpled, cords and oversized t's. Can you say "invisible?" That was my disguise. I guess part of me dressing up as an adult (didn't today, for sure, too tired :lol:) is 1. me beleiving that putting some effort into myself is worth it 2. being comfortable NOT being invisible

[Scribe]

Totes=totally

I'm frustrated, because I feel like I've spent a ton of time and money trying to update my wardrobe in the past couple of months, and I STILL look sloppy!!

[Who, me?]

I understand that feeling Grace. I used to shop and grab peices here and there that I liked but it never came together right.

What I do now is, there's one or two stores with clothes I really like, and since they put out stuff that's meant to coordinate, I powershop in only the one store. So I may only come out with one or two bottom peices and three tops, but they all mix and match really well. I think the other key is understanding your body type and what works. One thing I had to get used to was wearing more form-fitting clothes. I used to hide under ginormous stuff, but all that does is add "eye-pounds" and make you look frumpy. So I figured out what size I actually am, and started dressing that body, rather than the 4-sizes bigger I imagined myself. I learned that v-necks and collared shirts look way better than a scoop or round neck. I learned that it's better to pay a little more for good quality materials because they hang better and last longer. I learned that tapered legs on pants are a big no-no and pleats are just wrong. Oh, a properly-fitting bra is an absolute MUST, it's amazing how it can affect how your clothes fit/look (can you say, "gaping buttons at the bosom"? :lol: I also am a shameless watcher of "what not to wear". It's goofy, but the tips they have are really, really practical and useful. :D

[jlutgendorf]

Totes is short for totally. I picked it up in another forum and have become OBSESSED with it. So much so that Robert made me an xmas ornament that said Totes. Because he's nice and talented.

forgot the weight question! i swear somedays i don't know where my mind goes…

Anyway. I weigh myself when ever I think to at work. (we have a small scale for when we mail bigger boxes). We don't own a scale at home and i think that's a good thing.

Weight is another weird thing for me. Up until college was super skinny, like people asking me if I was anorexic skinny :eyeroll. (and now that I've met people who were, I wasn't nearly that thin!). But I just had a crazy metabolism and was decently active. In college I was on the swim team and I gain a bit of weight, but stayed fit by swimming 3 hours a day, 6 days a week! Since I've been out of college and have stopped all swimming type activities, gotten a desk job, etc. I've gained about 20 lbs. I'm not overweight at all, but my body is different that what I've lived with my whole life.

It's also weird, because I've always felt that women worry about their weight way too much. That it's some magical indicator of success and happiness. And I still feel that way, but now that I find myself weighing more (and wishing I didn't), I don't know how to get back in that mind set personally.

Thanks for writing about this Rachel, you've reminded me of a lot of topics I used to think about often, but that have been set aside lately.

~Julia

[jlutgendorf]

I also am a shameless watcher of "what not to wear". It's goofy, but the tips they have are really, really practical and useful. :D

I love that show! And Stacey and Clinton. Though I don't like how the blonde lady is always trying to convince women that they should ALWAYS wear at least a little make up.

[Who, me?]

You mean the blonde one who tries to put herself on the same plane as, say, Sting or Cher by only having one name? :lol:

[jlutgendorf]

Ha ha! Yes, what's her name… Carmandy? She's very talented, but dude, it is not a requirement that you can only look good when make-up-afied.

[BurtsGirl]

Crystal, I wish I had the problem of buying clothes too big but I understand what your saying. Especially this: "being comfortable NOT being invisible". I was an outgoing prep/jock in high school but after I graduated a lot of things changed. Actually it all kind of happened when I came out. ummm. Never linked all that stuff together...

I do the same thing as Crystal now. I shop at one store for my work pieces. It's expensive and I can normally only get a few pieces at a time but they are high quality and look great. As a plus-sized woman these two things are hard to find at the same time. I still have a lot more to get. It doesn't help that over the past few years I've gone up and down a range of sizes. Hard to collect clothing when you never know what damn size you're going to be this time.

Which brings me to the weight issue. Julia, you are so right! Most women do view their weight as a reflection of their level of success and happiness. I admit to falling into the category as well. It's a hard habit to break, believe me, but I'm trying. I think I'll ask DW if we can move the scale out of our bathroom.

and I am cracking up over "make-up-afied".

[Who, me?]

Yeah, ditch the scale. It lies most of the time anyways. DW, for example, is 2 inches shorter than me, but weighs 15 lbs heavier than me, but wears a size smaller than me. Muscle mass, bone mass, water weight etc etc all play a big role. If you MUST measure something, use a tape measure. It will actually measure body fat, not random weights that fluctuate wildly depending what time of the month it is.

I'm interested in what you said about the effects of coming out on your self-image...am I reading it right that you had a harder time being "visible" AFTER you came out?

[Who, me?]

ETA: I asked our admin assistant earlier today to pdf-if-fy a document for me :lol

[Scribe]

So what are these stores you all buy all your work pieces at?

I've never really been a shrinking flower, so I don't think I'm trying to blend in or anything. I've just gotten so damn lazy about my appearance. And I used to think it was a depression-related thing, but I'm not depressed now and I'm slobby slobby slobby.

[BurtsGirl]

:lol at PDF-if-fy because I think I've used that one myself.

And yea I had a rough coming out phase, at first. Mostly coming out to myself and realizing I was indeed in love with my best friend (which latter turned into a seven year relationship). Living in the south, I had prided myself on being a good bible thumper. I beat the shit (figuratively) out of myself for this "issue," this "sin" that wouldn't go away. I was still in high school and XP and I were dating in secret. I was scared shitless of people finding out. I totally recoiled into myself. XP was a grade ahead of me and when she graduated and went off to college my senior year I dropped out and started going at night instead. I was a starter in varsity volleyball and softball, I had reached my goal of being asked into the highest choral class in my school, and I was also in honors Drama, all things I loved so much and worked so hard for and gave up with that one decision. I still graduated with my class but I didn't have to face them until graduation day. In reality I wasn't running from their judgment, although it would have been painful, I was running from my own.

I no longer have that kind of shame anymore and have rectified my religion to reflect my true beliefs, which has helped, but it took a long, long, long time to get to that point. To really figure out what was happening, who I was, and where I fit in the world now. I've since connected with a lot of those people on facebook and it's been healing for me to come out in such a safe way.

[BurtsGirl]

Grace, I *heart* Lane Bryant. I love that I can go in there and buy really great looking clothes without much effort. For me, it's an emotional investment to walk into a store where I don't have to worry about them not carrying my size or trying on clothes that were made for a skinny person but are only sized up, cause those never look good on a fat-girl. I like that I can leave the store feeling good and confident instead of deflated and gross. So that's where I get most of my clothing from. It's not the most eco-minded store/option but it's one of my vices

[Who, me?]

Grace, I *heart* Mexx right now. That's my fave for work gear.

Wow, Rachel, you really went through the ringer! :hugs: I can relate a bit on the religion front...while I personally had decided I was an atheist when I was about 16, I grew up in a very church-going, christian family, some more hardcore than others, and received less-than-christianly outporings of "ew, gross" and hell-speak and "why is god punishing me?" from some of them when I came out :eyesroll It bothered me some, but they've all since gotten over it.

Otherwise, my experience was totally opposite. I was the invisible girl in HS, then figured out why all my crushes had been on women (duh) in first year university, gradually started coming out to family and friends over the next year...and it brought me totally out of my shell. Funny, in a way, it forced me to be less invisible, make myself heard, take chances and trust other people to like me for me, and let me be kind of like: "you don't like me? well tough cookies for you, I could care less" but in a more empowered way. Oh, and for some reason it gave me an excuse to peirce things and shave my head, but like, you know, that was a phase :lol

[BurtsGirl]

Shut Up, Crystal, you shaved your head!!!! That totally rocks, sister!

When I came out to my mother the first thing she said was, "Well, you know your going to hell, right?." Ahhh that motherly love and comfort.

[Scribe]

I didn't come out, but I did shave my head...growing out here (http://www.flickr.com/photos/avengingophelia/153634712/in/set-72157594145796457/).

[Who, me?]

Yeah my stepdad told me that's where I was headed too. :eyesroll

Yes, I shaved my head. A few times, actually. And died it blue, black, bleach blonde, fire engine red...apparently I equated "queer" to "LOOK AT ME" :lol

Having a shaved head is fun. No hat hair, minimal consumption of hair products, and everybody wants to pet you. :D

[BurtsGirl]

Grace you look so much like Demi Moore from Ghost (http://www.movieactors.com/freezeframes22/ghost42.jpeg) in that pic! Whoa!

[Who, me?]

I didn't come out, but I did shave my head...growing out here (http://www.flickr.com/photos/avengingophelia/153634712/in/set-72157594145796457/).

Um. Hi, hottie. I totally have a crush on you now. :D

Sigh, I'm a sucker for a cute girl with a shaved head :love

[BurtsGirl]

Crystal, you were totally (totes, for Julia) making up for lost time.

[Who, me?]

You know what, Rachel? You're so right on. I totally, totally was.

Totes.

[jlutgendorf]

Aaaaaaaaaaahhh! :joy:

Totes!

[Scribe]

So as an experiment, I went all out today. Herringbone skirt, tights, heels, layered funky AND professional shirts, make-up. I look better, for sure, but I'm not sure I feel any more professional.

Two new cube decor items to report, both from World Market: a beaded string of fabric elephants (I actually have one just like it in my house), and a glass jar of bergamot scented shiny rocks. Things are definitely improving in here.

[jlutgendorf]

woot! Grace, I dreamed last night that your coffee thing broke and you/me were really pissed off. (we might have been the same person)

I don't think it means it will break though. More that I think those things are cool, but it would suck for them to break.

That is all.

[BurtsGirl]

I have on a long skirt today with a nice blouse. Jewelry includes (something I've also been working on) earrings, watch, and necklace. Tad of make up. I had some eye issues yesterday so I didn't wear much eye makeup today to see if that was what was irritating it. So far much better. But I still have a few makeup pieces to get. I am keeping it to 4 products max, tinted moisturizer (which I need to get, using a light foundation now), lip gloss, mascara. Done. I normally wear nothing so this is a big step for me. Question, can tinted moisturizer replace your regular moisturizer? I do feel more professional today but I think that's contributed more to the work I'm doing today as opposed to my appearance, although there is a little bigger bounce in my step and I do equate a little extra confidence with the attire. I decided to wear some chunky heels also.

Cube, still needs major work. I haven't done anything yet but it's a mess right now because I have been hooking up and unhooking hard drives, monitors, etc trying to get a new project all connected and off the ground.

[jlutgendorf]

Oh, also, I liked reading everyone's posts yesterday and I'm sorry that family members were crappy to you. haters. I had a friend, who when she came out, her father apparently broke down and kept wailing it was god's way of punishing him for divorcing her mom.

:eyesroll

Talk about a drama whore, dude, it's not all about you!

[BurtsGirl]

Question for short skirt wearers, do you wear pantyhose under your short skirts when you wear them to work?

[BurtsGirl]

Thanks, J. I no longer have a relationship with my mother but that's for other reasons. I did have some family that embraced me in spite of my coming out, which was really cool. It wasn't a made for TV movie though.

[Scribe]

I wear tights in the winter, bare legs otherwise. Never, ever pantyhouse. But I don't wear skirts above mid-knee.

Rachel, I use tinted moisturizer instead of regular moisturizer in the morning. Works fine. I have been using Physician's Formula, but I think I'm going to upgrade to Smashbox. I have been using Smashbox primer and I love it.

I weighed myself today. I am back on Weight Watchers now. My highest ever weight is 223, I was at 218.5 this morning. After being down to 203 last fall. I'm so frustrated.

[Who, me?]

Wow you gals are dolled up! :love You're all gorgeous! :joy:

Today I made more of an effort, I've got on my fave grey pantsuit, with a blue/white/grey swirly-patterned-printed v-neck top underneath, and my fave killah hoochie boots. :D Accessories are minimal, I've got only a beaded necklace. I would like more accessories. :D

I wear hose or tights most times with skirts, even in summer. But it really boils down to the shoes I'm wearing most of the time (some of my shoes are comfier if I have a little hose in there too, but my kick-@ss shiny burgandy heels slip off unless I'm barefoot, soooooo.) I don't know about makeup, that's something I still haven't worked up to. I generally don't like foundation of any kind (every time I've ever had it applied professionally they try to hide my freckles, like they're BAD :irked::eyesroll I like them thankyouverymuch). I would happily do some eye makeup if I knew how, and I usually wear tinted lip gloss.

:hugs Grace. Don't let the numbers get you down. Honestly, in the end they mean very little about your size or your health or your fitness.

[BurtsGirl]

I detest pantyhose also, which is why I stick to longer skirts, mostly flowing ankle-length ones.

I know so little about makeup really, mainly because I never wore it, not even in high school. It's been my observation that if you wear a lot of makeup all the time people get used to seeing you that way and when you decided not to wear it you look like crap in comparision. I also like to look special on dates and special events and if I always wear makeup then how else can I look special. idk, maybe that's just my sick thinking but I am embracing a little makeup. And now the question, what the %&*# is primer?

[BurtsGirl]

Damn forgot to say something about the scale. Grace, throw it away and love what you are, sister. The up and down is ridiculous and will always be there. You might disagree but I find dieting pointless and miserable. No one can maintain long term. Sweets, you are freaking gorgeous!

Crystal, I need a picture of these hoochie boots, stat! Even a google picture would work!

We are some freaking hot as$ professionals today! Watch out! I think it's amusing that we all upped it a notch today, lol.

Back to makeup, Crystal, I feel that same way about foundation but after a little research it seems the tinted moisturizers aren't as bad as foundations and just help even out the skin tone. Grace, since your the one using it, is that right? Is it as light as these people are making it seem? And Crystal, freckles are sexy, you rock those freckles, girl!!

OK, going to lunch don't have too much awesome convo till I get back!

[Scribe]

Crystal, I know the number isn't important. But I've not taken care of myself at all recently, and that's where the number comes from. It's not healthy for me. It's time to change. And it's especially hard, because my new desk job has me munch munch munching.

Primer is something you use with mineral makeup. It's this light liquid you put on before anything else that makes it so there are no lines or irregularies for your makeup to go into. It's hard to explain, but it's wonderful. I've only recently started wearing makeup myself, so I'm learning, and someone recommended primer and I LOVE it.

I wear: primer, tinted foundation, concealer if needed, powder, bronzer, lip gloss.

[Who, me?]

Oh, and I took a few hasty pics of The Schoolhouse today. They're crappy, blurry, and the rooms are messy, but you can get the idea. These will NOT go on my blog. :D

The house
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3020/3290893540_66e41b43af.jpg

view when you walk in (to do: finish patching walls, get couch for corner where bikes are currently stored, refinish floors and install baseboards/molding, replace hideous ceiling fan
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3468/3290893404_f05b89d221.jpg

view from the loft (to do: finish framing the woodstove tile, replace the mantle, more patching/sanding of huge window frames, get some badly needed art for giant walls)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3463/3290073685_de79307792.jpg

Dining room (to do: replace 80's-er-ific light fixture, install french doors in pantry, curtains, new dining table set)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3618/3290893580_726c4767d3_b.jpg

A cute nook that I like:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3557/3290073469_40c4e49c6e_b.jpg

spare bedroom (to do: lots)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3295/3290073419_39dbd074f0_b.jpg

downstairs bath (to do: replace 80's-er-ific toilet and sink, replace floor with nice tile)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3628/3290893988_acbd7c832b_b.jpg

kitchen (to do: finish touchup on refinished cabinets, replace 80's-er-ific laminate counter with tile, also tile backsplash)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3478/3290893886_24f144bc10.jpg

wow. we have a lot left to do :crying

[Who, me?]

Grace I had the "stuck in cuble and snacking" issue this time last year (30 + lbs heavier). My real problem was that I wasn't packing a lunch, or not much of one. Now I pack a HUGE lunch the night before, so there's always food, but it's not a bag of chips or the giganto chocolate bar my coworker's selling for her kids.

[jlutgendorf]

I detest pantyhose also, which is why I stick to longer skirts, mostly flowing ankle-length ones.

I know so little about makeup really, mainly because I never wore it, not even in high school. It's been my observation that if you wear a lot of makeup all the time people get used to seeing you that way and when you decided not to wear it you look like crap in comparision. I also like to look special on dates and special events and if I always wear makeup then how else can I look special. idk, maybe that's just my sick thinking but I am embracing a little makeup. And now the question, what the %&*# is primer?

Bolded, exactly what I think, which is why I get pissed off at people that feel they/everyone MUST wear make-up everyday. It started when a girl in HS didn't wear her normal SUPER HEAVY make-up one day and I literally didn't recognize her at first, then when I did, I thought she looked just awful :o and I was so sad that she was putting on so much make-up every day and so drastically changing how she looked. In hindsight, she probably looked awful because she wasn't feeling well, hence why she also didn't put any make-up on.

I do wear make-up for special occasions where I want to look fancy…which is really no different than people who wear it everyday for the same reason…So conflicted! :lol

And I try to avoid pantyhose, because they're annoying. But all my skirts are right around knee length. I think i stopped wearing REALLY short skirts in college. :innocent

[jlutgendorf]

Crystal, your house is AMAZING! so beautiful! I'm *totes* jealous.

And that toilet is awesome. In a horrible 80s sort of way! :lol

and you all type to fast!

[BurtsGirl]

Crystal! Your little school house is freakin awesome! I :love :love :love it! I totally didn't think it would look so good inside from the way you were talking but it kicks butt!

Off to google bronzer...

[Scribe]

It's just like blush, only it makes you look a little bit tan, rather than pink. I'm really pale, so it helps wake up my face a little bit.

[BurtsGirl]

You guys aren't going to believe this. Yesterday was a killer busy day at work as I was trying to get a new project off the ground. At the end of the day my Boss asked me to stop in her office before I left and guess what??? I got a bonus!!! I about fell on the floor. The company is on a freeze right now, no one is getting even a cost of living increase this year because of the economy. So to get a bonus is unheard of. I really feel so great and it was really much needed and overdue. I'm going to write a little more about my whole work issue/thoughts in my blog today at some point. I really feel like this is related to my shift in perspective.

Hope you hot professionals are doing good today.

[Scribe]

That's wonderful! Good for you! Congratulations! Hope you're going to do something fun with it!

[BurtsGirl]

Thanks, Grace. I took Terri out to a nice dinner last night to celebrate and I'm planning on getting that Nikon I've been coveting!

[jlutgendorf]

Sweet! how exciting!

I'm getting my hair cut today. i loooove getting my hair cut. I'm going to someone new (but that my friends have gone to) so here's hoping it turns out well.

Julia

[Scribe]

Thanks, Grace. I took Terri out to a nice dinner last night to celebrate and I'm planning on getting that Nikon I've been coveting!

Awesome!!

I'm currently trying to wrap my head around the financial re-planning I need to do. New job situation means getting paid a different amount, in two installments a month instead of one, at different times. Which means all my direct pay bill stuff needs to be redone. But I can't get motivated to do it. And I don't 100% know how much the paychecks will be, either, so that complicates things. Dollars to donuts I end up overdrawing.

[Who, me?]

You guys aren't going to believe this. Yesterday was a killer busy day at work as I was trying to get a new project off the ground. At the end of the day my Boss asked me to stop in her office before I left and guess what??? I got a bonus!!! I about fell on the floor. The company is on a freeze right now, no one is getting even a cost of living increase this year because of the economy. So to get a bonus is unheard of. I really feel so great and it was really much needed and overdue. I'm going to write a little more about my whole work issue/thoughts in my blog today at some point. I really feel like this is related to my shift in perspective.

Hope you hot professionals are doing good today.

Whoo-hoo!!! :joy: That's freakin' awesome! You deserve it!

Sweet! how exciting!

I'm getting my hair cut today. i loooove getting my hair cut. I'm going to someone new (but that my friends have gone to) so here's hoping it turns out well.

Julia

Yay! How fun! I finally got my hair cut too, last week, after about 4 months of growing it out. :D

Awesome!!

I'm currently trying to wrap my head around the financial re-planning I need to do. New job situation means getting paid a different amount, in two installments a month instead of one, at different times. Which means all my direct pay bill stuff needs to be redone. But I can't get motivated to do it. And I don't 100% know how much the paychecks will be, either, so that complicates things. Dollars to donuts I end up overdrawing.

Egad, yeah, that's ugly stuff. Poor DW does the majority of our planning, and I'm always switching jobs every 6 months or so. It's a royal pain in the butt.

[Who, me?]

Oh yeah, I forgot...Obama's in town today!:D

[BurtsGirl]

I love financial planning, not sure why but I do!

Crystal, tell him I said Hi!

And I need a hair cut so bad!

[jlutgendorf]

Yeah, my hair is scary. i got it cut in October I think. I like to go a long time between cuts so that I get a drastic change!

Grace, can you move a bit extra from savings over to cover you? I've been such a slacker with our finances lately. i don't know why either. when i slack, things go bad, when i'm on top of it, things go ok. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out…

[Scribe]

Yeah, I can. I'm just trying to figure out how to best re-structure the bill paying to meet my bi-monthly pay schedule. I am used to getting paid on the 1st, and now I will get paid on like the 20thish and the 9thish or something.

I wonder about putting all of our bills on CC, in order to get rewards and so nothing ever bounces. Has anybody here done that? Paying the CC off every month, obviously.

[Who, me?]

We've never tried the CC route, and I don't think it would be a good one for us...we're now down to not keeping a balance on the CC at all, we can't be trusted with CCs :D DW uses Quicken to help keep track of things, and it seems to work really well, it lets her reprogram/move stuff around when our situation changes.

[BurtsGirl]

I've thought about the CC thing. But like Crystal, it's just too easy not to pay the balance at the end of the month. I hate having a balance on my CC. It's like paying 15% extra for something and paying that amount every month. It sounds good in theory but unless your really going to stay on top of it, it's really not worth it. I've also read that unless you put around $15,000 or more on it a year even the annual fee isn't worth the $300 plane ticket. Do some googling on it Grace, and if you decided to go that route I'd love to hear how it works out. I love the concept but it's the practice that scare me.

[BurtsGirl]

Terri is going out of town tonight for work so I might treat myself to a hair cut and dinner.

[Who, me?]

yay, a "self-date"! :joy:

[Scribe]

Unlike all of you, I absolutely loathe having my hair cut. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. Hence my very shaggy hair.

Ug. It is hard to sit in a cube all day and not just eat, eat, eat. I'm chewing gum and drinking water, but it's not helping much. Hopefully things will get easier when I get my fancy coffee pot. It shipped today!

Just looked at finances. What a mess. I just want to send it all to someone and have them plan it for me so I don't have to think about it.

[jlutgendorf]

we could never pay our bills on the CC. We are just so irresponsible with them. I'm trying to get Robert to see that we really need to have less of them as well, but he's being stuborn.

oh and hair cut and nice dinner sounds wonderful! that reminds me, tonight is "Date Night!"

[BurtsGirl]

Grace, what is so different about the cube than an office that's provoking the eating frenzy? I've never worked in an office before so I'm not sure what the difference would be. Could it just be emotionally related to the new position, new people, new responsibilities?

[BurtsGirl]

Julia, where are you guys going?

[Scribe]

Honestly, Rachel, I think the only real difference is access to coffee. I don't have any coffee here except the cup I bring with me in the morning. At my old job, drinking coffee all day helped keep me from eating.

[jlutgendorf]

Just looked at finances. What a mess. I just want to send it all to someone and have them plan it for me so I don't have to think about it.

What might help, (and what i do when i have my act together) is to draw out (or print out or use an online version) a generic calendar. Then i write in when all the bills are due and when we get paid. for some reason, it's way easier for me to see what needs to cover what that way. Hopefully then you can just take that and login to your bill pay and change dates.

But I'm also really visual and i like drawing things…so ymmv.

and you must give us a review of your coffee thingy (that's the technical term, btw). We've thought about getting one for the studio, especially if we end up having people over more for photo shoots.

~Julia

[jlutgendorf]

I don't know yet. We're trying to go out to places we have coupons or gift certs for. and a lot of it depends on how tired we are and how fancy the place is. or how late they stay open. lots of times we don't get around to going out to eat until like 10 or 11. :lol

We haven't had sushi in awhile…

[Scribe]

What might help, (and what i do when i have my act together) is to draw out (or print out or use an online version) a generic calendar. Then i write in when all the bills are due and when we get paid. for some reason, it's way easier for me to see what needs to cover what that way. Hopefully then you can just take that and login to your bill pay and change dates.


This is a really good idea. I'm going to try it on Google calender. Good call.

[jlutgendorf]

oh yeah, I did one of mine on google calendar. it's awesome because you can color code, which makes it even more pretty (and useful).

[Who, me?]

Honestly, Rachel, I think the only real difference is access to coffee. I don't have any coffee here except the cup I bring with me in the morning. At my old job, drinking coffee all day helped keep me from eating.

aak! You don't want to not eat, lovely! It's totally counter-productive. You don't eat, your body starves, it hangs onto every last fat cell it can find because it thinks its a time of famine. You want to eat every 2-3 hours, it'll ramp up your metabolism bigtime. I soooo used to do exactly what you're doing now, just try to pretend I'm not hungry, drink coffee all day and then usually end up bingeing because I WAS hungry dangit! You need to invest in a big, friendly cooler and start packing food. Seriously I eat all day. I'm eating right now, in fact. :D

[BurtsGirl]

Grace, that makes more sense then. Hope that coffee pot gets to you asap!

Julia, we're also late eaters, though it's normally around 9pm that we eat.

So I've decided to get the hair cut today and take a long bath. And I'm thinking of going for a massage tomorrow. Man, I am loving thy self!

[Scribe]

PSA: The Dark Chocolate and Dried Cherry Kashi Chewy Granola Bar RULES.

Now then...

Anybody have exciting weekend plans? I do not.

[BurtsGirl]

That SOUNDS yummy!

You guys, I'm so excited! I just found out we can deduct our sperm cost, fertility treatments, and acupuncture on the taxes this year. With all the money we spent TTC I'm so glad that we'll get at least a little of that back. It's really helping me feel some closure, finally. I've taken a personal day today and have been calling around to the sperm bank and RE, etc to get receipts. I'm loving the turbo tax! Deductions are so lurverly!

Weekend. Well I didn't get the hair cut last night because they couldn't fit me in so I'm doing it today along with a massage. I've decided not to get the camera and to instead get my massage/hair cut and update my wardrobe a little more then put the rest in savings or toward bills. Hopefully, if we end up getting a lot more than we planned from our taxes I'll get it then.

Sat we're doing the 5 course beer dinner, so Grace if you wanna just hop on over you can join us. Sunday we'll relax and probably just hang out at home.

[Who, me?]

OMG that sounds goooooood :D

No, nothing exciting here. Trip to the vet for HRH Boo, grocery shopping, probably more painting to finish up the work we started last weekend, and possibly a visit to see the Local Nephew.

[Who, me?]

Um. I like beer dinners too...

[Scribe]

If I could, I'd totally be there. That sounds like a great time.

Instead, I think we might have a grill party with our neighbors (they had us to dinner last weekend), our closest friends and their two kids, and a guy from Mark's lab. We have to clean house first, though.

And Sunday I am settling in for the Oscars. I really want to go to the Alamo Drafthouse Oscar Party (http://www.originalalamo.com/Show.aspx?id=6104), but not alone.

[jlutgendorf]

dooooood. i forgot the beer dinner is this weekend. so. jealous.

Your personal day sounds so nice! I'm totes jealous. and how awesome that you can deduct those things. I need to get our taxes in order. i also need my boss to give us our W2s! dammit!

No real weekend plans here. Work in the yard if the weather is nice enough. try to work in the house if it's not. Hopefully i'll get my freakin' period! She's like 10 days late and i'm crampy and grumpy as hell. :irked: RAR! Is how i feel.

This make two extra long cycles in a row. I have no idea if that's normal or not.

~Julia

[Who, me?]

I wonder if we can get any of our Project Baby costs back here???? Hmmmmm....something to look into... thanks for sharing, Rachel!

[jlutgendorf]

aak! You don't want to not eat, lovely! It's totally counter-productive. You don't eat, your body starves, it hangs onto every last fat cell it can find because it thinks its a time of famine. You want to eat every 2-3 hours, it'll ramp up your metabolism bigtime. I soooo used to do exactly what you're doing now, just try to pretend I'm not hungry, drink coffee all day and then usually end up bingeing because I WAS hungry dangit! You need to invest in a big, friendly cooler and start packing food. Seriously I eat all day. I'm eating right now, in fact. :D

Hey Crystal, i meant to ask you about this earlier. can you expound a bit? I assume that while you're eating often, it's not stuff like chips and hotdogs? And do eat smaller meals then for the main 3? :eat:

[Who, me?]

It's best for your body to eat about 5-6 smaller meals a day. And yeah, it's better to have frequent smaller meals, and not to have huge carb-heavy meals at dinner time, and not too late (try not to eat within 2 hours of bedtime)...think lean protein and veggies (although carbs like sweet potato, brown rice, quinoa, are all good things).

I still sort of have my "main three", at least in my mind, but really other than breakfast and dinner it's just constant grazing. Here's what I'd usually have in a day:

7am, at home: unsweetened hot cereal (oatmeal or cracked wheat cereal) with cinnamon, raisins and slivered almonds

Packed for my lunch, snacking pretty much every 2 hours starting from 9am:

-cheese string
- 1-2 peices of fruit (apple/orange)
- small whole wheat wrap with deli meat (turkey or roast beef usually), mustard, cucumber, salad greens and pickle, maybe a bit of cheese (like an oz)
-a bunch of chopped veggies with a little low-fat dip
- handfull of unsalted nuts (walnuts, soy nuts or almonds) and dried crandberries
- small portion of leftover casserole/whatever from last night (about a cup usually)...today it was turkey meatloaf


6-7pm, dinner at home: usually a serving of stew, casserole, pasta etc from the freezer plus a salad and/or steamed veggies. I do batch cooking on sundays, usually one or two things, so there's always homemade, nutritious food in the freezer for weeknights.

Now, the times up there are approximate, I really just graze on what I pack all day (eating cheese and orange right now, hee). I always eat breakfast though, and I always make sure I get a few servings of protein during the day. Other things I might pack for the workday: homemade protein bars, boiled eggs, ready-to-head seasoned tuna steaks, soup, yogurt, hummus, cottage cheese, etc. Some days I pack more than what I listed above, but the servings aren't huge.

If I don't eat all this, I get cranky and starving and wasted by 2pm. Now, the actual serving size would vary depending on your caloric needs, but by fueling your body all day, you keep your insulin levels steady, don't get blood sugar swings, your metabolism is cranking all day.

big thing: avoid white food (white flour, refined sugar, white rice, white potatoes). Substitute with brown rice, whole grain pastas, grains like quinoa or couscous, whole wheat flour.

[Scribe]

Wow. I need to eat more like that. This is my current eating schedule (more or less):

7:15 am: Wake up, eat nothing.

8:30 am: Drink coffee with half and half.

9:30 am: Realize I am ravenous, eat granola bar.

11:00 am: Start to get really hungry for lunch.

Noon: Go to lunch. Try to make healthy choice. End up giving in and munching on Chick fil A.

2:00 pm: Start really wanting a snack.

2:03 pm: Give in and start munching whatever is available, including chocolates, Girl Scout cookies, crackers, more granola bars, Little Debbie cakes, etc. Possibly wash down with full-sugar soda.

5:30 pm: Get hold from work. Have a glass of wine. Try not to think about snacking.

5:34 pm: Have a snack, probably chips, pita chips and hummus, or similar.

5:45 pm: Have another glass of wine.

6:00 pm: Have another snack, if I am not too disgusted with myself.

Later: May or may not eat dinner. May or may not have more wine.

The one thing I do well is that I don't eat late at night.

[Scribe]

Oh, Rachel, I wanted you to know I'm stealing your idea. Turns out my candles in wine glasses were too fragile to ship (they shattered), so I'm going to do some in baby food jars this weekend.

[jlutgendorf]

Wow! Thank you for that list. I might need to print that out so I can put it on the fridge.

We're trying to start eating less processed food and less white carbs or unnecessary carbs (like a side of bread with everything…).

Thanks!

[Who, me?]

Wow. I need to eat more like that. This is my current eating schedule (more or less):

7:15 am: Wake up, eat nothing.

8:30 am: Drink coffee with half and half.

9:30 am: Realize I am ravenous, eat granola bar.

11:00 am: Start to get really hungry for lunch.

Noon: Go to lunch. Try to make healthy choice. End up giving in and munching on Chick fil A.

2:00 pm: Start really wanting a snack.

2:03 pm: Give in and start munching whatever is available, including chocolates, Girl Scout cookies, crackers, more granola bars, Little Debbie cakes, etc. Possibly wash down with full-sugar soda.

5:30 pm: Get hold from work. Have a glass of wine. Try not to think about snacking.

5:34 pm: Have a snack, probably chips, pita chips and hummus, or similar.

5:45 pm: Have another glass of wine.

6:00 pm: Have another snack, if I am not too disgusted with myself.

Later: May or may not eat dinner. May or may not have more wine.

The one thing I do well is that I don't eat late at night.

aak! aak! aak! (Sorry, DW and I have been doing too much reading about nutrition lately, that totally brings out the "aaks" in me!!!) That said, again, this was me a year ago. Ooooh, lordy, girl you are STARVING yourself!!!

Ok. I'm giving you homework. Baby steps.

1. Please, PLEASE eat breakfast. Doesn't have to be fancy. Have it with your coffee. Two peices of ww toast with natural nut butter, and a hard boiled egg (you can make up a dozen of these at a time, they'll keep for breaky and lunches all week). Hot cereal with chopped nuts (my trick for making sure I get it in? Before bed, measure out the the dry ingredients into a bowl and the water into a cup. Place in cupboard next to microwave. In morning, pour, stir, heat, eat.) Smoothie with fruit and protein powder. You will wake up your metabolism right away and won't be super-starving later.

2. Get a fancy 1 litre water bottle, fill it up when you come into the office and be sure to empty it by the end of the day.

That's it. Start small.

I will admit right away that for the first few months of changing our eating habits, it got soooooo tired. Like, I was sick of having to think about food, plan food, etc. I think I had a few temper-tantrums about it actually. The truth is, though, it requires some planning. The GOOD news is, once you get in the habit (and I can honestly say I'm there now), it's second nature, you DON'T have to think, and you can't imagine doing it differently). Treat yourself to a funky insulated lunch box (big one) and some snazzy tuperware containers. It's funner to make lunches if you're packaging it in fun stuff.

[jlutgendorf]

I'll study along with grace, if you don't mind!

[Who, me?]

Please do! :joy:

[Scribe]

OK, Crystal, you just become diet guru. And I have a question. Is it OK to wait until I get to work to eat breakfast, or do I need to do it immediately?

[Who, me?]

I know some people can't stomach eating right away. The honest answer is, "the sooner the better", but the practical answer is: "as soon as is reasonably possible so at work is ok". Baby steps. Try to get some complex carbs (whole grains) and protein at the same meal. Me, I love breakfast, so this is an easy one for me. DW struggled with it though. She became a smoothie junkie on weekdays, and I try to cook a nice breakfast for her on the weekends.

[jlutgendorf]

explain this whole protein powder/shake thingy. We sometimes have smoothies of yogurt/bananas/strawberries/ice and sometimes honey.

I'm trying to be a better breakfast person, but really weird things appeal to me at breakfast (like brownies and a coke! :eyesroll).

[Who, me?]

The protein powder thing is simply to try to get more protein into you. Most women consume vastly inadequate amounts of protein (average woman should get about 40-50 grams a day but if you're working out regularly with weights, it's more like 1g/pound of healthy body weight) and way too many simple carbs. Basically you'd replace some or all of the yogurt with protein powder. Probably less sugar, and way more protein. Protein makes you feel fuller longer. It helps your body grow lean muscle, which burns fat. Breaking it down uses up more energy and generates more heat (therefore burning more calories - metabolism again) than breaking down carbs. It even releases chemical signals that tell your body you're full, faster, so you might eat less.

That said, if you're having a low-fat yogurt smoothie with around a cup of fruit, that's a very reasonable substitute as long as you're getting adequate protein during the day.

[Who, me?]

Honestly, Grace/Julia, it might not be a bad idea to see a nutritionist...it's really hard to slog through all this stuff on your own and can be helpful to have someone lay out a written plan of attack to cut down on the guesswork until you get the hang of it...

[BurtsGirl]

I am all mushy from my massage. WOWZA what a way to start the weekend! sigh.

Grace, yes steal the baby food jar idea. We boght like 50 used, cleaned, delabeled jars off ebay for cheap and put spice rubs in it for xmas gifts one year. I had some left over. I haven't burned the candles yet but I think they will definitely hold up through shipping.

Julia, could you be pregnant? Have you tested?

Crystal, that's impressive. I finally met someone who knows more about dieting than I do. Wow. I agree with everything you've said so far. I do breakfast at work also, Grace. Just some oatmeal and fruit or cereal or sometimes we make egg mcmuffins at home on ww english muffins and freeze them to reheat at work, very tasty.

And now I'm going to drink wine and figure out what to eat tonight. I need to bake my peacan tart for the party tomorrow. Wanna hear the menu? I assume you all would

1st Course - Appetizer
Pesto Mushrooms
Beer: Some sort of ale I think, can't remember.

2nd Course - Salad
Sweet Baby Arugula Salad with dried cherries, candied pecans, and blue cheese drizzled with raspberry dressing
Beer: Leinenliugel's Berry Weiss. (this seriously tastes like a wine cooler, it's weird)

3rd Course - Soup
Cheddar Cheese Soup with crème fraîche and crumbled bacon
Beer: RJ Rocker's Patriot Ale

4th Course - Main
Buffalo Steak grilled to prefection
Smashed potatos
Steamed broccoli
Beer: Highland's Oatmeal Porter

5th Course - Dessert
Pecan Tart w/ Vanilla Bean ice cream
Beer: Duck Rabbit's Milk Stout

We're doing mini portions for those thinking about dieting and all, :laugh:

[jlutgendorf]

WOW! I am so impressed (and now hungry!). You have to tell us how it goes. And how do you prepare for that, do you make things ahead of time? We always run behind when have people over since we get off work so late.

And I'm pretty sure i'm not knocked up, my lovely pre-period cramping is starting to come on strong, meaning it should be here any day. It'd be damn near close to immaculate if I was! :lol We've been improving on being more, ah, *familiar*. But haven't solved the pain issue and I haven't psyched myself up enough yet to attempt the, uh, full act. (hows that for talking around the UA?).

Thanks for edumatating us about food Crystal! How does one find a nutritionist? Not sure if I could afford one anyway, but I'm curious.

[BurtsGirl]

First, we are major foodies and I am not just using the term lightly. Second, we'll have all day Sat to prep. Guest are coming around 6:30pm. I'll make the peacan tart way ahead of time. We'll make the soup, minus the toppings before they come. We'll through together the salad minus the dressing before hand, and the apps will also be finished before hand. So the only real cooking we'll need to do is the steaks and potatoes which we'll start cooking between courses. 5 courses is a lot this will probably be a two hour meal.

[Scribe]

That sounds fantastic! Wow! I really wish I could be there. The pairings sound spot-on, too.

I have a hazelnut brown ale from home I've been saving that I plan to drink this weekend.

[Who, me?]

I am all mushy from my massage. WOWZA what a way to start the weekend! sigh.

Grace, yes steal the baby food jar idea. We boght like 50 used, cleaned, delabeled jars off ebay for cheap and put spice rubs in it for xmas gifts one year. I had some left over. I haven't burned the candles yet but I think they will definitely hold up through shipping.

Julia, could you be pregnant? Have you tested?

Crystal, that's impressive. I finally met someone who knows more about dieting than I do. Wow. I agree with everything you've said so far. I do breakfast at work also, Grace. Just some oatmeal and fruit or cereal or sometimes we make egg mcmuffins at home on ww english muffins and freeze them to reheat at work, very tasty.

And now I'm going to drink wine and figure out what to eat tonight. I need to bake my peacan tart for the party tomorrow. Wanna hear the menu? I assume you all would

1st Course - Appetizer
Pesto Mushrooms
Beer: Some sort of ale I think, can't remember.

2nd Course - Salad
Sweet Baby Arugula Salad with dried cherries, candied pecans, and blue cheese drizzled with raspberry dressing
Beer: Leinenliugel's Berry Weiss. (this seriously tastes like a wine cooler, it's weird)

3rd Course - Soup
Cheddar Cheese Soup with crème fraîche and crumbled bacon
Beer: RJ Rocker's Patriot Ale

4th Course - Main
Buffalo Steak grilled to prefection
Smashed potatos
Steamed broccoli
Beer: Highland's Oatmeal Porter

5th Course - Dessert
Pecan Tart w/ Vanilla Bean ice cream
Beer: Duck Rabbit's Milk Stout

We're doing mini portions for those thinking about dieting and all, :laugh:

*droooooool* yummy!!!:D

[BurtsGirl]

It went so well also. I have some images up on my blog. We had a great time and our firends did also. Sunday we laid around the house and did nothing but watch TV and a movie. So, great weekend in my opinion. How was everyone elses?

[jlutgendorf]

I loved your photos Rachel! Sounds like you had an awesome weekend!

Ours was pretty good. Got something done, didn't get other's done, but overall, it was relaxed, which is nice.

oooo! and Robert got to invoice a client for pretty nice amount and we paid off two small credit cards because of it! That was exciting. Now hopefully we'll either cancel one of them or at least cut it up so we can't be tempted to use it. The other is Care Credit, which can only be used for things like Vet visits, dentists, etc. So we'll keep that around for animal emergencies.

~Julia

[Scribe]

I saw your blog. It looked fantastic. I am jealous!

We had a good weekend. Take-out with our friends Friday night; got quite a bit done on Saturday, included very much needed grocery shopping, and also watched two movies; went to breakfast with Mark, watched a football match, hung out with my friend S., and watched the Oscars yesterday. Very nice all the way around.

And I have added new cube decor this morning--my awesome calendar came, so I have that up, and I brought in my Jar of Whimsies for something fun to look at.

[Who, me?]

Pretty "normal" for us...vet trip to recheck the cat's mouth (she had teeth removed last week)...groceries...pet food prep...I made a nice oven roast and super-awesome-yummy chicken breasts stuffed with feta, ham and spinach with a Greek-esque marinade...watched some boob toob...put the finishing touches on my letter to possible PhD supervisors...sanded the door to the spare bedroom (now ready for priming)...busy.

DW is home today "sick"...apparently she's started moving our furniture into the spare room, which is going to be our new bedroom while we work on the "real" bedroom. She's coveting new bedroom furniture, and I'm not really stopping her. :D

[BurtsGirl]

Yay for Robert! It always feels so good to get paid for doing what you love. It also kind of feels like your scamming someone because it should be illegal to get paid for what you love, lol. Bet it felt even better to get some CCD's paid off! Woo Hoo!

Grace, yay for Jar of Whimsies! Are you going to give us some before and after action? I've put up my artwork, cleaned up a little but I still have some things I'm going to do this week. I'm hoping by Friday to have a before and after shot for you guys. It already looks and feels so much better!

Also, Grace any word on the big move? Have you guys decided where you're moving and when?

Crystal, I think you need to have a weekly freezer post on your blog something like From the Freezer Fridays, where you'll share some of these amazing freezer recipes, how you package them for the freezer, and how you reheat. I for one would LOVE to get some of these recipes!

[Scribe]

Oh, I didn't tell you all! I'm sorry.

We are going to Virginia. In late summer/early fall.

[Who, me?]

How are you feeling about it, Grace?

[Scribe]

Eh. It isn't my first choice, but it's the right thing to do. I'll live.

[Who, me?]

I kinda got that sense when there were no :joy: or :D or :thumb in your post. :hug

Poor, poor spouses of students. My wife really has noooo idea what she's getting into.

[BurtsGirl]

ONNN the bright side though, you'll be within easy driving distance of Julia and I!! So I'll spread the :joy: for you. :lol

[jlutgendorf]

You will be closer to us! What part of Virginia? I don't know much about the state, other than Robert has a client who owns a house museum somewhere up there. That's probably not helpful!

[Scribe]

Northern. About an hour from D.C.

[Who, me?]

I am sick. I'm tired, my throat is scratchy, and I'm all cramped-feeling from sleeping on the couch 'cause I'm a nice wife and didn't want to disturb my beloved's sleep with my coughing. :( And I have to travel out of province tomorrow. Waah.

[Scribe]

Oh that sucks. I'm sorry. I've been so healthy recently, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop...

[Scribe]

Tiny Shiny Things jars. (http://www.noonewatching.com/archives/2009/02/tiny_shiny_things.html)

[BurtsGirl]

Blah, Crystal, that does sucks. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow, zicam (http://www.zicam.com/products/coldremedy_rapidmelts_c) is your friend.

How's everyone else doing today?

Terri had to go back out of town today and tomorrow. I'll be glad when this job is over. I'm planning to finish up my taxes, watch a movie, and heat up some leftovers tonight.

[jlutgendorf]

I'm sorry you're sick Crystal! That sucks. My period finally came. finally. so now i'm crampy, but it's tolerable (yay for naproxen!).

Grace, I love your jars, so cute! If you had space to display them, it would be really neat to do a set where each jar is just one color, and then display them all in a rainbow or some other nice color palate.

[Who, me?]

Got an email back from one of the profs I contacted...it starts like this:

"Dear C,

Thank you for your well-worded e-mail, and your CV and publications. It is very nice to be approached by well organized and clearly very capable potential students such as yourself."

I have to settle down a bit then read the rest of it, but it's good. :D

[Scribe]

That's a good idea, Julia, but I'm not keeping them. I have the original Jar of Whimsies I bought at the bins in my cube, but the ones I am making are going out into the world for swaps and gifts. That's half the fun, IMO--sharing my shiny tiny treasures with other people.

[Scribe]

OH! My Keurig came and I am in LOVE!!! It makes good coffee with no mess, no effort, and almost no sound. 8 oz at a time! Seriously, it is the perfect cubicle companion. I don't know how I lived this long w/o it.

[jlutgendorf]

That's a cool idea Grace! I don't know if you're familiar with Archie McPhee (a "weird stuff" company in Seattle). but they used to sell "mystery boxes", which were full of the weirdest things. I loved them because you didn't know what you would get and then we'd use all the strange things and make found art sculptures :lol.

[jlutgendorf]

oh and congrats Crystal! You have to let us know what the rest of the letter says.

I'm off to google your coffee thingy Grace. Our friends have a nespresso, but apparently you can only buy the pods online.

[Who, me?]

http://falltoclimb.blogspot.com/2009/02/one-down.html

The jist of it is, he may have an opening, we need to talk about funding 'cause he doesn't have much money for students and wants to know what I've applied for, has interesting work to do and wants to discuss things with me further.

The only thing that worries me is the money issue. I just fired off an email to one of his current students to find out what the deal is there.

[BurtsGirl]

Crystal, what great news and I loved that he commented on your thought out, organized email! Keep us updated on where this goes. I'll be crossing my fingers and toes and anything else I got for you!

Julia, Yay for the period FINALLY getting there. Hope you're coming down off your hormone high. I'm sure Robert is so glad it's here also, :lol.

Grace, Yay for cube coffee!

[Scribe]

I'm off to google your coffee thingy Grace. Our friends have a nespresso, but apparently you can only buy the pods online.

From what I understand, what I bought is a step up from Nespresso. The pods (K-cups) are available everywhere--there are even a few types at Target.

This (http://www.amazon.com/Keurig-Personal-Single-Serve-Brewing-System/dp/B001CTXWM6) is the one I have.

Crystal, I think you're sadly going to find that everybody is in a funding crunch right now. At least that is what I'm seeing.

[texasnurse3]

I love the idea of this tribe! I just wanted to interject a quick hello. I'm new to MDC and just stumbled across this tribe today.

So are those coffee thingies worth the money? I always saw the commercials and thought that they look like a genius way for the company to keep making money, since it appears to me that you can only buy their coffee. But then I pretty much only drink coffee at work since it's free. I love coffee, but I love saving money, too.

[Scribe]

Welcome!

For any other situation, it wouldn't be worth the money for me. At home, I use a French Press. But at work I needed something that didn't create any mess and only made one cup at a time, so this is perfect. And it's definitely worth $80 for me to have coffee available in my cube, since I don't have another source of it at work unless I go out and buy it, at $2+ each cup.

[Who, me?]

Crystal, I think you're sadly going to find that everybody is in a funding crunch right now. At least that is what I'm seeing.

I kinda figured that would be the case. I was just surprised to see him basically say he had NO money to contribute. TAship, sure, but no research dollars. Oh wells.

Have a good one guys, travelling tomorrow, but will try to stop by anyways.

*waves at new gal* :D

[BurtsGirl]

Stay safe on your trip, Crystal.

texasnurse3 :w