Introvert Mamas?

[KBinSATX]

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?

[BaBaBa]

me! me! me!

[KBinSATX]

Hello Bababa! :)

[Erdbeer]

Yep, this is me...

I totally get drained from social interaction, especially the kind consisting mainly of smalltalk.

[treehugz]

I was just wondering if there was an introvert tribe! I'm an ISTJ, for those familiar with the Myers Briggs types.

Just bought a book last week, The Introvert Advantage... haven't read it yet though.

[KBinSATX]

Oh read it and then share the Cliff Notes version with us! :)

[ktarsha]

I've become more social since my son was born, but I'm still very much an introvert (and shy as well). I enjoy getting together with friends, but I'm nearly always relieved when it's time to go home.

[KBinSATX]

We are doing a lot of playdates too. It stresses me less when there aren't tons of people though.
Last friday we had another couple visit with their daughter. That was perfect! I had a good time even though they stayed all day.
It's when we have lots of kids and lots of moms over that it really drives me nuts. ;)

[treehugz]

We are doing a lot of playdates too. It stresses me less when there aren't tons of people though.

I can't imagine hosting a playgroup. I get maxed out just from my own dd, much less other kids... much less other parents... much less making mindless chit chat with other parents when I can't run away cuz it's my house! :hide:

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?

[ktarsha]

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?

Definitely! My son thrives on being around people, and constantly wants to show me stuff, play trains, sit in my lap while I'm typing, and talk-talk-talk. There are days when I think if I hear, "Hey Mama!" one more time, I'll lose my mind. Don't get me wrong - I love hearing what he has to say, but it can get overwhelming. My alone time is at nap (like now) and in the evening after dinner when my husband takes him for about an hour.

[treehugz]

My alone time is at nap (like now) and in the evening after dinner when my husband takes him for about an hour.

I always wind up doing chores during naptime. Some things are just easier to do without a little one crawling up my pants legs. :) But I should figure out how to get all the chores done so I can better use naptime for 'me' time. I'm sure I'd be a much happier mama.

[treehugz]

Oh read it and then share the Cliff Notes version with us! :)

Okay, I'm only about halfway through, but I'm learning some interesting things. If you've ever felt critical of yourself for being an innie, it's very validating and explains a lot of our behaviors. There's a section on WHY people are introverted that's fascinating. In an easy-to-understand way, it goes into the possible genetic predisposition for people to be introverted and explains how our biology handles things differently than extroverts. I thought the section was going to be boring and was ready to skip it, but I'm glad I didn't ... very enlightening.

Will let you know of any more highlights! I got another book, Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto, that I'm hoping to read after this one.

[mrsshunk]

I have learned to be social over the years, but I love to be left alone. My husband is a social butterfly and always bringing people over to our house. Having company energizes him but totally drains me. I like people. I just don't feel the need to be around them very often. Having kids forces me to be much more social than I ever used to be, and I really miss my alone time. At least two of my boys (the 3rd is too young to tell) are really extroverted like their dad, so they seem to have a hard time understanding why I want to lock myself in the bedroom and not talk to them for an hour sometimes.:o

[LucyRev]

I'm one of those! I always have been. I do feel the need for connection with other people I can share with, as probably everyone does. I love my friends, but I don't like big groups. Certain personalities really drain my energy, but it's also helpful for me to hang out with someone outgoing that can bring out that side of me. I like meeting new people, but I am picky about who my friends are.

My 6yr old DD is the same way. She has a few best friends she asks to see, but I just had to pull her out of kindergarten because school was so overwhelming for her. I think it was mainly the large group of kids (loud and boisterous), and having no control over anything. She needs plenty of time at home, or she gets really upset.

I can happily be a silent observer for a long time before there is something I want to say. I'm surprised sometimes when people say I'm quiet because my mind isn't quiet at all. I mean, I am used to hearing it, but I don't feel like that is who I am.

Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. :shrug My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. :tsk :lol

[LisainCalifornia]

I am an INFJ. I have always known that I was an introvert, but it wasn't until I was about 30 that I felt "okay" with it. My mom is a total extrovert, and in her mind it is unhealthy and abnormal to be introverted, so I have spent years trying to improve myself out of it.

I have 3 kids, and one of them is a total introvert just like me. :o

[SeekingJoy]

LucyRev, I just LMAO in agreement to everything you just said.

I am an INTJ. I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general. DS is a total extrovert, and I frequently feel the need to hide. A night all by myself sounds like heaven.

So how does our biology make introverts different? Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.

[KBinSATX]

I'm surprised sometimes when people say I'm quiet because my mind isn't quiet at all. I mean, I am used to hearing it, but I don't feel like that is who I am.


I've always felt that way too!

[KBinSATX]

Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.

Yes, I think being a mother just added to the difficulty of finding friends since it's sort of important that the kids click too if you spend a lot of time together.

[PoetryLover]

I am an introvert, an INFJ. I used to be painfully shy, as well, but I find the older I get, the less shy I am. I find that it's easier for me to be more social if I make plans. This bothered a couple of my exes, who accused me of not being spontaneous. I responded that I can be very spontaneous; I just need to plan that on this day at this time I am going to be spontaneous. LOL. I am otherwise a very spontaneous person. It's just that I do better planning for social situations.

I find that sometimes I'll be in the mood to be around people but not directly interacting with them too much. Like I love to go to coffee shops and write--by myself at my own table.

And I love my friends and family--but I always need time to recharge. I come from a very large family with lots of sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, etc. and sometimes spending a day with them is very taxing. If I spend a weekend with them, I find I need to get away for a little while--like go to a coffee shop and write for a couple hours. My family, however, doesn't understand this. I love them. I just need to recharge. Likewise, a good friend and her daughter visited me for the weekend recently and I was relieved to have some alone time when they left. That said, I really enjoyed their visit.

Intorversion is probably the hardest part of my personality for others to understand. I think they feel rejected when I need alone time. Also, I don't mean to imply that I don't enjoy being social--public poetry readings, gathering with friends, etc. But I'm always appreciative of the quiet drive home when I can reflect on the experience.

[Kidzaplenty]

:eyes

[Samm]

:wave

"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend."

:yeah: My brother who's a major extrovert traveled to our town for work - instead of being put up in a hotel - he stayed with us . . . I almost asked if I could stay at the hotel then!

"I am an INTJ. I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general. DS is a total extrovert, and I frequently feel the need to hide. A night all by myself sounds like heaven."

This would be why I stay up waaaaaaay too late at night - all. by. my. self. in the quiet.

Samm

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?

I do. and by your definition, I'm a bit :shy but as a child/teenager, I was described as the opposite in social situations... yet I spent a great deal of time alone up a tree or in my room.

[LucyRev]

This would be why I stay up waaaaaaay too late at night - all. by. my. self. in the quiet.

Samm

I do that too. Usually I feel like I can't unwind enough to sleep until everyone else has been asleep for a couple hours. Sometimes I'll lay down with DH for a while, reading or whatever :wink. :lol But then I might get back up just to be alone.

[KBinSATX]

I do that too. :wink. :lol But then I might get back up just to be alone.

Me too!:thumb

[treehugz]

Anyone else have trouble finding friends as an introvert? It seems like mine move every time we get really close.

Yep, me too. I've had a few close girl friends over the years who have all moved away. My best friend is a guy and also an introvert... since I got married we don't get together and talk much... since we have a history of some romantic tension I feel like I can't talk to him openly about my marriage (which I wish I had some girl friends to talk with about). My dh is an extrovert, and I feel like our relationship can be kinda shallow and wish we could have a deeper connection. Anyone else with an extroverted dh feel like this?

[treehugz]

So how does our biology make introverts different?

Apparently extroverts and introverts primarily use completely different pathways in the brain... the biology theories in the book I'm reading (Introvert Advantage) are really intriguing. Here's a quote I found in a review of the book.

"While extroverts mostly use their short-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with sensory impressions, introverts mainly use their long-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with solving problems, planning, and internal thoughts and feelings. The two brain pathways require different neurotransmitters. The pathway that extroverts use is activated by dopamine, which is identified with alertness, attention, movement, and learning. Extroverts require lots of dopamine to be happy, and activity and excitement increase dopamine production, so extroverts enjoy being busy. Introverts, on the other hand, use a brain pathway that is activated by acetylcholine, which affects long-term memory, the ability to stay calm and alert, and perceptual learning. Acetylcholine produces a happy feeling during thinking and feeling, so introverts enjoy contemplation. Laney also links these biological differences between introverts and extroverts to introverts' increased sensitivity to temperature, odor, sound, visual stimulation, and blood sugar level."

A quote from the book:
"Our physiology is linked to the rest-and-digest side of the nervous system... so every part of our body is attempting to preserve our resources. We are made for contemplation and hibernation... Moving our limbs takes more conscious thought. We have a tendency toward low blood sugar, low blood pressure, shallow breathing, sleep difficulties, tension headaches, and occasionally feeling drained and discombobulated."

Some other things I remember from the book... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

It's fascinating to me that so much of my character could be explained by this primary chemical pathway that is genetic and that I was born with.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.



All of that is true for me, except I'm always hot and I sweat a lot whenever I'm physically active, even while vacuuming.

[KBinSATX]

Wow, treehugz, that's really interesting!

[amis2girls]

Another INTJ who spends too much time up at night. :o

There's a thread somewhere here titled 'extroverted mamas'

[LucyRev]

Wow. I might have to read that book!

[Grahnola Mum]

Wow, I am so glad I found this thread today - it has been another day of chastising myself for being so introverted and "making" DD such an introvert.

[poetesss]

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?

another introvert here, but I likely won't have time to keep up with this thread so sorry if I don't post much!

Treehugz, I've realized (late in the game) that my introverted-ness is what drives me mad about being a SAHM. I was totally content being alone all day at home when I didn't have kids but now I desperately crave alone time. My only respite is when dh takes out ds alone... but then I'm stuck with dd. It got to the point that for weeks I was pumping and trying to get dd to take a bottle so that I could have a little bit of alone time here and there. I think my mental health really depended on that! Didn't work so I'm trying to figure out where to go from here....

[karika]

well hello there people like me... i read the definition and it fits me.. also sounds a lot like the definition of an empath which i also am....

[earth_mommy]

I get stressed if the grocery store is too crowded. We don't usually do concerts - unless we can get lawn tickets, we don't do New Years events or such. Luckily, my husband is the same way, so he understands.

[sunshine1793]

Thanks. I am like this too. I really miss my alone time. I need space to myself, and living in an appartment in the city, there isn't much of that around.

[KBinSATX]

Whew, wish me luck. DH is leaving on a business trip Monday and gone for a week which means no alone time for me. With a baby and a toddler even going to the bathroom is rarely a private event... ;)

[HisBeautifulWife]

High fives to all the INFJ's.

We are rare, relatively speaking.

[sunkissedmumma67]

O yeah i belong here too! :joy:
I'm gonna have to check out that book also, interesting!

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Hi all I think I am a good fit here. I don't go out of my house often unless it is to take my son to one of the 3 play groups we attend or my PPD group or church. Not only am I a very introverted person I also have a social anxiety disorder but for the sake of my son I go out and try and meet people so he has social interactions with other people which he loves. He is a very extroverted baby and 6 months old. When I come home I am so tired and drained that we need to take a nap or else I am frusterated for the rest of the day. I don't like to be around people and would be very content to just stay in my house on the internet researching things, reading a book or just plain relaxing in a hot tub. I sometimes even find it a struggle to be around my boyfriend somedays which thank god he doesn't live with me at the moment. I'm struggling right now to try and figure out how to be a good girlfriend when we move in together and what that is going to look like.

[Mindy70]

Intorversion is probably the hardest part of my personality for others to understand. I think they feel rejected when I need alone time. Also, I don't mean to imply that I don't enjoy being social--public poetry readings, gathering with friends, etc. But I'm always appreciative of the quiet drive home when I can reflect on the experience.


I need alone time every day, at least an hour during the day and after the kids are in bed. My husband totally does not understand why it is very annoying for me that as soon as the kids are in bed, he wants to come chat and talk and be social with me. All I want to do is close the door and have quiet time. I do like being with people, but like everyone said, I find it draining and need lots of quiet to recuperate.

This causes problems in my marriage, because my DH is the type to always need some kind of stimulation or social interaction, and sometimes I literally have to push him out the door so I can get some quiet and alone time. I try to explain that I just need an hour or so to recharge, but his feelings get hurt. You all know how draining it is to have three small children constantly chattering and demanding attention! Also, he often comes home from work convieniently just after they go to bed, and wants a conversation partner.
So we have to work on that!

[llp34]

"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. :shrug My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. :tsk :lol"

OMG, I FANTASIZE about doing this !!!! When I am totally overwhelmed, after a hard day and need to mentally go to a "happy place"....this is exactly what I imagine ! And when I drive past hotels around town, I think about how it would be to go spend a night there by myself, drinking decaf and reading until I drift off to sleep with nobody near me......oh, heaven !

Anyway...


I am an introvert. I have learned to keep my energy up during social times as long as I get some quiet time, preferably before and after. Including from our kids, which is hard because they are young and one is an extreme extrovert who wants constant interaction. When I don't get enough alone time, I get very irritable and my brain gets foggy. It's just bad.

The worst are the days when I don't get even a minute to myself between waking up and having someone making demands of me. The days that the boys wake up before I do and wake me up by yelling for breakfast or something are almost always awful, because I don't get to reboot my brain to get ready for the day. I spend the day mentally limping along, trying to catch up and get in the game. So I've learned to drag myself out of bed at very early hours, just to get that time. If I get even five minutes to shake the cobwebs loose alone, I'm okay...those minutes are golden.

When I am getting enough alone time, I do okay with social interactions, but I find that I have much less stamina for being out and about in the world than most other people I know. I just get completely pooped. I know moms who can go all day, from one activity to another, dragging their kids from pillar to post, and then do it again the next day, who are always looking for the next activity to book their calender with and never feel overextended. They don't get tired and their kids are fine with it. My kids would explode ten minutes into the second errand or activity and I would dissolve into a puddle. Even our extrovert gets overstimulated and needs some "reset" time. We need to pace ourselves, not be overscheduled, and have unwinding time booked into our days and weeks.

I have always been like this, as far back as I can remember. I remember being three years old and just exhausted from Sunday School or being at a park with too many other kids. Later on school just tore me up. I could not stand being with all those other kids all day long. And even later, I could not stand being in crowded malls for very long, and still can't. If I'm in them too long my legs feel rubbery and I feel weak and run down. I have to get myself a Coke just to clear my head and get out of there and get home. I need to be in my own space like I need air to breathe.

[lj2blessed]

INTJ checking in!

I need to get that book!

[LucyRev]

llp34, Get yourself a room! DO IT!!! :) It was the best $80 I ever spent.

I pulled my 6 yr old DD out of kindergarten a couple months ago because school was just too overwhelming for her. Now we're homeschooling and it is so much better. Being around that many kids' energy 4 days a week, even half day, even in a small class, was just way way too much. If we had stuck it through for full day 5 days a week...I can't even imagine. Well, that was one of the reasons we quit. She complains if we have too many social activities. She enjoys small groups and playing one on one though, just in small doses. (Just like her mama.) We usually take a day at home after a social day. Running around all day, with scheduled activities all the time makes me exhausted to even think about!

[treehugz]

hey innies! thought i'd come out of hermitage to revive the thread... just came across this news article about introversion/extroversion: http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090520/hl_hsn/beingapeoplepersonmaybeallinyourhead

and i finished reading Party of One: Loner's Manifesto. it was good. lots of interesting commentary about how introverts fit (or more often, don't fit) into larger society. the author takes on an us (innies) versus them (outies) tone sometimes, but i feel that way sometimes too so i didn't think it was unjustified. if you've ever felt ashamed or persecuted for being an introvert, it's a great read.

anybody else got any good book recommendations? ooh, how about children's books with introverts in a positive light? every time i read But Not the Hippopotamus to my dd i cringe. at the end, i always make up some new fun thing that the armadillo is going to do to tell my dd... like stay home, lay in the hammock, have a milkshake, and have a great time watching birds.

[KBinSATX]

ooh, how about children's books with introverts in a positive light? every time i read But Not the Hippopotamus to my dd i cringe. at the end, i always make up some new fun thing that the armadillo is going to do to tell my dd... like stay home, lay in the hammock, have a milkshake, and have a great time watching birds.

We change the ending too! We usually change it to: "They'll have to come back and invite the Armadillo."
But I am rethinking that.
I keep telling DS to 'go play with the other kids' when quite often I feel like staying out of the crowd myself.
The other day at LLL the older kids went to an adjacent room and I told DS to go join them. Then I was so happy when he didn't come back for 30 minutes. I thought he was having fun.

Then he came back and told me there were too many people and he didn't want to play with cars. He had to crawl under the bed (we meet at a church nursery. he meant the crib) to get OUT and back to mommy! :(

The things I try to change about him are the things I feel are lacking in myself.
Maybe it's time to view things in a different light. I just don't want him to miss out on friendships, etc.
But we're usually both overwhelmed in crowded playgroup situations.
Wish I could find more of a 1-on-1 situation...

[treehugz]

We change the ending too! We usually change it to: "They'll have to come back and invite the Armadillo."

Too funny! For the life of me, I cannot bring myself to leave the ending as is. I have to say something to make the Armadillo happy about being left alone. Introvert pride, I guess.

He had to crawl under the bed (we meet at a church nursery. he meant the crib) to get OUT and back to mommy! :(

That's terrible... I hope it wasn't too traumatic for him. I always wished I could escape when I was a kid, but was always so worried about what people would think that I usually didn't.

The things I try to change about him are the things I feel are lacking in myself.

:yeah:

[treehugz]

I read somewhere that the Franklin books by Paulette Bourgeois would be good for little innies. Anybody read these?

[momof2kiddos]

Oh this is so me. I would rather just hang at home with my kids alone but I am learning to open up a bit. We have been having playdates with my Friend/DCP and it works out great. She lives close and has 3 kids my kids age so they kids play great together and have a ton of fun and we get a little adult talk in. Now if I am at a school or function I am not one to stand up and talk or go over and make convo with anyone.

[moonfroggy]

can i join? i'm such an introvert i might not post much but i would love to be here and not feel so alone in my introvertedness. lately i find myself worrying that i may be to introverted to really be able to homeschool my child but he is still very young so it isn't an issue yet. anyone here super introverted and homeschool?

[Sailor]

I'm reading this thread with interest. We're trying to conceive right now. I'm not only an introvert, but also a recluse. I like my family and my partner - but, that's enough for me.

I've been thinking a lot about the whole "play date" issue and children socializing. Honestly, I dread having kids over for sleepovers. I think I might let my partner handle all of that, and stay at a hotel when it happens, lol.

I'm sure I'll have no issues with my own child (as I said, my own family and my partner - I can be around them all the time). But, adding strange kids into the equation ... it does not sound like fun.

My partner is more social than I am, and (I think) an extrovert, though he denies it. So ... my plan is to let him take care of that area.

Though, I'm hoping for an introvert, recluse, asocial kid. ;)

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I get so much pressure from extended family regarding my daughters' social opportunities. They are now 4 and 2.5 years old. (Abigail just had her birthday park party yesterday). Abigail and Sophia do enjoy being around other children at the local park, but at the large park yesterday, they mostly ran around solo and enjoyed the park, the trees, the dandelions, the play structure, and running! but not so much the other kids. I always find myself defending the quality of their social lives, defending my choice to not yet enroll Abigail in preschool. She is a very thoughtful, deep thinker. She socializes very well with others, has always been drawn to older children than those her age, but she needs time to decompress after social activities. Sophia can simply tune others out when she's had enough.

[pixilixi]

Does anybody else find it hard to be a mom and an introvert at the same time? I'm a sahm, and my dd is almost 1. Just being with her all day and talking to her can really frazzle me. How do you get your alone time to recharge?

I will join you guys! Oh boy, I DO find being a SAHM hard from this point of view. For me, the lack of down time to be with my thoughts and relax a little has been harder than sleep deprivation, tantrums, you name it. FWIW, I was frazzled - beyond - every day when ds was 1, but now he's 3, he does give me a little space sometimes, and I feel better about sending him out with dh or my parents to play, so I can do something for me.

I only have 1 dc, and likely to be an only, mostly for the reason that I don't think I could hack the stimulation of the extra body in the house, extra noise, extra voices talking to me, extra conflicts between dc's. My mum, who is extraverted, has always thought I'm a bit weird, and of course, thinks that having only 1 dc is selfish. She doesn't understand.

I read "the Introvert Advantage" a couple of years ago, and I actually cried a few times when it described me exactly, and why I am like I am. I had felt for a long time that something was wrong with me socially (even though I knew I was an "innie"), that I was defective. It was such a relief that my experiences were all about introversion. Reading that book gave me permission to feel how I do, and to be the way I am. I recommend it!

Well, I can identify with many points already raised, but I had to say - it is also my fantasy to have a night by myself. Maybe in a cabin in a quiet village in the bush. Oh, heaven.

[lactationlady]

can i join? i'm such an introvert i might not post much but i would love to be here and not feel so alone in my introvertedness. lately i find myself worrying that i may be to introverted to really be able to homeschool my child but he is still very young so it isn't an issue yet. anyone here super introverted and homeschool?

I don't know that I am super introverted, but I am a definite introvert. We homeschool and that is one of my challenges. I NEED alone time and tend to get very cranky if I don't have it. Some days I have to go "hide" in my bedroom for half and hour just to calm and soothe myself, and then I can go on with the day. By the time bedtime rolls around I am in desperate need of some down time. Like others here have said, I stay up way too late, just so I can have some time alone and recharge. Making sure my kids get enough social interaction with other kids is also a bit of a challenge for me. My saving grace in this area is that they have friends in the neighborhood that they can play with and I don't have to supervise much anymore.

That being said, I would not give up homeschooling, so we are just learning ways to deal with it and my kids are learning to give me some space when I need it.

[moonfroggy]

i'm staying up to late right now in order to have down time.

[amis2girls]

That being said, I would not give up homeschooling, so we are just learning ways to deal with it and my kids are learning to give me some space when I need it.

Me, too. My kids are about the same age. Being an introvert is one of the reasons I haven't HS yet, but I want to this year. It's really hard when they all want attention all at once. :nut

[Denien]

The title sounds sooo much nicer than "anti-social", which is what people have said to me most of my life. :eyesroll Count me in as an introvert. I'm not really shy. I just have always needed a certain amount of alone time to function well.

Being around crowds is not my cup of tea. Spending time with people drains me. Afterwords, I need down time. Otherwise, I become cranky & stressed.

My dh is extroverted. As is my sd who just moved back in with us. Sometimes, it is hard for them to understand. But I am patient, and explain when I just do not want to go out into the world with them.

It's hard being an innie when you are surrounded by outies. :D

[Juuulie]

:wave Another INTJ here!

My kids and hubby are all introverts to varying degrees, with dd and me being the most extreme, so luckily I am not under too much family pressure to be sociable. Even so, I have found it very difficult to be a SAHM. It's gotten easier as the kids have gotten older, but when they were babies and toddlers it was soooo hard to find time to recharge that I thought I would go crazy. Having a family bed was unthinkable, much as I liked the idea in theory. I HAD to have some time to myself, even if it was just while I was asleep!

I just put a library hold on The Introvert Advantage and I can hardly wait to read it!

[BeckyBird]

I love this thread! Just found it today, and it is honestly making me happier by the minute.

My whole life, I have been a loner. Since toddler age, I would go away from other kids at the playground. My mother, sister, aunts, uncles, all of them, are total extroverts. I was the only kid in the WHOLE family who liked to be alone. Growing up, I always felt like there was something so wrong with me.

Now, I have my own family, and I have lost most all of my "shyness". I can talk and get along at social situations just fine. But I am never comfortable, and I always end up finding a way to sneak off by myself. I have the need to get away and recharge I guess. I am happiest if I am alone outdoors with nature, and I have gotten through life being known as the "quiet, artistic girl who loves nature." Somehow, it gave me an excuse to be different I guess.

Also, I have a home business. I work at home alone all day long, and only see customers if they call and make an appointment. I don't know how I could ever work at a regular job where I have to deal face to face with people every single day.

And, like most of you, I have the most extroverted husband in the whole world! He can make a friend in his sleep, where my best friend is my mom! I am fine with that, because I am used to "me" and I know it is just my way. But I do feel very uncomfortable that my husband must think something is wrong with me too. We are so very different!

Spending my whole life being different, it is so nice to know that there are people out there just like me. Our society is so overly social in my opinion.

[KBinSATX]

Our society is so overly social in my opinion.

I don't mind people being social with each other. ;) But I hate it when they force it upon others!
My son is as quiet/shy/introvert/etc. as I was as a child and I can empathize with how intrusive it feels to him when moms of his playmates won't leave him alone when we get to places.
It takes him 20 minutes to warm up and get comfortable. Badgering him about being sociable right from the get go it not going to speed it up...

I am working on becoming a better advocate for him in that respect. I just need to find a nice way to tell people to leave him alone and not make him feel more uncomfortable.

[Autumn C.]

I am working on becoming a better advocate for him in that respect. I just need to find a nice way to tell people to leave him alone and not make him feel more uncomfortable.

I know you don't know me from adam but if I may, with kids I tend to take a "cool cat" approach. Imagine some very cool bluesy jazz with finger snaps in your mind and begin to nod your head. Seriously. Head movin'? Ok. While still nodding your head in an up and down or "yes" motion say to badgering kid: "Kenny, my friend, don't you know? My Duncan here is a very cool cat. He's checking out the place, finding his groove. He'll come play checkers with you when he's ready."

The kiddo's will be amused and you'll get the point across. And, the up and down "yes" motion of your head actually pave the way for an OK from the kid. It's worked well for me. Hope you can give it a shot!

[mystic~mama]

subbing

[KBinSATX]

Autumn I like it! :D
But weird enough the kids are usually giving him his space. It's some of the moms that won't give him the time he needs to get comfortable.

[roses1001]

.

[Autumn C.]

You know, we are just embarking on our homeschool journey too. How do you guys make it work?

[KBinSATX]

.
Roses,
I am so sorry for not responding sooner. It's been crazy around here. Thanks for sharing your situation.
I have two and definitely feel I've reached my maximum.
I hope you are feeling a little better today. PM me if you like!
Karin

[Sustainer]

I am an introvert. I am also shy. That book that describes introverts explains a lot of things about me -- thanks for posting!


I know moms who can go all day, from one activity to another, dragging their kids from pillar to post, and then do it again the next day, who are always looking for the next activity to book their calender with and never feel overextended. They don't get tired and their kids are fine with it.
Someone I know on Facebook posted an update saying she had just had a nice, relaxing day off taking the kids to the zoo. I thought, that's a relaxing day off for you?? You don't want to just stay home and hang out in your own yard?

[KBinSATX]

Someone I know on Facebook posted an update saying she had just had a nice, relaxing day off taking the kids to the zoo. I thought, that's a relaxing day off for you?? You don't want to just stay home and hang out in your own yard?
Oh I know what you mean!
We should make a facebook group for introvert moms. LOL. We could chat in real time without having to leave our house! :thumb

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Oh I know what you mean!
We should make a facebook group for introvert moms. LOL. We could chat in real time without having to leave our house! :thumb



LOL that's a good idea haha.

[Juuulie]

Someone I know on Facebook posted an update saying she had just had a nice, relaxing day off taking the kids to the zoo. I thought, that's a relaxing day off for you?? You don't want to just stay home and hang out in your own yard?

:rotflmao

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I am an introvert. I am also shy. That book that describes introverts explains a lot of things about me -- thanks for posting!



Someone I know on Facebook posted an update saying she had just had a nice, relaxing day off taking the kids to the zoo. I thought, that's a relaxing day off for you?? You don't want to just stay home and hang out in your own yard?


We've never even been to the zoo (it's $$$$) and we don't have our own yard. Taking the girls to the park is an effort for me. All those people out there. Ick. [Yesterday was a group of 5 teens swearing and making so many sexual comments amongst each other, comparing nipple sizes and such] But they have so much fun in the sun, playing with rocks, dirt, grass and even the playground equipment from time to time.

[hemmamamma]

I don't know much about introvert people, yet I recognize myself in many of the examples above. As a child and even teenager I did not feel a big need to go out every night and enjoyed time alone. My mother would make me feel bad every night I did not call someone. I don't think she ever accepted me for who I was and I never thought I was ok. (always thought something was wrong with me). I am just like many of you wrote, I can talk for hours with close friends and share anything with them, but don't make friends with anyone and I am not good at chit chatting about nothing that really matters.

[crabbyowl]

There's a group on Facebook called "Introverts United (Separately):" http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=2218961143

We could always start an introvert moms group.... :thumb

[KBinSATX]

If anybody wants to friend me on facebook here's my link (http://www.facebook.com/karin.baker72?v=info#/karin.baker72?v=wall) (I think - still sorta new to facebook). Maybe we can have a introvert moms group there too!

[KBinSATX]

Oh I like the Introverts United group already! They have the personality test link on their group page and ...
Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 89% Extraverted (E) 11%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

http://kisa.ca/personality/

[mystic~mama]

my FB (http://www.facebook.com/karin.baker72?v=wall#/profile.php?id=1008759999&ref=profile)

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFP!
Introverted (I) 82% Extraverted (E) 18% Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45% Feeling (F) 60% Thinking (T) 40% Perceiving (P) 55%
Judging (J) 45%

MINe Today...

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFP!
Introverted (I) 79% Extraverted (E) 21% Sensing (S) 59% Intuitive (N) 41% Feeling (F) 85% Thinking (T) 15% Perceiving (P) 55% Judging (J) 45%
my partner:

Personality test results

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISTJ!
Introverted (I) 64% Extraverted (E) 36% Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45% Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30% Judging (J) 50% Perceiving (P) 50%

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Mystic Mama...

I like your bra free link because it tells me there are more people out there like me who are bra free. My mom HATES it and I'm still uncomfortable at social gatherings, but it is my preference. :thumb

[DownToEarth]

Introvert here. I have been reading the posts, but I thought I would post a reply. In addition to be introverted, I am also painfully shy. So I never meet people and that's okay with me. I don't have kids at the moment, but when I had foster kids it was definitely hard for me. After working with people all day, all I wanted to do was go home and relax. But as a single parent to 2 kids I couldn't do that. So by the time the girls moved in with their grandmother, I was so stressed that it was a relief for them to be gone. It made me sad to feel that way. I missed them terribly, but I needed down time. I am reading The Introvert Advantage right now and am learning a lot. I plan to try to get pregnant in the next year, but I think that I am only going to have the one. Two was too many, but I want a child. I think I could handle one.

I always thought I was weird growing up because I never wanted to go do things with people from school. It didn't bother me that I didn't have many friends, but because people make such a big deal about having lots of friends it made me feel weird. I learning to embrace my introvertedness (is that a word? :) ). It makes me who I am.

Wow this ended up being longer then I thought it was going to be. :)

[principii]

Oh, I cannot begin to express how much I can relate to every. single. comment. made on this thread!

Subbing, for sure... :innocent

Oh yes, and according to the quiz Karin kindly posted:

Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 82% Extraverted (E) 18%
Intuitive (N) 82% Sensing (S) 18%
Feeling (F) 65% Thinking (T) 35%
Perceiving (P) 77% Judging (J) 23%

[LucyRev]

I'm INFP or INFJ? I can't remember. Maybe I should retake the test.

My oldest daughter seems very similar. She's only 6, but I'm noticing that she only cares to have a few close friends and being around too many other kids really wears her out. I was same way, but she seems to gravitate towards girls who have lots of other friends. I wonder if she'll start to feel strange about that? Feeling like she cares about them more than they care about her? I just don't want her feelings hurt. I guess that is inevitable, but I feel like I should provide more opportunities for her to make friends so there isn't so much importance wrapped up in these 2 girls.

There have been a few times that kids have said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore!" over something silly, and it bring her to tears because she really thinks they mean it and doesn't understand why anyone would be so cruel. But then she has also overheard kids making fun of her for being quiet or calling her a slowpoke, and she just looked at them and didn't care at all because it was true.

I just picked up Introvert Advantage from the library. Excited to read it.

[principii]

I'm INFP or INFJ? I can't remember. Maybe I should retake the test.

My oldest daughter seems very similar. She's only 6, but I'm noticing that she only cares to have a few close friends and being around too many other kids really wears her out. I was same way, but she seems to gravitate towards girls who have lots of other friends. I wonder if she'll start to feel strange about that? Feeling like she cares about them more than they care about her? I just don't want her feelings hurt. I guess that is inevitable, but I feel like I should provide more opportunities for her to make friends so there isn't so much importance wrapped up in these 2 girls.

There have been a few times that kids have said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore!" over something silly, and it bring her to tears because she really thinks they mean it and doesn't understand why anyone would be so cruel. But then she has also overheard kids making fun of her for being quiet or calling her a slowpoke, and she just looked at them and didn't care at all because it was true.


She sounds JUST how I was at that age! I remember trying to win the hearts of the girls with many friends, as I think I hoped it would make me feel less ostracized, like I would fit in a bit better... but oh my, how they could make me cry, too!

Ugh, social pressure.

Sigh, hurt feelings.

In some odd way, it is SO nice to know I'm not the only one out there like this. :eyesroll

[~kitnkaboodle~]

I just took that test and this is EXACTLY me lol... I got 100% introverted lol

Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Double post oops.

[principii]

I am obviously loving this thread.

DH is out at a ballgame, DD is asleep, I am enjoying reading "stuff" online and listening to the random firework go off, dog bark, train pass, or folks walk by (window open)... very nice...

I came across a website whilst perusing my personality type (very cool, new stuff for me!) and I thought I'd share it here, FWIW:

http://livingintroverted.com/

:)

All my love, mamas!
Lindsey

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Thanks for the link its interesting reading it. I'm sitting here by myself. Baby is asleep and boyfriend is hanging out with his friends where he belongs I rented movies that I am going to watch soon.

[principii]

Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share? :love

~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress. :wink

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share? :love

~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress. :wink

I'm really into drama and fantasy books. And I have struggles with depression and anxiety and other mental health problems daily.

[principii]

Drama and fantasy! Me too!! :thumb

I feel ya in the mental health dept. as well. :hug

[Sustainer]

I like to read L.M. Montgomery, Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Jean Auel, and Douglas Adams.

I have anxiety disorder.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Oh I like the Introverts United group already! They have the personality test link on their group page and ...
Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 89% Extraverted (E) 11%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

http://kisa.ca/personality/

Today, I am:

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 61% Extraverted (E) 39%
Sensing (S) 68% Intuitive (N) 32%
Feeling (F) 80% Thinking (T) 20%
Judging (J) 59% Perceiving (P) 41%

[hemmamamma]

Down to Earth, I share the same journey as you. Feeling weird about being myself growing up. Also enjoyed having an evening by myself after hours of school (and all that you said). It is nice to be in a state of mind where I am happy to be me and don't have a need to please others. Just accept who I am. I think schools are a very unnatural environment for children only made for certain types of personalities. Maybe that is where anxieties start, because we don't feel accepted...
Also, speaking of similar interests, I am wondering if introverted people tend to live similar lifestyles like parenting styles. If we don't have such a big need to belong to big groups, we are less depended on their approval and choices from the outside or the main stream. Maybe it is easier for "us" to make choices closer to our heart. I have always been different in that way, where I never had a need to belong or follow peer pressure. Maybe because we don't care that much about other people (like strangers) and we are not scared to be left alone... just some thoughts...

[LucyRev]

Oh yeah. I don't think I ever worried about fitting in. In 5th & 6th grade, almost every girl in my class was obsessed with name brands. They would take the tags off their clothes and stick them onto their notebooks. They all took dance and piano classes. My family was pretty broke, so I didn't have any of that stuff. For a while I was hanging out with the "cool girls" and discovered how very different we were. I remember actually trying to explain to them that I did not fit in. :lol

I usually fit in with a small group of people who also didn't really fit in. Freaks & Geeks are the truly cool ones anyway right? :thumb

Not being scared to be left alone is interesting... I never really thought about that. I've never been scared to be alone and never understood friends of mine that are scared when their husbands are away.

[Sustainer]

Yeah, I never cared about fitting in and I was never susceptible to peer pressure. I always just made whatever choices I felt like making.

I just joined the wild & free tribe right before this one and I didn't even realize they were related. :)

[DownToEarth]

Down to Earth, I share the same journey as you. Feeling weird about being myself growing up. Also enjoyed having an evening by myself after hours of school (and all that you said). It is nice to be in a state of mind where I am happy to be me and don't have a need to please others. Just accept who I am. I think schools are a very unnatural environment for children only made for certain types of personalities. Maybe that is where anxieties start, because we don't feel accepted...
Also, speaking of similar interests, I am wondering if introverted people tend to live similar lifestyles like parenting styles. If we don't have such a big need to belong to big groups, we are less depended on their approval and choices from the outside or the main stream. Maybe it is easier for "us" to make choices closer to our heart. I have always been different in that way, where I never had a need to belong or follow peer pressure. Maybe because we don't care that much about other people (like strangers) and we are not scared to be left alone... just some thoughts...

I too don't feel that school is a natural environment. It took me a long time to be happy with myself. School was not good for me. I wished throughout my whole childhood, especially in high school, that my mom would homeschool me. But I never asked.

I definitely agree that being introverts we don't tend to follow the "herd". Because we don't have the need to fit in and be like everyone else. I definitely liked to be left alone. I think that's one reason I didn't like doing foster care. I had all these people looking over my shoulder. I understand it, but I didn't like it. :)

[Starflower]

subbing.

Wow! I have been exploring introvert/extrovert issues just this very week and look what I found on MDC. Coincidence? I don't think so. :)

I am an introverted SAHM to 6-yr old DD who is a major extrovert. If she's not with a group of people, she feels she must be interacting with me and demands 100% attention or else listening to books on tape, etc. and having constant noise of people talking. It's driving me crazy right now. DH is also mostly an introvert.

I had a talk with DD yesterday about introverts and extroverts and how she and I have differing needs in that respect. Later she told me, "Mom, I think I understand now why you've been kind of grumpy." So we're closer to understanding. Hopefully, we'll find a way to meet both our needs.

I have Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe Ph.D. on hold right now at our library. I'm excited for it to come in.

Last time I did the Myers-Briggs I ended up with INFP. I will have to check it again and see what the percentages are just for fun.

I also have a history or anxiety (panic disorder), depression and OCD. What a fun combination....NOT! Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online. I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.

I'm in preparation mode for this Saturday when we plan on taking the three kids to the VFW in Wasilla for the annual 4th of July kid stuff they do there. Heat. People. Heat. Strangers. Heat. Required bra. Heat. Ugh.

[Sustainer]

Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online.
I HATE talking to people on the phone. I've always felt that the internet is made for me. Email is perfect. Faster than snail mail but I can think about what to say. People are always asking me for my phone number and I give them my email address instead and they look at me like I'm nuts.

[LucyRev]

I also hate talking on the phone! I put off making appointments because I hate it so much. Once a friend of mine remembered she needed to make a dentist appt when I was at her house, and she did it RIGHT THEN! I was totally flabbergasted. :lol Plus I'm scared of the dentist, I think more because I hate somebody being that far up in my face than because of pain.

I like talking to my closest friends on the phone, but I still hate calling them because I feel like I'm interrupting their lives. Maybe because when I'm having a bad day, the sound of the phone ringing really bugs me and I project that on everyone else?

I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two. It's like the crowd is just one big entity of collective consciousness, and that actually really energizes me. However, if it's a big party where I have to meet people and talk, I do need lots of preparation.

Introvert Power...going on the library request list. :) Thanks!

[crabbyowl]

I also dealt with depression for a long time when I was younger, and almost always read fantasy and historical fiction, with the occasional biography thrown in.

Also, I HATE phone calls! :irked: The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH. I recently had to call the doctor's office to reschedule an appointment - the call lasted all of two minutes and was perfectly simple, but it took me well over a week to work up to making the call. Of course, DH LOVES talking on the phone and thinks I'm being rude when I don't call people back right away - he just doesn't get that I need time to think over what I want to say to minimize the anxiety. Anyway, I'm really glad everyone knows the best way to get in touch with me is by email (except my aunt, but that's a whole other story!).

Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well. :eyesroll

[Sustainer]

The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH.
Me too; my mother and my dp. I'm so glad to find people I have such things in common with! And, yeah, I'm pretty sure I express opinions and occasionally participate in conversations.

[DownToEarth]

Yay the phone thing isn't just me. I hate calling people. Like LucyRev said, I feel like I'm interrupting their lives. Everyone's way busier then me, right? So why would they want to talk to me. :)

[principii]

Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where
I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two.
I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book. :)

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying
Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.
I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

[Starflower]

with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

I am this way too. I can be very talkative with people. I like to have fun. I love to discuss things. But I HATE small talk. Getting to know people is really hard for me. Sometimes it seems like when I am with people, I want to be alone and when I am alone, I want to be with people. After having DD, the alone time is getting better because it's so rare. Plus I am a sculptor and I've been working on my art more in my alone time.

I don't mind being near people. If I were to be in a crowd, I'd usually have one close friend or my family with me but now that I think about it, I wonder if I might prefer to be on my own like a PP said. I like to go to movies alone. I don't have to interact and I can see whatever I want.

At festivals, I usually have to prep my brain first, then make sure I don't get hungry and forget to eat (causes anxiety) and then I also have to know where I can find a quieter place where I can just kind of settle down. During a concert or such where everyone is focused on one thing, I am good with the collective consciousness energy, but in places like malls or other chaotic venues, I need to have a retreat space or limited time.

One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.

[Starflower]

"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. :shrug My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. :tsk :lol"

OMG, I FANTASIZE about doing this !!!! When I am totally overwhelmed, after a hard day and need to mentally go to a "happy place"....this is exactly what I imagine ! And when I drive past hotels around town, I think about how it would be to go spend a night there by myself, drinking decaf and reading until I drift off to sleep with nobody near me......oh, heaven !

Anyway...

I have this fantasy too! Someday I am going to do it for real.

[Starflower]

Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 96% Extraverted (E) 4%
Intuitive (N) 73% Sensing (S) 27%
Feeling (F) 70% Thinking (T) 30%
Perceiving (P) 77% Judging (J) 23%

Interesting to see the percentage breakdowns.

[mystic~mama]

check out this page on best matches for relationships for the personality types...

http://www.massmatch.com/MBTI-2.php?id=3

DP and are are "Possible" types for a relationship. I can see from reading this why that may be, this is interesting...love it...

Would be curious to know where others match up with their SO's

[principii]

Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website... (a super-cool site, btw :thumb)
Anyhow, I did go to Barnes & Noble this morning and really delved into the Introvert Advantage. SUPER INTERESTING STUFF!!! Wow. I'm really loving this. :joy: Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...

I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy. :wink

Anyway! Mighty interesting, lots of food for thought (which I love, of course)...

:love

[Sustainer]

Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website...
He's a perfect match for me! Send him over! :lol

Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...

Seriously, you don't need to worry about it ONE BIT. You can't put people into boxes the way that quiz and those match ups do. If you and your dh get along then you get along and that's the real authority.

[Sustainer]

I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.

[KBinSATX]

I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.

Hm. My DH is an ISTJ too (and I am an INTJ). Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!
:rotflmao
Just kidding!

[Sustainer]

Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!
I wasn't gonna say it :mischief:wink:W:o:blush

[KBinSATX]

I do like being married to another 'I' though. When we first started dating we'd go 'out' to festivals and such (which really stresses me out. I don't like big crowd events at all) because we thought we had to be sociable and 'fun' to be good dates and once we got to know each other and found out we both were relieved when we got to leave and go home where it's quiet we laughed ... and haven't been to any big crowd events since. :D

[itsajenism]

I just took that test and this is EXACTLY me lol... I got 100% introverted lol

Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%


Another 100% introvert here. :p

Personality test results

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISTJ!

Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Sensing (S) 50% Intuitive (N) 50%
Thinking (T) 65% Feeling (F) 35%
Judging (J) 73% Perceiving (P) 27%

---

I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator. :lol

There is another message board (completely unrelated to mom/parenting sites) I have belonged to for 9 years now and have less than 600 posts there.

[crabbyowl]

One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.

Me too! I'm a sabre fencer (or at least I was before we ended up not having the money for it anymore two years ago :(), and I'm a TOTAL alpha-female when I fence! I'm super aggressive and can't stand losing, especially to other women. I was once told that I attack like a barbarian, and yes it was meant as a compliment! I'm a totally different person than I am normally. :fence: (And I've always wanted to use that smiley!)

[KBinSATX]

Hm. I think being drained by having to interact with large groups of people isn't the same to me as being competitive, etc. IMO.
Before I had kids I rode (horses) in competition and of course I loved winning, etc. I also was a marketing major and in college I also enjoyed giving presentations, etc.
Now send me to the mall 3 days before christmas... whole different story! :)

[DownToEarth]

I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator. :lol

Hey you have me beat. I have 45, well 46 with this one, in the last 3 years. :)

[mystic~mama]

Mystic Mama...

I like your bra free link because it tells me there are more people out there like me who are bra free. My mom HATES it and I'm still uncomfortable at social gatherings, but it is my preference. :thumb

I'm glad to hear that mama...their definitely more of us out there....I wear camisole tops underneath (I cut out the elastic part)...seems totally normal to me now after about 4 years and it is true what they say about your breasts getting healthier, I nursed for 4.5 years and mine are aging pretty gracefully...

blessings

[mystic~mama]

Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

DP is less intro than me and can handle and greatly enjoys concerts/festivals..(ones where his fav's play anyway)....but me on the other hand, I get quite a bit of anxious, almost of panic, fight or flight feeling,,,,I have had some fantastic times dancing at shows but it has to be the right time and energy for me otherwise it is hellish...usually at that time of the month when I get super sensitive to all stimuli....

[Starflower]

Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

DP is less intro than me and can handle and greatly enjoys concerts/festivals..(ones where his fav's play anyway)....but me on the other hand, I get quite a bit of anxious, almost of panic, fight or flight feeling,,,,I have had some fantastic times dancing at shows but it has to be the right time and energy for me otherwise it is hellish...usually at that time of the month when I get super sensitive to all stimuli....

I feel the same way - if the mood is right, I'm great. Otherwise it's like torture.

And now for something completely different.......

Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

I really hope it calms down a bit. I do like to get out and do adult things with adult people and use my brain. I am currently a SAHM and this is why I agreed to serve on the board - so I could do some work I care about with other adults. But now I am having second thoughts. I've decided to just ride it out for awhile and see if I can settle into it, but right now it's stressing me out.

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.

I can't wait until the library gets my Introvert Power book in so I can focus my nervousness on finding introvert-friendly ways of being effective rather than feeling like it's a liability.

[Juuulie]

Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

<snip>

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.

Funny, I just joined the board of a non-profit and went through similar thoughts & feelings. In addition to being extremely introverted, I have the problem that although this non-profit's mission is something I care deeply about, I don't have much experience or outside knowledge to bring to the table. So I was feeling doubly insecure... until I had a private conversation with the ED which resulted in a great meeting where we all talked quite explicitly about what each person's role on the board would be. (I mean role in terms of personality, not job description.) Just getting the topic out in the open helped a lot and I am much more comfortable with the board now. They KNOW I'm not going to be the one schmoozing with donors!

I would strongly encourage you to do the same. Bring it up at the next meeting (or in private, like I did). I'm sure your org would rather have people do the tasks they are best suited for.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Well, 4th of July was a hit for the kids. The heat made me feel ill. I drank lots of water, and even ate watermelon in between, but the heat was just too much for me. I had a headache for a couple days after. No one spoke to me, I spoke to no one other than my girls, stepson and husband, because I didn't know anyone there. It was a bit depressing and I hate thinking about how isolated I feel. I don't know why no one up here ever talks to me or starts conversations with me like people used to do all the time. All I can figure is because now I'm older, fatter, and less appealing. Or maybe now I am just less enthusiastic and less hopeful and maybe other people sense that about me and stay away.

I'm glad to hear that mama...their definitely more of us out there....I wear camisole tops underneath (I cut out the elastic part)...seems totally normal to me now after about 4 years and it is true what they say about your breasts getting healthier, I nursed for 4.5 years and mine are aging pretty gracefully...

blessings

Well, I have been bra free since being frustrated with my nursing bras. I was always without a bra after work once home, but after having my daughters, I haven't worked. Therefore, I've had little to no need for a bra. I'm still self-conscious, though. Years of my mom's influence are not easy to remove from one's mind. But I'm happy with my choice. I'm afraid if I ever return to work, I'll once again feel the pressure to wear a bra and the decision alone will stress me out.

From the personality site:
I tested as ISFJ, so I'm not all that introverted after all.

Strong need to belong and to have harmony
Very good with details and the here-and-now
Trust the lessons of the past, rather than try new things
Amazing command of the facts
Do not like confrontation
Need to be appreciated for their contributions
Under stress: can become rigid

Best types for a relationship: ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESTP, ISFP, INFJ, INFP, ESFP, ISTJ, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFP
Percentage of the US population: 9-12%

But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.

[principii]

But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.

That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! :wink)

[mich]

Hi everyone, can I jump in? I has been wonderful reading through the thread. I have been really struggling with this lately. My parents came and stayed with us for almost 6 weeks, it was great and stressful at the same time. They left on Sunday and I swear it's going to take me a week (or more!) to recover.

We have family staying with a lot through out the year. Anyone else? I would love some tips on how to manage it. I seem to have a hard time expressing my needs and requesting anything from guests.

I have been turning down outing invites and even canceled some things for this week. I just need to lay low and recharge.

I am usually an ISFP, sometimes an INFP. I also have a history of anxiety and depression. My husband is very understanding and supportive, but I don't have any introvert girlfriends in real life. My closest friends are more extroverts, so at times like this I can end up feeling very alone.

Thanks

[~Purity♥Lake~]

That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! :wink)

There is one called.. what country should you live in... my result was Sweden. lol

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where
I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book. :)

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying
I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

You sound a lot like me. :D

[principii]

~Purity♥Lake~... thank you so much for your replies! I'll have to look up that quiz. :wink

~~~~~~~~

Onto other realms... I've been reading the lovely Introvert Advantage. As a part of "flexing" my extrovert muscles, I'm posting here now to challenge everybody to - ahem - keep posting. :o I have trouble with this myself. I will relate to such-and-such case scenario... then move on. I will open up, air myself to the world (so to speak), then just as abruptly, shut down. :eyesroll Any other mamas like this?

I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert. :wink

[jrabbit]

hello, can I join? I've always known I was an introvert, but I struggle with making it work in my life. I ***want*** to be an activist on many levels. I owned a resale shop for 6 years, where I interacted and promoted and forced myself to be a community activist. 3 years into it, I had an emotional breakdown, which led to me getting out of the business. Looking back, I think that I really just couldn't handle that public life. I've been out of it for a year now, and I'm still learning how to be a mama, but I haven't found a happy place yet.

I took that quiz now, with these results:
Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Intuitive (N) 68% Sensing (S) 32%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Perceiving (P) 64% Judging (J) 36%

I think N & T & P used to be a higher percentage, and my public persona mellowed me out. good or bad I can't really say.

I hate the phone. I cry in social confrontations. I am borderline agoraphobic. I'd be happiest on a small hippie commune. Say with 3-4 families who I didn't "have" to interact with.

gotta go. teething baby. :)

--janis

[MamieCole]

:wave

Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea...:blah The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally. ;)

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one. :wink

[llp34]

I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with

I do this too...sometimes for hours. The next day I'm very tired, but also refreshed somehow....I need my thinking time more than I need sleep I guess. The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.

[KBinSATX]

The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.

Yes I am having a hard time with this too. I used to coordinate multi million $ projects. Now I can barely remember what day it is! It's like my brain fell victim to mommyhood.

Interesting that previous poster mentioned SAHM being a good fit. For me it's very tough. I strongly believe in AP but constantly having somebody on my is really draining. I miss the time to myself I had when I was working...

[LucyRev]

I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy. :wink


I think I do that saying half of my thought thing quite often. Oops. :o I assume they know what I'm talking about, or at least where I'm coming from. I finish my sentences though. I have a very extroverted friend (more of a very long time acquaintance) who trails off half her words within half of a sentence and then says, "ya know?" leaving me completely bewildered. :lol

And that was me with the noisy head and quiet mouth. I get very chatty with close friends though.


I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert. :wink

I love a good word nerd :)

:wave

Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea...:blah The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally. ;)

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one. :wink

Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :bag:

I also like being able to stay home. Now we're homeschooling, so that's even better. However, it's also worse because getting alone time is harder.

[crabbyowl]

I'm also an INFP - for a group that only makes up about 1% of the population there sure are a lot of us here, relatively speaking! :thumb It's so good to have some contact with those who are the same "type" of person as me, since IRL I seem to be so different from everyone else.

I've also requested Introvert Advantage from the library, and am looking forward to (attempting to) reading it. I used to read all the time, but now have to really make time for it.

Principii, that absolutely describes me! I'm sure it's a big part of why DH finds me frustrating to deal with at times, because I can be having a really great time talking with someone but have little interest in initiating contact with that person later, and when I do see them again I may or may not have anything else to say to them.

[KBinSATX]

I am so glad I started this thread! :)

[Starflower]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

[MamieCole]

Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :bag:


I have just the one DS. He's almost 3 now. And I have a DD who is in high school. I don't think we have met...unless of course you hang out in my living room. :hide: We've been here two years and the only people I have really gotten to know are my next door neighbors. I had really good intentions when we first moved here. Posted to the westside thread a few times and was going to make myself go to a playdate or field trip. Shockingly that never happened. heh. Now it is two years later and we are moving back to California in a couple of weeks. I suppose the upside is that since I don't have any close friends up here, it doesn't make it difficult to leave. :shrug

And I TOTALLY don't have the conversation interjecting skills either. While other people are talking I think of something completely related to the conversation, but by the time I figure out how and when to interject, the topic has changed. A 2-3 person playdate would be so much better. I think you should just go for it!

[MamieCole]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

OMG I do that all of the time!

[LucyRev]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

I promised myself not to do that anymore, but I often hit the multi quote button to reply to a bunch of people and then just decide to skip it. :eyesroll

Amy, sorry we won't ever get to meet.

I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.

I also have a bad habit of talking too quietly, or not looking up from what I'm doing when I talk. :o My 6 yr old introverted DD does it too, and now I know why it is so irritating to my DH. :lol

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.


or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.

[moonfroggy]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?


i do that a lot, even with this thread :(

[Sustainer]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
I do that sometimes.

I actually typed something on FB a little while ago and thought for a while about whether or not to post it, and then I got up the courage and posted it, and then it turned out I had really :foot and I wished I hadn't posted it. Doesn't give me much courage for next time.

[LucyRev]

or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.

:lol So true! I have had a couple of bad foot in mouth moments lately. In real life. Good lord, I hate that. I completely misunderstand what someone means and then I reply back totally inappropriately for the situation. And then I figure it out and want to crawl under a rock.:bolt

[kai28]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?


Yes!

I'm new to this part of the MDC forum - I was hanging out in the pregnancy forum while pregnant last fall/winter, but that got kind of overwhelming, so I faded away.

I'm an introvert (the introvert advantage was a great book), as is my husband. I know I need to take my son out (nearly 3 months) to see new places & things, and we do, but it takes a lot of energy to deal with random people who come up to talk to me about the baby. I have to put on some mental armor to prepare for the interactions. They're all fine - nothing bad ever comes of it - but it's tiring.

[Starflower]

I just got email notification from the library that "Introvert Power" is in and waiting for me! Yay! I hope I can get it today! :thumb

kai28 - I know what you mean about people being interested in the baby and coming up to you. I actually found that after awhile I could deal with that better than regular chit-chat with strangers because I only talked about the baby.

My DD is now 6 years old and is very outgoing. I've learned to use DD's extroverted tendencies as an ice-breaker (she'll go up to people and introduce us), but I do still often feel like I am talking myself into a hole at times. I feel better adept at conversation than I used to be, but it really depends upon my frame of mind, the type of people I am trying to talk to, etc.

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

:nod

I think you just nailed it. I am so in tune to facial expressions, body language and the unspoken word (and a whole lot of empathy - feeling what they are feeling), that while in conversation with someone, I feel overwhelmed by all the input and my attempts to decipher it all.

[principii]

... I just got a book from the library today that I simply can't put down. In fact, I only put it down to post about it here :wink ...

It's called Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child's Personality Type by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. All I can say is: get it. It's great.

But then again, I rather got detoured from the whole Introvert Advantage (which I devoured too) by researching and learning more about the MBTI classifications of the personalities. Then I found Keirsey, and am delving into Please Understand Me as well. Totally fascinating stuff.

~~~
Originally Posted by Starflower
Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

For my two cents, I am the World's Number One Lurker. I don't even get my thoughts into the text box. I definitely "mentally" reply to everything. But fear of putting-foot-in-mouth, too many bad experiences (mostly as a kid), not wanting to hurt others or get hurt myself, hyperanalyzing every word I say (how a,b,c,x,y, and z people will interpret it... how to readjust to add the miscellaneous g,h, and i folks into my reply so nobody feels left out, the inevitable WHAT IFS)... needless to say all my thoughts get stuck/rammed all together in their exodus and voila, *nothing* comes out.
When I do type (and I promise, I'm almost done), I don't even let myself reread it. And then I have to quickly... POST! Like now, before I do delete it on impulse, out of fear... ack. :(

[Sustainer]

I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.

[Starflower]

I got about halfway through "Introvert Power" last night. Pretty interesting read so far. I'll elaborate more later after I finish it and more time to think about it.

I also wanted to bump our thread so it didn't get too buried. :)

[KBinSATX]

I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.
I think my problem is more that I am too direct. I always thought it was a cultural thing (I am from Europe) but perhaps it's an Introvert thing as well?

[Starflower]

We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts. :thumb

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.

[Autumn C.]

We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts. :thumb

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.

How great for you to be so proactive in exploring your introvertedness (if that's even a word.) I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to stand up and educate people on what being an introvert means.

As far as homeschooling goes, I think what works is what works. And it's entirelly possible that in the future some other arrangement might work.

And let me know how you figure out couple time I could use some suggestions in that area.

[KBinSATX]

Wow. Good for you Starflower for figuring out what will work best for you and being open about it with others. :) I bet you'll be much happier this way!

[Maine Mama Doula]

Subbing. I am definitely introverted. I have to know somebody for years before I really open up to them. People describe me as quiet and sometimes I feel antisocial, so definitely introverted. Thankfully I have a long commute to and from work everyday. I say that I wish I didn't, but it does give me that time to wind down and think and prepare for the next attack for attention.

[treehugz]

... I just got a book from the library today that I simply can't put down. In fact, I only put it down to post about it here :wink ...It's called Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child's Personality Type by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. All I can say is: get it. It's great.

I'll have to check that one out... they wrote a similar book for couple relationships I've been wanting to read too called Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type

For my two cents, I am the World's Number One Lurker. I don't even get my thoughts into the text box. I definitely "mentally" reply to everything. But fear of putting-foot-in-mouth, too many bad experiences (mostly as a kid), not wanting to hurt others or get hurt myself, hyperanalyzing every word I say (how a,b,c,x,y, and z people will interpret it... how to readjust to add the miscellaneous g,h, and i folks into my reply so nobody feels left out, the inevitable WHAT IFS)... needless to say all my thoughts get stuck/rammed all together in their exodus and voila, *nothing* comes out.
When I do type (and I promise, I'm almost done), I don't even let myself reread it. And then I have to quickly... POST! Like now, before I do delete it on impulse, out of fear... ack. :(

Too funny... I do the same thing. A yahoo group moderator just threatened to kick me out of the group because I only lurk and never post... :p discrimination to introverts if you ask me.

[Starflower]

I think my problem is more that I am too direct. I always thought it was a cultural thing (I am from Europe) but perhaps it's an Introvert thing as well?

I was reading in Kurcinka's "Kids, Parents and Power Struggle" again last night and it made me think of your comment about being direct. (I picked up this book after reading an excerpt on introvert/extrovert differences.) There is another section in the book that discusses Thinking vs. Feeling type of temperament (Myers-Briggs). It sounds like directness could also have to do with whether they are T or F types. Thinkers tend to want the just the facts and make decisions based on facts, and may just state the facts in a situation, whereas feelers tend to empathize first and may hold back more to try to keep the peace.

I am very strongly in the F category on the Myers-Briggs and I live in a very politically correct area of the US. Being direct can be difficult for me even when I want to be direct.


How great for you to be so proactive in exploring your introvertedness (if that's even a word.) I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to stand up and educate people on what being an introvert means.

As far as homeschooling goes, I think what works is what works. And it's entirelly possible that in the future some other arrangement might work.

And let me know how you figure out couple time I could use some suggestions in that area.

We always said we'd homeschool as long as it works for our family, that nothing was set in stone. But it was still hard to come to the conclusion that we needed to make a change for the time being.

Subbing. I am definitely introverted. I have to know somebody for years before I really open up to them. People describe me as quiet and sometimes I feel antisocial, so definitely introverted. Thankfully I have a long commute to and from work everyday. I say that I wish I didn't, but it does give me that time to wind down and think and prepare for the next attack for attention.

I think DH's commute helps him a lot too.

I'll have to check that one out... they wrote a similar book for couple relationships I've been wanting to read too called Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type

I'll have to check this book out. We talked very briefly last night about DH's alone time needs and he'd like more time to game and play his cello. I want to support this, but I don't want to end up living completely separate, parallel lives either.

We would have some time in the evenings together, but we are having a bedtime problem with DD. She only goes to bed when we do, which many AP families love and we did too for a long time. But she's too big for us to all co-sleep together comfortably. And we're having trouble getting her back into her own bed. She sees my place as next to her - all night long. Can't say as I blame her - she's 6. If I get her to sleep in her bed and then sneak out later, she consistently wakes up in the wee hours of the morning. She doesn't say she is scared -just that she doesn't want to be alone.

The good part of bedtime is something new we are trying. She is willing to have some quiet reading time with all the family reading our own books in our bed. :read:

The more I think about this, the more I think we will have to move the bunk beds purchased last winter out of her room. She used to have a double bed which was easier for me to leave after she fell asleep because we weren't glued together like in the twin sized bed.




Too funny... I do the same thing. A yahoo group moderator just threatened to kick me out of the group because I only lurk and never post... :p discrimination to introverts if you ask me.

I agree with this.

:Sheepish:I hope I don't get kicked off the introvert thread for being too wordy!

In my own defense: in "Introvert Power" the author talks about how the internet can be a safe place for introverts to talk because they can write their responses and edit before hitting the send button. When she interviewed introverts for her book, she did it all in writing and they were able to respond anonymously for the book. It's really an interesting read. I'm about 2/3 the way through it.

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Hey guys. I feel like I am very fortunate in my introvertedness. I have a park just down the street that isn't too busy and we go later in the evening when people would usually be eating supper. I also am very fortunate that most of my time is spent at home and also that I don't see my boyfriend often. I get the best of the introverted world.

[Autumn C.]

Don't mean to brag but

DS is on a camping trip

And

Dh took dd out for a while. (And the second he asked if she wanted to go by-by she was at the door ready to go out.)

I am sitting in a completely quite/ empty house.:moon


Yippeeeee!!!


:D

[Maine Mama Doula]

Do you all think once an introvert always an introvert? Or can an introvert become extroverted??

[Sustainer]

I feel as if I could pretend to be an extrovert, at great stress to myself, but I don't feel as if I could ever become an extrovert.

[KBinSATX]

I think ther are different levels of 'introvertness'.
The main difference between introvert and extrovert is not how shy or wordy somebody is but rather how one truly recharges and gains or loses energy - how draining interaction with others is, etc.
I think there probably are some socially very skilled introverts that still need to come back into their own space to recharge their batteries.
So my answer is levels may change, you can fake it if you have to but the essence stays the same unless you are truly at 50/50 (take the test).

On a different note:
I got the kids to bed today by 9! Yay me. :) And it's not even 11 PM and I have all my orders finished. I could actually take a bath and read a book now if I wanted to with nobody bugging me. :)

[Autumn C.]

Do you all think once an introvert always an introvert? Or can an introvert become extroverted??

Since being an introvert/extrovert is not a choice but a inherent trait I think it would stay the same over a lifetime. But being an introvert is often confused with being shy, antisocial, socially awkward, or being a "loner". To be sure an introvert CAN be all these things but isn't neccesarily any of these things.

Personally, I spent my formative years being ridiculously shy. I would break into hysterics at the thought of talking to someone new.

I am no longer shy. At all. I don't have an inch of anxiety about meeting new people. Still hate the chit chat. Dread mommy and me. Need a day (or four) to lick my wounds after my husband drags me to a party. But I'm not at all anxious.

Still an introvert.

[mich]

[QUOTE=Starflower;14076125]I was reading in Kurcinka's "Kids, Parents and Power Struggle" again last night and it made me think of your comment about being direct. (I picked up this book after reading an excerpt on introvert/extrovert differences.) There is another section in the book that discusses Thinking vs. Feeling type of temperament (Myers-Briggs). It sounds like directness could also have to do with whether they are T or F types. Thinkers tend to want the just the facts and make decisions based on facts, and may just state the facts in a situation, whereas feelers tend to empathize first and may hold back more to try to keep the peace.

I am very strongly in the F category on the Myers-Briggs and I live in a very politically correct area of the US. Being direct can be difficult for me even when I want to be direct.



Very interesting. I am strongly in the F and P categories. For me part of what makes an outing or event so exhausting is that I am constantly reading peoples body language. If I see that someone needs something, or is trying to do something, or is struggling. I cant help noticing and then helping.

I also strongly identify with the Highly Sensitive person description.
http://www.hsperson.com/
Self test here if anyone is interested.
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

I'm not sure how the two relate, Introvert and HSP. Or is one aspect is stronger in me that another.

This is such a great thread. I also hope it can keep going. But as someone who has been on MDC for many years and just hit 500 posts, I can see how it might be hard to keep an introvert thread active!:shy

[crabbyowl]

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to whoever recommended Introvert Advantage - I'm on the 3rd chapter and am really loving it! :joy: I especially like when the author makes the distinction between being antisocial and being asocial, and points out that using the word asocial to describe introverts adds to the perception that there's something wrong with us. Plus, there are some really great quotes. This may be a book to add to my ever-growing book collection! :book

[Starflower]

I feel as if I could pretend to be an extrovert, at great stress to myself, but I don't feel as if I could ever become an extrovert.

:yeah: Sometimes I can "force" myself to be like an extrovert for certain amounts of time/situations, but yeah, it comes at a high cost.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Oh I like the Introverts United group already! They have the personality test link on their group page and ...
Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 89% Extraverted (E) 11%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

http://kisa.ca/personality/

My Results
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 68% Sensing (S) 32%
Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%
Perceiving (P) 55% Judging (J) 45%

[Maine Mama Doula]

My Results
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 68% Sensing (S) 32%
Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%
Perceiving (P) 55% Judging (J) 45%

I guess I belong here, huh? :bag:

[Sustainer]

According to that quiz I am highly sensitive.

[Autumn C.]

I also highly sensitive and

Personality test results
Ta-dah, your personality type is INFJ!

Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 86% Sensing (S) 14%
Feeling (F) 80% Thinking (T) 20%
Judging (J) 59% Perceiving (P) 41%



Can someone explain judging vs. perceiving to me?

[Sustainer]

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/judging-or-perceiving.asp

[ANewDay08]

INFJ!
Introverted (I) 86% Extraverted (E) 14%
Intuitive (N) 68% Sensing (S) 32%
Feeling (F) 85% Thinking (T) 15%
Judging (J) 50% Perceiving (P) 50%

I don't have time to comment now but will later! I love this thread soo much! :joy::shy

[Princess ConsuelaB]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

Constantly!

I'm INFP

Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 89% Extraverted (E) 11%
Intuitive (N) 64% Sensing (S) 36%
Feeling (F) 75% Thinking (T) 25%
Perceiving (P) 86% Judging (J) 14%

I positively fantasize about spending a night or two in a hotel by. my. self. Without having to talk to anybody(I could happily go days without communication if it were possible). I stay awake hours after everyone else, just lying in bed reading or thinking in the dark while DH snores, often until 4:00a.m. Now my DH is working nights and I still stay awake in the dark half the night while he's gone and the kids are sleeping...heaven:shy Of course that means that he's home all of the day now too...which is nice...I love him...but it's yet one more person in "my" space/interrupting my thoughts all day:innocent It gets to me. A lot. Actually it's making me batty, I'm really upping those hotel daydreams:lol Luckily for me he's introverted too and really "gets" me, so he doesn't take it personally when I tell him to stop talking to me.:wink

I have social-anxiety on top of being introverted, so "people" are extra hard for me and life is pretty solitary. We've moved a few times so I don't have any friends and it's just too hard to force myself out to make any:( I'd finally just managed to make good friends with a neighbor just before we both moved to different states. It's kind of a drag, but it's only a drag on those rare occasions when I feel a need for that type of relationship...and honestly it's just takes too much energy to get to "friendship". Besides, how many people do you know that immediately understand "I want to be friends, but only every once in a while":o

I also like to occasionally be "around" people without actually interacting....coffee shops and bookstores off in the corner somewhere etc.

*Oh, and editing to add that I hate phones too!

[Princess ConsuelaB]

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

:nod

I think you just nailed it. I am so in tune to facial expressions, body language and the unspoken word (and a whole lot of empathy - feeling what they are feeling), that while in conversation with someone, I feel overwhelmed by all the input and my attempts to decipher it all.

:nod

[Samm]

Hi all -

Another introvert coming out of lurkdom to say hi! This thread is awesome. I find myself constantly composing responses in my head.

I just had to laugh at this Besides, how many people do you know that immediately understand "I want to be friends, but only every once in a while"

I have a friend right now who doesn't understand why I 'disappear' at regular intervals . . . and I'm thinking well at least they're regular :)

Samm

[Ella-6]

Hi, another introverted here.

When I realized, understood and accepted that, I gradually educated everyone around me as to what that meant and why they don't see or hear from me that often. It helped them understand that it wasn't anything to do with them, but everything to do with introversion.

What a relief! Also it's great to discover who else is introverted in the process.

My husband is an extrovert and very understanding of my introversion. We have worked together to find techniques that work for us and have found a happy balance. :)

This thread is of particular interest to me, because I am expecting my first in Jan. How do mamas of babies find alone time, particularly SAHM and WAHM.

[principii]

My husband is an extrovert and very understanding of my introversion. We have worked together to find techniques that work for us and have found a happy balance. :)


That's GREAT that you and your husband can work so well together!! :joy: I'm very happy for you! That's wonderful.

This thread is of particular interest to me, because I am expecting my first in Jan. How do mamas of babies find alone time, particularly SAHM and WAHM.

One word: NAPTIME! Lol. :thumb Seriously. But I'm curious to see what the other Mamas say, as I don't know WHAT I'm going to do once she drops her one and only nap... hopefully I won't have to worry about that for awhile.

Otherwise, some days I *do* get up before she does, and have some quiet time to myself... that's always nice. I've read about other mamas doing the same and that it's saved their sanity more than once.

We listen to soft music sometimes too, I find that that helps me feel a bit more, whats-the-word, centered? ... Okay, I can't think any more, DD is clamoring and making NOISE! Oh, the ironies. :wink

[Ella-6]

How do mamas of babies find alone time, particularly SAHM and WAHM.One word: NAPTIME! Lol. :thumb Seriously. Ah, naptime!

It's nice to find this thread. :)

[KBinSATX]

Oh yes, when they miss a nap it's terrible... LOL
With two kids it's even worse since it's so tough to get their naps aligned.
Sometimes poor DH comes in the door at 5PM and I just hand him the kids right away to get some alone time.

[Maine Mama Doula]

I agree, naptime :)

Just looking at my results again: I can only really consider myself an IN since T and P are 50% and 55% respectively. Hmmm, interesting. I'm still shocked that I scored 100% Introverted. I guess I NEED to get up earlier more often :)

The other day I took DS and DD2 to the beach. I met another cool mom there who has three children (youngest is 6) and I asked for her phone number! :D I am so proud of myself.

Let's keep this thread going - I love it :love

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Oh yes, when they miss a nap it's terrible... LOL
With two kids it's even worse since it's so tough to get their naps aligned.
Sometimes poor DH comes in the door at 5PM and I just hand him the kids right away to get some alone time.

Both my daughters dropped their naps around the age of 2. They are less than 14 months apart in age. My husband is gone from 7 am to 7 pm. No more naps for me. At least their closeness in age means they easily entertain each other.

[Princess ConsuelaB]

This thread is of particular interest to me, because I am expecting my first in Jan. How do mamas of babies find alone time, particularly SAHM and WAHM.

When they were younger I'd hand the kids off to DH and tell them to go. away.:lol I still do it sometimes.

Now that the kids are older I can send them out to play, sometimes for hours.

[Dreamy]

I am an INFJ.

Me too!

INFJ
Introverted 78%
Intuitive 12%
Feeling 38%
Judging 11%

Careers:
Social Work, Education, Librarian, Law, Early Childhood Education, Psychology/Psychotherapist, Counseling, Design, Science

Famous people:
John Bradshaw, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, John Calvin, Nicole Kidman


I haven't read all the posts yet, but I am a major introvert. When I know we have company coming, I'm stressed all day long, and don't relax until they've gone, even though we always have fun!

We're stuck for a babysitter right now, so I'm considering going to see Harry Potter by myself - I REALLY hope this pans out. Going to the movies alone was my favourite thing to do in my single days.

Now my ideal night is to sit and crochet or read while DS is sleeping and DH is playing Warcraft. I just get so frazzled and depressed if I don't get enough time alone - nobody to entertain, no one's expectations to manage, no need to drum up conversation - ahh, bliss.

[Dreamy]

Oh, and I'm famous for being quiet. In my high school yearbook I was voted "Most likely to be a textbook case autistic." Horrible and doesn't make any sense, I know, but there it is :eyesroll

My son is super quiet too. At the family reunion this weekend so many people remarked on that, and said he must take after me.

Like many of you, I prefer to observe others. If I actually have something worthwhile to say, then I'll speak up.

[Dreamy]

Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share? :love

~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress. :wink

I've dealt with depression, I have panic disorder, and my favourite movies and books were/are vampires/witches (as a teen) and now fantasy/magic.

[tana'smama]

Wow--I'm soooo glad that I came across this thread.

So I'm an introvert with social anxiety and I knew I was different as a child but until the last few years, I didn't realize that what my issue was actually had a name. Having an 'outie' husband, we have so many issues and he really doesn't understand 'me'. I may send him this thread in hopes that he will come to understand.

I do have a question--do you think being and innie comes from genetics or possible the environment? The reason I ask is because I always thought that the reason I avoided people was because I grew up with a raging alcoholic father. When I was preg with dd I told my hubby that I prayed she wouldn't be like me---meaning antisocial.

Issues that have come up in the last few months---Folks wanting to give me a baby shower--this absolutely ticked me off because I HATE being the center of attention. Bad to say but luckily I went in the hospital on bedrest and avoided this situation. Unfortuntaly that led to another issue--folks wanting to come see me in the hospital :(

Also--since I had the baby 6 weeks ago--folks wanting to come by and see him or bring me food....Luckily so far I've put them off but know I will eventually have to give in.

An example of how bad I am--When Dh and I were married he wanted his family there--I told him the only way he would marry me was if it were just he and I.

I'm going to have to look that book up....

[ktarsha]

I ought to take the Myers Briggs profile again; I did it about 10 years ago, and can't remember what I came out as... INTJ, maybe.

I have to agree with previous posters - nap time is a good and joyful thing. I am so thankful my son still (usually) naps for at least an hour and a half. That's my sacred Me-Time, and if he decides against napping, he's usually pretty good about staying in his room until I tell him rest time is over.


I do have a question--do you think being and innie comes from genetics or possible the environment?
I'm guessing some of both, but I think environment plays a big role. When I was young, I was an only child and content to play or read on my own if my best friend wasn't home. So I was, I think, technically an introvert, but I was not especially shy, I enjoyed being with other people and I don't recall much, if any, anxiety about meeting new people. When I was 11, we moved to a different state, and I can pretty well date my painful shyness and social anxiety to that time. Kids that age can be rather mean, particularly to "the new kid," and I got my feelings hurt enough times that I started to withdraw.

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc.


Movies (and TV) - I like romantic comedies, a very limited amount of sci-fi, some documentaries, some drama. Looking at my Netflix queue, I see a lot of British TV and foreign films.

Books - I like reading travelogues (living vicariously through people who thrive on meeting new people), as well as mysteries and general fiction.

I haven't been diagnosed, but I think I probably have at least slight depression.

[Autumn C.]

Wow--I'm soooo glad that I came across this thread.


Also--since I had the baby 6 weeks ago--folks wanting to come by and see him or bring me food....Luckily so far I've put them off but know I will eventually have to give in.




Congrats on the babe!

And LET THEM BRING YOU FOOD! And then smile and say baby needs to nurse or isn't well or you were up all night or whatever and tell them to go home. I found having a babe to be the ultimate buffer between me and everyone else. I could excuse myself and anytime for any reason and the outies HAD to understand. It was great!

[The Hidden Life]

I have been beating myself up for years that I am not more social, hate entertaining, don't like going out of the house much, avoid parties or any occasion requiring small talk with strangers like the plague, etc. I pulled my kids out of public school two years ago in part because I got tired of the constant stream of little friends and their moms wanting playdates and my children constantly wanting to have friends over. I homeschooled for two years and now I am afraid I've come to the tipping point again--I need some peace and quiet in the house (still have my 3yo at home of course) and will probably put my three girls in public school again. I feel terrible about giving up on full-time homeschooling (still plan to work with them afterschool) but I feel like I am going bonkers having to talk and deal with my own kids all day long. My hubby works long hours, so it is just me and the kids about 85% of their waking hours.

My husband is somewhat introverted, although not to the degree I am. I have to consciously remind myself to tell him what I am thinking about--just sharing what is going on in my brain--otherwise he thinks I am silent because I'm mad at him or something!

I am constantly shushing my kiddos--there is only so much noise and chatter I can take. There are definitely some challenges being an introverted mom with a larger number of children. I feel like my introversion is getting stronger these days, maybe because of my exasperation with homeschooling them.

I am not shy at all but often get tongue-tied trying to think of things to say in small-talk situations. I'd rather not answer the door or the phone, talk with neighbors or even stick around for coffee and donuts after Mass, all things which my husband and children loooove doing. Sometimes I feel like I am this curmudgeonly eccentric that the rest of my family has to make apologies for.

Did anyone see that tv movie with Drew Barrymore recently? She was playing an eccentric recluse who lived with her mother in a tumbledown mansion--relatives of the Jackie Kennedy on the Bouvier side, I believe. I am not *that* eccentric, but sometimes I feel like people perceive me that way due to all the little things in my life that add up to making me an unusual person, introversion being one of them.

Glad to join the discussion. I'm looking forward to reading "Introvert Advantage."

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Hi to all! I'm an ISFJ (very high marks on the introversion) and just wanted to mark a place in this thread so I can go back and read all of it.

This year has been an acceptance year for me. I've always seen being introverted as a socal stigma. I can fein being social but it drain me near to death.

I'm happy there's a thread for this!! :joy:

**Sometimes I take the test and it's ISTJ and other times is ISFJ. ????

Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Sensing (S) 77% Intuitive (N) 23%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 55% Perceiving (P) 45%

~ OOOOOHHH!!! I'm so glad that hating to talk on the phone isn't just me!!! I abhor talking on the phone and will avoid it by using text/email at any given cost!!!

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

Ugh! Yes. All the time. With text messages too. :irked:

I get mad at myself sometimes for being such a "pansy". :o

Lol.

[tana'smama]

I remember as a teenager, my friends would call me and I would always get my mom to tell them I wasn't available. To this day I will not answer the phone unless it's absolutely necessary. Also, when I'm home alone I won't answer the door if someone drops in.

Yesterday I couldn't get out of it and had to open the door because my 18 month old was standing next to it crying. So my evidently my husband had told this person to drop in (knowing how I am). I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.

I'm reading the book 'Introvert Advantage' and so many things are coming to light--I wish I could get my hubbie to read so that he would understand me more and quit trying to fix me.

I guess if not for him I would become a total recluse....

[~Purity♥Lake~]

So my evidently my husband had told this person to drop in (knowing how I am). I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.



For a time, my husband and my mother were both saying that I needed to get out of the house more. I would ask why, they'd say, it will be good for you. I said, I am happy with the way things are. My mom still thinks I need more friends in order to be happy. She thinks a higher number of friends produces a higher level of happiness. :eyesroll

[MariaMadly]

Wow . . . I'm the only introvert in the house! My husband thought he was for years, but then I called him on how he needed to touch base and verbalize to work through whatever he was carrying. My teenagers need to talk things out -- usually verrrrry late at night for a couple hours a pop -- and I'm the go-to because . . . I got a very high score on the Highly Sensitive Person questionnaire and happen to be good at helping those around me get comfortable. Especially emotionally and psychologically. Which I can only get for myself by being alone!

Saw more than one of you fellow introverts mention you prefer to email or text. Me, too! I really need to be able to control the flow of intensity, pace, give myself time to think (foot-in-mouth sufferer here).

Still find myself staying up late to get back to myself.

So great to find all of you! :joy:

[principii]

Hi to all! I'm an ISFJ (very high marks on the introversion) and just wanted to mark a place in this thread so I can go back and read all of it.

This year has been an acceptance year for me. I've always seen being introverted as a socal stigma. I can fein being social but it drain me near to death.

I'm happy there's a thread for this!! :joy:

**Sometimes I take the test and it's ISTJ and other times is ISFJ. ????

Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Sensing (S) 77% Intuitive (N) 23%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 55% Perceiving (P) 45%

~ OOOOOHHH!!! I'm so glad that hating to talk on the phone isn't just me!!! I abhor talking on the phone and will avoid it by using text/email at any given cost!!!

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!

I went through a MAJOR change in perspective when I found this tribe. It's been almost a month and I tell you, it's been basically the best month of my life. So yes, you make total sense. :love

I'm an INFP with a pretty solid balance of T, so I can totally relate to the testing as an F or a T sometimes. I think perhaps as women our F comes into play just per our nature, hormonal cycles, etc. :innocent

SOOO :joy: :joy: :joy: for this thread! :D

[marimara]

Hey all,

I'm not sure if I posted my intro yet or not but I'm going to dive in now. I always test at INTP but lately I've met some other intro mamas and I feel like I am more extraverted then they are so it's making me question my introvertedness. I mean I feel like I'm always the one to ask them to get together, etc...

I've never been one to have a ton of friends, just usually one or 2 max close friends. But now that I'm older, a mama, and have moved dozens of times, I've lost that closeness with all of them. Anyways, I know I've pushed myself to be more outgoing, being a military mama, I'm always moving and now that I have a dd who likes hanging out with other kids, I have made the extra effort to get out there for her, yk? So, I feel like I'm introverted naturally but it takes extra effort on my part to be social. I do like being social though.

Maybe you ladies can help me sort this out.

I really don't like the meet and greet type of parties where I don't know anyone or only know a couple of people. I am not a social butterfly, canvassing the room to talk to people. I will position myself in a corner and chat with whoever is around me. If I know them well, we can have deep and meaningful conversations. Otherwise, it's painful to do the mindless chit chat and I end up running off early.

But with close friends or family, I can be gregarious, and funny, joking and sarcastic. I talk forever about deep subjects with people I know well.

But I am a SAHM and I find that I get bored easily and have been looking for other mamas to hang out with. I really would like to find that magic combination of a person (or 2:)) to hang out with. I prefer to hang out with extraverted people because they bring me out of my shell and I have more fun with them. But I find most of them flighty, and have better conversations with intros. So....anyways..what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, am I extra or intro? I know the standard question, is where do I get my energy from. Am I recharged through solitary time or through other people. I've never understood this question. I know that after hanging out with large #'s of people (even strangers, like at the mall) I HAVE to get home and be alone. But after hanging out with close friends, and good conversations, I feel like it gives me a boost. But like I said, I solidly test at INTP. The only thing that's marginal is the P, which is sometimes J, but I think I know why that is (I've been working on being more decisive and sometimes that is reflected in my test scores).

Anyways, I'm learning lots from this thread!

[principii]

<marimara>

You are SO INTP. LOL... I would say definitely an introvert, from your description... keep in mind it varies in terms of percentage and "functions" - as an INTP your dominant function is Ti - Introverted Thinking... which means your head is busy, busy, busy... :) But yes. Extroverts gain energy from socializing... doesn't sound like you do (maybe I'm mistaken). Introverts regroup, recharge their batteries by being alone. :o As you know...
Here's this for you, if you haven't seen it already: http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

Welcome to the - um, err - party? lol. :love

[savannah smiles]

Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*

[marimara]

Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*

Oh dear, I totally know what you mean about homebase. Vacations are almost painful for me! My home is my sanctuary.....

[MariaMadly]

It's neat to run into so many of you who ARE gregarious with those you know well. I often use sociability as a shield. The cocktail-party chat terrifies me, so I just ask other people about themselves. They're off and running, think I'm brilliant, and we're all more comfortable.

Home is my favorite place, too. Some of our nicest vacations have been a house rental in a small coastal town. Sort of a sanctuary that would do until I got back to the real thing.

How do those of you partnered with outties handle the differences in what you need? DH has me as a sounding board, then wants to help me the same way, but all I want to do is catch my breath somewhere peaceful. I kind of feel bad telling him the best thing he can do is leave me alone. :blush

[Ella-6]

Wow, this thread seems to have exploded today, which is cool!

I am totally relating to how people are saying they prefer to be home, rather than at a gathering filled with friendly, social chit chat. I don't mind people or socializing, provided it is meaningful and spaced with nice introverted intervals.

MariaMadly: Regarding being partnered with an outie, I find it really helpful to describe what can be expected as to what I can give and what my needs are. This conversation can be an ongoing process until you have reached an understanding. Also, because outies and innies can be so different there may need to be subtle reminders from time to time to help maintain the equilibrium. In my experience outies don't like to guess what you need, they want to be told, so don't feel bad about telling him what you need.

[mich]

The Hidden Life, thanks for posting. Parenting/Homeschooling can be so hard for me. Many of our friends decided to homeschool years ago, it's working well and I am happy with the decision. I only have 2 kids, but they are getting older and the house is much quieter now.

But I am worrying more and more, am I am doing enough for them? There are times I need to say home, so they have no choice but to stay home with me. Some friends may be going swimming or to a state park, but my kids miss out because of me. Someone may offer to take them along, but I say no thank you because I cant stand to not be with them, watching them myself. I would be home nervous and anxious the whole time. I don't want them running around the neighborhood because it makes me nervous. :bag:

We do see friends every week, usually two or three times a week. And my oldest is like me, he would rather stay home. My youngest is more outgoing, but he is happy at home too. But I still beat myself up every time I pass on an outing or avoid a playdate.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

I went through a MAJOR change in perspective when I found this tribe. It's been almost a month and I tell you, it's been basically the best month of my life. So yes, you make total sense. :love

I'm an INFP with a pretty solid balance of T, so I can totally relate to the testing as an F or a T sometimes. I think perhaps as women our F comes into play just per our nature, hormonal cycles, etc. :innocent

SOOO :joy: :joy: :joy: for this thread! :D

Phew, good. I'm just tickled pink that there are people out there that do understand and now I have a book to read about it.

I love reading about everyone's experiences here and just nodding my head saying, "Yeah, yeah. Me TOO!!"

It's hard for me just because I have an EXTEREMLY extroverted child. I take great pains to keep him socialized and feel gulity when I need my hour for reading to recharge.
Thank goodness I got rid of the extroverted husband I had...he was the most draining of all and made me feel like a total weirdo for how I am.

Ahhh! I love you guys. ROFLMAO. :love
I'm def in a "feeling" frame of mind today! ::snicker::

[crabbyowl]

I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.

Mine does this too, although not as much as he used to. It used to be that when we'd have people over or go to someone else's place he'd remind me that I needed to do my part to "keep the talk going." Somehow, though, whenever there was a lull in the conversation I'd "find" that I had just taken a bite or a drink of something, and so was unable to speak up - after all, it's bad manners to talk with your mouth full! :wink

He still definitely doesn't get my aversion to the phone, and thinks that if I get enough "practice" calling someone whenever a call needs to be made for the household (bills, banking, doctor, etc.) I'll "get used to it" and won't have this issue anymore. :eyesroll

A MAJOR annoyance has come up related to this lately. Everyone knows to email me to get in touch with me, but my aunt doesn't use email. When she calls (which she's doing more frequently) and I don't feel like talking (which I'll admit is a lot!) I'll let her leave a message, and since I hate the phone it sometimes takes me a while to call back. Well, she's started calling DH's phone and asking for me! :splat (He works from home, so he's pretty much always here during the day.) This is really annoying for both of us, albeit for different reasons. :irked:

[Starflower]

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!

:yeah: This makes complete sense.


Maybe you ladies can help me sort this out.

I really don't like the meet and greet type of parties where I don't know anyone or only know a couple of people. I am not a social butterfly, canvassing the room to talk to people. I will position myself in a corner and chat with whoever is around me. If I know them well, we can have deep and meaningful conversations. Otherwise, it's painful to do the mindless chit chat and I end up running off early.

But with close friends or family, I can be gregarious, and funny, joking and sarcastic. I talk forever about deep subjects with people I know well.

But I am a SAHM and I find that I get bored easily and have been looking for other mamas to hang out with. I really would like to find that magic combination of a person (or 2:)) to hang out with. I prefer to hang out with extraverted people because they bring me out of my shell and I have more fun with them. But I find most of them flighty, and have better conversations with intros. So....anyways..what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, am I extra or intro? I know the standard question, is where do I get my energy from. Am I recharged through solitary time or through other people. I've never understood this question. I know that after hanging out with large #'s of people (even strangers, like at the mall) I HAVE to get home and be alone. But after hanging out with close friends, and good conversations, I feel like it gives me a boost. But like I said, I solidly test at INTP. The only thing that's marginal is the P, which is sometimes J, but I think I know why that is (I've been working on being more decisive and sometimes that is reflected in my test scores).

Anyways, I'm learning lots from this thread!

Most people are a combination of introvert/extrovert. I like being with people in limited amounts. And according to "Introvert Power" many introverts like deep conversation and hate the small talk. I think you qualify as introvert enough for this thread! :-) Welcome aboard!

Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*

I am also very sensitive to sounds and smells. When I was in gradeschool, the boy behind me smelled funny to me and every time he passed my desk to go ask the teacher something, I'd hold my breath. How's that for weird? lol

The Hidden Life, thanks for posting. Parenting/Homeschooling can be so hard for me. Many of our friends decided to homeschool years ago, it's working well and I am happy with the decision. I only have 2 kids, but they are getting older and the house is much quieter now.

But I am worrying more and more, am I am doing enough for them? There are times I need to say home, so they have no choice but to stay home with me. Some friends may be going swimming or to a state park, but my kids miss out because of me. Someone may offer to take them along, but I say no thank you because I cant stand to not be with them, watching them myself. I would be home nervous and anxious the whole time. I don't want them running around the neighborhood because it makes me nervous. :bag:

We do see friends every week, usually two or three times a week. And my oldest is like me, he would rather stay home. My youngest is more outgoing, but he is happy at home too. But I still beat myself up every time I pass on an outing or avoid a playdate.

I hope you can stop beating yourself up about this. I think it's important to find the right balance for you and your kids. I'd ask them if they feel like they'd like to be more active with other people more often or not. They may be perfectly happy, or maybe they do feel like they're missing out. Is there a particular family you'd trust to send them with for activities? (I have a hard time letting go as well.)

We homeschooled our DD this year for K and live in an area with lots of homeschool activities and groups. It's just too much for me and not enough for her, but she's very extroverted. We decided to enroll her part-time in a private democratic school so she can see people and I can be alone for awhile. I still feel guilty about this once in awhile, but I think as long as we can afford it, it will be a good move for our family.


And to the poster who wants her DP to read "Introvert Advantage" - try this: Put it in the bathroom and remove all other reading material. That's how I got my DP to read pregnancy books.

[savannah smiles]

He still definitely doesn't get my aversion to the phone, and thinks that if I get enough "practice" calling someone whenever a call needs to be made for the household (bills, banking, doctor, etc.) I'll "get used to it" and won't have this issue anymore. :eyesroll


:irked: My dh actually said the exact same thing to me yesterday!! My girls' riding stable called yesterday to confirm (for the 1000th time!) when their lessons were and when I grumped to my dh about having to call them back, he rolled his eyes and said that I just needed to get used to it and get over it. Grrr!!!

[fenwickmama]

:notes:

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 86% Extraverted (E) 14%
Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45%
Feeling (F) 55% Thinking (T) 45%
Judging (J) 64% Perceiving (P) 36%

[merryns.mom]

this is soo me

i'm either an intj or an infj (depending on the time of the month ?!)

i really hate talking on the phone; i imagine myself posting on here, but never do

i'm an extrovert in my head, but it doesn't come out like that? also, no one believes that im an introvert b/c growing up i was super nerdy and attended bigtime functions and conventions and could speak infront of really large crowds, but i am deathly afraid of small social groups.

my main problem is that i have an intense fear of failure that if i post something, it will be wrong, other mom's won't want to come over for a playdate, that i will be laughed at if i talk in a group/party.

it's hard for me b/c my husband is a social butterfly with lots of close friends-they all say he never comes to parties anymore-and i know it's my fault b/c i hate them and i feel like no one wants to be my friend and i just stand on the outside looking

nice to have this thread!!

[Purple Sage]

Hi fellow introverts! I can't remember if I posted to this thread before (and too lazy to go back and check, lol)...so nice to see all the new posts! :love

I'm an INFJ and I can relate to so much that has been posted lately. I hate the phone - caller ID is the best invention ever! DH and his entire family are extroverts and (my MIL in particular) think being an introvert is some kind of personality defect. :irked: I don't know how many times I've had to explain that I am much happier at home than ANYwhere else. It's not a problem! I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

Thanks for this thread, mamas. :)

[Starflower]

I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!



:yeah: The bolding is mine. I feel this way too.

[Purple Sage]

If anybody wants to friend me on facebook here's my link (http://www.facebook.com/karin.baker72?v=info#/karin.baker72?v=wall) (I think - still sorta new to facebook). Maybe we can have a introvert moms group there too!

I'd join the group. :)

[Purple Sage]

Apparently extroverts and introverts primarily use completely different pathways in the brain... the biology theories in the book I'm reading (Introvert Advantage) are really intriguing. Here's a quote I found in a review of the book.

"While extroverts mostly use their short-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with sensory impressions, introverts mainly use their long-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with solving problems, planning, and internal thoughts and feelings. The two brain pathways require different neurotransmitters. The pathway that extroverts use is activated by dopamine, which is identified with alertness, attention, movement, and learning. Extroverts require lots of dopamine to be happy, and activity and excitement increase dopamine production, so extroverts enjoy being busy. Introverts, on the other hand, use a brain pathway that is activated by acetylcholine, which affects long-term memory, the ability to stay calm and alert, and perceptual learning. Acetylcholine produces a happy feeling during thinking and feeling, so introverts enjoy contemplation. Laney also links these biological differences between introverts and extroverts to introverts' increased sensitivity to temperature, odor, sound, visual stimulation, and blood sugar level."

A quote from the book:
"Our physiology is linked to the rest-and-digest side of the nervous system... so every part of our body is attempting to preserve our resources. We are made for contemplation and hibernation... Moving our limbs takes more conscious thought. We have a tendency toward low blood sugar, low blood pressure, shallow breathing, sleep difficulties, tension headaches, and occasionally feeling drained and discombobulated."

Some other things I remember from the book... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

It's fascinating to me that so much of my character could be explained by this primary chemical pathway that is genetic and that I was born with.

I read that book a couple of years ago and related SO MUCH to the part you posted above. Now if only I could get DH and my MIL to understand. :eyesroll

[layne]

INTP here. I have one introverted kid and one extrovert. The extrovert is going to need serious therapy. We keep trying to teach him how to play independently but he has this weird idea about playing with other people being more fun.:wink
The innie and I like to read next to each other. It's sort of weird parallel playing with one's kids. I need to read that book. I could use the validation.
layne

[HappilyEvrAfter]

I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

I could have written this.

I enroll my kiddo in flag football and soccer for littles, but, man, I get tired just listening to the other parents chitty-chat.
I just kind of stand off to the side, nod/smile at their comments, and watch mine play/practice....and sigh with relief when the coach has the parent/child practice portion and we all go to our own child to kick the ball around with.

I also force myself to take my kid to the park in the evenings to play with others and get some more interaction, but I dread the days when there are strange parents there. I almost audibly groan when one of them comes to sit next to me and strikes up conversation.

Part of my mind is yelling "they think you're weird cause you don't want to talk to anyone!!! TALK TO THEM!!", but the other part is just CRYING for the peace of solitude.

It's like a constant battle between interaction and solitude with me stuck in the middle being pulled both directions...
Can't wait to get my copy of that book from Amazon; the validation will be S-w-E-E-T!!

[Purple Sage]

I could have written this.

I enroll my kiddo in flag football and soccer for littles, but, man, I get tired just listening to the other parents chitty-chat.
I just kind of stand off to the side, nod/smile at their comments, and watch mine play/practice....and sigh with relief when the coach has the parent/child practice portion and we all go to our own child to kick the ball around with.

I also force myself to take my kid to the park in the evenings to play with others and get some more interaction, but I dread the days when there are strange parents there. I almost audibly groan when one of them comes to sit next to me and strikes up conversation.

Part of my mind is yelling "they think you're weird cause you don't want to talk to anyone!!! TALK TO THEM!!", but the other part is just CRYING for the peace of solitude.

It's like a constant battle between interaction and solitude with me stuck in the middle being pulled both directions...
Can't wait to get my copy of that book from Amazon; the validation will be S-w-E-E-T!!

That is exactly what it's like! I wonder if extroverts ever have the feeling that maybe they're weird for striking up conversations with anyone no matter where they are.

I don't really mind having a little chat with someone while waiting in line at the grocery store because I know the conversation is going to end once I make it through the line. But I feel really uncomfortable chatting with other moms at the park because it's a lot more open-ended. And I'm probably a really evil person for this, but I avoid going out in my front yard if I see neighbors outside. :demon It's not that I dislike them...I just don't want to have to engage in a bunch of small talk.

[mystic~mama]

:irked: My dh actually said the exact same thing to me yesterday!! My girls' riding stable called yesterday to confirm (for the 1000th time!) when their lessons were and when I grumped to my dh about having to call them back, he rolled his eyes and said that I just needed to get used to it and get over it. Grrr!!!

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

:eyesroll

[HappilyEvrAfter]

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

:eyesroll

Oy. I have PTSD from these words. Lol.

My dad always made me make his calls for him while I was growing up...guess he thought I just needed to "get over it". Thankfully he understands now that I CAN do it, I just really, really, really prefer not to. Giggle.
I do this to my son now, but he ENJOYS it. :wink

I'm curious...how many of you are only children and how many of you have siblings.
I'm an only and turned out this way...maybe this is addressed in Introvert Advantage, but I'd like to see what the numbers are here on this thread.
Would you mind telling?

[Sustainer]

I have an older brother.

[savannah smiles]

I have one older sister.

[MariaMadly]

Only child. DH too -- we carry it differently. :)

[crabbyowl]

DP tries to get me to make calls that he could make and I quote "It will be good practice for you..."

:eyesroll

Mine does this too, and it's so annoying! :bang I'm an adult - I know how to use the phone, I just hate doing it! Plus sometimes he tells me this big long list of things to ask about and then gets mad when I forget one or two of them or don't ask what he considers to be appropriate follow-up questions. :eyesroll I just want to tell him, if you know what you want to ask and what you want clarified, YOU make the call, especially since you could have done so in the time it took to explain to me what you wanted me to ask! :hammer:hammer

ETA: I have two younger siblings, one brother and one sister. My sister is also an introvert, but my brother I think is probably an extrovert. My parents are introverts as well.

[marimara]

I am the oldest of one brother and one sister.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I'm curious...how many of you are only children and how many of you have siblings.


I grew up with an older brother (3.2 years) and a younger sister (3.3 years).
When I was 19, I met my other younger brother (he was 12) and my other younger sister (she was almost 6).

[principii]

I'm the oldest of four. :eyesroll

[Purple Sage]

I have an older brother and five younger half siblings, most are introverts. My parents are both introverts.

[treehugz]

Everyone in my family is an introvert - mom, dad, 1 brother, 2 sisters, and me. I believe in Introvert Advantage, the author suggests that there are genetic reasons for introversion/extroversion.

My dh is a shy extrovert, so he hates the phone as much as I do. (I think when we were dating I misread him as an introvert.) I usually wind up making the calls and answering the phone.

I'm also curious about how those of you with extroverted partners make it work... specifically when it comes to just having a simple conversation. Talking with other extroverts about chit-chatty meaningless stuff, with long tangents, quick witty replies, and constant interruptions can really drain me... but when it's my own husband, the one person in the whole world I should be able to talk to and who I really need connect with, it can really bring me down. I feel like I never get a word in and just listening to him wears me out... and if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh?? :)

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Everyone in my family is an introvert - mom, dad, 1 brother, 2 sisters, and me. I believe in Introvert Advantage, the author suggests that there are genetic reasons for introversion/extroversion.


Hmm, see. I will be very interested in that chapter when my book comes in.
I was just curious about the siblings part because most/almost all of my family are extroverts...well, my dad is an extroverted introvert (mostly extro) and I'm an only child so I was trying to figure out how I ended up so introverted and thought that might be a reason.

::shoulder shrug::Strange.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

I'm also curious about how those of you with extroverted partners make it work... specifically when it comes to just having a simple conversation. Talking with other extroverts about chit-chatty meaningless stuff, with long tangents, quick witty replies, and constant interruptions can really drain me... but when it's my own husband, the one person in the whole world I should be able to talk to and who I really need connect with, it can really bring me down. I feel like I never get a word in and just listening to him wears me out... and if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh?? :)

Well, I don't know if my husband is extroverted or not. I know he's more apt to be more outgoing than I am. But he just doesn't care at all what other people think of him and I do. His arguments used to wear on me, but I just don't engage in them if I find them ridiculous and unimportant. I just walk away.

[MariaMadly]

Treehugz! Me, too!!! :joy:

DH is also a shy extrovert who neeeeeeeds to verbalize while I need to ruminate but then have to have at least a chance to say my own piece. He misinterpreted the M-B and tested as an I all these years until I recently blurted out to him that he isn't but I am, and am in fact the only one in the family. This after over twenty years of marriage and rearing children to almost adulthood.

He is working very hard to draw out what I'm carrying; he's also seen the toll it's taken here over the long run with my not having had the chance to air concerns, opinions, etc. He knows me less than he wants to because between his extroversion, our offspring (extroverts, too!), and my tendency to withdraw, there hasn't been much of me showing my insides.

When I get overwhelmed, I ask him if we could table whatever-it-is and touch base through email. Gives each of us time to be thorough and to absorb what the other sent; we sometimes even do this when we're both home. What works most is DH realizing that it's happening and trying to find a way to make room for me, and me paying attention to the traffic between us so I can speak up for more balance.

Still a work in progress. Aren't we all?

[treehugz]

DH is also a shy extrovert who neeeeeeeds to verbalize while I need to ruminate but then have to have at least a chance to say my own piece. ... He knows me less than he wants to because between his extroversion, our offspring (extroverts, too!), and my tendency to withdraw, there hasn't been much of me showing my insides.

Yes, exactly!! I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to feel that way for twenty years. We used to do more email communication for serious discussions, and things seemed to go better... we'll have to try it again.

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

[Sustainer]

if we're arguing, he thinks so quickly on his feet that I can't respond fast enough ... so my brain just spins and spins for hours after we argue while I'm coming up with counterpoints (too late). Does anybody else have this problem, or is it just weird me and my weird dh?? :)
My dp and I are both introverts. I don't usually think of myself as someone who can think quickly on her feet, but when I'm arguing with him, I do think quicker on my feet than he does, and he's actually the one whose brain just spins and he doesn't respond (which makes me feel like he's ignoring me). You and my dp would probably sympathize very well with each other. :)

[HappilyEvrAfter]

I got my book last night. :joy:

How sad is it that I cried after just reading the Prelude. Lol. :eyesroll

Love this book so far. Thank you SO much for the recommendation!

I hear ya'll about extro partners. I've always been attracted to them, but can't maintain the connection cause I'm so inward.

I once tried to explain to my ex that I was like a computer that's connected to a network and that sometimes I just have to pull my plug for a reboot and a battery charge, but he just saw me as selfish and I suffered alot of shame from that relationship.

When I get overwhelmed, I ask him if we could table whatever-it-is and touch base through email. Gives each of us time to be thorough and to absorb what the other sent; we sometimes even do this when we're both home.
I love this idea. I wish we'd have considered doing this. I'm so slow witted during an argument that I resort to sarcasm...and that doesn't make anybody happy. :(:eyesroll

[DownToEarth]

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

I feel like that. Everyone around me are extroverts and I don't feel I can talk to any of them. When I try, they either make me feel like my issue aren't important or it becomes about them (my mom in particular is bad about this). So over the years I have just kept everything to myself. Sometimes I wish that there was just one person that I could share things with. Part of it's made worse by my social anxiety and shyness.

[tabby1678]

I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.


:shy

I feel like I belong here - hope it's ok if I join.

I just read the whole thread (at work - oops) and have been nodding my head the whole way. Treehugz, what you posted is exactly how I feel! I long for a deeper connection with my hubby but I feel I'm slowly starving on shallow, superficial chit-chat. Anytime I try to talk deeper with him, he gets this deer in the headlights look and I withdraw more.

No answers but I just wanted to tell all you ladies how grateful I am that there are others like me, and that maybe I'm not just broken! I wish there were more of us b/c it'd be great to meet people in my area who are fine with a limited friendship...that sounds so bad though!

Sorry for being so long winded...I keep it in for so long that when I talk it goes on forever. :o

[HappilyEvrAfter]

:shy

I feel like I belong here - hope it's ok if I join.

I just read the whole thread (at work - oops) and have been nodding my head the whole way. Treehugz, what you posted is exactly how I feel! I long for a deeper connection with my hubby but I feel I'm slowly starving on shallow, superficial chit-chat. Anytime I try to talk deeper with him, he gets this deer in the headlights look and I withdraw more.

No answers but I just wanted to tell all you ladies how grateful I am that there are others like me, and that maybe I'm not just broken! I wish there were more of us b/c it'd be great to meet people in my area who are fine with a limited friendship...that sounds so bad though!

Sorry for being so long winded...I keep it in for so long that when I talk it goes on forever. :o

Welcome! :joy:

I just found this thread too so I'm new as well....but HI!! :D

I wish there were more of us too.
Have you see the book recommendation: Introvert Advantage? I just got mine and I'm already half way through it....very good, interesting book!!

[tabby1678]

Hi Happily! :love

I've been taking notes while reading this thread and I've now got The Introvert Advantage, Introvert Power, and The Loners Manifesto on hold at the library. :thumb

Can't wait to get them in!

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am. :nut

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

[William's Mom]

Just found this thread today.

My dh and I are both introverts, and so is our ds (our only child).

Looking forward to being in this Tribe. :love

[DownToEarth]

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am. :nut

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

I fee exactly the same. I've tried really hard to blend in my whole life, but I haven't succeeded very well. In a past job, when everyone would go out after work, I felt like I had to go so they wouldn't think I was weird or anti social. But I was never comfortable. They were all so extroverted and the more they drank the crazier they got and the more I wanted to go home. :)

[tabby1678]

Welcome William's Mom! :joy:


DownToEarth, I know how you feel about not having a confidant that you can completely open up to. My Mom probably understands my shyness better than anyone, but I can't help but feel like I'm burdening her when I try to talk to her about it. So it stays bottled up.

And it's hard to open up to people when I'm already 95% convinced I'm bugging them by talking to them. :wink I'm sure there are plenty of introverts who just don't want to bother others with how they feel.

[Purple Sage]

Does anyone else feel sick and tired of always pretending to be what you feel others want you to be? One day I dream of being brave enough to quit giving a damn and just be "out" about my reclusive, eccentric ways. I feel like I have to put on a front, mostly at work, but I think the older I get the less convincing I am. :nut

Anyone else have problems blending in at work?

I am most definitely sick and tired of trying to be what others expect of me, and I'm so ready to embrace my inner recluse! :joy: It literally makes me giddy to think of living my life true to all my eccentric ways. :lol

I'm not working outside the home right now, but I did have a hard time fitting in with my coworkers when I was working. We all got along fine, but I was known as the one who never went out socially with anyone. They might have thought I was strange, but I didn't care. :)

[savannah smiles]

I totally hear what so many of you are saying about communication with extroverts being problematic. I'm lucky in that my dh is an introvert but he does have the need to talk through things on his mind over and over and over again so he does about 90% of the talking in the relationship.

With the world at large, I find it frustrating to deal with some extroverts because when I talk, I want to be heard , much as I've listened to them w/ their near constant talking. It rarely seems like I am heard, which could just be a perception problem. Their quick responses tend to make me think their not listening, but maybe they are and can just respond faster. *sigh*

[tabby1678]

I am most definitely sick and tired of trying to be what others expect of me, and I'm so ready to embrace my inner recluse! :joy: It literally makes me giddy to think of living my life true to all my eccentric ways. :lol

I'm not working outside the home right now, but I did have a hard time fitting in with my coworkers when I was working. We all got along fine, but I was known as the one who never went out socially with anyone. They might have thought I was strange, but I didn't care. :)


hehe, it makes me giddy too! Every once in a while I treat myself to calling in sick to work even though I'm perfectly fine just to spend the day with no husband, no coworkers, no sensory overload. Bliss! :D

And these are people I like! I just like most people better from a safe distance.

[tabby1678]

I totally hear what so many of you are saying about communication with extroverts being problematic. I'm lucky in that my dh is an introvert but he does have the need to talk through things on his mind over and over and over again so he does about 90% of the talking in the relationship.

With the world at large, I find it frustrating to deal with some extroverts because when I talk, I want to be heard , much as I've listened to them w/ their near constant talking. It rarely seems like I am heard, which could just be a perception problem. Their quick responses tend to make me think their not listening, but maybe they are and can just respond faster. *sigh*



Does it bother you that whenever you do have something you want to be heard, they don't seem truly interested in it - instead they just nod politely then talk more about themselves?

I'm the sounding board for some of my coworkers whenever they have a problem, and I like listening to them and ask a lot of questions to show I'm interested. But when I (very rarely) have something I want to share, I'd appreciate if they sounded at marginally interested.

[~Purity♥Lake~]

Does it bother you that whenever you do have something you want to be heard, they don't seem truly interested in it - instead they just nod politely then talk more about themselves?

I'm the sounding board for some of my coworkers whenever they have a problem, and I like listening to them and ask a lot of questions to show I'm interested. But when I (very rarely) have something I want to share, I'd appreciate if they sounded at marginally interested.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. :nod I've experience the same things myself.

[Starflower]

Hi newcomers. :wave

Whew! Too tired out from play dates to please extroverted child this week.

For the family of origin question:

I have one younger brother. Don't know if he's in/ex - he talks a lot but doesn't have many friends. Parents? A mix, possibly leaning introvert? Not sure. I'd always wanted to be an only child. My brother got all energies and attention and connections from my parents. I felt left on my own to struggle unsupported. (Dad was an alcoholic and brother was undiagnosed bipolar, so hard to tell how things may have been if we'd been a functional family.)

When I was a kid and I needed to talk to my mom about something it was always hard to get to the point I could tell her things. My brother always interrupted everything - to the point of us having to lock the door to keep him out physically, so we could have private time together, but he'd still bang on the door and I'd just give up. Maybe he is an extrovert. In any case, everything seems to be about him. That's why I hate it when he calls me. He won't shut up. Thankfully, his calls are rare. Now when he calls, I have started to tell him I have an appointment or such and have to leave in 30 minutes so I can get him off the phone more easily.

[tabby1678]

Gah Starflower, your brother stresses me out just listening to that! I have a few people in my family like that, but I think they gave up on me years ago. LOL

PurityLake - you live in Alaska, right? In my wildest recluse dreams I live in Alaska - do you like living there? Have you always lived there?

[Aurora]

Hello everyone :shy

I am extremely introverted and I am finally at a place in my life where I like that about myself. :D I am also very shy and I seem to be a Highly Sensitive Person. I am an INFJ.


My dh and 3 of my 4 children are extroverts. I often dream of heading to a hotel by myself. :lol Sometimes I think of taking my poor little 5yo ds with me. (He is also an introvert and Highly Sensitive.)




I'm the oldest of four. :eyesroll

Me too.



I have no problem telling dh what I think about the small stuff and practical day-to-day business, but he can go on and on about that kind of stuff and it wears me down. I'm withdrawing to the point where I just don't want to share with him anything that's deep or important to me anymore. What I think about things and how I feel about things are these little treasures that I tuck away somewhere inside... I don't want to share them with somebody who's just going to gloss over them and not appreciate them. It's ironic I guess... I'm 100% introvert according to the tests, but I long for one other person who I can share my deepest thoughts with.

:Hug I feel the same way. *sigh*


I am so grateful I found you all!

[Aurora]

PurityLake - you live in Alaska, right? In my wildest recluse dreams I live in Alaska - do you like living there? Have you always lived there?

This is my wild recluse dream too.

[tabby1678]

This is my wild recluse dream too. :thumb

Hey Aurora! I think that 90s show Northern Exposure is responsible for my love of Alaska - until I found out Cicely doesn't actually exist. :o Oh well, a girl can dream.

[Aurora]

:thumb

Hey Aurora! I think that 90s show Northern Exposure is responsible for my love of Alaska - until I found out Cicely doesn't actually exist. :o Oh well, a girl can dream.

:lol I LOVE that show! I have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I love how everyone is so quirky.

[geek_the_girl]

I love this thread :)
I am a definite introvert. So is my dh and dd.
The only extrovert I can think of in my family is my dad.

[mom2allofthem]

WOW! Now I know why I'm the way I am. If I don't get my alone time, I'm a total grouch.

[A&A]

My BIL and SIL will be in town this weekend. They're both very talkative, outgoing people and they drain me!

[tabby1678]

:lol I LOVE that show! I have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I love how everyone is so quirky.

That's awesome!!! I got my hubs into it, and I knew we were right for each other when we both unknowingly bought each other Seasons 1&2 for Christmas! You're right - there are so many unabashedly quirky characters!