I'm desperately seeking non-judgmental advice on this tender topic. At different phases of my life, I have been obese, overweight, anorexic, and bulimic. :(

Obviously, I've grown up with some distorted and unhealthy attitudes about food and weight. Nobody is to blame; it's just that nobody knew any better. So basically, I'm treading in extremely unfamiliar water. I have been and continue to be extremely proactive with counseling and medical care so that I can model healthy behaviors to my DD (age 23 months) and my baby who's on the way.

But based on what I've experienced personally, I'm deeply afraid that either one of my LOs could end up obese as children. I know what it's like and wouldn't wish it on any child. The social stigma, as well as the health and psychological consequences, can be unbearable. It doesn't help that DH's family can get extremely critical and judgmental of other peoples' bodies (women's and girls' bodies mainly :eyesroll)

I am utterly ignorant as to how to prevent all of this in a way that is reasonable but not controlling. So I'm asking that you please thoughtfully address some of my questions. They're somewhat ignorant, so bear with me:

1. How do you handle all of the hypocrisy and mixed messages that children get? How do you explain or model to your children how to stay healthy despite the world they live in? They (and their parents) are admonished for childhood obesity while they are surrounded by and pressured to eat junk food (everywhere from the school cafeteria to Grandma's house), watch TV, and play video games with friends.

2. Do you keep (or frequently prepare) sweet, processed and/or fatty foods? If so, to what extent? I've heard on one hand only to keep only healthy foods in the house . . . but on the other hand that doing so can be too restrictive and end up backfiring. What are your thoughts?

3. DD is an extremely picky eater. Despite multiple attempts at introducing fruits and veggies, she won't go near anything but bananas. Do I keep exposing her and pray she one day accepts it? I'm losing patience.

4. What if it seems like she only wants to eat junk food? It seems controlling to withhold it from her, but like I'm encouraging unhealthy habits by giving it too her on demand. What's the happy medium?

5. I've heard that it's a bad idea to use food as punishment or reward. The concept sounds compelling enough. So if she demands dessert before dinner, do I cave? Or do I make her wait until after dinner? Again, what's the happy medium between being controlling and encouraging healthy habits?

6. My humble opinion is that some organized sports and PE classes put too much pressure on kids. How do I raise her to appreciate and enjoy exercise if her environment makes it something that she dreads? (My own life experience is going into this question! :wink)

7. Should childhood obesity become an issue, what are the evidence-based ways to treat it? I'm not convinced that simply putting a kid on a diet is the sustainable solution. I've gone on multiple diets following "doctor's orders." Did it help? This is not a multiple choice question :lol

Please help! I just want to be a good mommy and do the right thing. But that's kind of hard when I have no clue what I'm doing. :(

Oh. Oh wow. I am so glad you asked. It's been an emotional couple of weeks. I have no idea what "healthy eating" or a normal relationship with food looks like. My only rules are I never ever talk about dieting, place judgment values on food, or talk badly about myself in front of my child, ever. I never use food as a punishment or a reward. I never force her to eat just because "it's time" and I don't indulge in my "bad" habits in front of her (yay for secret eating :(). I thought that would be enough.

A few weeks ago a relative told me I needed to "keep an eye on her" because she was "getting chunky" and I wrote them off as a nasty old biddy. Then last week we bought her some new spring clothes. Almost nothing fit. When a favorite new dress didn't fit AT ALL, she cried. I cried (I told her we bought the wrong size, I got a dress for a baby and she's a big girl, I didn't know what else to do but I can not stand to think of my child spending all the hours I've spent crying in dressing rooms over clothes). How have I let this happen to my baby? I SWORE that if I did nothing else, I'd send her into the world full of love for herself and without weight issues. I guess I didn't know how.

I look at her, I see beautiful. I think, she's only three! Three year olds are supposed to have a little tummy, round arms, chubby knees, a little poochy booty! How can she not fit in clothes! She never stops moving, jumping, dancing, running, hopping around in circles. How can she be...she just can't be fat. And yet...clothes don't fit. You go up in sizes, they get longer, not wider...what do you do? I don't know! I can't expect a three year old to lose weight! Do I hope it's just the bulking up before a growth spurt? I look at my own pictures and she looks like me at her age and I know how *I* turned out. I want better than that for her.

I have so much regret tied up in my weight and I've let it hold me back in so many ways. Even in the few teen years where I managed to starve myself thin, I didn't know it. I missed so much. I've let so many chances pass me by because I didn't think I, as a fat girl, could possibly be good enough. I can't have that for my baby.

My husband and I joined WW last week. We don't talk about it in front of her, ever. We don't talk points or obsess about what we "can" and "can't" have.

As for her, I've just gotten a lot more firm about making sure we eat together, at the table, for all meals and snacks. I've had to remind my husband over and over, no, she can't have sprite. YES, we do water down the juice (but we try just water first). And no fast food, ever. We've been pretty good about that, certainly better than my parents, but we live in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes I spend a full day running errands and yes, she did end up with some here and there. Now I pack something before we leave. I also have to remind my mom not to show up with cakes and ice cream. I know from very personal experience that my mom celebrates and loves with food, but she just can't do that.

I hope all in all, any of this has an impact without her knowing her life has changed. I just...I can so clearly see her repeating my life and I would feel like a failure if I condemned her to spending so much time hating herself, hating clothes, being embarassed, being ashamed. I talk a good talk in front of other people, but inside I've been hurting about this for as long as I can remember. I just can't hand that down to her.

I 100% plan to drill into her that she's wonderful as she is, HOWEVER she is, but I just can't be responsible for letting her get fat. I don't mean to insult any other large people or parents of chunky kids, I know being fat doesn't necessarily make you unhealthy, it's not a character flaw, but it has been a burden for me.

Oh, I completely understand where you are coming from. I worry about the same things. I look at other peoples groceries in the store, and I either feel better about myself or worse. LOL. I look at those really fit women and I check their cart to see what they are buying. I can get really obsessive, but I don't have much willpower and I want my dd to like what she eats, so I tend to get her things I know she shouldn't have, because I want her to be happy.

It's SOOO much harder today to have fit kids without putting them in organized sports. They aren't outside running all over the neighborhood like kids from the 70s. They have a ride to school unlike 40 years ago when we were expected to walk to school without an adult. Just get there, and get back. We had one long recess for lunch, and two short ones during the day where we were sent out to run around and play.

I, personally believe that ALL kids deserve treats in their diet. The problems don't come from the one box of twinkies you buy a few times a year, or the bag of Doritos. It's from the twinkie in every lunch box, and the one the child eats after school. It's from coming home and eating 14 oreos and a glass of milk then sitting down at the computer for two hours, then watching tv before dinner, then back to watch TV again. It's hard to notice that pattern too, because it's broken up throughout the day. Plus, WE do it. We come home, we are tired and we just want to relax. So, we turn on a show that our kids can watch and enjoy.

30 years ago, there were maaaaybe four shows on during the entire week that we would watch. The rest of the time, when mom and dad were watching M.A.S.H, we were playing with toys. My brother and I had seven miles of hotwheel track and we spent whole evenings making ways to get the cars to go down the steps without flying off the track at the bottom.

We were sent outside, even in the snow to build dangerous snow tunnels. We played past dark outside with every kid within a six block radius. We played night hide and seek, and other night time games.

But, those things just can't happen anymore. The world is no more dangerous than it was in the 70s, but it's just not acceptable to send your third grader out to the street to build a snow tunnel. (can't imagine how we survived)

okay, this info is coming from a mom who has really never had "weight" issues, so I'm replying to each question as it pertains to us as a family...
1.) I am not yet as"crunchy" as many on this board, so we are still influenced by mainstream messages pertaining to diet...but, I see that my kids "get the message" that they eat a much healthier diets than their friends and they actually are proud of it. WE live a relatively normal life without some of the excess "no no's...no soda)except special occasions. I cook a healthy dinner almost every night. We always have fresh produce in the house to snack on. etc....
2.) We do have many "processed" foods in the house at times, but the kids have to "ask" for junk food but are allowed to eat as much apples, carrot sticks, or fuit as they want...
3.) Don't lose patience! If they are hungry...they WILL eat what is in front
of them! Keep offering the healthy choices.
4.) I don't see it as "controlling" when YOU are the one responsible for their well-being. From early on, you will be setting up a life-time of healthy eating habits...this is a HUGE responsiblility! It's NOT always easy but has HUGE payoffs throughout a lifetime...
5.) We don't use food as a punishment, nor reward. Sometimes we have a dessert, sometimes not. They are required to sit down and have dinner reguardless....eventually they learn, that if they do not eat, they will be hungry....I do NOT give them special treats to get them to eat dinner.
6.) We do expect each child to participate in some sort of sport or fitness regimine. Again, this starts when they are very young, so it is just part of their normal routine. They don't have to be "star athletes", just have fun and stay fit with routine excercise.
7.) This is impossible to answer...everyone responds differently to obesitly issues. I don't know the "evidence-based" solutions, and based on statistics, not many others do either....too many variables come into play.

Your dd is still young enough to be the most strongly influenced by YOU. Keep modeling good eating habits...your kids will thank you later.

Messages

Messages from outside sources like extended family and the media can be very powerful. I think you start out protecting kids from these messages, and gradually transition to helping them navigate and resist unhealthy messages. At three and four, our girls are exposed to very little television for example. When they're ready to understand though, I hope we'll be able to help them recognize the manipulation that marketers use.


Food in the House

For the most part, we try to keep only healthy food in the house. This doesn't mean that the kids never get junk. They do. However, they usually get it when we're travelling and McDonald's is the only option, or during the holidays, or at family gatherings, or even at the doctor's office when there's a basket of suckers.

I'm happy with the balance we have going. Most days the kids eat a lot of raw fruit and vegetables, whole grains, and lean meat. However, they get junky stuff often enough to not feel deprived and gorge when they have access.

One benefit to healthy food in the house and treats on special occasions is that we don't need to carefully police the food. Day to day the kids can basically eat whatever they want since all of the options in the house are acceptable. And on the occasions where there are treats, the opportunity is finite... we leave the party, grandma's house or the doctor's office after a relatively short time, and if we have treats in the house it's not a giant schmorgisborg, we eat them and they're gone.


Picky Eaters

Our kids have gone through stages of picky eating. They've never been down to just three or four foods however, so I don't feel like we've really been there when it comes to picky eating. When it comes to fruit and vegetables, I don't think there's much you can do other than continue to offer, and vary the format and presentation. There are lots of ways to sneak fruits and veggies into other foods. Sometimes kids are more keen to eat things they've helped to grow or prepare. If they don't like something cooked, try it raw or frozen. For very short while, I could get our kids to eat nearly anything by using tiny cookie cutters to cut it in the shape of their names. I've sometimes had luck with cooling off periods for rejected foods too... after two months they forgot that they supposedly didn't like it and give it a fair chance again.


Wanting Junk

We give the kids a lot of control over what they eat, but their options are limited. Like I said above, we limit what's in the house to what we feel is acceptable. When the kids were massive juice guzzlers we had no juice. Now that they can consume juice in a reasonable way, and I don't need to police juice, we have juice more often.

Also, once kids are old enough to understand you can absolutely start to educate them about why you can't live on a diet of corn dogs and coke. Our explanation so far has been that living things need certain stuff to grow. One thing is good food. Apples help you grow. Cake does not. You need to eat enough good for so your body will work properly, and a little bit of other stuff is okay as long as you get enough healthy stuff first.


Food as Rewards

This is bad. Don't do it. A lot of problems come from people getting emotions and control mixed up with eating. Food is for nourishment, not to recognize achievement or good behaviour, or to cheer you up.

It's very important to me that our kids learn to eat when they are HUNGRY and stop when the are FULL. This started at day one, when our babies nursed on demand. It continued when we did self feeding only for solids (no spoons). Right now, it means that we don't require the kids to clean their plates. We don't force them to eat. If they want a snack they can have one. Well, within reason. We have had to introduce a couple of guidelines to curb particular issues that have come up.

As for desert before dinner, we can't do it because our kids don't eat enough. They'd only eat the dessert. I have known moms to do the "well, we have the chocolate cookies and the kids are going to eat them, it doesn't matter if they eat them for breakfast, once the cookies are gone they're gone and they can't eat them anymore" thing, and I think that can work if your kid eats enough and you have chocolate cookies rarely enough.

We just also don't have dessert very often though. It's more of a special occasion thing.


Physical Activity

Our approach to physical activity is to build it into our day to day lives. DH bikes to work as much as possible. We walk to and from preschool, the library, the grocery store and the shopping mall.

I have no idea how that party smiley got into my message. I didn't mean for it to be there.

To start with, I've let go of the idea that a healthy child = a slim child. I'm trusting that if my kids eat a healthy balanced diet, have plenty of exercise and have a healthy attitude to food then the weight that they are is a healthy weight to be at. Because I am morbidly obese myself, they obviously carry the genetic potential to be overweight or obese, just as two of my children also carry the genetic potential to be tall and skinny. There's enough evidence
We do child-led eating with three of my kids, mum-led shopping and baking. So I don't really care how many chocolate chip cookies someone eats in one day, because there's the same amount of calories in a batch whether they get eaten in one day or four, y'know? They won't be replaced more quickly. Because DD is only 3 and has food dislikes that makes it harder for her to eat a healthy balanced diet, I put more effort into guiding her, and it seems to be paying off. She's a healthy size now- all my kids are, in fact.
We do do TV, we are a very critical audience, shred manipulative TV adverts mercilessly and make fun of them. It's great fun, and surprising how sophisticated a 3yo/8yo/10yo can be. We'll use fast food as a heavily packaged, overmerchandised snack (basically a kinder egg with more calories) and will add fruit and veg options even then. Hope some of this helps :) We're also harshly critical of the messages that the media is sending out about health= underweight, health= provocatively dressed, pregnant = fat, and so on. I'm trusting that some of this will sink in later.
You might find that Healthy At Any Size helps.

I do talk a lot about where food comes from, and that some food is tasty & for helping you grow, & other food can be tasty but doesn't have "real stuff " in it, so it's like eating bubbles - pretty, but doesn't have building blocks & vitamins in it. We have a nice selection of veggies, herbs & edible flowers in our back yard, so my kids like to pick & eat stuff we grow. We pretty much don't buy junk food, except for graham crackers & whole wheat cheese fish; I try to cook from scratch as much as possible, as minimally processed things are better for you anyhow, as well as generally being cheaper & tasting better. When we have cookies or pizza, it's made from scratch. I model reading labels & talking about ingredients (I'm real interested in the local food/slow food ideas. I love Pollan's book, Omnivore's Dilemma.) I don't forbid occasional stuff like store bought birthday cakes, but that's special occasion. I don't bother to make dessert real often, but it's usually something like fresh chopped fruit, oatmeal raisin cookies, or baked apple crisp; I do tell my 2 1/2 year old daughter she needs to eat some protein and other "building" foods first, & so far, it hasn't been an issue. She's not eating loads of veggies right now, but I keep sticking a few on her plate so she sees them as a "normal" dinner item. Snacks are sliced fruits, broccoli, swiss chard stalks (& other stuff scrounged from the garden), shelled sunflower seeds, cheese, yogurt, raisins, crackers, bread or bagels (with or without butter, cream cheese or nut butter), popcorn, or some watered juice (juice is maybe 2-3x week?). We spend a lot of time playing outdoors.

3.) Don't lose patience! If they are hungry...they WILL eat what is in front
of them! Keep offering the healthy choices.
I just want to point out that this isn't always true. Some kids really will starve themselves before eating something they don't like (I have three like this).

I don't have much advice for the OP. My partners and I all have some issues about controlling food (they were starved as children and I was forced to eat things that made me physically ill), so now we eat whatever we want, including junk food. We're all at healthy weights and our kids all have good body images anyway. Maybe it's because we don't allow TV and make everyone play outside whenever the weather permits.

Hmmm....I have wondered a lot about this too. I am obese. And an emotional eater. (I eat to celebrate, I eat to soothe myself, I eat to relieve boredom, I eat when I'm stressed...:angry)

I have tried to make food a non issue for the most part (we don't force clean plates, don't make a different meal for each person, don't talk about it, etc), but I'm also very honest with my kids. My weight is very unhealthy and the way I eat is very unhealthy and I have a mouthful of metal due to cavities. :( My oldest is 5 and actually gets it, which is amazing to me. He will voluntarily refuse candy offered to him by others, and if they press it on him, he will bring it to us wanting to know what to do with it. He has been excited to learn about health and healthy foods, and really enjoys a good variety of fruits and veggies. He also understand that it's not a treat now and then which is the problem, but a life-long habit of bad eating that makes a person unhealthy. So he doesn't freak out when there is a treat avaliable.

I keep our diet pretty simple. No junk food in the house. We have a variety of meals for dinner time, but still pretty plain meals. Dessert doesn't happen except for holidays or if we have guests. Because of that, it's easy for my kids to view yogurt with blueberry sauce as a special treat. Or popcorn as a fun snack. They do occasionally get stuff like cake and ice cream or chips, and they do enjoy that stuff, but it's not part of their general existence and they don't seem to miss it at all.

I'm also *very* conscious about not using food as a soother. I've noticed that when I have an inconcolable kid, my first instinct is to stick something sweet in their mouth, to make the sadness go away. That is *my* messed up inside, and I refuse to do that to my kids. If anything, I try to make sure there's a decent amount of space between emotional upsets and food, giving them hugs and kisses and talking them through it, rather than just stuffing their mouth with something to stop the crying.

About the size issue--our boys are fortunate to have a really great example in their dad. He is harshly, vocally critical about American culture and beauty standards. And he loves and is affectionate with me even though we have wildly different body shapes. :love

We don't have TV. The kids don't use the computer much. So those messages are somewhat limited for them. But when we do run across something, we use the moment to educate them. We don't comment negatively on anyone's physical attributes and make an effort to comment positively. And I also point out people with a variety of different looks and say "Oh, look, isn't she beautiful? Look at those adorable babies." that kind of thing. That's probably brainwashing or something, but I don't care. :p

I wanted to recommend some books to you because it's so complex.

One is What to Eat by Marion Nestle. This is a good primer on the grocery store.

The second is Mindless Eating by um, I forget. It's a good look at some of the things around food that influence our eating, and it also made me laugh a lot.

The third is any book by Ellyn Satter (sp?) - we have "How to get your kid to eat (but not too much)" but I have heard Child of Mine (?) is really good.

In our house we take a pretty middle ground approach like this:

- 95 per cent of what we bring into the house is healthy "real food" - fresh vegetables, whole grains, beans, good quality fish and meat, and so on. We do have jasmine (white) rice because it is so yummy, but we don't eat it every day. Same with durum wheat pasta. It doesn't all have to be qinoa and tofu. (although we like those too.)

- the other 5 per cent we bring in in small quantities and go for the good stuff. Good stuff occasionally being crappy stuff, but like we'll go to the GOOD bakery and get a smaller, more $$ good cake over a lousy $6 one at the grocery store. But then now and then we will get the smallest bag of Oreos too. It's fine. We just don't get the huge family packs and have it every day.

- we cook together as joyfully as possible (err... not every night, for sure, on the joy)

- we eat at the table as a family

- snacks (whole grain crackers without a lot of fat, yoghurt, fruit, veggies, cheese, PB&J toast, etc) are available at any time, although in the 45 min before dinner they are limited to raw veggies (this is a great time of day for raw veggies - hunger is the best sauce, and they don't tend to ruin dinner, and really, if your kid ruins dinner on zucchini is this a bad thing?? :))

- we use our bodies! Go out and walk, swim, etc. Nothing too fancy, but we use them.

Also, I would not live in fear of any particular outcome. If your child starts to become overweight, then you'll address it, or not. If you fear every day that your child will be obese and struggle, that is a huge emotional burden for everyone. It is SO HARD, but if you can let this go, it will help.

General rules:

- you decide what your child eats and when

- your child decides how much to eat and even whether they eat

- no crap in the house period.

- allow for different things outside the house (it's not the end of the world if they have candy or a burger when you're outside the house)

- anyone looking after your kids needs to be on the same page as you. your kid your rules.

- eat together as much as possible

- eat in a tv free zone

- eat at regular times

- everyone eats the same meal

- relax, mealtimes should be enjoyable

Excellent books on the subject:

They are what you feed them (http://www.amazon.co.uk/They-Are-What-Feed-Them/dp/0007182252/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234704395&sr=8-1) - Alex Richardson

Child of Mine: Feeding with love and good sense (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Child-Mine-Feeding-Love-Sense/dp/0923521518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234704523&sr=1-1) - Ellyn Satter

for overcoming food issues, I recommend Tanya Byron's Your Child, Your Way

Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer is also excellent, but more general.

Just a short post of what's worked for us. Best of luck.

1. model healthy eating, provide healthy meals, and explain the benefit of healthy eating to your child and that while other people may eat more junk they won't feel as good as people who eat healthy

2. Keep it healthy - most of the time. Use special treats as a special treat. Fruits are natures candy as well :)

3.each meal provide food from several food groups and let her decide what to eat.

4. if you don't have junk food in the house this wont be a problem. its not withholding, you just say we don't have that in the house, but you can pick a special treat to have at 'such and such time'.

5. use healthy desserts. this is what we do. kids do not need cake or ice cream servings each day. a bowl of fruit makes a great after dinner dessert.

6. My parents had a dr write me out of gym classes, and I got to pick my own physical activity instead. I took gymnastics for a while, then horseback riding, and I tried softball.

7. my brother has this problem. I often ask my child when they ask to eat "are you hungry or bored? if you are bored, we can play instead" if they are hungry I feed them. sometimes they say "play!" and we go play. my whole family were "boredom eaters" only my brother had weight issues because of it though.

I'm no expert in this area, and I've had some picky eaters over the years. For the most part they are very healthy eaters now and all are a perfect weight. I have always told them to make healthy food choices, and to listen to their bodies and when they feel full to stop eating. Everyone is different in this regard. One of my kids seems to need more food than the others, and that is fine, as long as she's eating healthy.

At our house eating is not a competition. We never say "You ate all your supper! Good girl!!"
I know an 8yo girl who has been diagnosed with an eathing disorder, and we spend a lot of time with the family. From what I have observed the mother has made eating a competition for her kids ... the best child eats the most. She has said things like "It looks like C has eaten the most out of all the kids! Good job, C!"
And "It looks like E, K, N, and O will not be getting any dessert" as she stands over the table examining all the kids' plates.

I have had discussions with my children before getting together with this family to make sure they understand that eating the most doesn't make you a better person, to stop eating when they feel full even if the other children are gorging themselves, and that they WILL get dessert because I am their mother and make the rules for THEM.

As a result, one of her children now has an eating disorder, and the other isn't far behind.

One time I suggested that the adults should have an eating competition, too. Everyone agreed that wouldn't be pretty.

On dessert--not having it every night has eliminated the "eat your supper if you want dessert" problem. Since they only have dessert on very special days anyway, we don't mind if they don't eat a full balanced meal for that one day.

There was a nutritionist that visited my moms' group last year. She told us that as parents, it is our job to decide what to offer and when, and the child's decision to decide how much to eat. I think that this is a pretty good basic rule, and it is what I plan on doing with my own children. DS is just getting to the age where he is figuring out different foods, and starting to ask for certain things. So with him, this is new territory for me.

My dh doesn't *exactly* use the aforementioned rule with my dsd. It took him a while to figure things out food-wise for her, and there are some things that he is still struggling with (like whether or not to have a bedtime snack, and if so, how many). I can give my opinion, but in the end, it is his call.

We generally eat dinner as a family, at the table, no TV. We do have a try everything rule, and unless you absolutely hate something, we have a finish your dinner rule (a pretty small portion). However, you don't have to finish your dinner *at dinner* if you don't want to. You can finish it later. But no other snacks until dinner is finished. We had to institute this one because my dsd would announce that she was full at dinner after eating a piece of bread, then ask for a snack 15 minutes later. And 20 minutes after that. And so on, until bedtime. It was beginning to feel like there was no point to cooking dinner.

Some things have to be tried many, many times. Like 15. I think that it took 15 tries of zucchini for my dsd to decide that they were acceptable. I just kept putting it on her plate, and eventually it was familiar enough to her that she liked it. Sweet potatoes, OTOH, might just be something that she just doesn't like. But I haven't stopped serving them, because she might change her mind some day. Same thing with DS. He doesn't like everything I give him, but I just keep exposing him to it.

What we buy is 90% healthy. So we don't get too worked up about the 10% of junk that sneaks in here and there. With it being Valentine's this weekend, both kids had a fair amount of candy. But now that our Valentine's celebration is over, the candy will go in the cupboard and the kids will forget about it.

We are vegans (for ethical reasons), so that does make it so that we have to work a little harder to find junk food. A lot of unhealthy things that might be mindlessly consumed at parties, school or work are just not things that we eat. So we do have a small advantage there.

I too have grown up a bit messed up when it comes to food. I am NEVER full, and I mean never. I don't understand people who say they couldn't eat another thing - I can always eat!

I was a skinny thing until 18 when I started becoming overweight, now I'm around 2 stone overweight. I don't really look it, and I'm healthy, eat mostly healthy foods.

My parents were vigilant that I would never have sweets or junk growing up. They also always forced me to clear my plate of food. And I mean forced. I remember crying my eyes out while my dad sat there until I ate a whole plate of liver & onions. (I did try it, but have never liked the taste). I have grown up seeing junk food as 'naughty' and imo, this is bad. Junk food is not a 'treat', food is not a treat fullstop, it's there to live. Even now aged 20 I always clear my plate, it's never occurred to me to leave food.

Aged 17 I met DP and his parents, siblings and general attitide is totally different. They eat junk, when they feel like it. They eat healthily when they feel like it. They eat until they are FULL, no further. Only my FIL is overweight, and not significantly, and this is due to him being a very fussy eater and only eating foods smothered in cheese, lol.

I intend not to make DS ever finish food. If he doesn't want his food, fine, it's thrown away. If he gets hungry later on, he gets something else, usually a healthy snack. I will never pressure him to eat or give him food as a treat. Food is fun, it's tasty, but ultimately, it's to eat when you're hungry, for life, and to stop when you're full.

Also not to always eat dessert. IMO it's a bad habit every day, and in my family it was every day.

I really hope DS grows up with a healthy attitude to food. It's very important to me :shy as I don't want him to be overweight like me.

xxx

Random stuff...

I have an advantage over many emotional eaters, when it comes to my kids. However, it's actually made my problem worse. I don't overeat regular foods (did have slightly oversize portions, but have that mostly under control now) - I eat junk, mostly candy. Some of it is chocolate, but a lot of it is just complete garbage. My other eating habits are pretty good - a nice balance of protein, fat and complex carbs, lots of fruits and veggies, etc. So...I started eating candy when I'm out without the kids, and then I eat even more of it, because I don't want them to find it in my purse. *sigh* I truly see no evidence that my younger two have any idea that I do this, although ds1 probably suspects. I'm hoping the fact that I didn't do this when he was young (much different lifestyle) will help in his case...

We don't keep junk in the house. If we happen to buy a bag of cookies or something, it's a once in a while thing, and we eat them and then they're gone. The kids can't just dig in, but it's presented as an issue of not taking all of something, because then ds1 or dh or whoever doesn't get to have any...a sharing thing, not a "cookies are baaad" thing. If they're so bad, why did we buy them, yk? DH will buy a bottle of soda about once every 2-3 months. I'm not thrilled with it, but my kids also don't see it as a day-to-day thing, and sometimes it doesn't even get finished.

If the kids are on a single food kick (such as wanting 3 apples, without having eaten anything else), I'll suggest other things. I'll ask if they want some cheese or some nuts or some yogurt or some leftover chicken - something that isn't fruit, and preferably something with some protein. Usually, they'll take one of those options. I think they get stuck on a particular food, and don't think of alternatives, but realize that some fat and protein sounds pretty good, when all they've had is fruit (or that an apple is really appealing when they've already had two servings of yogurt and just asked for another one). On the very rare occasion when they stay stuck on the original idea, I let them have it.

Our most strict rules about food are "always ask" (that's an inventory issue for me, plus not wanting them pulling stuff off pantry shelves/counters they can't really reach - I'm lazy, and don't like spills) and "if you ask for it, you have to eat it" (I'm not a big fan of having six apples with one bite out of each sitting on the table). If I give them something they didn't ask for, I expect them to at least give it a try, but they don't have to finish it. I used to do a snack plate in the fridge for dd, but it's difficult now. DS2 is into everything and I just don't think a tray for each of them will work yet. When I did do that, dd had her own plate prepared every morning. It had a variety of snack stuff (cheese, fruit, nuts, veggie sticks, etc.) on it, and she could help herself to whatever she wanted at any time. It worked really well. I also noticed that she usually finished most of the plate. Even though she wouldn't necessarily have asked for celery sticks, when she saw them on the plate, they looked good.

I honestly can't say how well it's all working yet. DD is 5, and ds2 is only 3.5. However, my overall approach was very similar with ds1. He's almost 16, and still slim (that's his natural physique, as with dd - ds2, not so much) and active and healthy. He drinks more soda than I'd like, but nowhere near what some (most?) of his friends consume. The same applies to candy and junk food.

As far as physical activity, I'm a big fan of building it into day-to-day life as much as possible. I've seen too many high school jocks who jump up 40 pounds as soon as their scheduled activities dry up, yk? I encourage my kids to hike (the whole family does so in the spring/summer), walk (we try to do that a lot, too) and play outside. DS2 is in gymnastics at school, but he also has the habit of walking to school most days, and he's very active outside. He may or may not continue with gymnastics when he's an adult - but I think the idea that feet are a form of transportation is well entrenched. I think the keys are make exercise a fun family thing and to make it normal (not tagged on). DD is learning to swim, will probably take some dance classes, and may learn to ice skate. I want my kids to find active things they enjoy doing, not think of physical activity as a chore to be done because others expect it (as it was for me in PE).


ETA: Dessert. We had a chocolate raspberry mousse pie yesterday, for Valentine's Day. We have a fair bit of junk around at Christmas (mostly homemade, but not all), and have dessert at Christmas dinner...also Thanksgiving. By and large, we don't eat it at all. We occasionally have a small dish of ice cream. Once in a blue moon (maybe twice year - probably less), I'm seized by the desire to bake some kind of dessert...maybe a cheesecake? Other than that, we don't eat it. It's certainly not an every night thing.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I'm morbidly obese and trying to hard to make sure these things dont happen to my boys. I am noticing things that freak me out. I've ALWAYS done baby led weaning, though I did ff because I have IGT. DS1 would eat all of a bottle, DS2 stops half way through and is done. I never make them finish anything, I never stress any food as good or bad, just healthy and strong food or fake food.

I'm freaking out because my son eats so poorly now I'm worried he'll be fat. He will only eat kefir, yogurt, milk, or cheese and eggs. MAYBE a banana but nothing else. Unless we go somewhere and they have chips or white bread or something then he eats a ton. He'll eat so much it's crazy. I know he must be eating beyond his hunger.

I try very hard to not impose meal times. I serve food at certain times and they're allowed snacks but they never have to eat. I want them to listen to their hunger signals.

They're not allowed juice or soda.

I guess I'm just not sure how to get my son to eat without making a big deal out of food ya know?

Here are my guidelines...

I tell them it's not good to be "too fat or too thin" and that it's also not good to obsess about your weight or appearance.

Kids should never be hungry. If they are hungry, feed them.

No candy in the house, except for rare holiday/ birthday occasions.

No processed (packaged) food or as little as possible... we do have a few things like plain crackers and store bought bread.

Nothing with artificial coloring or flavoring. "It's not real food."

Never force or heavily pressure a child to eat something.

Cookies/ cake aren't so horrible if they are homemade with decent ingredients (molasses, whole wheat, fresh eggs... etc.).

Juice is ok unless they are obese... for my kids (very, very picky eaters) it is some of the only "fruit" they have.

It's ok to eat the same thing every day if it is healthy (bananas are great).

We follow "Eat to Live" as the ideal. Lots of vegan, as much raw as possible. My pickiest don't come close but that is always the standard I encourage. They eat limited dairy and meat, but do eat it.

Most important... set a good example yourself. If a parent makes their child eat veggies but secretly eats cookies, that's no good. Practice healthy eating yourself and they will learn to respect it.

I just want to point out that this isn't always true. Some kids really will starve themselves before eating something they don't like (I have three like this)..


Yes, very true. I have one pathologically picky eater, his BMI is 14 (might have improved recently... he finally started eating pancakes) and he will go as long as two days without eating/ barely eating and even then will only eat very small amounts unless it is something he can accept.

My sister is a "starve them and they'll eat" mom and when my son stayed with her for a week she called me in tears because my son simply would not eat. It really doesn't work for some kids.

I am also a very picky eater and I would happily rather near starve than eat most foods.

1. How do you handle all of the hypocrisy and mixed messages that children get? How do you explain or model to your children how to stay healthy despite the world they live in? They (and their parents) are admonished for childhood obesity while they are surrounded by and pressured to eat junk food (everywhere from the school cafeteria to Grandma's house), watch TV, and play video games with friends.

I try to remove as much of that pressure as possible while my child is young, and then hope that her strong foundation will be a good base for lifelong habits. Much of a child's exposure to junk food is through TV. We choose not to have TV for several reasons, but the best side benefit of that is that my daughter is not exposed to hundreds of commercials a week telling her she should buy and eat things that I don't think are good for her.
We teach Denali that junk food is very unhealthy for her body, which is the 100% truth. But we also teach that such foods are okay to have sometimes, especially when the rest of the food we've eaten is good for us. If grandpa wants to buy her a candy bar, that is fine. If she gets hot chocolate sometimes out on the town this is okay too. We teach that we don't do treats every day, but that they are fine in moderation.

2. Do you keep (or frequently prepare) sweet, processed and/or fatty foods? If so, to what extent? I've heard on one hand only to keep only healthy foods in the house . . . but on the other hand that doing so can be too restrictive and end up backfiring. What are your thoughts?

For the most part I keep only healthy, whole foods in the house. We do not keep sweet snacks, cookies, ice cream, popsicles, etc, on hand at all times. That doesn't mean that we don't eat these things, but it does mean they are not an every-day accessible item. They are a once in a while treat. I don't feel that keeping healthy foods only in the house is restrictive at all. On the contrary: I think it is one of the best possible things I can do for my family. My child is not deprived in any way: she feels the same way about a homemade blueberry smoothie that another kid would feel about a snack of cookies. The smoothie is a sweet, delicious treat that she is super excited about eating. And when we do want a special goodies we make it ourselves! Denali and I have a lot of fun making cookies, cake, pie, and such. We use good ingredients, whole wheat pastry flour, and have a fun time together.


3. DD is an extremely picky eater. Despite multiple attempts at introducing fruits and veggies, she won't go near anything but bananas. Do I keep exposing her and pray she one day accepts it? I'm losing patience.

From the very beginning I've taken my daughter to the farmers market, let her help in vegetable gardens, gone out of our way to hand pick fruit and vegetables every season at farms: basically I've tried to make the concept of fruit and vegetables as fun and interesting as I can. I've found that when she is engaged in the picking, buying, and cooking she is more likely to want to try and eat a variety of produce. Perhaps you could implement some of those ideas with you little ones: visit farms, try growing a small garden, help her to "get her hands dirty" and get to know the items that she eats.

4. What if it seems like she only wants to eat junk food? It seems controlling to withhold it from her, but like I'm encouraging unhealthy habits by giving it too her on demand. What's the happy medium?

Sugar acts like a drug on the brain: its a scientific fact. Our bodies crave it, and once they get a lot of it it can be really, really hard to stop. We literally become addicted to processed, sugary foods. I don't consider it "controlling" to help prevent a child from being subjected to this kind of addiction. My daughter gets lots and lots of choices in the foods she eats, but I don't think it is necessary or healthy to give her junky options. So for breakfast she gets to choose between oatmeal, homemade wholewheat pancakes, fried eggs, or a fruit smoothie. She gets the satisfaction of making a choice, and the benefit of whole, healthy foods.

For me there is no "happy medium" with kids and junk foods. Junk foods are harmful to the body, and if a child ONLY wants to eat junk food then there can be no real compromise: that food is hurting them! It is up to us as adults to make sure our children are presented with the nourishing foods that they need to grow and thrive. So if my daughter wanted Lucky Charms for breakfast, cookies for snack, McDonalds for lunch, chocolate milk, and pizza for dinner.... the answer would be a kind but resounding "no." I have no problems with offering an occasional junk food treat, but not every day, and certainly not the bulk of her meals.


5. I've heard that it's a bad idea to use food as punishment or reward. The concept sounds compelling enough. So if she demands dessert before dinner, do I cave? Or do I make her wait until after dinner? Again, what's the happy medium between being controlling and encouraging healthy habits?

I definitely do not believe in using foods as a punishment or a reward. Your daughter demanding dessert before a meal is not setting you up for this problem, though: it is neither a punishment to say no nor a reward to say yes. Rather, it is a matter of logic. "No, you may not have dessert before the meal because your body needs to be nourished with healthy foods first."

We actually completely side-step this problem at our house by never having "after meal" desserts. Now, before everyone cried out in protest "No desserts!?!" let me elaborate. It is important to me that Denali learn to enjoy dinner for the sake of itself: because she is hungry, it is tasty, and because we enjoy sharing a meal together. Too often when a family has a dessert after a meal you hear, "You can't have dessert unless you finish you peas (beans, meat, casserole, whatever)." At that point dinner transforms into a chore, a necessary evil to get through, the hurdle to be jumped over before the reward: dessert.
So we don't do dessert. Denali eats her meal because she is hungry and because she enjoys it, not to get a treat at the end.
We do have desserts, but they stand alone. Maybe a slice of pie for an afternoon snack, an unexpected ice cream treat an hour or two after supper. But we only have them two or three times a week, hey are always surprises, and are never a reward for finishing dinner.


6. My humble opinion is that some organized sports and PE classes put too much pressure on kids. How do I raise her to appreciate and enjoy exercise if her environment makes it something that she dreads? (My own life experience is going into this question! :wink)

Oooh yeah! I hear you there. PE at school created a long-term dread of sports for me that I am only now coming out of. My best advice is to find several fun activities that your daughter and you family enjoys and just do them. There is nothing my 5 year old loves more than rock climbing, so we make sure to go to the rock gym often. Same goes for bike riding: so we take lots of family rides. Hiking, walks around the lake... I am happy to say that she is developing a much healthier attitude about physical activities and fun than I had!

I haven't read any of the responses, I'm sorry, just found this interesting! And so you know where I'm coming from, I've never had any weight issues (meaning, I've never been overweight, never dieted, never had any eating disorders). So take from this what you will... obviously I'm coming from a different perspective.

On to your questions!

>>1. How do you handle all of the hypocrisy and mixed messages that children get? How do you explain or model to your children how to stay healthy despite the world they live in? They (and their parents) are admonished for childhood obesity while they are surrounded by and pressured to eat junk food (everywhere from the school cafeteria to Grandma's house), watch TV, and play video games with friends. <<

I think the most important message is the one your child gets from home. The rest is just background noise. It's really not mixed unless you mix it. Send her a confident message about good health, and that's the one she'll pick up on by being in good health yourself (and DH as well) & making healthful food choices for yourself & your family. That doesn't mean if you don't eat junk food that she'll never eat junk food... but it does mean that she'll know the RIGHT choice is not to eat too much junk food.

>>2. Do you keep (or frequently prepare) sweet, processed and/or fatty foods? If so, to what extent? I've heard on one hand only to keep only healthy foods in the house . . . but on the other hand that doing so can be too restrictive and end up backfiring. What are your thoughts?<<

I do make homemade chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, apple crisp, banana & other fruit breads, and even brownies at least once per week. We love to bake, and my children help me & we talk about the ingredients I use & why (like agave nectar instead of sugar, and whole wheat flour instead of white in all recipies). I don't buy premade treats, and we don't keep other "unhealthy" food choices in our house. I feel that I want my children to be able to pick out their own food - so everything in the house needs to be "up for grabs", so to speak. So, we don't keep candy, alcohol, etc. in the house.

>>3. DD is an extremely picky eater. Despite multiple attempts at introducing fruits and veggies, she won't go near anything but bananas. Do I keep exposing her and pray she one day accepts it? I'm losing patience. <<

I don't know how to answer this one as my children both have always loved veggies & fruits, it's the main part of their diet. That being said, we are all vegetarian, so there isn't much other choice. ;) Yes, keep offering. Mix it up for variety, add different spices, sauces, etc. And most importantly EAT MORE VEGGIES & FRUITS YOURSELF. Your kids will do what you do.

>>4. What if it seems like she only wants to eat junk food? It seems controlling to withhold it from her, but like I'm encouraging unhealthy habits by giving it too her on demand. What's the happy medium?<<

Well... what junk foods are you talking about & where has she been exposed to them? You control what she has access to in your own home. If your child doesn't know about McDonald's Fries, she won't know to ask for them. If the junk foods aren't in the house, she can't have them. It's not being controlling, its being a parent & keeping your child safe.

>>5. I've heard that it's a bad idea to use food as punishment or reward. The concept sounds compelling enough. So if she demands dessert before dinner, do I cave? Or do I make her wait until after dinner? Again, what's the happy medium between being controlling and encouraging healthy habits?<<

We don't have dessert every day so its not a issue around here. Dessert is extra special - like on birthdays, etc. If dessert is something you feel you need to serve every evening, then yes, I'd explain that desserts are special, extra food for after the nutritious meal, not before.

>>6. My humble opinion is that some organized sports and PE classes put too much pressure on kids. How do I raise her to appreciate and enjoy exercise if her environment makes it something that she dreads? (My own life experience is going into this question! :wink) <<

Our children aren't in public school, so PE classes aren't an issue here & I don't know how to advise. The kids get fresh air/outside/playground time every day. Organized soccer is an extra, if they choose. Again, I think what you do at home is most important - if you get outside & exercise every day, your children will know this as normal & enjoyable.

>>7. Should childhood obesity become an issue, what are the evidence-based ways to treat it? I'm not convinced that simply putting a kid on a diet is the sustainable solution. I've gone on multiple diets following "doctor's orders." Did it help? This is not a multiple choice question :lol <<

I don't know how to advise on this one... I hope I was of some help on the other questions!

I think its great that you're thinking about these issues now & working with yourself to become more healthy as well... becuase I really think as parents, we are our childrens' guidebook.

Good luck mama.

I take a "everything in moderation" approach with my kids. We eat a lot of healthy things, but candy is known to my kids.

My major goals are:
1. To teach my kids that there are no bad foods, nor are some foods more 'valuable' than others.
2. To teach my kids to listen to their body signals.
3. Expose my children to a range of foods that they can choose from and a range of tastes.

Yes, there are foods that have lots of sugar in them. If we eat too much of those foods, we can feel the effects. Instead of talking about how those foods are 'bad' for us, I'd rather talk about how they give us quick energy, but then that energy goes away very fast and so can't really help us have the energy we need to do what we want. So, a little bit of those foods along with foods that give us energy and vitamins is fine. Along the same lines, too many strawberries can give you diarrhea (even if they are organic). Too many bananas can make it hard to poop.

In terms of foods with additives, I've found that by cooking good food from scratch really minimizes the amount of food with additives that my kids want to eat. They can TASTE good food. They'd rather have a homemade sugar cookie than the sponge-bob square pants gummy candy they got for Halloween. Dh and come from a "jello" culture. So, at family gatherings, they get served jello. Ds will eat a bit, dd rarely does more than taste it.

Listening to your body has worked really well for our kids too. When we're out and want a snack, dd will often ask for fruit and cheese. Ds has more of a sweet tooth, but his basic diet is quite healthy, so I don't mind if he has a sweet treat now and then. They quit when they're full. They'll eat the frosting off cake and leave the rest. Dd doesn't like chocolate, so when given chocolate treats, she'll take a bite and leave the rest.

We have a small garden in our yard and grow cherry tomatoes, sugar peas and a few other things that my kids and I like. By exposing them to lots of food and growing veggies together, they've miraculously avoided their father's issues with veggies. (Dh eats NO veggies due to sensory issues.)

For those of you with super picky (as in 'I'll starve before I'll eat) kids, you might look into sensory processing disorder. I wish dh had been able to have therapy as a child.

I see that a lot of people have responded, but I'm going to bed soon so I didn't go through and read all the other responses - sorry if this repeats what someone else already said.

but I wanted to respond because my stepmom helped us with this issue, and her methods really saved mealtimes for us. she breaks it down into a very simple tenet - mealtimes should be relaxing, respectful, family time.

The six basic "rules" are:

1. -appetites are respected - people are more or less hungry at different times, children included. If a child says s/he isn't hungry, that statement is respected as it would be if an adult said it. If the child only wants 1 spoonful of dinner, that is completely acceptable and she is not made to feel that she is being rude, picky, etc. (this seems hard to do but gets very easy - you just get used to making absolutely no negative comments whatsoever about the amount of food a child puts on her plate. However,...

2. -dinner is all there is - there are no special requests, no substitutions, and no after dinner snacks
(the exception to this is in situations in which an after dinner snack is clearly legitimate - my 11-year-old stepson will have 3 helpings of dinner and then 2 hours later make himself a sandwich, which is clearly some sort of adolescent growth spurt issue)

** #2 basically makes #1 work because if the child knows there's nothing else until breakfast, AND SHE IS TRULY HUNGRY, she WILL eat dinner. This has been proven many times in our experience, with many different children. The principle is this: if a child is willing to leave the table without dinner or with very little dinner, she must not be that hungry; if a child is hungry, she will eat anything. (also, as my stepmom reminded me, in the grand scheme of things, breakfast is only a few hours away - if a stubborn one really wants to skip dinner in protest of the food, she won't starve before breakfast) BUT the only way to make sure this works is to never ever give in to a child who wants something else for dinner.

3.-everyone ALWAYS serves themselves - this is very important in teaching kids about matching portion size to their actual hunger. once the child is old enough to communicate, she serves herself. If she's too young to do it without making a huge mess, an adult helps her, but she is in charge of her portion (i.e., "how much do you want, this much?"). put yourself in their shoes - how would you feel if someone handed you a heaping plate of something you didn't like, or a huge portion when you knew you weren't that hungry? The whole "kids should appreciate dinner/there's starving children somewhere" thing is a moot point - there are lots and lots and lots of other, better ways to teach kids about empathy.

4.-encourage kids to start with a small portion - you can always have more. discourage them from taking more than they're SURE they can eat, though don't make them feel like they MUST eat their entire portion (this can discourage them from trying new things b/c they worry they'll be forced to eat something they don't like). if the child takes more than she ends up finishing, we say things like "seems like you should start with a smaller portion next time" but we don't force her to finish because...

5. -don't force a child to finish her plate - this is the big one. if you are following all the previous rules correctly, then there are only two reasons a child stops eating: 1) she's full. Being forced to finish when she's full will teach her to eat past the point of satiation - a major proponent of obesity. 2) she doesn't like what she's eating. again, if you are following the other rules and she knows that nothing she does will get her a different dinner option, then the only thing left to believe is that she truly does not care for what is on her plate, and that should be respected as it would be in an adult. Now to avoid making this a reason for her to go hungry, we have the last rule...

6. -introduce new foods gently- always try to have at least 3 different "dishes" on the table for dinner, even if it's just separating the meat from the veg, or adding a salad with the pasta, or something. Then when you do want to introduce a new food, make sure that the other two things on the table are dishes the child is familiar with and likes. That way it's less stressful for her - she can try the new one and if she doesn't like it, there's still plenty for her to eat for dinner. And don't forget about #1 - if she only wants to try the smallest fraction of a taste of the new dish, that's fine. Making her try more than she wants to will associate stress and pressure with the experience.

Dessert is up to you. Once the rest of the rules are in place, it really becomes a non-issue.

And as far as the junk food thing, kids get plenty of junk food at birthday parties, school, and their other activities, so we don't keep it in the house. The junkiest we get is tortilla chips, homemade desserts, and hot chocolate.

For us, these rules help avoid unhealthy associations or fixations with food, which can lead to some of the larger issues you want to avoid.

Hope that helps - sorry it was so long! (now I really have to go to bed...)

1. -appetites are respected - people are more or less hungry at different times, children included. If a child says s/he isn't hungry, that statement is respected as it would be if an adult said it. If the child only wants 1 spoonful of dinner, that is completely acceptable and she is not made to feel that she is being rude, picky, etc. (this seems hard to do but gets very easy - you just get used to making absolutely no negative comments whatsoever about the amount of food a child puts on her plate. However,...

2. -dinner is all there is - there are no special requests, no substitutions, and no after dinner snacks
(the exception to this is in situations in which an after dinner snack is clearly legitimate - my 11-year-old stepson will have 3 helpings of dinner and then 2 hours later make himself a sandwich, which is clearly some sort of adolescent growth spurt issue)

** #2 basically makes #1 work because if the child knows there's nothing else until breakfast, AND SHE IS TRULY HUNGRY, she WILL eat dinner. This has been proven many times in our experience, with many different children. The principle is this: if a child is willing to leave the table without dinner or with very little dinner, she must not be that hungry; if a child is hungry, she will eat anything. (also, as my stepmom reminded me, in the grand scheme of things, breakfast is only a few hours away - if a stubborn one really wants to skip dinner in protest of the food, she won't starve before breakfast) BUT the only way to make sure this works is to never ever give in to a child who wants something else for dinner.


I'm sorry for nitpicking... because you have some good ideas. But I'm confused about your rule #1, which I agree with - that everyone has the right to be hungry or not hungry. But I don't understand how #2 works with your #1. I mean... if a child's hunger is to be honored, and they are encouraged to eat when they truly feel hungry, and don't have to eat when they aren't, then how can you you call a child stubborn for not eating at dinner, and disallow food after dinner? I mean that if your child isn't hungry at dinnertime (arbitrary time), and chooses not to eat (honoring her own hunger), but then is hungry an hour or two later, you'd say no to eating dinner then, just because its not dinnertime & they chose not to eat when they weren't hungry? I'd think that might encourage a child to eat dinner when they weren't hungry because they were worried they won't have anything else for the rest of night, even if they are hungry. It really seems counter to your #1.

Thanks in advance for clarifying.

My girl is only 18 months old. She's still nursing some, but eats a ton of solids.

She usually eats what we eat. The only time I'll fix her something special is if it's spaghetti sauce (the canned tomatoes break out her face), or something super spicy. Then she'll get a grilled cheese and a half bag of broccoli (she loves the stuff!!), cucumbers, fruit, turkey and cheese, things like that.

My main goal is not to force her to eat anything. I grew up with a "finish everything on your plate" mentality, and, at 31, I still have problems pushing away the plate if there is food still on it. I do not want that for my child. We've been extremely lucky in that she normally eats anything we give her.

I guess my two cents would be to not force the child to eat. They will eat when they are hungry.

Everything in moderation. She will eat 8 oranges a day if I let her, but she needs protein, carbs, other nutrition. If the child won't eat veggies, hide some in the spaghetti sauce, soups, even hamburgers.

...if the child knows there's nothing else until breakfast, AND SHE IS TRULY HUNGRY, she WILL eat dinner. This has been proven many times in our experience, with many different children. The principle is this: if a child is willing to leave the table without dinner or with very little dinner, she must not be that hungry; if a child is hungry, she will eat anything...
I'm glad that works for you. DD will lie on the floor and cry for hours before she'll eat certain things. When I was little, there were things my mom served that I wouldn't have eaten unless I were actually starving to death. I suppose a point could be made that I had to be hungry enough, but that's not respecting appetites, imo. To this day, even if I'm hungry, there are things I simply won't eat.

I serve things I know dd doesn't like on a fairly regular basis. Other family members like these things, and dd has a fair number of dislikes. If I'm going to fail to respect her likes, I see no reason why she should respect an arbitrary rule that "this is all there is". She has to sit with us during dinner, and eat something (there's always at least a side or something that she likes)...but I'm not going to stuff her face on one food, and not allow her to eat anything else, for my own convenience.

I've heard people say this before, but it doesn't work well with all kids, ime. Besides, I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a child crying because they had no dinner and they're hungry.

I haven't read all of the responses, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating things, but here's what I try to do:

[QUOTE=Turquesa;13192036] 1. How do you handle all of the hypocrisy and mixed messages that children get? How do you explain or model to your children how to stay healthy despite the world they live in? They (and their parents) are admonished for childhood obesity while they are surrounded by and pressured to eat junk food (everywhere from the school cafeteria to Grandma's house), watch TV, and play video games with friends. [QUOTE]

First, I recommend reading the Sears book, The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood. It’s a good, easy to read primer on nutrition and has lots of good ideas for helping kids to understand why some foods are better for us than others. My boys and I talk often about what makes a particular food good for our bodies. Our breakfast may have protein that helps our muscles get stronger, vitamin C that helps us fight off sick germs, fiber that helps our bellies digest our food, etc… I bring it up in a “isn’t that cool?!” sort of way, not as in “You have to eat this because…” Now my 4yo will randomly say things like, “Hey dad, this chicken has protein – I’m going to be even stronger than you!”

Now that my DS1 is in school, I make his lunch almost everyday. Only healthy stuff. But, when the hot lunch menu for the upcoming month comes out, he gets to pick 2 days to get that instead. It's dreadful stuff, but he's not completely deprived. My ILs are AWFUL about food. Not purposely, they're just clueless. But, we only see them a few days at a time every few months. I bring some healthy foods and always pick up produce on our way into town. I try to offer those to my kids, but mostly I don't sweat it, since it's really not a huge amount of time.

As for physical activity, I think it’s important to make it a normal part of your family’s life. We walk to school everyday, even though many families who live closer than we do drive. We walk the dog together and walk as many places as we can. I try to limit TV and encourage “messier” activities like building forts and digging in the mud in the back yard. I try to do pull-ups on the swing set and then they try to do it better. I encourage them to help with physical jobs like shoveling snow and gardening. I also try to set a good example by getting enough exercise myself.

One thing that is kind of funny – my boys like to wrestle with my brother, who lives out of state. They only see him every few months, and look forward to these wrestling matches the whole time. If at dinner one boy doesn’t want to eat something, the other will say “but if you eat that, then you’ll get stronger and maybe we can beat uncle M next time!” And sure enough the picky kiddo will eat up!

[QUOTE]2. Do you keep (or frequently prepare) sweet, processed and/or fatty foods? If so, to what extent? I've heard on one hand only to keep only healthy foods in the house . . . but on the other hand that doing so can be too restrictive and end up backfiring. What are your thoughts?[QUOTE]

I mostly only buy healthy stuff. I try to make treats from scratch when we do have them, since then I can control the ingredients and, since I’m a bit lazy about baking, we don’t have them that often! Like tonight we had an apple crisp. It tastes awesome, but it’s mostly apples and then a little butter and sugar, cinnamon, oats and WW flour. Really not too bad. We do buy junk once in a while, but I try to pick the least junky options. I don’t put major restrictions on them, but more try to explain why it’s not a good idea to full your tummy with X. With things like Halloween candy, this year I let them binge that first day, and then I set the limit at 2 pieces a day. They could decide which 2 pieces they would have and when. So, if one of my DS wanted to eat his 2 pieces first thing in the morning, that was fine, but he knew that that would be it until the next day.

[QUOTE]3. DD is an extremely picky eater. Despite multiple attempts at introducing fruits and veggies, she won't go near anything but bananas. Do I keep exposing her and pray she one day accepts it? I'm losing patience. [QUOTE]

I would recommend reading My Child Won’t Eat, by Carlos Gonzales. I actually haven’t read it, but I’ve heard from other moms that it’s helpful. It’s in our LLL library, so it’s on my list to read one of these days!

[QUOTE}4. What if it seems like she only wants to eat junk food? It seems controlling to withhold it from her, but like I'm encouraging unhealthy habits by giving it too her on demand. What's the happy medium?[QUOTE]

I think kids will learn to like what they are exposed to. My old ped (who was WAY to mainstream for me in a lot of ways, but good in this attitude) pointed out that it seems that Americans seem to have this idea that kids will only eat “kid food.” But kids born in Japan, for example, grow up thinking it’s normal to eat fish and tofu. They don’t demand only chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, so why should our kids? We’ve never made separate kid food in our house and my kids eat a fairly wide variety of “weird” food. It’s just what’s normal for us.

[QUOTE]5. I've heard that it's a bad idea to use food as punishment or reward. The concept sounds compelling enough. So if she demands dessert before dinner, do I cave? Or do I make her wait until after dinner? Again, what's the happy medium between being controlling and encouraging healthy habits?[QUOTE]

We have a substantial snack after school, but then if my kids are hungry before dinner, they are welcome to any fresh fruit or veggies we have. Again I explain why it’s important to fill up on all the good things our bodies need to grow, and be healthy and strong. As for dessert, it’s never a reward. We do talk about how dessert is just a yummy extra at the end of the meal, not something to full up on. So they know that they won’t be getting a huge helping. So, we remind them to make sure that they have filled their tummies most of the way, and that they really only have room left for a little bit of dessert. The only “rule” we have is that they need to take one bite of each thing – unless it’s something they’ve tried several times before and really don’t like. But I try to discourage them from turning their noses up at something they’ve never had.

[QUOTE]6. My humble opinion is that some organized sports and PE classes put too much pressure on kids. How do I raise her to appreciate and enjoy exercise if her environment makes it something that she dreads? (My own life experience is going into this question! :wink) [QUOTE]

For me as a kid, I never liked PE or organized sports much either. But I LOVED dance class. Maybe finding something that your child does like could help? And I don’t think it has to be something formal, it could be a regular weekend hike with the family, etc.

By the way, you rock for wanting to give your children this gift. I have never had major food issues and was raised by a mom who was pretty crunchy and it’s still a struggle sometimes. You go mama!

First, I recommend reading the Sears book, The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood. It’s a good, easy to read primer on nutrition and has lots of good ideas for helping kids to understand why some foods are better for us than others. My boys and I talk often about what makes a particular food good for our bodies. Our breakfast may have protein that helps our muscles get stronger, vitamin C that helps us fight off sick germs, fiber that helps our bellies digest our food, etc… I bring it up in a “isn’t that cool?!” sort of way, not as in “You have to eat this because…” Now my 4yo will randomly say things like, “Hey dad, this chicken has protein – I’m going to be even stronger than you!”

DD has a nightly routine she calls her "dinner words". She goes over everything on the table and tells us why it's healthy or why it isn't. She makes some mistakes, but I love her interest in the topic. (She consistently says that the pitcher of water is the healthiest thing on the table, which is kind of funny. I get what she means, but it's funny the way she puts it.)

I need to reiterate something, because I think it's been overlooked. There's a lot of helpful tips on this thread on how to feed children a healthy diet and create healthy food associations. However, as our children's basic size and shape is also influenced by genetics, you ALSO need to be working on their perceptions of size and weight. The goal should always be health, not slenderness, not as a child, not as an adult.

if a child's hunger is to be honored, and they are encouraged to eat when they truly feel hungry, and don't have to eat when they aren't, then how can you you call a child stubborn for not eating at dinner, and disallow food after dinner?

you are right, this is a contradiction.

I don't have a good answer for you other than to say that we have never been put in this situation. There have been times when a child has said s/he wasn't hungry at all at dinnertime, but these were situations in which the child was either sick or had been somewhere else all day and eaten a lot (i.e., grandma's house, etc.) or something like that. I guess I would look at this way: If I knew the child wasn't feeling well or had been out all day, I'd just ask the child what would work best - "do you think you'd be hungry in an hour?" or "should we wait for you to eat or should we just save you some leftovers in case you're hungry later?" If this non-hunger came out of the blue, the child would see us preparing to eat (setting the table, cooking, etc.) and would logically tell us at that point - before dinner was served - that she wasn't feeling hungry enough for dinner, at which point I'd handle it the same way.

**let me clarify here that I'm obviously talking about children old enough to communicate this kind of thing, and old enough to gage their own hunger. For very small children, I think they have to eat every few hours anyway because they eat such small amounts at one sitting. So I'm not talking about toddlers and such, who would be snacking (on healthy snacks!) every few hours**

However, I think the that if the child waits until we are actually sitting down to eat to suddenly say she is not hungry, and she has been clearly observant of the fact that we have been preparing to eat for the past 30 min, and she is accustomed to the fact that we typically eat dinner at around this same time every night, and she's not sick, then I would let her know that next time she needs to let us know beforehand. I would then let her leave the table and would save some leftovers for her in case she got hungry later. I would not offer her a snack of her own choosing if she did get hungry later, though I wouldn't make it seem like the leftovers were "punishment" for not eating dinner. If this behavior continued, I would first look into what other issues might be at play with her wanting to avoid dinner (is she stressed about something, having problems at school, upset about something, etc.).

You are right about my use of the word stubborn - it was insensitive.

DD will lie on the floor and cry for hours before she'll eat certain things. When I was little, there were things my mom served that I wouldn't have eaten unless I were actually starving to death. I suppose a point could be made that I had to be hungry enough, but that's not respecting appetites, imo. To this day, even if I'm hungry, there are things I simply won't eat.

I've heard people say this before, but it doesn't work well with all kids, ime. Besides, I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a child crying because they had no dinner and they're hungry.


With the way we do things, a child would NEVER go to bed hungry purely for the reason that s/he didn't like the food that was offered for dinner. The way we avoid this is, like I said in my original post, by always making sure that if we do introduce something new, there are always 2 other things on the table that we know for sure the child likes. The purpose of this is to ensure that if the child doesn't like the new food, s/he will be able to fill up on the things we know she already likes. For example, if the child had never had eggplant, but loved sweet potatoes and grilled cheese, I'd serve grilled cheese sandwiches with mashed sweet potatoes and grilled eggplant. If she doesn't eat more than a tiny bit of eggplant, there is still plenty on the table for her to eat. So when I say "dinner is all there is," I mean all we're having is grilled cheese, sweet potato, and eggplant, and two of those things I know she likes. I would never say "dinner is all there is" when dinner is something I know she has never had before - that would be unnecessarily stressful for her.

I’m so overjoyed by the supportive responses that I’m holding back tears! (So I’m pregnant and moody. Shoot me. :lol) I went ahead and printed out this entire thread for my reference.

One dietician I know believes that nothing should be forbidden, just rationed in moderation. So for those of you who forbid or restrict certain foods, is there ever a worry that it could backfire? Or have you found that your LO’s just learn to appreciate the fresh, good stuff and snub the junk?

The dietitician also believes in intuitive eating. The concept is easy to explain but—for too many of us—hard to put into practice. You simply listen to your tummy and eat when you’re hungry. Supposedly, children who grow up with this self-awareness are better off than the rest of us. Much of my own recovery is dedicated to building self-awareness in this area, which at present is pretty much numb. :irked IYE, would you agree?

For the record, some things I don’t bring home for non-weight related concerns, e.g. meat, RGBH-treated dairy products, high-fructose corn syrup. But I have no doubt that DD will try all of these at one point.

I wanted to be able to address all of your posts thoughtfully, but in the interests of time, there’s no way I’ll accomplish that. So I’ll address a few:


We do have desserts, but they stand alone. Maybe a slice of pie for an afternoon snack, an unexpected ice cream treat an hour or two after supper. But we only have them two or three times a week, hey are always surprises, and are never a reward for finishing dinner.

I like this idea!

[QUOTE]I think the most important message is the one your child gets from home. The rest is just background noise. It's really not mixed unless you mix it.

Very encouraging. Thanks. I guess the goal is to get her to a point where the mixed messages are so foreign to her that she has to ask me about them: "Mom, why do my friends play video games all day? Why does Grandma say X and Aunt So-and-So do Y?"

I do make homemade chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, apple crisp, banana & other fruit breads, and even brownies at least once per week.

And I thank you and other posters for mentioning this. It's a frugal, (potentially!) healthy, and sensible idea! I could see where home-made popsicles from pureed fruit and/or yogurt could also be fun and nutritious.

Well... what junk foods are you talking about & where has she been exposed to them?

Busted! :o :lol Actually, it's not too horrible now that I consider it. Her favorite foods are what every kid loves--mac & cheese, PB & J, and pizza (we're not vegan). Sometimes I bring home those "natural" (i.e. still processed) granola bars, and she'll really put them down at the expense of something more nutritious.

We have a small garden in our yard and grow cherry tomatoes, sugar peas and a few other things that my kids and I like. By exposing them to lots of food and growing veggies together, they've miraculously avoided their father's issues with veggies. (Dh eats NO veggies due to sensory issues.)

This right here is a splendid idea, and I want to thank you and other posters for mentioning it. DD is old enough to take pride in her tasks and creations, and this would be a wonderful project with fruitful (Ugh! Sorry! :eyesroll) benefits. The sensory issues may be worth exploring long term . . .

First, I recommend reading the Sears book, The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood. It’s a good, easy to read primer on nutrition and has lots of good ideas for helping kids to understand why some foods are better for us than others.

:notes2: So noted. I usually respect Sears' child rearing advice.

My ILs are AWFUL about food. Not purposely, they're just clueless. But, we only see them a few days at a time every few months. I bring some healthy foods and always pick up produce on our way into town. I try to offer those to my kids, but mostly I don't sweat it, since it's really not a huge amount of time.

My IL’s are the same way, and it’s the same deal where I don’t often see them and probably need to lighten up a little . . . I just loathe the hypocrisy of how they stash their house with junk food and then turn around and get catty about other girls’ and womens’ bodies. :irked:

I would recommend reading My Child Won’t Eat, by Carlos Gonzales. I actually haven’t read it, but I’ve heard from other moms that it’s helpful. It’s in our LLL library, so it’s on my list to read one of these days!\

:notes2:

I need to reiterate something, because I think it's been overlooked. There's a lot of helpful tips on this thread on how to feed children a healthy diet and create healthy food associations. However, as our children's basic size and shape is also influenced by genetics, you ALSO need to be working on their perceptions of size and weight. The goal should always be health, not slenderness, not as a child, not as an adult.

Wise words. Thank you. It will be an uphill battle, but one well worth fighting.

One dietician I know believes that nothing should be forbidden, just rationed in moderation. So for those of you who forbid or restrict certain foods, is there ever a worry that it could backfire? Or have you found that your LO’s just learn to appreciate the fresh, good stuff and snub the junk?
I don't really forbid anything, and restrict mostly in the sense that I just don't have certain things in the house. None of those things are because of weight - they're because of the fact that I consider them nutritionally void and/or they contain ingredients that I think are inherently unhealthy (HFCS, trans fat, artificial colours/flavours, etc.). I'm not perfect at my weeding out, but I make an effort.

IME, kids who have minimal exposure to over-processed "food" don't like it that well. I've noticed myself that, as I make more effort not to eat junk, "treats" that I used to enjoy don't have that much appeal. So, yes - I'd say that the LOs learn to appreciate fresh, good stuff, if they have the opportunity.

I know one boy who has struggled with his weight for quite a while. His mom tells me that nobody in their family eats mangos...but if he comes here for lunch, he'll happily eat a whole mango if I let him. She says they don't like whole wheat bread...but I've had two of the four here for lunch on multiple occasions, and they love it. Fresh, real food has its own appeal - and that even applies to many kids who get minimal chances to even try it.

And I thank you and other posters for mentioning this. It's a frugal, (potentially!) healthy, and sensible idea! I could see where home-made popsicles from pureed fruit and/or yogurt could also be fun and nutritious.
My kids love frozen smoothies. I make one out of cantaloupe, orange juice (not a lot), plain yogurt and a bit of honey. DS1 says it's "as good as a creamsicle". Smoothies are a great treat for kids, although there are very few that all three of mine like (ds2 and I like the grapefruit one, ds1 and dd love the pineapple-coconut one, etc.). Everybody loves the berries and yogurt and the mango one...for which I've lost the recipe. :(

My kids also love homemade cookies, homemade granola bars, etc. DS1 would rather have a "yogurt" covered, chocolate filled "granola" bar than my homemade ones, but he does like them both. The LOs like the homemade as well or better.

I'm not yet a parent, but as someone who was once parented myself :D I wanted to say that I think the very best thing a parent can do is model healthy attitudes toward food and weight. Kids hear what you say, but even more than that they look to how you treat your own body as a model for how to treat theirs.

Sorry if that was overly simplistic -- I know this is a complex issue and parents have many individual factors and/or outside influences to deal with.

I have struggled with weight and body image issues since I was 8 years old, and I have been absolutely determined not to pass my issues onto my kids.

However, we talk a lot about loving our bodies and making healthy choices. I never say the word fat. I will say "that's not a healthy choice. your tongue might like it, but your body doesn't"

The kids see me exercise every day, and they like to imitate me. The girls are 3 and 5.
My son is 6 months old, so he just sort of lies there :)

Soda is not an option. Ever. Fast food is not an option. Ever. Sugar is moderated, they get to choose 1 sugar treat a day after school. They have access in the fridge to any fruits and veggies they want. We are vegetarian, and for the most part they enjoy making healthy choices. We do halloween and birthday parties and allow them whatever they get during those times, but it turns out they have become fairly good at moderating themselves. My daughter will eat just half a cookie and put it down. I can never do that!

My mom always had me on diets and talked to me about being fat, even before I had a weight problem. It really hurt our relationship, and it's still painful. She knows that she is not allowed to say one word about it to my kids. Once she told my daughter that she looks skinny in her jeans (she's 5), and I blew up. I told her that she can tell my daughter she looks fit and healthy, but we do not emphasize thinness or weight.

I forgot to add this to my original post. I love the advice from Michael Pollan's new book: Eat food. (meaning REAL food, not processed stuff) Not too much. Mostly plants.

THis is what I try to keep in mind when I'm starving as I drive past McDonald's. All the details are great, but I think if we can remember that these are the basic rules, we'll be ok.

HAven't read the replies but since i have 2 girls, this is an important topic for me.

I find myself fighting urges to say "Ugh, I'm so fat". I absolutley won't say anything realted to that. Still, my 5 year old says, "Look how fat I am!" (she's NOT!) I think it must come from daddy's girlfriend :(

I try to instill a love of physical activity and eating healthy. It's an uphill battle to be sure.

The only discussions about my weight that happen around here are instigated by dd and ds2...both of whom aspire to have a "nice soft fat tummy" like mama. Ouch. I've explained to both of them that mama should actually lose a bit of weight, because I'm fat enough right now that I don't feel good. But, I've never been one to put my emphasis on losing the weight, as such. I just want to pick up my exercise level, and break some of my crappier eating habits (again - I tend to pick them back up when under stress or depressed, and haven't done that great since we lost Aaron). Baby-under-construction is helping, because my health is directly affecting two people right now.

I hope my kids get the message that it's being active and eating well that counts - not the presence/absence of a bit of a belly or fat thighs or whatever.

I enjoyed this thread quite a bit. There is a lot of great information here!

---

:thumb

I really enjoyed reading your responses. I was happy to see the "clarification", of sorts, on your initial post. I copied down your "rules" and plan to tweak them slightly for my family.

I LOVE this topic! I was raised in Southern Louisiana.. home of the most DELICIOUS fatty foods in the world. My mother ate terribly. She was obese most of her life.. eventually she died of cancer, which was partly related to her lifestyle choices, to include her eating habits.

So I knew pretty early on that I needed to re-learn what it means to have a healthy relationship with food. I started to gain weight a year ago. I've studied up on fitness and nutrition and I've managed to lose 35 lbs of baby weight in the past 4 months, and I still have another 10-15 more to go before I am at my ideal weight. Here's what I've learned:

- A predominantly vegetarian diet is ideal. I'm not advocating giving up meat entirely unless that's what you want to do, but eating 80% vegetarian with meat as a side is what makes me feel the best. It will also keep you very regular (TMI, but still an important issue when colon cancer is a serious threat!)

- There's really NO reason to put junk in your system. I don't care about the "it's too restrictive and could backfire" excuse. Once I started appreciating fruits, my taste buds started to change and now I can't stand the taste of candy or artificially sweetened junk. I never drink soda. I eat "clean". My dessert is fruit. That's how it's going to be with my son, too, as he gets older. If he wants his dessert before dinner, then that's fine, 'cause fruit is totally healthy. If he gets exposed to the occasional junk food at the cafeteria or in class, that's cool - because I know he'll get a healthy meal at home. I can only control what he eats at home.. and I can only hope that my influence will be a positive one that will allow him to make SMART decisions about food elsewhere.

- I intend to teach my son from a young age how everything on earth is interrelated. I grow some veggies, and I intend for him to grow his own as well.. to have some ownership from his food and see the cycle for himself. Once he realizes that the only food worthy of putting in our bodies is REAL food from the soil, he will hopefully be less inclined to grab ultra-processed, zero nutritional-valued junk.

- Don't yo-yo diet around your children. They watch every single thing you do, and if you are starving yourself one day (BAD!) and gorging the next with the nonchalant "Oh, I'll start my diet again tomorrow", they'll pick up on that wavering insecurity and they'll have a harder time understanding how food works ("is food bad? is it good? I don't know 'cause Mommy keeps going to extremes!!").

- Be a role model for your kids in regards to fitness. I work out almost every day.. usually at home. My baby is only 4 months old and he's already watching me hoof it on the treadmill and lifting weights! I want to spark an interest in fitness in him as he gets older, and hopefully that will help him live a healthier life.

- Last, but not least, don't diet. Healthy eating/living should be a lifestyle. There's no reason to give up chocolate (dark, in moderation.. lots of good antioxidants), and once you start cooking healthy and working out, good eating habits just fall into place. :thumb

I need to reiterate something, because I think it's been overlooked. There's a lot of helpful tips on this thread on how to feed children a healthy diet and create healthy food associations. However, as our children's basic size and shape is also influenced by genetics, you ALSO need to be working on their perceptions of size and weight. The goal should always be health, not slenderness, not as a child, not as an adult.

Here here! I completely agree! This is why I'd like to make sure my son has a strong understanding of how food goes from the soil to our plates. I want him to respect food as a living organism that feeds his mitochondria to allow him to continue being a living, healthy organism himself.. we are intimately connected to our food. I have seen many "skinny" individuals who starve themselves and get only a fraction of their daily requirements for vitamins and minerals (oh, but they take vitamin pills, so it's ok, right? Little do they realize that pills are metabolized completely differently from food vitamin sources). I would like to see more adults taking responsibility for their own health and relationship with food in order for their children to learn how to be healthy themselves. :eat:

I'm having a hard time with this right now with my daughter, because she is much heavier than most of her friends, and the other day she got angry and said, "It's not fair, I eat much healthier than X and I'm the fat one." My daughter is 9, will be 10 in May, her friend X turned 10 in December. The girl was over at the house playing on Saturday, and apparently they went down in the basement and weighed themselves. The friend weighed in at 54.5 lbs which was apparently even lighter than what my 5 year old weighed.

She has started exercising more. She doesn't have the healthiest diet, honestly, because she doesn't really want to eat fruits or vegetables. I usually give her 2 fruits and maybe some nuts mixed with dried fruits in her lunch, and she complains about having two fruits because her classmates don't seem to. Many of them pack their own lunches and bring some sort of chip to school every day. I've been thinking of moving her to a more traditional foods diet as she tends to have my husband's eating tendencies.