adoting younger siblings with a oplder birth sibling?

[Momma Aimee]

HI

This is WAAAAAAAAAAAY early. Dh-2b and I have talked a lot about adopting (international, maybe former USSR).

BUT we plan to have one first, or two. I WANT to be pregant if I can be. (I am guessing I can, but that is never for sure). That will be up to God. if I don't get pregant we will adopt; likely a sib set so we can have more than one without more than one adotpion.

We both feel strongly about adoption and plan to add to our family that way. I have 3 friends with adopted children (all parents are white; one girl bi-racial and two boys Indian). This is soemthing we've both wanted for a long time.

I was just wondering if anyone out there did things the way we want to. A birth child or two; who obviously look like you, then adoption a child or sib set who might not look so much like the parents.

Any advice? Any posiotive stories. How did the older, birth, kids take it? The adoption and the younger sibling not looking the same?

Aimee

[MonicaS]

Hi, this is my first post in this forum!
I really don't have an answer for you. I just wanted to say that we plan on doing that. We have 3 beautiful DDs of our own, but we've been talking about adopting a 4th+ child since before DD#3 was conceived.
DH and I have just started researching IA to get a boy(or maybe a brother sibling set). We're thinking Kazakhstan or Russia. We are going to begin the process in about a year, so our baby(now 1yr) will be around 3yr when we get our new son(hopefully).

I think it's a wonderful idea. We have so much love to give, why not share it w/ children who don't have families?:)

[jenaniah]

I've not adopted myself but I know a fmaily who lives in India (dad is american, mom is dutch) They have a ds who through birth and an adopted Indian daughter. Thomas adores Sumita and always has. He was 2 or 3 when they adopted Sumi and I don't think he ever questioned the fact that she looks different then he does. I know that Sumi hasn't said anything about it either (she is 8 now) It may help that they actually live in India but I am not sure. They have lived here (for a year or so when Sumi was a baby so they could get her citizenship and american passport) and they visit Holland ever Summer for 2 months and the US for 2 months.

[Irishmommy]

Birth order in your family is important for the kids. Don't adopt a child older than your own.

[EFmom]

We have two children through IA. A good friend of mine adopted a child about two years ago. She has two boys who are about 8 and 9. They adore their baby sister. The friend and her husband are doing the paperwork for a second IA.

One thing I have heard from IA kids in that type of situation, is that it is easier if you have another IA sibling.

[Momma Aimee]

Thanks for the suggestion on birth order. I think that is what we'd do anyway. I am not so set on adopting and infant. But I do want a younger, much younger child, so that lanuguage is less of an issue and so on.

MonicaS

-- be sure to post for al of us yur adoption expereince. (we are also looking at former USSR).

Aimee

Keep the suggetions and thoughts coming.

A

[EFmom]

From the many, many families I know who have adopted internationally, language is seldom much of an issue, even if the children are adopted at a much older age. They catch up unbelievably quickly. It is often quite surprising to the parents.

If you are looking at Eastern Europe, I would suggest checking out the chat section of www.frua.org, Families through Russian and Ukrainian Adoption. It's an online bulletin board, where you can lurk and get a sense of what's going on with EE adoptions.

Many people there actually have adopted out of birth order, and you can read about their experiences.

[DreamsInDigital]

I'm considering international adoption too, later on down the road when my boys are a bit older. I think adopting one younger than your biological kids is a good idea. An older sibling I think would be difficult for them to adjust to.

[jenaniah]

I used to nanny for a couple in NY that adopted their ds from Siberia (former USSR) He was 10 months old when they brought him home and is now 8. THey do not have any other children but their exoerience was wonderful. L. is the happiest most well adjusted, loved little boy! When he first came he could barely crawl and was very tiny, but within a month he was walking and had gained about 5 pounds!!! He was the sweetest baby and has turned into such a wonderful sweet boy!!!

[Tigeresse]

Hi there!

We are in the waiting stage for our daughter we are adopting from China. We have 3 birth sons, 11, 8 and 4. Although we don't have her home yet, we have kept our boys very involved in the process and have worked to help them learn about China and the culture their sister is coming from. We plan to let our oldest boy travel to China with dh to get his sister, and I will stay home with the younger ones.

I know there will be challenges in being a mixed race family, but we will hopefully instill a strong self-identity in our daughter and work with all our kids on the best way to deal with issues that may arise. For myself, I do find that we often talk about various traits that our sons have inherited, and obviously our daughter won't have those traits, and I want to make sure we know how to talk about these things without damaging her own sense of self. I'm confident we will find a way to work through these issues and that our adoption will be one of the best choices of our lives.

Best of Luck!

[LisainCalifornia]

We had two bio kids, and then adopted Emma from China. She was almost 1 year old when she came home to us. This has been a wonderful experience for all of us--I cannot express just how wonderful:love Go for it!

[oatmeal]

May I ask what the gross receipts were all in total including planes and hotels and everything - in getting your child from china?

Thank you.

[EFmom]

We adopted twice from China, most recently in 2001. Our total costs were under $15K both times. However, there have been changes to how homestudies must be conducted and a few other things which have raised costs a bit.

[stanleymama]

MonicaS--I noticed in your post that dh and you are possibly interested in a brother sibling set. Well I recently came across a listing of two brothers in Khaziskstan at worldpartnersadoption.org and I fell in love with them. Unfortunately though, we currently don't make enough so they won't consider us. I know this may sound weird but would you please check them out. The oldest is Andrey and he is 3 1/2yr. and the youngest is Georgii who is 16 mos. Georgii is considered special needs due to a bone infection he had but was cured. Together they can be adopted for $26,000.

I just keep praying for these two little boys that they will be adopted soon.

[MonicaS]

OMG, Kimberly! I saw them, too.:love If we were ready to go, I think I would snatch them up! They are absolutely adorable! They look like they would fit in great w/ our family, too. Unfortunately, we won't be able to start the whole adoption process for about a year. :(

[EFmom]

Please note that if you adopt from a photolisting, you must use the agency listing the children. I would be very careful to check out any agency carefully before going with them, cute kids or not. I don't know anything about World Partners--not saying anything bad about them, just be careful. I do know several people who have been sucked into using a particular agency due to photolistings and have had a bad experience.

Also, please note that currently photolistings are illegal for non-special needs children with most countries (don't know about Kaz). I have mixed feelings about that. In many cases, the photolistings have been used as a bait and switch kind of thing, but in other cases they genuinely do help children find a home more quickly. However, if the sending country is opposed to photolistings, it is not a good thing for agencies to be using them.

[stanleymama]

WOW!!! That is AMAZING that you saw them too!!! I wasn't expecting that. Aren't they adorable!! I am praying for them continuously that they will find their forever family soon. When the agency's contact emailed me with their info I was ready to hop on a plane and go get them that instant.

EFMOM--I have actually wondered how do you find out if an agency is legitimate or not. I do have a good friend who worked for an adoption agency in Minneapolis area and she is a great help. ALso We have friends who adopted a little boy from the Ukraine and did not use an agency in order to save money. They have connections for us if we do decided on adopting from the Ukraine.

[EFmom]

There are several ways to research an agency. For an article in Adoptive Families magazine which gives good points to consider, see http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles/index.php?art=11
There are several sites online where people can leave comments about the agency they used. They are linked at http://www.frua.org/ under agency registries.

Once you have narrowed down to a few agencies, I think the best way to research is to join one of the many big online discussion groups for adopting from the country you are interested in. Then post asking people who have used the agencies in question to e-mail you privately about your experience. That way you get both the good and bad experiences, and actually get candid references beyond those provided by the agency, which obviously will tend toward the favorable.

[stanleymama]

Thanks--I have added those links to my favorites and will check them out when I have some time.

[ramblinrose]

We have a 6 year old bio son and a 13 month old daughter adopted from Guatemala. It really hasn't been a problem...at first he was a little concerned that she wouldn't look like him, but she actually looks more like me than he does..so now everyone thinks he is adopted too! There are many families like this...long as you have plenty of love and teach your kids not too mind the sometimes rudeness of others regarding these issues, should be fine!!