How do you balance the needs of all family members?

[laurasmom]

My dd is 3.5 yrs and wakes after three hours to demand someone to lie with her in her bed to fall back asleep (and stay til morning). I have been doing this, but grudgingly. It is causing tension in our marriage and also not-so-great sleeps for me or my dh. Dh and I rarely get time alone to talk or snuggle (many times he works late and is not home when dd is sleeping for those 3 hrs). I don't think it is fair to have dd rule the roost when she is certainly old enough to understand that others have needs too.

Last night we made a deal with her that I would come into her room when she woke and hold her hand until she fell back asleep. Then I was to go back to my bed to sleep. I sat for two hours doing this and to no avail. She seemed asleep but when I moved to leave, she awoke and wondered where I was going. I was getting some abdominal cramps (20 wks pg) so gave up and lied down with her.

I thought the idea was a reasonable compromise to meet both my needs and hers, but she obviously didn't think so, she just wants the status quo. Tonight, dh is going to take a turn.

Don't you think it's reasonable to ask a preschooler to consider the needs of other family members?

Anyone have practical ideas to offer? I have tried offering the option of sleeping on the floor of our room, but that doesn't work either. Am I missing something here?

I want this to be resolved by the time baby #2 arrives. Yes, it may happen on its own by then, but more than likely it will not.

[Jachut]

I think its not only reasonable to expect a toddler to be flexible enough to allow everyone's needs to be met, I think you should expect it of a baby too. Not consciously or rationally of course, but your health and sleep needs are important!

Personally, I think a 3.5 year old is old enough to understand that its nighttime and you want to be asleep in your own bed.

Its hard to let your child cry or feel you are neglecting their needs - and Im as hopeless at it as the next person - but you need to remember she'll be better off for the full night's sleep as well. She has to learn to sleep on her own sooner or later and if you dont enforce the issue it will be later.

I wish I could offer some suggestions on how to do this gently and painlessly for both of you, all I've done is spout my opinion on what children ought to be doing. Perhaps that's of help to you though.