Am I the only one who DOESN'T read?

[Foobar]

I notice alot of discussion is on books here. I have read one (1) parenting book and basically said, um, most of this is common sense to me... and that was it.

I read two books on sleep issues (and concluded that Goo is normal to wake up once a night every 3-4 nights) and that's about it.

I generally just,well, trust my instincts.

Am I abnormal?

[Elphaba]

well, your child is not even 2 yet, so I wouldn't dismiss discipline books altogether.
you may well find that in 6 months or a year or 2 years, you are out of ideas, out of patience, and you need fresh input and renewed motivation.
it's great that you haven't had any doubts about your course yet. i think that says a lot about how secure you are as a person, and may well indicate that your parents didn't screw you up as royally as a lot of other people's did -- mine would be in that camp.
those of us who come from abusive backgrounds need to hear a symphony of voices singing out about non-violent parenting. when you don't know any ways to discipline except violence and threats, you NEED those books that show you a better way.

[Piglet68]

I don't know much about your upbringing, but for me at least, I'm doing discipline VERY differently from my parents, so I have no experience to tell me what options I have in a given situation. I know what I *don't* want to do, but not always what the alternatives are. Books give me "tools" to put in my "toolbox".

I have to admit that some GD books I've read have been "preaching to the choir". I really just skimmed through "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" and "Kids are Worth It" because I was already convinced of the point the authors were making. OTOH, I love books like "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen..." or "Giving the Love that Heals" because they give many, many specific situations and ways of dealing with them. Good communication is hard work (as DH and I know!), and I need all the practice I can get! It also helps for me to be prepared before I get surprised with a new behaviour or new situation and I don't have time to stop and think about how I'm going to handle it! :)

[Laurel]

I'm an avid reader of parenting books and books in general. I think it's mostly a reflection of my personality and learning style--reading is just what I do. I am a critical reader and not one to follow something just because a book said it.

When ds was a baby, I felt very confident in how I handled pretty much every situation that came up. Now that we're in the midst of toddlerhood, I find myself questioning a lot more--I have come to appreciate having a variety of books to help out and to back up what I'm thinking, as well as to open up new ideas to me.

[scoutycat]

I'm like Laurel - an avid & critical reader. I've always read stuff, and it's my main learning tool. If I want to learn about anything I read up on it. Other people learn other ways, by watching, introspection, discussion whatever. What importants is where you get to not how you got there IMO. Dh is basically a non-reader, but he gets his info his own way (sometimes by asking me what I'm reading and getting a summary ;), and he is totally comfy with that. If you're comfy with what you're doing, keep it up! :)

[Foobar]

Hmm. I guess I don't consider myself to have an abusive past. I felt my parent spanked too much (of course, any spanking is too much to me) and my DH was brought up in a very gentle home, so maybe because we have discussed how we want to handle things makes me more comfortable?

Maybe when Goo gets older I will want to resource more, but right now, I don't even have time to read! :)

[ekblad9]

I LOVE reading parenting books! I can't get enough. Even if I don't agree with what they say. I think it's so important to continue evolving and learning and I have so much to learn! I also read a ton of homeschooling books and anything else I can get my hands on. I usually fall asleep reading at night. It's not easy to find time to read with 5 kids but I do what I can!:)

[Dragonfly]

This is very, very interesting. Very interesting. :)

I don't come from an abusive past, either, but do have a strong need for parenting books. Because I am very much like my mother. :)

My mother is an extremely gentle person, was more likely to tend toward being a pushover... particularly when we were small. But then she became divorced - a single, working mother, stressed out. She was still always loving and patient a good bit of the time - until she'd had enough and then she BLEW. It was quiet fury, but fury nonetheless.

As a result of my upbringing, I am generally gentle and loving and kind. But the more stressed I get (and stress is at an all-time high these days), the less patient I get and the more likely I am to blow at any second. I've thought over this forever, it seems, and realized that the reason I blow is because I've not been equipped with the tools to communicate my needs and deal with my frustrations along the way in a healthier manner.

This is why I read parenting books (the good ones!) - because they help me to fill the gaping holes in my communication ability. I need a reason to do this, because I simply don't have the time or energy to do it solely for myself (how sad is that?). But I'll do it for my son. And doing it for him is helping me across the board in all other areas of life.

[derivative]

I generally just,well, trust my instincts.

Am I abnormal?

Well, trusting your instincts is a good start, and for some people that's plenty.

However, I'm of the opinion that it certainly can't hurt to learn more.

[Piglet68]

I was thinking about this more last night. For me, toddlerhood is a series of surprises. Things will be going along fine and then WHAM, suddenly there's a new situation I hadn't thought of before (because I have never really been around kids before) and all of a sudden I have to do something.

I think that the things we find upsetting or things we "let slide" have so much to do with how those situations were handled when WE were kids. Sometimes DD will do something, and this little voice in my head thinks "uh oh! that's bad! I need to do something about that!" and then I slow down and ask myself "why?" and I realize I'm just giving a knee-jerk reaction based on hard-wiring in my brain, rather than being concious of the moment, thoughtful, and really figuring out what needs to be done and what is developmentally appropriate.

I was not at all abused as a child. But discipline was a control issue for my parents (I honestly don't think they knew any better, and they were a million times more evolved than their parents were). I don't want discipline to be about control. Books have really helped me figure out what I want and how to go about achieving that. And yeah, I'm a bookworm at heart anyways! :D

DH, on the other hand, doesn't read parenting books. We agree on everything but the little details, and I have to resign myself to the fact that we parent a bit differently and that's supposed to be a Good Thing, so I've heard. I don't know how he figured out as much as he did without reading it and without having any example of it IRL. So I guess you're like him! :)

[GardenGuru]

I don't read books on the subject much myself. I have some books, but they are mostly breastfeeding books and Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears.

I read a sentence (Dr. Sears) where he commented that going with your instincts is very important to AP and it's not so much a matter of following directions in any given book.

I'm not downplaying the help that books can give some people because I think they can offer some really good suggestions, but not everyone has to read them or feel like they need to read.

I do come from a childhood that was extremely abusive and I've had years of therapy to deal with it. I consider therapy a way to teach common sense and erase all the stupid stuff we learned previously that's been harmful to us....so maybe the fact that I've had that advantage is the reason I don't feel the need to read so many books. Or maybe it's the fact that I've already gone through the baby/toddler/preschool phase at least once. (wink) Or...a little bit of all that combined. Who knows?

Books are not bad, but obviously not for everyone.

[TiredX2]

Well, one thing is that I *like* to read, lol!

I got pg 3 months before I graduated from College and so went right from reading school books full time to parenting books full time. In addition, once I read one book (The Baby Book) that made me realize I wanted to parent much differently than anything I had every experienced or witnessed I realized I knew I wanted to do it differently, but needed more tools in my box. Lastly, how much you read can be affected by how *different* your own child is from the norm, or what would be presented as the norm. For example the OP said:

You can't conform to everyones expectations to avoid conflict. You would become a doormat for the world.

Well, both my children were still nursing every 1-2 day and night when they turned two, so I felt the need to reassure myself a bit more. No one I knew had kids that slept like that, I sure didn't, so it was reassuring to read that that is normal.

And, with GD, I admit it--- my instinct is to HIT. And don't forget the screaming. Reading books about GD helps me reflect on my decision not to hit and get ideas and support for what I feel is right.

Kay

[Alstrameria]

Well, I like to read, and I love to learn. I research stuff, it's just something I do. I have a few parenting books, but I generally research something specific, like pediatric neurology, or psychological development. My two favourite parenting books have little to do with parenting directly. This kind of stuff I couldn't pull out of my own head.

That's just me though, that's where my education lies, that's my nature.

Jen