"Nice"

[georgia]

Hi, all! Just needed to vent where I have a greater chance of being understood.....

My parents just left town, and it seems like the common thread in any conversation my mother had w/my oldest was...."Be nice"(demand) "That's not nice!"(judgement)"If you're not nice, I won't _____" (threat) "If you're nice we can_____" (bribe). :splat

Is it any wonder I grew up being such a pleaser??? When she says the nice thing, I feel really aggravated because I value clarity. "Nice" is so generic---and subjective! Who defines nice? Is it acting in a certain way....saying only certain things? Can she at least give a clue??? I said, "Mom, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you would define what "nice" means to you. I probably wasn't very clear, but it was either that or my head was going to explode after a few days of her nicing my son. What might I say to her in the future?

Is anyone else at all bothered by this not-so-benign (IMO) word???

All the best,

Amy

[sunnmama]

Originally posted by georgia

Is anyone else at all bothered by this not-so-benign (IMO) word???
,

YES!!!
"Be nice". What does that mean? How is that helpful? How is that instructive? Drives me nuts.

I ask dd to be cooperative...be considerate...be kind....etc. But I try very hard not to ask her to "be nice". And I also try very hard not to describe her as a "nice" girl, or praise her for being "nice". If you think hard enough, there is almost always a better word for the situation.

[Piglet68]

Yup. That would drive me insane.

I mean, what kind of message is that sending? You might want to ask your mother that.

"Nice girls do as they are told"

:Puke