the baby was born

[taradt]

just an update that the baby finally was born. the dr and midwife were getting concerned about the unknown length of time she had been in there (ultrasound showed an under 13 week fetus, we had heard the heartbeat at 13 weeks and today i would have been 18 weeks) so we tried castor oil to get things moving and while it helped a bit it didn't do enough so after much research and going back and forth over what the right thing to do was we went with cytotec.

keena mbili was born at about 4:30 this morning december 31st after about 10 hours of labour 7+ of those were hard intense labor (so much so that if there had been an off switch i would have used it and given up). the midwife came around 2:30 and was an awesome help, getting me to focus and breathe and distracting/talking with us between the contractions. just before 4 they slowed down quite a bit and she was concerned and we were trying to decide wether to take another pill (which scared me at the thought of going through more labor like that), to check my cervix and see where it was to see if my body was likely to continue, or to abandon the whole thing and rediscuss the operation (which would probably have been in vancouver because of the age), just as we were discussing there were 2 more really really bad contractions and then she came out.i was in the bathtub (as i had been for most of the night) and i did panic before the baby came out but she was still safe in her sac and it really was a beautiful and peaceful sight to see her all nicely protected in what has been her home all along. we decided to keep her in her safe haven. i did get to look at her through the sac and see her little arms and legs. she was also much smaller then the ultrasound last week showed so she has been shrinking.

all in all it was a pretty peaceful and amazing birth (of course minus the outcome), the actual birthing process was what i had wanted with cailyn and i felt quite good and at peace with the whole thing. because she was still in her sac we know everything came out and the after bleeding has been nonexistant to minimal, the midwife was quite shocked at how easy it went.

i just want her to be at peace and i am so happy she is... for whatever reason i was unable to keep her safe inside of me, but it helps to know that she had the most peaceful birth she ever could have had. tommorow we will bury her under a christmas tree that we picked out, we will light it every year and remember the way keena lite up our lives if even for a few brief weeks.

thank you once agin to all of you that shared your stories and helped someone like me to better understand what to expect

tara

[SamuraiEarthMama]

she's so lucky to have such a wonderful mama! your bravery and strength and determination are remarkable.

thank you so much for sharing her beautiful birth story with us.

warm blessings to you and your family as you start a new year full of hope and promise and joy ahead!

k

[sun-shine01]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad that you were able to avoid the operation and that you were able to deliver her at home. The tree memorial sounds like a wonderful way to remember your little one and and think that it is a great. I wish you and your dh/dp peace.

[OceanMomma]

:hug I have been wondering how you are doing. I am relieved that you are OK & that you had the best outcome you could have under the circumstances. The tree memorial sounds beautiful. I found it quite heavy to have a loss around the festive season so I think you have chosen a very healing way to cherish her memory. Thankyou for sharing Keena with us :hug

[Jacque Savageau]

I'll light a candle for Keena tonight. I'm so thanful that you were able to give her such a wonderful birth.

I think it sounds odd to a woman who's never lost a child, but birth is the only thing we have left to give. I always felt it was my one last chance at mothering her.

So, she was born in the caul, that's so special. She must have looked so quiet and peacefull.

Please make sure to care for yourself right now. You do need to keep hydrated and get pleanty of rest. You're in my thoughts.

[sunbaby]

thankyou for sharing your story with us. i am so glad for both of you that you were able to give her the kind of birth you wanted. i like your plan for the tree.

[ediesmom]

Taradt

All I knoww is my own story with my middle daughter Zoe. I can't know what you are feeling, but I remember vividly how I felt.

You are all in my thoughts today.

Take her beauty, your dreams, and your love and alloww yourself to be her mom forever.

Randee

[Irishmommy]

((((tara))))

[saturnine25]

Taradt- thank you for sharing Keena's birth story with us here. It sounds like it was a beautiful and peaceful birth. Such a wonderful gift to give to her. Give yourself plenty of rest and tlc- I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[WarriorqueenBea]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that Keena's birth was peacefull despite the long labour! I love the idea for burying her with the tree. It is so special!

[taradt]

i want to thank you all again for your support. i am having good days and bad days, but they seem to be mostly good, i feel the birthing process really was healing for me. i can't imagine how different things would have been had i not had this board to read stories of what others had been through, and to be supported in my choices. i had tried to join a miscarriage mailing list but it seemed i freaked everyone out when i talked about wanting to birth my baby ????

hopefully one day i can help someone else the way you have all helped me

[SamuraiEarthMama]

Originally posted by taradt
i had tried to join a miscarriage mailing list but it seemed i freaked everyone out when i talked about wanting to birth my baby ????

i hear you! i was on a list where nearly everyone got a d&c, and they thought i was really risking something by wanting to miscarry at home. i tried to explain it, but then i realized that most of them had already had the surgery (after being scared into it by some care provider), and they really had to be at peace with it, and would defend it no matter what... sort of like how you don't want to question a c/s birth story too much, because you don't want the mom to feel like she was really violated... or people who get all strange when you say you homeschool, saying that THEY went through public school, and they turned out just fine! or (my favorite) people who say you really need to hit a kid to get him to do what you want him to do, because THEY were beaten as children... or circumcising sons because their dads had that violent thing done to THEM as kids...

ok, i'll get off the soapbox now. sorry!

hopefully one day i can help someone else the way you have all helped me

you will! i guarantee it... your beautiful baby will give you the experience and strength to offer comfort to someone in the same situation, and you will have some comfort yourself, because you will know that is your baby's legacy, a gift that will allow you to spread the love you have for your child by helping someone else.

i had a friend who had a stillbirth, and she also was a labor and delivery nurse who sort of accidentally specialized in women with stillbirths. she didn't mean to... but she knew she could help them in a way other nurses didn't feel comfortable with, and so she would get called in when it happened. of course she hated the circumstances, but she became well-known in the birthing community as someone you could turn to for support. and she always said it was her own stillbirth that gave her this gift, and she was grateful for it in an awful, terrible way.

'tis an ill wind that blows no good.